


A Keen Observer

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Novel, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-24
Updated: 2008-04-26
Packaged: 2019-01-19 15:20:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 142,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12412830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: Andromeda says little, but she sees everything. Through their years at Hogwarts, she watches her sisters as one falls in love and one falls into madness, and yet doesn't notice as a muggle-born boy breaks into her sheltered life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

_If you feel like you’ve read this before… you may be right.  It was previously archived elsewhere.  Now that I spend more time on this site, I am adding it here._

_I am aware that the ages of the Black children are not canon, Sirius and Regulus should be considerably younger.  This is mostly because it was written before the Black Family tree with the dates was released by J.K. Rowling.  Also, it worked better._

** Chapter 1 **

When I look back on my early childhood, the years seem short in my memory, flying past in days that were warm and golden and magical. Before we were torn apart by the world. Before we were changed by life, by men, by politics. By the rules society made for us and the choices we made for ourselves. When I speak of it, rarely, Ted gives me an indulgent smile and says nothing. I know he thinks I view those times through rose-colored lenses, that I forget all the bad memories in favor of the good. He’s wrong though- I remember the dark, cold halls of the manor house, the scowling house elves who were charged with minding us, and the blatant indifference of our parents. Ted, with his huge and close-knit family, can’t imagine the worlds that isolated children will create for themselves.

We ran wild in the gardens and grounds of the manor house, escaped from our tutors and the house elves, and lost in our imaginary games. We were brave warriors and princesses, adventurers and pirates. In our own gardens we saved the wizarding world and explored uncharted territories.

The wizarding world was changing quickly in those times, but we were safe in our isolation, unaware of the coming turmoil, of the slow, steady rise of the man who would bring terror down on the world. We knew only that our family was wealthy and powerful, and we were secure in the knowledge that Blacks were above the dangers that faced common witches and wizards. We were young and we felt invincible.

We were close in age, one year apart like steps- Bella, me, and Narcissa- and we were close, back then. Father was gone in London nearly all the time, and Mother rarely saw us. We played often with our cousins, sometimes with the children of our parents' friends, but most often we were with each other. That was how we liked it best, we didn't need anyone else. They were extensions of me; we were three parts of a whole and not different people at all.

Bella was my wild side, the devil on my shoulder. Brash, outspoken, every bit as insolent as our father claimed she was, there was nothing Bella would not do, and telling her she could not do something only made her more determined. The world was hers for the taking; she drew people to her by the sheer force of her personality. Though I did not see it as such then, hers was a brilliant mind that could easily be drawn into darkness by that need to go farther, that need to find the next thrill.

I was the balance to Bella’s wildness, though more often than not she could shout down all my good instincts and intentions. I was by no means a bookworm, but a sort of natural curiosity made me the least likely to give our tutors fits. I could argue Bella into the ground, but of course then she would just laugh that wild laugh and throw her arms around me.

Narcissa was our parents’ favorite. She knew it, and it was not arrogance to admit it, since we were all something of a disappointment, having been born girls, and they did not particularly like children in any case. Among us, she caused the least trouble. She didn’t ask strange questions as I did, and she had none of Bella’s brash restlessness. She was breathtakingly lovely, even from a very young age, and could be counted on to be polite and well-bred and elegant in company. It was only Bella and I who knew the real Narcissa.

If I think about it, I can pinpoint the moment it started, the moment the cracks between us began, those cracks that would widen into an abyss. For me, it was in my first arithmancy class, when an overly-confident, brown-eyed, muggle-born boy actually dared to talk back to a Black girl. He threw me a contemptuous look, saying loudly enough for all to hear “Well Black, seems that you’re clever enough despite all the inbreeding.”

For Narcissa, it was the moment a golden boy with an utterly confident face smiled at her with a strange flash of knowledge in his gray eyes. I believe Lucius has always known that she would be his wife and whatever else might be between them, there is love.

For Bellatrix, it was when a handsome man with an indescribably cold face looked into her defiant eyes and drew a long, white, finger down her cheek, with the soft murmur of "what an enchanting child” that sounded more a threat than a compliment.

It was inevitable that we would grow apart as we grew up. I realized that the first time Bella left us for Hogwarts.

                                                                        *

When I think back on the year before I went to Hogwarts, the first year with Bella gone, it feels surreal, as though I didn’t really live it, but rather existed in limbo. We grew closer to our cousins, since they were deemed appropriate playmates. Sirius was my age and Regulus a year younger than Narcissa, but much of the magic that had been a part of our make-believe had disappeared with Bella. We wandered around the manor house aimlessly, frequently slipping away from the house elves and spending long hours outdoors, wandering around the gardens and grounds we had played in. 

We wrote to her nearly every day, sometimes together, but more often individually, and she wrote back as often. Her letters told us little about what she did at Hogwarts, but were instead an insight into her mind, full of jumbled, half-finished thoughts and passionate opinions, embellished throughout with exclamation points and underlining. The names of her friends were familiar, because they were also the name of our parents’ friends- Nott, Malfoy, Lestrange, Rosier, Wilkes- but I had no idea as I read these names in her letters how closely tied to our future they would become. I foolishly believed that no one could come between us.

Narcissa and I lived for the holidays.

                                                                        *

Summer came, and with it Bella, making our world complete again. She must have changed, perhaps she had, but not to us. Aside from adopting an occasionally superior attitude and dropping tantalizing hints about what I could expect the next year at school, it was as though she had never gone. 

My sisters and I all had our own rooms, but I do not remember a single night that I slept alone, despite the best efforts of the house elves who minded us. When Bella had gone to school, I found myself waiting for the sound of creeping bare feet and the soft brush of her cotton nightgown as she climbed into my bed, even though I knew she was hundreds of miles away. Without saying a word I knew Narcissa felt the same, and we clung to each other. I had grown used to it, no longer lying awake at night aching for her, but the first night of the holidays, I could have cried with happiness when I heard the creaking of floorboards along the hallway, the door to my room open, and Bella’s tentative whisper “Andy? Cissy? You awake?”

“Yes.”

Bella ran and jumped on my bed, landing on me with an “oof” while Narcissa scooted over to rest her head on Bella’s shoulder.

“I’m so glad you’ll be at Hogwarts too!” she whispered, as she described her first year, about the girls and boys and the intrigues of the Slytherin common room. The things she had not said in front of Mother and Father in their perfunctory inquiries about her grades and ascertaining that she was only mixing with the right people.

“I don’t know what I’ll do when you’re both gone,” said Narcissa plaintively. “I’ll die, I’ll just simply die!”

“Don’t be silly Cissy, it will be gone in a flash, and then you’ll be there too!” Bella hugged her hard. “Everything will be better when we’re all together again.”

                                                                        *

My Mother would never consider getting to King’s Cross through muggle London, and so we took a portkey directly to the platform.“Oh honestly Andromeda, do be careful!” Mother said impatiently as I stumbled a bit as we arrived. “Such clumsiness is not becoming a lady.”

“Sorry Mother,” I said meekly, not terribly perturbed by the common reprimand. I was trying to look bored, copying Bella’s disinterest, but in truth I felt nearly sick with nerves. I was excited to be going into a larger world, but it was also suddenly a bit terrifying. Narcissa just looked pleased to have been allowed to come along to the station.

My Father would not take time off work to come to the station with us, but he had called me into his study that morning before leaving. I was in awe of him, since I could count on one hand the number of times during my childhood he had addressed me directly and alone. He didn’t mince words.

“The house of Black has a long and noble history, and I expect you to uphold that tradition and behave in a manner that is fitting to someone of your status. Do you understand?” He glared at me, daring me to answer him, and the portraits of Black ancestors on the walls around us seemed to do the same.

“Yes, Father,” I said meekly, hoping my voice did not tremble.

“The standards for acceptance into Hogwarts have declined shamefully,” he went on. “But the standards to be sorted into Slytherin have not. Your sister was sorted into Slytherin, and I expect nothing less from you.” This was emphasized by a particularly venomous glare and I knew what he was thinking. Bellatrix had explained that some of the weaker lines, the blood traitors and muggle lovers might go into Gryffindor, but any true pureblood family with any pride belonged in Slytherin. “Be careful who you associate with. I will not have you mixing with mudbloods.”

“Yes, Father.”

“Good girl. You may go.”

And that was my send-off from my Father. Now, Mother strode briskly down the platform, cutting through the crowd with the three of us trailing in her wake. My hands were free, the house elves would see to all my luggage, and I felt Narcissa’s hand slip into mine and squeezed it.

“Mrs. Black!” A rich voice, full of patently false warmth spoke from behind us, and Mother actually deigned to stop and turn around to acknowledge the tall, fair man who had spoken. I recognized him as Abraxas Malfoy, he came often to our house to speak to father. They were considered quite as prominent as our family, and of course were related to us, distantly.

“My daughters, Bellatrix, Narcissa, and Andromeda, who begins her first year today,” mother explained, giving me a light push forward, forcing me to let go of Narcissa’s hand. Mr. Malfoy’s gaze on me was like all the other adults in my life- assessing.

“Lovely,” he murmured after a moment, without giving the slightest indication of having seen me. “Lucius begins his fifth year, Slytherin prefect,” he added. He did not sound proud exactly, more simply satisfied.

“Ah, Mrs. Black, I thought I recalled you had another daughter the age to begin school,” said a voice, and we turned to see a shockingly lovely woman who I recognized as Mrs. Wilkes. Her daughter, who looked like a first year as well, had unfortunately not inherited her mother’s looks, she was skinny and plain.

“Yes, Andromeda is beginning her first year.”

“So is Annabelle.” At a sharp poke from her mother, Annabelle mumbled hello, though she did not raise her eyes from the platform.

Steam was beginning to billow from the train and parents were hustling their children on board, and I felt a sudden flash of terror. It was real, I was going. I looked at Narcissa and saw her blinking very fast, knowing it would never do to cry in public. I wanted to grab her and cling to her, as if that could hold her in my life, but I knew Mother would never allow such an untoward display of emotion in public. I felt frozen, and Bella grabbed my hand, and grabbed Sirius by the collar as well, because he was too busy looking around avidly and promising Reg lots of owls to notice that the train might leave without him.

“We have to go Andy, it will be okay, come on,” she said gently, pulling me toward the train. Once the train started to move and mother was no longer watching, she put her arm around my shoulders and hugged me hard. “I felt like I was going to die when I left you both last year, and I got through it, and so will you and so will Cissy. Next year, next year we’ll all be back together.”

I looked out the window for as long as I could, watching Narcissa standing forlornly on the platform. Despite knowing I would be with Bella now, I already missed my little sister more than anything.

                                                                        *

I stayed with Bella on the train and she did not seem to mind her younger sister tagging along. Quite the opposite, she introduced me all around to her friends. There were familiar faces, the children of my parents’ friends. Bella only had to speak my name and I was instantly accepted, even admired. I was surprised and a little amused to find there was a certain amount of mystery surrounding me and my sisters. We had been so isolated, so sheltered by the family name that curiosity had been sparked in those we had never met. 

Bella was a natural leader, I saw, immediately claiming a train compartment in which to hold court. When she was with Narcissa and I, she didn’t censor herself, but talked in a rambling stream-of-consciousness, thinking out loud and allowing us to know all her thoughts. Now, among others, she remained silent and enigmatic, looking as though she knew a secret no one else could ever imagine, so that when she did speak, everyone took notice. Even the much older students, the prefect Lucius Malfoy and sixth-year Rodolphus Lestrange, more men than boys, took notice of her, a mere second year. Sirius wandered in halfway through the train ride and announced that the other first years didn’t seem much fun, and someone immediately made a place for him to sit. It was quickly becoming clear to me that in the right circles at Hogwarts, being a Black meant something.

I had seen pictures of Hogwarts, and I was no stranger to grand castles and ancient manors, but it still took my breath away as I got my first view of Hogwarts from the boats. Even Rabastan Lestrange, who had been professing his boredom for the whole train ride, who knew everything about Hogwarts from his older brother, gave a gasp and stared in open-mouthed wonder.

I was among the first to be sorted, and I heard whispers as the other students heard the name “Black.” I looked over at the Slytherin table and the last thing I saw before the hat fell over my eyes was Bella watching, biting her lip nervously.

“ _Another Black, eh_?” said the little voice, seemingly in my head. “ _I know what you expect, but I’ve learned not to jump to conclusions! You’ve got a good mind, and respect knowledge for the journey, not just as a means to an end. You’d do well in Ravenclaw._ ” A wave of panic welled up in me and I thought desperately Slytherin, it must be Slytherin, I had to be with Bella. “ _Slytherin, eh? Well you’re ambitious in your own way, perhaps, but there are those you wouldn’t betray for your own ends. But there is subtlety there, and pride, yes indeed. Well, if you’re sure it’s what you want, better be…SLYTHERIN!_ ”

I gave a carefully concealed sigh of relief as the last word rang through the Great Hall and the Slytherin table cheered. I had expected no less, naturally, but I did not like to imagine my family’s reaction if I had been sorted into any other house. At the Slytherin table two students moved aside to give me a place next to Bellatrix. The prefect, his gold badge winking in the candlelight, leaned over to shake my hand.

“Another Black? Bella’s sister?” he asked.

I nodded, trying to look nonchalant, but I could not help a bit of pride.

“Excellent,” he murmured, almost more to himself than to me. He gave me a smile that I would eventually learn, in Lucius, passed for warm. “Welcome to Hogwarts, Andromeda Black, and welcome to Slytherin.”

I felt a warm glow of acceptance. I was finally there, at Hogwarts. I had been sorted into the house I belonged in. I was welcomed and admired by my peers, and I was well on my way to make my family proud.

Later that night, as I lay in my bed listening to Annabelle snore, I still felt that warm glow. Bella was only a few steps away in the second year girls’ dorm, and I curled up and fell asleep smiling, thinking that the next day, and my entire career at Hogwarts, was going to be brilliant. 


	2. First Term

_Thanks to all those who reviewed, even if you've read it before I'm glad to hear from you!_

** Chapter 2- First Term **

"Where are we going? I thought the Great Hall was that way..." I protested, trying to keep up with Bella's longer strides.

"It is, we're not going to the Great Hall," she answered shortly.

"But...what about breakfast?"

She didn't answer, only continued along an upper corridor, and at the end of a hallway stopped so suddenly I ran into her.

"What are we doing?"

"Waiting."

"For what?"

She didn't answer, and I wasn't sure what to do. I wasn't used to this side of Bella, with her curt answers and her face set in a look of grim determination. A moment later I did see what, or rather who, we were waiting for as he stepped out from behind a portrait down the hall from us. 

The one blight on my happiness at finally being there had occurred the night before, when Sirius sat under the sorting hat for far longer than usual, so long that a strange silence fell over the hall and the Slytherins, who fully expected him to join us, began whispering to each other. When the hat had finally declared "Gryffindor", no one had looked more surprised than Sirius himself, who carefully avoided our eyes as he made his way to their table, where all the little mudbloods scooted away from him in fear. Now as he came out of his common room, his red and gold tie looking somehow wrong with his classic Black features, Bella jumped out and grabbed him by the collar, dragging him down a deserted corridor and then releasing him hard, so that he stumbled backwards several steps.

"What the-" he began, but she cut him off with such venom that we were both struck dumb.

"What the hell happened?" she spat.

"It's wasn't my fault!" he hissed back. "I told it I should be in Slytherin, I argued and argued, but it wouldn't listen! It's not my fault!"

"Do you know what kinds of people are sorted into Gryffindor? Blood traitors, mudbloods and muggle-lovers! Is that what you want to be?" She snapped. I had never seen her like this. I had seen her get angry, of course, but her rage was usually directed at some unlucky house-elf, not a member of the family and certainly not Sirius, he had always been her particular favorite. He cast a confused look at me and I made a helpless 'what can I do' gesture.

"They're not all mudbloods! James Potter is in my dormitory, his family is pureblood!"

She made a derisive sound. "Yeah, new liberal purebloods and muggle-lovers."

"I told you it's not my fault!"

Sirius was tall for his age and they were nose-to-nose now. "You disgraced the family!"

"Bella Shh! Someone will hear!" I whispered urgently, hearing voices from the hall that led from Gryffindor's common room.

It was bad enough that Sirius had been sorted into the wrong house, but even worse would be for everyone to see Bella laying into him for it, and Sirius was not without a Black temper himself, he would only let her go so far before he fought back. If nothing else, our family had to present a solid front. Besides I wanted badly to distract her, her wand was in her hand in a distinctly threatening gesture. It had always been her way to throw around hexes before she thought. She glanced down to where the voices came from and took a step back, and then in typical mercurial fashion, all the anger seemed to leave her. She sighed.

"At least it wasn't Hufflepuff."

Sirius seemed to finally take a breath again too. "Yeah, I guess."

"What did you say to the hat?" I asked him curiously, as we started toward the Great Hall and breakfast by tacit agreement.

"That I was supposed to be in Slytherin," he replied simply.

"And what did it say?"

He gave a twisted, humorless smile. "It disagreed."

                                                                               *

Bella didn't forget about what she considered Sirius's betrayal of the family, in fact she referred to him exclusively as "the Gryffindor" after that, but they seemed to have formed a truce and went back to their usual good terms. With that first crisis passed, I threw myself into my classes. Good grades were expected, not because our parents cared about our education, after all if we married well as expected we wouldn't need any skills other than being charming and witty at cocktail parties. In the view of our family, being at the top of one's class was just another demonstration of the intellectual superiority of purebloods. 

Within a few days I had established myself as one of the top students in my year, with grades even better than Bella's. She did her homework sporadically, as the mood took her. If she felt disinclined to do it, she could always charm one of her many admirers into doing it for her, but she always came through with a brilliant grade on tests.

The sorting hat might have been right, I probably would have done well in Ravenclaw, but I would have hated being separated from Bella even only as far as a different common room, and I was not uncomfortable in Slytherin. In some ways it was as Machiavellian and hard-edged as its reputation, but in some ways we formed a strange sort of family. There was loyalty among Slytherins, whatever it might have looked like to outsiders. Perhaps our fights were more ruthless, our curses darker, and our grudges more dearly held...such were the lessons we had unconsciously learned from our parents, but we were not without friends and even love. The children of the old pureblood families, we had known each other all our lives through our parents. We shared a common past and it seemed inevitable that we would share a future as well.

It was not until the end of my first week I had my first Defense Against the Dark Arts class. I had been looking forward to it, because I knew it was Bella’s favorite class, though she seemed drawn mostly to the theory behind the spells she was supposed to be learning to defend herself against.

Professor Temer was a slight, delicate looking man who had once been a well-known curse-breaker, until he got on the wrong side of a Sphinx during an expedition in Egypt. He’d apparently made his share of enemies chasing down thieves who stole treasure from the ancient tombs, and he seemed to be always ready for an attack and jumped at the slightest sounds. He had a sort of perpetually surprised look, as though at a loss to explain how he had ended up teaching eleven-year-olds about defending themselves against pixies and hinkypunks. While probably competent enough at curse-breaking, his social skills left something to be desired.

"All right, enough talking, settle down, shut up," he announced as we filed into the room, followed by some uncomplimentary muttering about first years. Immediately, I noticed a new group of students, this time in the blue-striped ties of Ravenclaw. We'd already had potions with Gryffindors and herbology with Hufflepuffs, so it appeared our double defense classes would be combined with Ravenclaw. Not that it mattered; we tended not to mix with other houses.

Rabastan Lestrange was grumbling audibly about how this class would probably be a waste of time as well, until the Professor fixed him with a glare. Though not a particularly driven student, he was establishing himself as a leader in Slytherin. Partly because they were an old pureblood family and partly because everyone was a bit afraid of his older brother Rodolphus. He also promised to be very good-looking as he got older, and so was already a bit of a heartthrob among the younger girls in the house.

Annabelle, one of his many admirers, nearly ran me over to sit near him at one of the long desks, and so I resignedly took a seat across the aisle from her in the front row, barely noticing as one of the Ravenclaw boys sat on my other side.

The Professor read through the names, occasionally glancing up at the faces that went with the names he recognized, and he seemed to know the names of most of the Slytherins. As he set the list aside, he said casually “All right, let’s see your wands then.”

And then suddenly he whipped around, with a shower of harmless but impressive sparks, and in a flash his wand was at the throat of the little boy next me, who froze. Having seen more than my share of impressive wand work, I didn’t flinch and stayed impassive, but the unfortunate Ravenclaw, who had been rummaging through his bag to find his wand, gulped visibly and went white.

“What’s your name boy?”

“Edward Tonks, Sir.” To his credit, his voice did not waver.

“Well Mr. Tonks, you’re dead.” He did not lower his wand, but his eyes swept over the rest of the class. “Lesson number one: _Always_ know where your wand is.”

I was glad my own wand was sitting on top of my desk, clearly visible. Finally the Professor lowered his wand, and Edward Tonks gave an audible sigh of relief. I turned to give him a smug look, but before I could do so, the world suddenly went dark.

With a gasp my hands flew to my eyes, and found a blindfold.

“Miss Black,” came the Professor’s voice. “Tell me, how many windows are in the room?”

I froze; I hadn’t been paying attention to the room, what did that have to do with dark arts anyway? I wondered for a moment if I could fake it, and then decided I had no idea. I was about to admit that, when a voice breathed next to me ear “six.” It was so light I barely heard it, but it was as good a guess as any.

“Six, Sir.”

“Very good Miss Black,” he said, vanishing the blindfold. “Lesson number two: _Always_ be aware of your surroundings, especially your escape routes. Five points to Slytherin, Miss Black.” He glanced around the class again. “Why is no one writing this down?”

In the scramble to get out parchment and quills, I gave a quick glance at the Ravenclaw boy next to me. “Er…thanks.”

He shrugged. “No problem. Not really fair, takin’ us off guard like that.” He looked at me with frank curiosity. “What’s your name again? I mean, besides “Miss Black?”

“Andromeda.”

He blinked. “People actually call you that? You don’t have a nickname or anything?”

“It’s a tradition in my family,” I replied haughtily.

“Right, well, okay. People call me Ted.”

“I’ve never heard of your family,” I said, wondering where he came from.

“Well, no, you wouldn’t. I’m the first ever to come here.”

I stared as I realized what that meant. I had been so sheltered that I had been under the impression that I would somehow be able to tell a mudblood apart from the rest of the population, only to discover at Hogwarts that they looked exactly like any other witch or wizard. When I’d mentioned it to Bella she giggled and said “Well, it’s not as though it’s stamped on their foreheads Andy. Don’t worry, you’ll be able to tell.”

I didn’t have time to respond, as Professor Temer surprised Theo Nott with a mild stinging hex, and then told us rule number three, always be ready for an attack. Our homework was to write two rolls of parchment on how to define “dark arts”, and I saw the confusion on my own face mirrored on the faces of my classmates. To me the Dark Arts were something that my father and his "associates" discussed behind closed doors, or Bella with her dark head bent over an old book she had sneaked out of his library. They were not necessarily something to be condemned, just not to be freely discussed. I left class deep in thought until I heard someone say my name. I turned and found Ted Tonks.

“Are you going to the Great Hall, because it’s-“

“Andy, who’s that?” Bella had come around the corner with Elizabeth Rosier.

“ _Andy_! Ha, you do have a nickname!” Ted Tonks said proudly, unaware of the darkening of Bella’s face that was a danger sign.

“Only I can call her that,” she said evenly. “And she doesn’t associate with mudbloods.”

He smirked. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“Do you _know_ who I am?” she said, taking a step toward him, wand in her hand.

“No,” he replied simply. Elizabeth giggled.

“Bella, Andromeda, is this mudblood bothering you?” Rodolphus Lestrange emerged from a nearby classroom and immediately looked delighted at the prospect of teaching a young mudblood a lesson. The contrast in size between the two of them was almost comical, and Ted looked like he was finally catching on that he might be in over his head. As annoyed as I was that I’d been caught by my housemates talking to a mudblood, I didn’t think Ted quite deserved an introduction to _Crucio_.

“Like a mudblood could bother me,” I said dismissively. “I’m fine, let’s go to lunch.”

Bella shrugged and pocketed her wand, and I saw her wink at Rodolphus before we walked away.

                                                                        *

“Frank Longbottom says your family is trouble,” was the first thing Ted Tonks said to me in my next defense class. It seemed I was going to have to sit next to him the entire year, and so I had decided that I would simply ignore him and instead talk across the aisle to Annabelle, who had apologized profusely for leaving me to sit next to a mudblood, citing her undying love for Rabastan as her excuse. 

“Frank Longbottom’s family is all muggle-lovers,” I retorted. “His Aunt even ran away with a muggle.” I knew that only because I’d heard my mother and her friends gossiping about how far the family had fallen. I realized I was talking to him again, and I had resolved not to do that. “Leave me alone.”

“Or what? You’ll set your sister’s boyfriend on me again?”

“He is _not_ her boyfriend!” I hissed, wondering why that made me angrier than anything else he’d said. He looked a little taken aback, but then turned back to the front of the class as the Professor called for attention.

                                                                        *

It was impossible to avoid Tonks completely. Professor Temer had no concern for my sensibilities when it came to assigning partners and always set me to working with him on any assignment that required two. That was only in one class, but it quickly became obvious that despite the disadvantage of being raised as a muggle, he was battling me for the top grades in nearly every class in our year. Never one to back down from a challenge, especially thrown down by a muggle-born boy, I only studied harder. He never talked to me outside of class. 

He was popular enough, usually seen with Frank Longbottom and his mates, and he rarely spoke to me outside of class, but in class he never lost the chance to make a comment. He seemed more amused than anything at my attitude about mudbloods, and it drove me mad that he didn’t take me more seriously.

I felt only slightly better when the end of term exams were finished, and I had the top grade in the class, barely edging him out.

“Don’t look so smug Andy, it’s only one term in one class,” he said as I packed up after the last class.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Wait ‘till next term,” he promised.

“Sure, I’ll really lose sleep over that,” I retorted. “Face it, you just can’t keep up.”

                                                                        *

The night before we were supposed to go home, I had left packing until the last minute, and at midnight I was still trying to fit everything in my trunk. My potions book had been left in the common room, and so I crept down in the darkness to get it. In the common room, a chill had swept through as the fire burned down low. Someone was sitting in front of the fire, forgoing the couches and armchairs to sit on the hearth rug, and I recognized the heavy black hair falling down her back. Bella was sitting unnaturally still for her, with her knees drawn up and her arms wrapped around them, staring into the fire. 

“Bella?”

She turned, and in the faint light I saw tracks of tears on her face. She made no attempt to brush them away, only said faintly “Oh, Andy…”

“What’s wrong?” I asked, forgetting my book and going to drop to my knees next to her. She turned back to the fire and shook her head slightly.

“Nothing,” she murmured, and then was silent. I thought she wasn’t going to say anything else, when she spoke in a whisper. “It’s all just so dark, Andy.”

“What is?”

“The things I think about.”

I didn’t really know what she meant, and I didn’t know what to say. I knew her, I thought I knew all her thoughts and to me she was brilliant and charming, beautiful and golden. I didn’t see any of the darkness she already saw in herself. Instead of arguing with her, I merely sat next to her and put my arms around her. She leaned against me and sighed, burying her face in my shoulder, and we stayed there most of the night. 


	3. New Secrets

** Chapter 3- New Secrets **

Bella never said any more about that night before we went home, but the next day she was her old self, embracing Narcissa on the platform with such exuberant joy that Mother told her to restrain herself. I had adjusted to Hogwarts, felt happy and at home there, but I had managed to push aside how much I missed Narcissa. Being back home, as cold and strict as home could be, I was whole again. Narcissa seemed the same as she threw her arms around me on the platform and gasped “Oh Andy, I missed you!” but in some ways she seemed older than when we had left only four months before. She had grown up in her solitude. It occurred to me then that I was the luckiest of the three of us. Bella had gone off to Hogwarts alone, Narcissa had spent a year at home alone. I never had to be without both of them. The world never felt quite right when it wasn’t all three of us together.

If there is one thing the pureblood families did well, it was the parties. Holiday galas and masked balls and summer house parties. It was an opportunity to show off your wealth, to show off your status in the wizarding elite. By the time we arrived home for the holidays, the season was in full swing, our parents gone every night in their most elegant robes.

Our parents didn’t officially recognize such a “muggle” holiday as Christmas, but the time between the winter solstice and the New Year was one of seemingly constant celebration. We received presents, the finest robes and cloaks from our parents, sweets and little trinkets from friends and family. There were seemingly endless family meals, but they were worth sitting through for after they ended we were allowed into the sitting room, with its dark paneled walls and the lingering masculine smells of smoke and whisky, while we drank hot chocolate and Uncle Alphard gathered us around and told us stories of the exotic places he traveled. We played in the snow that fell over the grounds and ice skated on the lake, and then rushed inside to curl up in front of the fire wrapped in quilts. The house seemed a little bit warmer filled with the smells of the pine branches that lined the banisters and the elaborate meals the house elves prepared.

Our parents’ formal dress ball fell on the winter solstice, and traditionally thirteen was the age when we were allowed to start attending. Since Bella would not turn thirteen until the spring, we were not allowed to go, but it was the same every year, we would escape the house elves and sneak out. We sat in a row in the upper landing, looking over the room with its blazing lights, the men in their traditional black robes and the ladies in their bright colors and jewels. The sounds of music and laughter and the intoxicating scents of perfume and liquor floated up to us.

Suddenly Sirius leapt up and dragged me to my feet as the sounds of an old-fashioned waltz reached us. He gave me a low, gentlemanly bow.

“May I have this dance, fair lady Andromeda?”

I curtsied as well as I could in a nightgown and bare feet. “It would be my pleasure, good Sir.”

Bella laughed out loud as neither of us were very good dancers, but then caught up poor Regulus into a wild sort of twirling dance. When he cried “Gah Bella, let me go!” she released him and instead seized Narcissa, who laughed as Bella spun her around dizzily and Sirius dipped me so low I almost ended up on the floor.

Our revels were interrupted by the sounds of footsteps coming up the great staircase, and it was only Regulus who was not too distracted by the fun to alert us. Not wanting to be caught out of bed, as there could be no greater sin than to embarrass our parents by being children, we raced down the hall and around a corner as Father and several of the men he called "business associates" reached the top of the stairs. Our father, dark and handsome as all the men in our family were, Abraxas Malfoy, a golden playboy who radiated wealth and good breeding, and Dimitri Dolohov, tall and gaunt but moving with a leonine fluidity. They were all highly-respected, pillars of the community, received in the highest levels of the Ministry, and yet I remember thinking in their black formal robes and the dim torchlight of the upper hallway, they looked sinister, an omen of things to come.

They disappeared into Father's study halfway down the hall from where we peeked around the corner. A few moments later they were followed by Frederick Nott and a man in everyday robes, who must not have been at the party. The door shut behind them with a decisive click and we heard the sound of a bolt sliding into place.

I was about to say that we should go back to our rooms before someone else came up and caught us, but Bella had already slipped away, creeping on silent bare feet down the hallway.

"Where are you going?" Sirius hissed after her, but she waved him off.

"I want to know what they're talking about!" she replied, coming up to the heavy closed door and pressing her ear against it. They must not have imperturbed the door, because we could see her face screwed up in concentration as she tried to make out what she was hearing.

She was so intent on what she was hearing that she didn't hear the sound of another person coming up the stairs, or see our frantic waves as we tried to alert her. She didn't move an inch until a hand suddenly came down on her shoulder and she jumped a foot, with a little gasp and a quickly muffled shriek, and looked up at our Uncle Alphard. The rest of us, hidden from sight, breathed a sigh of relief. Of all the people who might have caught her eavesdropping, he wouldn't deal out a punishment too severe. He was considered "eccentric" by the family, for his love of travel and exploration, and because he seemed to have no desire for the power and wealth that motivated our father and Uncle Orion. Now he looked down at Bella with a mix of amusement, concern, and understanding.

"Let me guess, you couldn't sleep and you were just...going for a walk, when you tripped and fell against the door on your ear?"

She smiled. "Exactly, Uncle Alphard."

"Naturally. Well, I'd advise you that should you have trouble sleeping again, try counting sheep. I don't want you to hear anything...well, anything you'd rather not. And I don't expect you'd like the result if your father had opened the door and you fell in on your ear, hm?"

Although I suspected she wasn't a bit sorry, she managed to look properly contrite. "No, Sir."

"Good girl." He raised his voice slightly. "And on the off chance that anyone else might be around, I'd advise them to scamper off to bed and untie the house elves, as the party is winding down and people will be expecting someone to get their cloaks." He winked at Bella, and I heard him put an imperturbable charm on the door before going back downstairs.

"What were they talking about?" Sirius asked her after we were back in our room and had un-petrified the house elves, who had rushed off to help with the guests, not seeming to resent their imprisonment at the wand of "Miss Bellatrix."

She shrugged. "I couldn't hear that much. Something about the Ministry being wrong, and something about a riddle."

Sirius frowned and then shrugged. "Probably just boring politics stuff," he decided.

"I don't think it's boring," Bella retorted, throwing a glance at the door, as if she wanted to go back and listen. "I think it's important."

Sirius shrugged again, clearly not too interested in pursuing the topic.

Regulus fell asleep as we lay on the floor in our room looking out the skylight, picking out the stars we were named after (although Narcissa resented this activity a bit, not being able to participate), and finally Sirius, with heavy eyelids himself, dragged him back to the guest room where they slept. We heard the sounds below of people leaving, although the party went on for the younger guests, who would keep dancing and drinking until dawn, and then the adults coming up. I should have been tired, Narcissa was already asleep, curled up in a little ball with her breathing slow and regular, but I couldn't sleep. It must have been after two when I felt Bella slip out of bed, and heard the door open. Opening one eye, I watched her slip out of the door and close it softly behind her, followed by muffled voices in the hall.

Narcissa mumbled a sleepy protest and tried to kick me as I stepped on her climbing out of bed, and cracked the door barely an inch, just enough to see into the hallway. Bella was shivering in her nightgown, but arguing passionately, albeit quietly, with Rodolphus Lestrange.

"I want to come!"

"You're much too young," he told her dismissively. She did look very young in comparison to him, and to Lucius Malfoy who was waiting impatiently at the end of the hall.

"I'm thirteen, and that's only three years younger than you!"

"You're twelve, and that's a lifetime at your age." He finished fastening a black cloak around his shoulders and looked down at her, and his voice softened slightly. "Listen kiddo, you've got the right idea, but no one's going to take you seriously yet. You're way too young to be involved in any of this now. Your time will come, count on it."

She scowled, but he only patted her on the head in a manner that he meant to be patronizing, and turned away in response to Malfoy's "Come on, we don't have time for kids." They walked away, although Rodolphus did glance back at her with a thoughtful look.

" _Crucio, crucio_!" she muttered after their retreating backs. Of course nothing happened, she was too young, and too innocent, and her power too unfocused to actually perform the spell, but hearing the words on her lips was enough to frighten me.

I let the door close again and jumped back into bed, and moments later she returned, shaking with cold, and I pretended to be asleep. As she curled up close to us for warmth, I could feel her heart racing, and for the first time in my life, I was almost afraid to speak to her.

                                                                        *

I woke the next morning feeling tired, having tossed and turned most of the night haunted by strange, vivid dreams that I couldn't really remember. It was freezing in the room and I immediately saw it was because Bella had the window open, frigid winter air streaming in along with the sunlight. She turned to look at me with a stunning smile and I forgot all my apprehension of the previous night. Sometimes I wonder, how much I would forgive if Bella smiled at me like that today. 

She beckoned me over and whispered "Andy, look!"

It had snowed during the night, not the patchy snow of the previous few weeks, where we could barely scrape enough together for a snowman, but a smooth white blanket covering the grounds.

"Cissy, wake up! Come look!"

"...don't wanna...shut up Bella..." she mumbled in response, scooting down until the blankets covered her head. She was always the slowest to wake up. We finally dragged her up, and dressed in our warmest cloaks and gloves and scarves, ventured out into the bright cold day.

We spent the day outside, sledding and having snowballs fights, until our shouts and laughter must have alerted Mother to our "unladylike" behavior. She appeared in the doorway as Bella was holding Sirius down and trying to shove snow down the collar of his shirt.

"Bellatrix! Andromeda! Narcissa! That's enough of this childishness! Get upstairs this instant and put on decent robes. We are having guests for tea and I expect you all to behave in a manner befitting how you were raised."

She either didn't hear or ignored Sirius's derisive snort as we all trudged back inside. I finished changing first, into very proper dark blue robes, and came out to find Regulus proudly bearing a red envelope.

"You got a letter! One of the house elves said I should bring it to you."

"Let me see."

I made to reach for it but he sprang back out of my grasp.

"Who's it from?"

"I don't know until you give it to me," I said, reaching for it again, but he danced away. We didn't often see the mischievous side of Reg, he was usually overshadowed by his brother's antics, but he had his own streak of trouble.

"Is it from your _boyfriend_?" he teased.

"Don't be stupid, give it to me!"

"Andy has a boyfriend, Andy has a boyfriend!" he sang, still dodging me, making kissing sounds.

"You're such a baby Reggie, you don't know anything."

"Andy has a- Ow!"

He gave a yelp as I caught him and twisted his arm around his back to grab the letter. Unfortunately, Mother chose that moment to come around the corner and caught us scuffling.

"Oh honestly Andromeda, can't you act like a lady for five minutes! What's going on here?"

I straightened up and released Reg, quickly concealing the envelope behind my back. "Nothing, Mother," I replied politely.

"Nothing, Auntie," Reg echoed. He might tease me, but we had solidarity when facing adults.

Any other parent might have known we were lying but Mother didn't know me well enough to tell or didn't care. She just gave an irritated sigh.

"Where are your sisters? Mrs. Avery and Mrs. Malfoy will be here any moment."

"I'll go get them," I offered, seizing the chance to escape, with her " _Walk_ , Andromeda" following me down the hall, I hurried back to my room. I knew Bella and Narcissa were not there, but I wanted to get away from her to open the strange letter. A shower of red and green glitter spilled out of the envelope when I opened it, and I found a card with a glittery pine tree sprinkled in red on it.

_Dear Andy,_

_I know you said your family "doesn't celebrate" Christmas because it's "for muggles", but I thought you should get at least one Christmas card anyway. Not your fault your family isn't any fun. I hope you're studying over the hols, you're going to need it._

_Sincerely, Ted_

I stared. Small gifts had been exchanged among friends in the Slytherin common room, but it was a bizarre and unheard of thing to get a card from someone in another house. I heard Bella calling for me, and in a panic, I shoved the card into my school bag, which I had abandoned for the holidays, between the pages of my potions book.

"Andy?" She pushed open the door. "Mother's having a stroke, we better get downstairs. Why is there glitter all over you?"

"I...uh..." I was saved having to come up with an explanation, because she wasn't really listening, just brushing off my robes while she hustled me downstairs.

                                                                        *

“…with the way things are going at the Ministry…well, my husband is naturally re-thinking that summer internship for Lucius.” 

“It _is_ dreadful,” agreed Mrs. Avery. “And young Lucius is such a charming, handsome boy, well-suited for politics.”

“Naturally, but things at the Ministry going the way they are, we are encouraging him to consider…other avenues.”

They all shook their heads ruefully and sipped their tea. I wasn’t too worried about whatever Ministry crisis they were currently worrying over. It was standard for my mother and her friends to have to complain about something, so it appeared today it was the Ministry. Bella had tried to ask what the “situation” at the Ministry was and Mother had told her that ladies did not interrupt, so she was contenting herself with making faces when Mother wasn’t looking, trying to make Narcissa laugh, while Cissy struggled to keep a straight face.

I was barely listening at all, my mind occupied with the foreign idea of a mudblood boy sending me a Christmas Card. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. He was far too bold for a mudblood, assuming that he could send me letters whenever he liked, and how had he gotten my address anyway? The muggle postman would certainly never have gotten anywhere near our house, so it must have been something sneaky. Competing with me at school was one thing, but sneaking into my head over the holidays, into the strictly pureblood world of my family, was going too far. He had no right to take me off-guard like that and upset my equilibrium. And yet I knew then I would not tell Bella and Narcissa about it. It was the first time I intentionally kept a secret from them. 


	4. Changes in Vocabulary

** Chapter 4- Changes in Vocabulary **

Ted Tonks was looking smug as I took my seat in our first defense class after the holidays, and I could see a little smile playing around the corners of his mouth as I shot him annoyed sideways glances. Apparently getting tired of waiting for me to say something, he said politely, but with a teasing undertone “And how was your holiday, Andy?”

“You shouldn’t have done that,” I bit out from behind clenched teeth.

He smacked a hand to his forehead theatrically. “Yes, I sent you a _Christmas card_! It’s all part of my evil plot….how do I _live_ with myself? _How_ do I _sleep_ at night!”

“You could have gotten me in trouble! I’m just lucky my cousin Reggie got the owl before my Mother did!”

The more I had thought about it, and I _had_ thought about it, the angrier I had been with him. It would have been just as easy for a house elf to hand that letter to Mother, and I could imagine that scene in excruciating detail. Father would call me into his study, ask me who Ted was, and then demand to know why a mudblood thought he could correspond with me, a pureblood girl, a Black girl. No matter how I imagined it, the scenario ended badly for me. I had imagined it so many times, in such vivid detail, that I felt almost like it had actually happened, and I was almost irrationally angry with him. I had spent the whole rest of the holiday worried that something about it would slip- that a house elf would mention to Mother that Miss Andromeda had a card by an unknown owl, or that Reggie would make some joke in front of Bella and Cissy about my “boyfriend.” I had been lucky, but that didn’t mean I would be again.

“You wouldn’t actually get in _trouble_ , would you?” he asked incredulously.

“Yes!” I hissed back. “We’re not allowed to associate with mudbloods. Bella wasn’t just talking when she said that, it really is my father’s rule!”

He stared at me, momentarily shocked into silence.

“Wow,” he muttered finally. “Your family really is a trip.”

I ignored that and turned away from him resolutely, back to the “Slytherin” side of the class, pretending to be interested in Theo Nott and Rabastan comparing the fantastic racing brooms they had received for the holidays, but I could still feel his eyes on me.

“Andy, I didn’t know you’d actually get in trouble,” he finally said softly, sounding sincere. “I won’t send you anything else.”

“How did you get my address anyway?” I hissed, curiosity getting the better of me. He didn’t answer for so long that I finally turned to look at him.

“Magic.” He smiled, and then turned to the front of the class and folded his hands politely on his desk, the model of a perfect student.

“But-“

“Shh, Andy, class is starting,” he said, looking highly pleased with himself. I was feeling unsettled, because when he had said he wouldn’t send me anything else, there had been a note in his voice as though he felt almost sorry for me. Nobody should feel sorry for me, I was a member of one of the oldest, wealthiest, and more prominent pureblood families in Britain. I was one of the brightest and most popular girls at Hogwarts. My future was certain, I knew where I stood in our society, and no mudblood should pity me.

                                                                        *

Contrary to what most people believed, not everyone in Slytherin was entirely pureblood. There were half-bloods occasionally, people who had cunning and ambition, who had the inclination to be ruthless to meet their desired ends, but whose origins were not what a real pureblood would consider acceptable. In Slytherin, if you did not have a name that was recognized as an old pureblood family, then you’d better be ready to explain. There were sometimes students whose parents were pureblood, and simply not English, but there were others who everyone knew were from poor, lower-class, impure wizarding families. They either needed to prove in the first few days of school that they were too dangerous to mess with, or they tried to be invisible. The latter plan never succeeded. Along with homework and gossip, exploding snap and wizarding chess, hassling the students they considered “below” them was a popular pastime for some of the older boys in the Slytherin common room. House solidarity existed outside the common room, but inside it there was a hierarchy that you ignored at your peril. 

I had never had any such problem, as a Black and as Bella’s sister I was socially acceptable before I ever darkened the door of Hogwarts, and perhaps because of that I had always thought of the wizarding world as having only two classes- us, pureblood, and them, mudbloods. I assumed that all pureblood families lived like we did, as that was certainly the case in my parents’ rarefied social circle, and I had it my head that all mudbloods were only a step removed from begging in the streets. It was all so simple to me then.

It was the second week back after the holidays, and Annabelle and I were sitting on the couch laboring over a transfiguration assignment. Bella sat opposite us, sideways in one of the plush chairs with her legs thrown over the side, and read what appeared to be _Hogwarts: A History_. I knew she must have charmed the cover and I wondered what she was really reading.

Lucius Malfoy and Paul Yaxley were playing a game of their own devising, which had become popular among Slytherins when there were no professors about. It looked a bit like muggle tennis, except that rather than rackets they used their wands to send the ball back and forth, and the ball was on fire. Since this was common evening entertainment, nobody was paying much attention until Paul, most likely on purpose, sent a shot wide and in the direction of a boy sitting alone at a table near the corner of the common room. Although it missed him, it landed on his homework, catching the corner of the parchment on fire. Although he quickly put it out with a spray of water from his wand, his homework was a half-charred, half-sodden mess. His mouth twitched slightly as he looked at it, and I couldn’t help but feel a little bad. I’d been working all evening too and wouldn’t have been too happy if it had been my work. With an impressive show of self-control, he didn’t react. Perhaps he was hoping that if they didn’t get the desired reaction, they would leave him alone.

“Oops,” said Paul with a smirk and absolutely no sincerity. “You ought to be careful there mudblood, you got in the way of our game.”

People were watching now. I had no idea of their victim’s name, he was that good at remaining unnoticed, but I had a vague idea he was a third year. He had started to shove things into his bag, perhaps hoping to retreat to his dormitory, but as soon as Paul spoke the word “mudblood” he froze. A sort of fission went around the room, and then the boy said something that wasn’t quite audible from where we sat. Whatever it was, his tormentors heard it, for Lucius rolled his eyes and Paul gave a shout of laughter.

“Not a mudblood? Please, I know who you are, your mum is a filthy mudblood and as far as I’m concerned that makes you one too.”

The boy mumbled something in which “ministry” could be heard.

“The Ministry won’t break with the pureblood families, they’d be fools. There would be no Ministry left without the old families,” Lucius said, his voice mild.

The boy jumped up and backed away from them toward the stairs to the dormitory, clutching his bag to his chest. It was in his favor that they were feeling lazy and would probably not pursue him if he bolted back to his room. Paul was looking bored with the game already.

“The split will come, you’ll see,” the boy said, his voice shaking. “And you’ll be on the wrong side. See if you’re so full of yourselves when you’re in Azkaban!” He turned and ran up the stairs.

They watched him go, as if considering if it was worth following and cursing him, and then seemingly dismissed the idea with a shrug.

“What was that about?” Bella tossed over her shoulder as Lucius came back over to a table near where she was sitting. He looked at her for a moment, as though surprised, and then shrugged again with the typical nonchalance of a fifteen-year-old. It was Paul who answered her.

“His mother’s a mudblood, always making trouble at the Ministry. Don’t know how he ended up in Slytherin at all. There used to be standards.” He smirked. “I suppose it’s rather passive-aggressive of me, but he’ll be up all night re-doing his homework.”

I didn’t find it quite as amusing as he did. Apparently neither did Bella, as she gave him a faintly disdainful look and re-directed her gaze to Malfoy.

“I meant, what did he mean about the Ministry, and about Azkaban?”

“There are certain people in the Ministry who are in favor of laws to help mudbloods and muggles over purebloods. They call it “protection”, but it’s selling out is what it is. Some people are talking about a split, between those who think that’s acceptable, and the pureblood families, who want to take back power where it belongs, in the hands of the old families, those who belong, who are our kind.”

I could see then what Mrs. Avery meant about Lucius being well-suited for politics. He made the speech well, and looked like such a fine, upstanding young man while he made it. Although impressed with his delivery, I didn’t really understand what he meant about taking back power. Our family didn’t lack anything, certainly not power- Father was one of the most powerful men in the wizarding world, in and out of the Ministry. How could mudbloods (and the one who came to mind immediately was Ted, the only mudblood I’d spent any time talking to) be any kind of threat to him?

“Will it happen, a break?” Bella was asking.

“I doubt it,” Lucius reached down and took the book from her, glanced at the cover, back at her, and chuckled. “Someone has to pay the Ministry’s bills, they’d cease to exist without the charity of the old families. Don’t worry Black, your family will come out down the right side if it does.”

                                                                        *

The first month of the term passed uneventfully, unless you counted Sirius and James Potter getting into a spectacular fight one day at breakfast, which caused no small amount of destruction and earned the both of them detentions every Saturday for a month. In the typically strange way of males, they emerged from it the absolute best of friends. Potter was a pureblood, the only son of well-off parents who were quite prominent in the wizarding world. He might have been considered a perfectly suitable best mate for Sirius, except in the charged political climate the prevailed at the time, his parents were what my father called “ultra-liberal muggle lovers”, by which he meant they supported equal rights for mudbloods and stronger protection for unsuspecting muggles. But as Bella admitted, in Gryffindor he could have become friends with some mudblood, so Potter seemed the lesser of possible evils, and nothing was said. 

“Hey Andy, you’re good at Charms, right?” he asked one day, finding Bella and I sitting in the library one afternoon. Bella had been doing a great deal of reading, for her, but it was never her textbooks. Still, she’d always had strange interests and I didn’t think too much of it.

She glanced at me with bemusement. “She’s good at everything, Gryffindor.”

“I’m having trouble with banishing charms, things just go _flying_ , can you help me? I know you’re doing them too.”

I shrugged and moved over so he could sit down. “Sure, just let me finish this paragraph for astronomy.”

He waited, looking around the library idly as I finished, and spotted a Gryffindor sixth-year who was a very promising Quidditch player. There was some talk among the boys that he might play professionally after he finished school.

“Wish I could play Quidditch,” he said wistfully. Bella followed the direction of his gaze and rolled her eyes.

“Boys and Qudditch! Honestly Sirius, he’s a mudblood anyway.”

“You shouldn’t say that, you know.”

“Say what?” She was clearly barely even listening to him.

“Mudblood. It’s a nasty word.”

There was a long silence as she slowly raised her eyes from her book to meet his. I wanted to crawl under the table and hide from the impending explosion, but he stared back defiantly. Bella looked as though she could not have been more surprised if he had slapped her.

“What?” she sounded incredulous, as if she might be misunderstanding him, and hoped she was.

“It’s swearing. You should say muggle-born,” he said boldly. “James told me he said it once, and his Dad sent him to his room with no supper and took away his broom for a _month_.”

“Sirius…we say mudblood because that’s what they are,” she said with exaggerated patience. “They’re not purebloods, they have _muggle_ blood.”

I watched Sirius struggle with this, as a new idea from his friend grappled with the old ideas instilled by his family, one that Bella, who he secretly adored, still embraced.

“It’s just mean to say, it’s a bad word,” he insisted.

“Auntie and Uncle say it,” she pointed out. It was a mark of how highly she thought of him that she was trying to convince him. I had expected hexes to be flying. “So do Mother and Father. They’d punish us if we said swear words. Especially Mother, because it wouldn’t be ‘ladylike’. It’s not a bad word Sirius. It’s just what _they_ are.”

                                                                        *

We were learning disarming spells in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Progress was varied, but we had spent the first half of the lesson practicing in pairs (I had again been set to work with Ted), and the second half taking complicated notes on the theory behind the spell. I was feeling smug because Ted had been so surprised when I disarmed him that he had not watched where his wand flew to, and he had been surprised when it came right back, boomerang-style, and grazed his cheek. Now he was going to have to explain the scratch on his face, and I was amused by the idea. But something else was nagging at my mind as well. As the class was drawing to a close, the general concentration level began to wane, and conversation rose. Finally when there was enough noise that I knew no one else would hear us, I turned and looked at him. 

“You’re a mudblood.”

He didn’t raise his eyes from his book, and didn’t look at me, but I saw his mouth twitch slightly, with amusement or annoyance I couldn’t tell.

“I’ve always thought you’re an observant girl, Andy,” he answered mildly.

“Well, do you mind when people say that? When they say “mudblood” I mean?”

He shrugged. “I can’t say as I’m particularly fond of it, but you know…sticks and stones...”

“But you never get mad when I say it.” I knew I had called him a mudblood, and often, because I had never thought of him in any other terms, and he had never said a word to me about it.

“I figure you’re not trying to be mean, you just don’t know any better,” he glanced up then and smiled. “From you it’s just a friendly nickname.”

I said nothing, but just gave him a look that said clearly I thought he was insane. He just smiled back as though he knew something I didn’t.

                                                                        *

As the semester wore on my sister’s strange new preoccupation with books seemed to fall away and she became herself again. Since the holidays, she had been quieter than usual, more subdued, and had limited her company to those in Slytherin, and I became the only person who she could always be found with. I had never minded her constant presence at home and I certainly did not now, it felt as though it was the way things should be. But slowly she came out of whatever fog had been enveloping her and became social again, surrounded by a circle of friends and admirers. I wondered about her moods, even went so far as to mention it to Sirius, who simply pronounced it further evidence that girls were awfully strange and hard to explain. I took that to mean some girl had caught his eye, and his passionate, blushing denials only confirmed it. 

I didn’t mind, I was used to her mercurial turns, and I was not without company even when her time was taken with boys jockeying for her attention. I had my own friends. Annabelle and I were friends in the fashion of children thrown together by our parents and circumstances. While we had little in the way of common interests, we shared a dormitory and saw no reason not to be friends. The other girls in my dormitory all brought their own unique qualities to it. Adrienne LeBlanc was the daughter of a wealthy French father, a pureblood wizard whose family fortune came from cosmetics and beauty potions both legal and not. She had spent her childhood between Paris and the country house of her English mother, and in choosing a school for her it appeared Hogwarts had won out over Beauxbatons. For the first few weeks she had annoyed all of us with telling us repeatedly how things were done differently (and inevitably better) in Paris, but she had eventually accepted her fate was Hogwarts and after became much more tolerable, although she maintained a heavy, and probably fake accent through our entire seven years at school. Shannon Mallory was the youngest of a pureblood Irish family, and rather at odds with her innocent appearance, was something of a potions prodigy with a particular interest in poisons. While I found her fixation rather disturbing, there was no question my potions grades would have suffered without her help. Alison Goyle rounded out our dormitory, and while her efforts in school were half-hearted at best and she never showed much talent at anything else, she was generally amiable to live with and tended to go along with whatever the rest of us suggested.

“D’you reckon our exams will be hard?” Shannon asked one morning as we looked around and found the Great Hall a little quieter than usual, and realized that final exams were drawing near and students were withdrawing into their books. While our own exams were worrying, it was nothing compared to the stress of the fifth and seventh years students, who had become positively dangerous to anyone who spoke above a whisper in the common room.

Alison went a shade greener, knowing she would barely pass most of her exams, and I merely shrugged though that had been very much on my mind. My marks all through the term had been excellent, but Ted Tonks was easily keeping pace with me and I was not sure I could bear the humiliation of being beat, or the teasing that would accompany it. Adrienne did not find the topic particularly riveting and tried to change it.

“Ze exams, zey do not matter until our fifth year,” she decided with a careless toss of her hair. “But look, we must not be late for ze transfiguration.”

“I’ll catch up then,” I told them as they left. Bella had taken my transfiguration book the night before to look something up and I still needed to get it back. I had no idea where she was but since she was not at breakfast I opted to check the Slytherin common room. She was not a morning person as a rule and often overslept too long to get to breakfast.

I did find her in the common room, yawning and still looking sleepy, and it took me a minute to actually get her to understand what I wanted. She produced it and I raced out of the common room to avoid being late, only to run full tilt into a good-looking, dark-haired second year boy named Will Avery. I had never paid him much attention before, but as he helped me up and returned the dropped book, he smiled at me, and my heart skipped.

And so began my first love. 


	5. Balls, Birthdays, and Bonfires

** Chapter 5 – Balls, Birthdays, and Bonfires **

“I look ridiculous. Don’t laugh!”

I was sitting cross-legged on Bella’s bed, Narcissa was stretched out flat on her stomach next to me with her chin resting on my knee, and we were both finding it quite a struggle not to laugh.

Bella was thirteen, and so our parents’ summer ball would be her first. Her dress robes, however, were an unfortunate combination of the fact that Mother did not know her oldest daughter at all, and had very definite ideas about the sort of thing a thirteen-year-old girl ought to wear to her first ball.

“We wouldn’t laugh,” protested Narcissa, her face suggesting otherwise. “It’s just that you look very….pink.”

With her dark looks, pink was not Bella’s color, and frills certainly did not suit her dramatic flair. A battle had been raging for weeks over what Bella had christened the “pink robes of doom”, and had culminated in her flatly refusing to wear them, and Mother saying that was just fine, she could simply not go to the ball at all. Bella was so desperate to grow up, to be counted among adults, that she would have done nearly anything to go, including wear pink.

“I can’t even breathe,” she muttered, glaring at her reflection in the mirror.

Narcissa had always been a gifted mimic, and now she hopped up and sashayed across the room to Bella, and stopped to look down her nose haughtily.

“Oh honestly, Bellatrix! Such _breathing_ is not becoming a lady,” she drawled in an absolutely uncanny imitation of Mother. “You were not raised to _breathe_!”

Bella and I collapsed into giggles as Narcissa continued to prance around, sweeping an imaginary gown and tossing her hair regally.

“At least you get to go. I can’t _wait_ until I’m old enough,” Narcissa said wistfully, stopping before the mirror again, this time to gather her long blond curls on top of her head in an approximation of a fancy hairdo, and turned her head back and forth critically to examine the effect from all angles. Vanity was her vice, but we were indulgent of it because she was the classic beauty of the three of us.

“I don’t suppose it will be much fun,” Bella said, if purely to appease our little sister.

“There will be people from school there,” I pointed out, secretly hoping for some news of Will Avery. In the last two weeks of school my crush had deepened. He was the perfect first love- good looking, popular, and completely unaware that I existed. If he had ever acknowledged me, even indicated he knew my name, I would have probably gone into spasms of idiocy and embarrassed myself. As it was, I was safe to indulge in the fantasies of a twelve-year-old girl, in which he suddenly realized my existence, I was spectacularly funny and articulate, he declared his undying love…and after that it faded off into the sunset, since I still was fairly naïve for twelve.

Bella looked supremely unimpressed at the idea of people from school.

“Lots of people from Slytherin will be there after all, all their parents are friends with Mother and Father,” I went on, trying to be encouraging. She continued to scowl in the mirror. “Rodolphus will be there,” this appeared to appease her somewhat and I was again disturbed, by his strange interest in her and by her obvious fondness for him, but I went on, “and Will, and Lucius, and-“

“Lucius Malfoy?” Narcissa broke in, turning and dropping her hands so her hair again fell around her shoulders in a curtain. “I think he’s handsome.”

“He’s a git,” said a voice from the doorway and we turned to see Sirius, hands in his pockets, smirking at Bella’s pink robes. He had spent all the summer holiday so far sulking, because his request to have James Potter to stay at Grimmauld Place, or alternately to go and stay at James’s place later in the summer, had been denied. Apparently Aunt and Uncle were taking the route of trying to limit the Gryffindor influence on him at least during the holidays. According to Reggie he was spending most of the holiday barred in his room reading quidditch magazines and writing owls to his friends. The only thing he could be talked into agreeing to was coming along when his parents were at our manor for a party.  Now however, his eyes fell on Bella and widened slightly, and a huge grin broke out on his face.

“Shut up Gryffindor!” she said before he could speak.

Mother’s voice called for Bella from the stairs; apparently it was time for her to head down and probably receive a strongly worded lecture on proper behavior before guests started arriving. Had it been Narcissa, they wouldn’t have bothered, but Bella had been known to shock guests as a form of amusement before. She gave us a sort of desperate look as she headed for the door.

“Don’t worry, you look pretty!” I insisted, and she rolled her eyes, showing exactly what she thought of my blatant lie, and then bumped into Sirius purposely on her way out, jostling him. In a show of maturity, he stuck his tongue out at her back, before collapsing on the floor with howls of laughter.

                                                                        *

I awoke a few days later, turned over lazily to watch a streak of sunlight on the ceiling stretch across the room, and then remembered with some surprise that it was my birthday. I was twelve. Our birthdays never went unnoticed, technically. Of course I would have presents from Bella and Narcissa, and probably something quidditch-related from Sirius and Regulus as well. I would receive gifts from Mother and Father, indirectly. Although they would not remember our birthdays of their own accord, Father’s assistant was very good at reminding him of such things, and also very good at picking out the sorts of things young girls might like. None of us had ever had a birthday party, but we knew that family tradition dictated that a vast party would be thrown the year each of us turned sixteen. That was apparently the official start of trying to marry us off so we would cease to be our parents’ responsibility. 

Cheered by the realization that I could expect it to be a pleasant, if not particularly remarkable day, I hopped out of bed and pulled open the curtains, making Narcissa grumble and drag blankets over her head. I had a shock, because sitting complacently and quietly on the windowsill was a sturdy little brown owl, blinking at me. I started at it for a moment before I noticed that it was carrying a copy of the _Daily Prophet_. Mother and Father took the paper, of course, but I didn’t get it myself. I opened the window to direct it down to the morning room where Mother was most likely having breakfast, but it ignored my attempts to shoo it away and stood there steadfastly, hooting softly as it stepped away when I tried to physically point it toward the front of the house. Finally I gave up and snatched the paper away, muttering “Fine, be that way.” It gave me a reproachful look before taking off.

I closed the window and looked down at the paper in my hands, and choked. It started to move and shift in my hands, changing shape and color, until it was no longer a paper, but a large silver card with “Happy Birthday” scrolling across it in green. My mouth fell open, and I glanced to the bed, where only the very top of Narcissa’s head was visible. Hesitantly, I opened the card, and knew the writing immediately.

_Dear Andy,_

_I didn’t want to get you in trouble, so I put a charm on the card that makes it look like a plain old copy of the newspaper to anyone but you. Pretty clever, don’t you think? Well, I didn’t actually do it myself because it’s really advanced magic and all, and we’re not allowed to use magic at home anyway. I don’t know if your family celebrates birthdays, or if they’re “for muggles” too, but I reckoned you should get a birthday card anyway. So anyway, Happy birthday!_

_Sincerely,_

_Ted_

I stared, partly appalled that he had the nerve to send me something again after he had said he wouldn’t, and partly embarrassed by the trouble he had gone to to make sure the card was undetected. I had to admit it was clever, while an unsigned card might make people suspicious, a newspaper was too commonplace to attract any notice.

“Wha’sat?” Narcissa was sitting up in bed, rubbing her eyes and looking at me curiously. “Why’ve you got the newspaper?”

I looked down at the card in my hands, and it still looked like a card to me. Apparently the charm worked. I quickly shoved it into a desk drawer. “No reason, I was just looking at it.”

She continued to look at me strangely, but then her face cleared and she smiled. “Hey, it’s your birthday! Happy birthday!”

My birthday passed pleasantly enough. As expected, there were packages from Mother and Father with a card signed in his assistant’s handwriting, but my sisters and the house elves made a fuss over me, Bella even going so far as to have asked the house elves to make a cake for the occasion. As much as I enjoyed the little gestures from all of them, my mind kept straying back to the newspaper shoved in my desk drawer. To have my sisters and cousins make note of my birthday was normal enough, but there was no earthly reason Ted Tonks should. In fact, he had every reason not to, since I had certainly never gone out of my way to be nice to him, and sometimes went out of my way to be nasty. For some reason he had decided there was something about me that made me worthwhile to pursue was a friend no matter how against the idea I was. I should have realized then how stubborn he was. Unfortunately, he would learn that I was equally as stubborn.

                                                                        *

            

Every year around Midsummer there was a festival in Hogsmeade. There was nothing terribly distinctive about the small village near Hogwarts except that it could claim to being the only all-wizarding town in Britain. The festival’s traditions suggested that it had grown out of some pagan ritual, but whatever spiritual meaning it might have had was long forgotten; it was merely a reason for gathering on summer evenings with friends and neighbors. The final night of this festival was marked by a bonfire, which often brought witches and wizards from all over the country. We had never been to it before, for Mother and Father would have no interest in such a “common” ritual, but that year Uncle Alphard was in town on the night it was held, and when he suggested he might take the five of us, our parents were vaguely disapproving of his eccentric interests, but didn’t care enough to make an issue of it by refusing. It was a night for young people, a night when the Ministry looked the other way when minor laws were broken, a night when the magical community gathered away from the eyes of muggles and let go of cares about security. 

It was dusk when we flooed to the Three Broomsticks. Since we were not yet old enough to go to the village from Hogwarts on week-ends, we had been there only a few times. Mother and Father much preferred Diagon Alley for shopping or socializing. Hogwarts Castle was visible in the distance, looking like something from a fairy tale.

The streets were crowded with people- happy families, young couples, excited children, and vendors weaving between them, selling trinkets and sweets. Sirius insisted we go into Honeydukes, and Uncle Alphard didn’t object, he was by far the most agreeable and lenient chaperone we’d ever had. Once armed with sweets, we set out again to the edge of the town, where a bonfire could be safely held. A few people seemed to recognize us, even spoke to Uncle Alphard in a friendly sort of way, and we saw a number of familiar faces- Hogwarts students of all ages and houses. There, at the foot of a mountain, the people of Hogsmeade had erected a pile of wood bigger than I was. All around the large field were blazing torches, and over to one side a small band played a lively tune with little skill but a great deal of enthusiasm. Laden tables were all around suggesting our stop at Honeydukes had been unnecessary, and other tables sold little trinkets and charms. A group of giggling teenage girls were crowding around a table where a withered old woman sat with a sign proclaiming she sold powerful love potions. Sirius snagged a cup of wine from a table, which Uncle Alphard neatly plucked from his hands and replaced. Sirius took it in stride and settled on lemonade from the next table.

As they determined it dark enough, two wizards who seemed to be in charge of the proceedings brandished their wands and started the fire with twin jets of flame. A simple spell, it was nonetheless impressive as flames licked up toward the sky. Next to me I heard Narcissa’s “Oooh!” and Reggie was gazing up at the roaring fire with his mouth slightly open. Children ran around shouting while parents tried to keep them back from danger, and the adults all applauded. We found a grassy place to sit and watch the dancers and passing people, occasionally commenting and giggling, when I spotted movements in the shadows cast by the forest a good distance away, well outside the range of the firelight and the celebrating people.

I must have gasped, for Uncle Alphard followed the direction of my gaze, and then leaned down and whispered “It’s an Auror. They’re all around, just in case.” He squeezed my shoulder gently. “Don’t worry.”

“Do they think something might happen?”

“Of course not. Just uncertain times…so they’re being extra careful with everyone all gathered together this way.”

“Look, there’s Elizabeth!” Bella said suddenly, pointing to the other side of the fire, where we could see Elizabeth Rosier through the flickering flames. “Let’s go say hello. Can we?”

Uncle Alphard waved a hand lazily. “Go on, but stay together, and be careful.”

Narcissa followed as well, interested to meet people from Hogwarts she’d heard about. Elizabeth was standing with a group of other students and she waved happily to see us. Bella was introducing everyone to Narcissa when I felt something on my head. I reached up to find a crown of flowers, and then turned to find a grinning Will Avery, who then went on to place flowers on Bella, Narcissa, and Elizabeth.

“It’s a tradition for the Midsummer festival,” he explained. “For beautiful girls to wear flowers in their hair.”

I melted, but Bella just spun around happily, making her hair fly out under the flowers. Laughing, she grabbed Elizabeth and Narcissa and dragged them into a wild jig. Somehow that allowed the others to throw aside their attitudes of cool detachment and join in, and we danced until we collapsed down on the grass. Sirius and Reggie hadn’t joined us, and I guessed that Sirius wasn’t too keen on the company of Slytherins besides us. But as we sat there drinking butterbeer, I saw two boys- Sirius and the messy hair of James Potter, making towards the dark woods. Handing my glass of to Narcissa, I went to follow them, if only to drag them back from being idiot boys and wandering off. Sirius just didn’t think sometimes.

As I neared the edge of the woods, I stopped suddenly, hearing voices that were not Sirius and James, but adult voices.

“Not tonight…Aurors everywhere…”

“Ministry doesn’t allow them to…”

“What would be the point…no muggles here…”

“…not just about muggles anymore…”

I could only hear snatches of their conversation, and although I knew I should move, I had stumbled on a private conversation and should walk away, but I stood rooted to the spot.

“Do I need to remind you…The Knights of Walpurgis…”

“Don’t lecture me… _he_ doesn’t question my convictions…”

There was a crashing of foliage and I realized someone was coming, but before I could move a figure came through the trees, far too tall to be Sirius or his friend. Luckily, it was someone I knew- Rodolphus stopped dead when I saw him, and then managed to alter his expression from anger to a casual smile for me.

“What are you doing here Andromeda? Hardly a good idea for you to be wandering alone so far away from the people.”

“I…thought I saw someone I knew,” I replied lamely, not wanting to give away Sirius, and thanking my lucky stars that I seemed to be getting off easy on the merit of being Bella’s sister and from a family he respected. He put a hand on my shoulder and steered me away from the woods.

“Better get back to everyone else, you never know what might be lurking in the dark,” he said, light teasing in his voice. I couldn’t help but agree.

“Hey, where did you go?” Bella asked as I dropped back down on the grass where they were now watching a group of wizards shooting off fireworks with their wands. I looked at her, and at Narcissa, leaning back in their light summer robes, crowned by flowers, and illuminated by the flickering firelight. They looked beautiful, and for once careless, and I just shook my head.

“Never mind.”

                                                                        *

            

The rest of the summer flew by in days that were all identical, and yet not unhappy. Two weeks before the holidays ended Sirius and Regulus came to stay (Sirius described it as dumped) at our house while our Aunt and Uncle went on holiday. They found our house preferable to Grimmauld Place, and so were in high spirits, driving the house elves to distraction with practical jokes, although they knew to stop short of pranking Mother and Father. I guess Sirius was really just testing things for the coming school year. 

Finally it was the last night before we left for school, and we were all happy to be going back. We found Hogwarts less confining than Mother’s critical eyes and now that Narcissa was going to Hogwarts we felt like there was nothing for us in the manor house. Narcissa was almost beside herself with excitement, and had packed and re-packed her trunk no less than three times, claiming the house elves had not done it properly. She did it again as we all lounged in her room, regarding her with bemusement as she insisted that her books would wrinkle her school robes unless she re-arranged it again. Her excitement was contagious, and I gathered up all my new books and stacked them neatly by size before putting them in my bag, with freshly sharpened quills and a new bottle of ink. As I was pulling things out of my desk, I came across the card Ted had sent for my birthday, and hesitated before sliding it between the pages of my new charms book. I wasn’t sure why…did I intend to thank him? Or confront him with the evidence? Not really wanting to consider it, I set my bag ready for the next day, and went back to Narcissa’s room.

Sirius and Regulus were hanging backwards off her bed, turning an alarming shade of purple. Bella was sitting in the window seat and laughing at Narcissa, who had again unloaded everything from her trunk and was looking at it as though it posed a particularly vexing problem.

“Second year isn’t so hard,” Bella was saying, as apparently Sirius had asked her about the class work we could expect. “I’m just glad I’ll be able to go to Hogsmeade on the week-ends this year. Oh don’t pout Gryffindor, I’ll bring you sweets back,” she added at his upside-down scowl.

“I hope I’m sorted into Slytherin,” Narcissa said suddenly, apparently reminded of this by Bella’s name for Sirius. I considered it, and decided Narcissa had nothing to worry about. She wasn’t stupid, but she wasn’t a dedicated student and wouldn’t fit into Ravenclaw, and she had no qualities that spoke too strongly to Gryffindor, and she would eat them alive in Hufflepuff. She didn’t lack confidence or ambition, and so she would fit in neatly in Slytherin, probably better than I did.

“You will be,” Bella said comfortably, voicing my thoughts. “But you’ll still have classes with some other houses anyway. They try to force us to mix with mudbloods.”

“Really?”

“You wouldn’t know the difference in classes,” Sirius replied with a hesitant glance at Bella. “There’s a muggle-born girl in Gryffindor, Lily Evans, who’s one of the best in the year, and there’s a kid called Tonks in Ravenclaw who’s always racing Andy for the top marks.”

“That’s that kid who you always complain about in defense, isn’t it?” Bella asked.

“He’s so…so…smug!” I insisted. “I’m just glad I won’t have to sit next to him anymore this year. I’m sure we get to pick new seats this term.”

As I said it, said exactly what I was expected to say, I tried to think what a relief it would be to not sit next to him in every defense class, and not have to endure his teasing and competition and sarcastic comments. And yet, the only thing I really felt was a little let down that defense would probably be very boring that year. 


	6. Love, Loathing, and in Between

** Chapter 6- Love, Loathing, and in Between **

Narcissa was by far the most self-possessed first year on the platform the next day. While most of them clung to their parents, or looked around and tried to be invisible, Narcissa was like she always was in the company of others- calm, collected, and polite. Mother was pleased to show off the prettiest and best-behaved of her girls, and so we were trotted around to greet our housemates whose parents she most admired.

Naturally, the Malfoys were at the top of that list. Lucius was nowhere to be seen, probably already on the train. Long emotional goodbyes were certainly not the way of our family or of a sixteen-year-old boy so that was hardly surprising. We knew Mrs. Malfoy well enough as she often came around for tea, but as with all the adult men in our lives we stood a bit in awe of Mr. Malfoy. He was in a seemingly good mood that day, beaming at the three of us.

“Mrs. Black, you really must tell me what kind of magic you used to have three such beautiful daughters.”

It was a veiled insult as well as a compliment, that she had three daughters and no sons in a world where heirs were all-important, but Mother naturally didn’t respond to the comment, only went on with the script of all their inane conversations, sticking to social niceties while they thought something completely different. Meanwhile I looked around the platform for the male heir of the Black family, who had escaped from Mother’s clutches as soon as we arrived, and saw him in animated conversation with James Potter and some other Gryffindor boy with light brown hair. I continued around the platform, looking for friends. There was Adrienne, who appeared to be arguing with her mother. Rabastan was showing Theo something surreptitiously that I couldn’t quite see from where I stood. And then my eyes fell on Ted Tonks. He was standing toward the edge of the platform with his trunk, looking frustrated by the problem of getting it from where it stood onto the train. He was alone, which seemed strange until I realized that his parents couldn’t get onto the platform, being muggles. As if he could feel my eyes, he glanced up and spotted me, and smiled a little, and a wave of terror washed over me- he wouldn’t dare come over and try to talk to me, would he? He couldn’t possibly be that stupid. Luckily, at that moment Frank Longbottom caught his attention and apparently offered to help with the trunk, as they both began to drag it toward the train.

Unfortunately, Mother had noted my distraction and was now following the direction of my gaze. “The Longbottom boy?” she asked of Bella, who nodded, and Mother made a slight “tsk” sound. “It used to be a good family, but now…Well, I do hope you’re not associating with him Andromeda.”

“No Mother, I’ve barely ever spoken to him,” I answered truthfully, glad of her selective blindness when it came to anyone she thought beneath her, since she didn’t even seem to see Ted.

“Good. Come along.”

                                                                        *

The Great Hall glittered as I walked in with Bella, displaying all the smugness of a second year. I knew all the secrets, I was already sorted, and I felt a sort of warm glow that I wouldn’t have to go through that ordeal again. In keeping with tradition we had not told Narcissa exactly what the sorting entailed, but it didn’t really matter, she would approach as she did everything else, with comfortable confidence. 

I took a seat next to Adrienne, and Bella ordered Theo Nott out of the seat next to me. After the holidays, when we lived so inseparably, it was always a bit of an adjustment to go back to Hogwarts, with our own rooms and our own classes and our own friends. Of course he obeyed without question.

Professor McGonagall entered with the straggling line of first years, some of them trying to hang back, most of them looking terrified. Narcissa was whispering to another little girl with glossy black hair, and I thought it typical, she had already made friends.

Since Black was near the beginning of the alphabet, we didn’t have to wait too long for her name to be called, and it seemed everyone in the school turned and paid attention, perhaps hoping for a repeat of the surprise of Sirius’s sorting the year before. If that was the case, they were sorely disappointed, since the hat had barely touched her golden head before declaring “Slytherin!” Bella gave a satisfied nod as Narcissa hopped down from the stool.

“No surprises there,” said Rudolphus, from across the table. “That was almost as fast as it sorted you Bella. Didn’t take forever like it did for-“

“Shut _up_ ,” she said, with such ferocity that he looked taken aback. She put a smile back on quickly for Narcissa. I knew what he had been about to say, he had been about to comment on how long the hat had taken to sort me. Over the years, I saw her react with irrational, inexplicable anger to anyone who made even the most veiled suggestion that I didn’t quite belong. I think she saw that it was true.

Narcissa didn’t come around the table to sit near us, but instead sat across from us, where surprisingly (or perhaps not) Lucius Malfoy had moved over to make space for her.

“Congratulations, Miss Black,” he said, with a smile and the kind of bemused formality one directs at very small children, which must have been what she seemed to him then. I had the satisfaction of seeing her, for once, with nothing pretty or polite to say, as she stared back at him with stars in her eyes. For me, love grew slowly. For Narcissa, and I believe in a way for Bella, it crashed down on them in an instant. That was the moment my little sister fell for the man she would marry. I have never thought of Lucius as particularly insightful, but I think he may have known too. At the very least, he saw something in Narcissa that he wanted, even young as she was.

From the vantage point of many years later, I can see it with such clarity, but then of course I had no idea. I only saw Narcissa’s dazzled eyes, and a look of resignation under Bella’s smile. She knew, I imagine, and knew too that it would never truly be the kind of fairy-tale love our little sister dreamed of, but nonetheless, a part of Narcissa was lost to us.

                                                                        *

We had heard, through the gossip network over the summer, that our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher had decided that ancient Egyptian curses were less hazardous than a room full of wand-wielding first years, and returned to his previous job, giving way to speculation about who our new teacher might be. We had seen no new faces at the teachers’ table the night before, so we entered the room with some interest, but found no one there yet. I quickly took a seat between Annabelle and Shannon, because I was expected to. I didn’t even realize that I was looking for him, but a few seconds later when Ted stepped in, I could have sworn he paused and scanned the room until he found me. He gave me slight smile, and then shrugged and took a seat next to Frank Longbottom on the other side of the room. To my own surprise, I didn’t breathe a sigh of relief, I felt disappointed. 

I didn’t have a chance to dwell on it, because the teacher entered, and every male jaw in the room dropped. She was possibly the most gorgeous witch any of us had seen in person. Probably in her thirties – blond hair halfway down her back, cornflower blue eyes, and the kind of slim yet curvy figure that would only serve to make a room full of twelve year old girls jealous and a room full of twelve year old boys stare.

“She can’t possibly be our teacher…” Shannon muttered next to me.

“I sure hope so,” answered Rabastan from behind us.

“No _way_ …” Annabelle whispered is disbelief.

“Good morning class,” she began in a sultry voice that was not, I thought, even remotely appropriate for a classroom. “I am Professor Archer. I’m going to read the roll, and if you’re here, you will answer present.”

Several boys nodded enthusiastically, as though this was the most profound statement a teacher had ever made. A Ravenclaw girl I had never even bothered to notice before rolled her eyes and muttered “Oh Merlin.” I couldn’t help but agree, and she saw me glance in her direction and gave me a conspiratorial smile of commiseration. Surprised, I turned back to the front of the room. Now that Ted was out of the picture, it wouldn’t do to get too friendly with Ravenclaws in general.

“Black, Andromeda?”

I raised my hand, and answered “present” as instructed, but to my surprise she fixed me with a look of distaste. Usually people were at least outwardly polite when they heard my name.

“Another Black,” she muttered, going back to the list. I wondered which of my family members had gotten on her bad side already. The odds were pretty even between Sirius and Bella. Sirius, with some seemingly lighthearted prank that resulted in devastation, or Bella with intentional devastation because the woman had gotten on her bad side. Given the effect she has having on the girls in my class, that was hardly unlikely.

Finished taking attendance she closed the book and set it on the desk, laying a perfectly manicured hand on it. It was unnatural, I decided, for anyone to be that perfect.

“Now, as this is a second year class, I would like someone to give me a brief outline of what you covered last year.”

Eager hands shot into the air, and Annabelle sighed heavily next to me. It was going to be a long year.

                                                                          *               

Never before had students’ opinions on a teacher been so widely varied. As far as the male population of Hogwarts was concerned, she was the best teacher they’d ever had, and they had never learned so much. As for the girls… 

“I don’t even know what qualifies her to teach,” Bella spat one afternoon as we sat in the Great Hall doing homework. She had been the one who had brought down Professor Archer’s dislike on all of us before the poor woman had even encountered Sirius. She wouldn’t comment on what she had done, but it had gotten her two Saturday detentions. She claimed it was worth it, as in her words the new teacher had “totally deserved it.” The two of them were shaping up for an epic battle, which was odd because Bellatrix generally did not care for the attention of Hogwarts teachers. She was a good enough student to avoid being singled out, but also not quite good enough to be a favorite. The things she really wanted to learn were not taught at Hogwarts.

“She’s taught at lots of other good schools,” Theo pointed out earnestly.

“So she _says_ ,” Bella retorted, making it clear what she thought of that claim.

“I think someone’s jealous,” Rudolphus smirked from across the table.

She fixed him with a glare. “Big words from a man who blushes and stammers like a schoolgirl whenever she walks by.”

He rolled his eyes and smirked again, but didn’t say anything else. Score one to Bella. She had a strange way with him. She was one of the few people at Hogwarts who was not the least bit afraid of him, and I didn’t really understand their odd…well, it was almost like friendship despite a considerable age difference. Maybe knowing how things turned out has skewed my memory of it, but while Rudolphus viewed his fellow students, and most of the wizarding world with the withering contempt of a privileged pureblood young man, he listened when she spoke.

In reality, the new Defense Against the Dark Arts classes were not terribly interesting, but nor were they as incompetent as Bella would like to claim. They were instead regular and predictable, plodding through each chapter of the textbook with appropriate notes and papers and tests assigned regularly. It was a lot less fun than the possibility that something might accidentally get set on fire, but we still got the necessary information for a second-year student.

For me, Defense had gone from my favorite class to a wasted hour every day, and it never occurred to me to wonder why.

                                                                        *

It was a surprisingly warm autumn, and it was nearly November on a Sunday afternoon, when I was sitting outside watching a group of Slytherins who had started a pick-up quidditch game. Most of the players were not actually on the school team, and as I watched I reflected that might be for the best, since most of them weren’t actually very good. I had been sitting with Shannon and Annabelle, but Annabelle had lost interest and wandered inside when she realized the boys weren’t going to notice her and Shannon, who was something of a tomboy, had gone to join the game to “show them how it was done.” 

I was left alone in the stands to watch, but I didn’t mind. I had never been terribly athletic and had no inclination to play quidditch, but I didn’t mind watching, especially when Will, still the object of my affections, was playing. Although he wasn’t on the school quidditch team, he was a fairly decent player. Our relationship had progressed to the point where he might occasionally say hello to me if he noticed me in the hall, and in the mind of a twelve-year-old girl, hope springs eternal.

“So, which one is it you fancy?” a voice said to me left, and I turned to find Ted, leaning on his elbows against the railing few feet away.

“What…I…I don’t… _what_ are you talking about?” I sputtered, disconcerted by the way he had read my expression. Was it that obvious?

“I know what girls look like when they fancy someone. I’ve got a sister, I’ve seen it before. They get all googly eyes.”

I wasn’t sure which thread of the conversation to take. On the one hand, I hadn’t known he had a sister, she must be a full muggle, and that idea seemed shocking to me. How was it having a muggle sister? Did she resent him? Were they close? Did he miss her? On the other hand, I felt like I ought to defend myself.

“I am not “ _googly_!” And I don’t fancy anyone!” I protested.

”Sure you don’t.” He turned again to look at the quidditch players. “Reckon it’s not Malfoy. I’d like to think you’re more original than that.”

"Narcissa thinks she's going to marry him," I remarked. I suppose in a way I was bragging, making him aware that even at eleven my sister was able to command the attention of a very powerful wizarding family. He didn't see the significance of that and merely fixed me with a skeptical look.

"Are you kidding?"

"Why not?" I demanded, as if he had implied there was something wrong with Narcissa that would make a man not want to marry her.

He shrugged. "Well she's a little young to be figuring that out. The whole arranged marriage thing is more than a little creepy, not to mention archaic. And Malfoy? I mean, he's awfully _pretty_ for a bloke. You don't think he might be...?" he trailed off significantly.

"Be what?"

"You _know_..."

"What?"

"You know. You don't think he might be...er... _chasing for the other team_?"

I rolled my eyes and indicted the game. "What are you talking about? Lucius isn’t even playing Chaser."

He turned and looked at me closely, judging if I was being sincere, and then he laughed. Laughed so hard I was worried he might pass out from lack of oxygen, and so long that I finally got impatient waiting to find out what was so funny, and started prodding him.

"What are you laughing at?"

He continued to laugh too hard to answer me, doubled over and wiping tears away now, and so I started to leave, but he grabbed my wrist.

"No, wait Andy," he gasped out. "I'm sorry...really...you're just so cute... _Lucius isn’t playing Chaser..."_ he collapsed into howls of laughter again, and then recovered himself, eyes watering. "It's a euphemism Andy...it means...like...he doesn't like girls?"

"What? Oh. _Oh_!" I suddenly realized what he meant. "No, no, Lucius definitely isn't... _that_. He's pureblood!"

"Don't tell me you think...oh no way! Andy, I can name at least two "pureblood" boys at this school who probably are."

"Who?"

He shook his head. "Not my business, or yours. But seriously, Malfoy is so pretty, a bloke has to wonder."

"Well, Lucius isn't…chasing…um…like that."

"If you say so,” he shrugged. “I’m going to find out who you fancy though…”

                                                                        *

Because we were close with Sirius, we couldn’t help but get to know James Potter, since the two were inseparable. Despite what our parents would call his liberal, muggle loving upbringing, I found nothing objectionable about him. He was very much like Sirius, just another high-spirited young boy. In time, James got used to being friendly with me, and even to a degree Narcissa, but he and Bellatrix never viewed each other with anything other than outright contempt and loathing. It put Sirius very much in the middle, and he admitted it made him uncomfortable, but he simply refused to discuss either of them with the other. 

One morning Bella and I were coming out of breakfast and saw a small knot of students forming. In schools around the world, a crowd of students gathering meant only one thing- a fight. Bella pushed through the crowd imperiously, and we found the combatants were Sirius and Rabastan. Neither of them noticed us, they were too busy trading insults,

Sirius shook his hair, always too long, out of his eyes and gave Rabastan a smirk that seemed cold well beyond his years. “What’s the matter? Scared?”

I had actually seen Sirius duel, with Bella and with Reggie when the younger boy could nick someone’s wand, and he was both quick and creative. He loved things like this. But then Rabastan threw out an insult that was guaranteed to escalate any fight.

“Blood-traitor.”

Bella sucked in her breath next to me, but she didn’t have time to do anything before curses started flying. Rabastan got one off first, and though it didn’t hit Sirius directly, it did graze past his cheek, making a long gash that started bleeding freely.

I moved, I wasn’t sure what exactly I planned to do, but it was Sirius, he was family, and I felt like we had to help him. But I had barely moved a step before Bella’s hand closed around my arm in a vice-grip.

“No,” she said, sharply, a dark expression I hated on her face as the two boys tried ineffectively to curse each other. It lasted no more than a few seconds, really, a Ravenclaw prefect broke through the clustered students, followed by the Head Boy, and they separated the two of them, and began taking away points, telling everyone else to get off to classes.

I was stunned, and so as soon as we had walked on, I grabbed the sleeve of Bella’s sweater and pulled her into an empty classroom. The dark expression had cleared from her face, she looked merely annoyed.

“What Andy? We’re going to be late.”

“Why didn’t you _do_ anything? Sirius could have gotten _hurt_.”

She sighed, glanced over my shoulder for a second, and then ran her hands through her hair in frustration.

“Rabastan would have stopped if you said something. Bella, Sirius is _family_.”

“Andy, he wasn’t wrong…” she said quietly, as though resigned. She was looking over my shoulder at the front of the empty classroom, not at me.

“What?”

“Rabastan. He wasn’t wrong.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Yes, he had been sorted into Gryffindor, and yes, he was crazy and reckless and annoyed her sometimes, but it was Sirius, and I knew she loved him. Blood should be thicker than house loyalties.

“You think Sirius is a blood-traitor? You take that back, Bellatrix Black!”

“I won’t!” She snapped back, bringing her gaze back to me, eyes blazing. “You know it’s true too, you just don’t want to admit it! If Sirius is going to turn his back on what this family believes then he’ll fight those battles alone.”

She turned on her heel and walked out, and I was left feeling completely lost. It was the first time I felt like I hardly knew Bella, and it was the first time we fought.

                                                                        *

I was sitting at the end of one of the long tables in the Great Hall, working on homework, and I was alone. The Great Hall was nearly deserted aside from a few older students having a sort of informal study group at the far table. It was almost curfew time, but I wasn’t ready to go back to the common room until the last possible minute. I had not seen Bella since that morning when we had argued, and since we’d never had a fight before I didn’t know what to expect. I felt hollow, I felt like crying, I didn’t know if I was disappointed in her, or disappointed in myself. I wasn’t sure who I ought to be disappointed in. If Sirius was a blood-traitor, and I wanted to defend him, did that make me one too? As far as Bella was concerned there was no worse insult. 

“So I’ve narrowed it down,” said a cheerful voice, and I looked up from my books to see Ted plop down across from me with a cheeky smile. “Who you fan….hey, what’s the matter?”

His smile faded into a look of concern, and I quickly looked down at my book again to hide tears pooling in my eyes. Black girls did not cry. I didn’t look up again until Ted pushed something across the table hesitantly. A handkerchief.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, rubbing at my eyes. He was watching me silently, like any boy unsure of what to say to a crying girl.

“Er…d’you want to talk about it?”

I shook my head, but at the same time burst out. “I had a fight with Bella.”

“Oh…right. You guys are pretty close huh? But hey, sisters fight all the time, right?”

I shook my head. “We never had a real fight before.”

“No kidding? Geez Andy, my sister and I have fights all the time. She’s older than me, and she used to beat me up all the time. One fight, heck, that’s nothing.”

I knew he didn’t understand, what my family was like and what Bella was like, how she could be, but he sounded so cheerful and unconcerned that I couldn’t help but feel a little better. Part of me wanted to pour out what I was really so worried about, the way our secure little unit of “the Black children” seemed to be falling apart, and that I was afraid of what I was seeing happened to both Bella and Sirius, but I knew he wouldn’t understand. The part of my personality that made me a Black and a Slytherin stopped me from going on, and resolutely I handed his handkerchief back and nodded.

“Yeah, you’re right, it’s just one fight.”

“Right,” he smiled encouragingly, though he didn’t look very convinced by my false bravado, he was trying to be helpful.

One of the prefects came and shooed us back to our common rooms, and so I never did find out what he had narrowed down, but I was suddenly, and surprisingly, glad he had been the one who had showed up there. He had an easy way of being helpful without making me feel stupid. And despite not sitting next to me in defense anymore, he still seemed to be showing up a good deal.

                                                                        *

Bella and I never spoke again of that fight, and although she was quiet for a few days, during which I was unaccountably depressed and Narcissa watched us both in terrified confusion. She eventually became her old self again, as if the whole incident had never happened, and I have to admit I was glad. The fact was I didn’t think I could live without her; it would be like losing some essential part of myself. 

But as the end of term neared, Narcissa ended up with a problem that overshadowed ours. A problem named Severus Snape. He was a Slytherin, in my year, but it was generally known he was not a pureblood. He got off easily, in Slytherin terms, partly because he had, for some reason, made allies of both Lucius and Rudolphus. While I doubted either of them would have actually put themselves on the line for him, the threat was enough to keep him from too much harassment. That, and he was a bit of a good hand with potions, and there was always the danger you’d end up with something in your pumpkin juice that would cause considerable embarrassment. In the complicated cliques of our common room he was not among the “popular” students in Slytherin, and I’d had little reason to take any notice of him.

As November drew to a close, he decided himself in love with Narcissa. This was hardly an unusual occurrence, most of the first year boys and a handful of older boys fancied themselves in love with Narcissa, but Snape made himself enough of an annoyance that she mentioned it to us. Bella absolutely howled with laughter and told Cissy not to waste another thought on it, she’d take care of it.

Bella had no qualms about taking care of problems on her own, but I had started to notice that term what I thought then was showing restraint. I would later realize it was not restraint, but rather that she was learning something that would be even more effective on the path she would eventually take. She was learning to manipulate.

I came down into the common room late at night, because despite everything going on that term I had kept my grades as perfect as ever, giving Ted as well as Lily Evans and James Potter a run for their money, and I was inclined to study long after my roommates went to bed. Since Adrienne complained the smallest light kept her up, I usually studied in bed with the curtains drawn around me, but sometimes when that became suffocating I studied in the common room. The teachers and prefects never checked it after they did a final sweep before bed. That night, I heard voices and paused on the stairs. Despite the fact that they were speaking quietly, I knew Bella’s voice as well as my own.

“…why not?” she was saying.

“I don’t know what it is you want me to do, kiddo.” The other voice was Rudolphus, I realized with a shock. I might have been surprisingly naïve for twelve, but I wasn’t an idiot and I didn’t like Bella in a darkened common room with him.

“Don’t call me that. Just make him leave Narcissa alone. He’ll listen to you.”

He chuckled. “Does it matter? Snape will lose interest eventually. I feel bad for the lad, he has no idea how far he’s out of his league.”

“Please? I don’t want Cissy to worry about things like this. I have to take care of her, of her and Andy. Just do it for me? Please?”

It was a voice I’d never heard from her before. I stood frozen, not sure if I ought to go into the common room, or go back upstairs.

“All right Bella, I’ll take care of it for you.” 


	7. Not Telling

** Chapter 7- Not Telling **

“Oh Andy, you’re not still sulking about grades, are you?” Bella laughed, coming in with her cheeks flushed from the cold outside. I had, admittedly, been sulking since term had ended, because to my absolute horror, Ted had just barely squeezed past with higher grades than me. I doubt anyone besides he and I even noticed, but he was unbearably smug, and I was mortified. I also knew that I would never hear the end of it from him. I could go on to become Minister of Magic and Ted would _still_ remind me of that term in second year when he had better grades than I did. And I discovered I didn’t like being second at all. Apparently the sorting hat had correctly noticed that aspect of my personality…I was competitive.

But Bella and Narcissa were in high spirits, as any normal child would be at the beginning of a long holiday from school, and they wouldn’t let me remain in a sullen mood for long.

“Mother said we may go to Diagon Alley!” she announced. “Come on!”

“We can go by ourselves?” I asked incredulously. Although I was twelve, I could count on one hand the number of times I had been to wizarding England’s most popular shopping district. My parents preferred to avoid such “common” pursuits, and would generally send the house elves to do their shopping, and had discovered that if you were willing to pay, everything you needed could be delivered. On the rare occasion they did go to Diagon Alley, they didn’t want the added distraction of keeping track of the three of us.

“Not by ourselves, but with Uncle Alphard, and that’s nearly as good, isn’t it? Because he won’t care if we go off a bit on our own.”

She had the measure of him well enough, and I had to admit that the idea of Diagon Alley bustling with holiday shoppers and lined with decorations as I imagined it was an appealing idea. Besides, since I was not allowed yet to go to Hogsmeade on week-ends, I had no occasion to spend money, and so had saved what seemed then like a small fortune, and I thought of buying myself something at Flourish and Blotts or maybe the candy shop.

“All right, I’ll get my cloak.”

As we were emerging from the archway into Diagon Alley from the back alley behind The Leaky Cauldron, Uncle Alphard pulled a folded sheet of parchment from his pocket and consulted it.

“What’s that?”

“It’s a list of people I have to buy Christmas presents for.”

“Christmas presents?” Bella echoed disbelievingly. “But we don’t have Christmas, because it’s for muggles.”

“The family doesn’t,” he agreed. “But that doesn’t mean other wizards and witches don’t, and some of my friends have Christmas. It’s a nice sort of thing. I’ve never seen why the family objects to having a nice dinner and giving each other presents, which is what most people do for Christmas.”

“Mother says it’s a stupid muggle tradition based on a stupid muggle superstition,” she replied. While Bella regarded muggle ideas and traditions with contempt, Uncle Alphard examined them with a kind of detached interest, like an anthropologist studying some foreign and ancient culture. But apparently she was going to give up the debate in favor of our hopes to go off alone. “May we go to Madam Malkin’s while you look for Christmas presents?” she asked.

“I suppose so. Stay together, and I’ll meet you on the steps of Gringott’s in an hour, all right?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Bella had hit that age where she was starting to become very interested in her appearance and what she wore, and Narcissa had never _not_ been that age, she was simply the kind of girl who had always been worried about how she looked. None of us ever looked anything but pristine, the clothes we wore, ordered by the house elves at Mother’s instruction, were always very nice, but of an understated elegance that Bella was beginning to think was too young for her. Like any thirteen-year-old, muggle or magical, she wanted to start choosing her own clothes, and so it was no surprise that both she and Narcissa wanted to go to Madam Malkin’s. I, on the other hand, was not really looking at robes, but shooting longing gazes next door at the bookstore.

“I’m going over to the bookstore for a few minutes.”

They both gave me a look that expressed disbelief that I could find books more interesting than robes, but didn’t object. The front of the bookstore, where they featured popular bestsellers and gift selections was crowded, and a long line wound around the checkout almost to the door, but I slipped through the crowd and upstairs where it was not nearly so crowded. I liked the old, obscure books, and you never knew what you might find in the back shelves at Flourish and Blotts.

“Now what’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?”

I turned and put my hands on my hips. “What do you mean “a place like this?” It’s the bookstore.”

Ted shrugged. “Yeah, I know, I just wanted to say that.”

“What are you doing here?” I had imagined that when he wasn’t at Hogwarts he withdrew completely back into the muggle world of his family. I wasn’t sure how the statute of secrecy extended to muggle families who had magical children, but I was quite certain I had never heard of any full muggles being in Diagon Alley.

“Christmas shopping,” he explained, holding up a few bags. “I was looking for this book for my Dad.”

It was a thick leather-bound volume bearing the title _Wizard-Muggle Relations: A History._

“That sounds really boring,” I admitted.

“I know, but he always says he’s curious about how they’ve kept magic secret all these years and who’s known about it and stuff, so…” he shrugged. “I’m almost done, I still have to get something for my sister though, and she wants…” he suddenly looked at me curiously, with narrowed eyes. “Hey, _you’re_ a girl!”

“No kidding?”

“No, I mean you can help me. Because my sister, she’s fifteen, wants like make-up and stuff that witches use, not just the muggle kind. I have no idea about that kind of stuff, but you can help me.”

“Um, I don’t really…” I had no more clue about make-up than he did.  That was Narcissa’s area.

“C’mon, please? You’d be really saving my life. She’s really mad at me anyway because I accidentally set off a dungbomb in her room…”

I raised my eyebrows slightly at “accidentally.”

“…and so I should really make it up to her. And she’s into all that girly stuff. Please Andy?”

I didn’t say anything, but he must have seen acquiescence in my face, because he said “Let’s go,” and paid for the book for his Dad and then we went down the street a few stores to a store called “Wonder Witch Beauty Supplies.”

“I found this place earlier, but I was afraid to go in by myself, because it’s all girls. And it smells awful.”

It didn’t smell awful, but it was certainly a strange and overwhelming mixture of perfumes that seemed to permeate the store. It was, as he had said, full of girls. Girls in tight little groups trying out make-up, or hair care products, or consulting with one of the white-coated clerks. Although I had no idea what I was talking about, I figured Ted didn’t know the difference either, and so figured I would pretend.

“What does your sister look like?”

“Oh, well, mostly like me. I mean, she’s got the same colored hair and eyes.”

“Oh, right,” I nodded as though this made sense to me, and then looked around blankly. Then I just started picking out things that I thought looked cool, and he took all my suggestions as though I was endowed with some mystical knowledge of such things. Finally, we settled on scented lotion that was a different scent every time you used it, no-smudge eye shadow and mascara that would only come off if you used the special remover made for it, and magical no-chip nail polish.

“Phew,” said Ted in relief as we exited into the fresh air of Diagon Alley. “She’ll like that I figure. I totally don’t get girls, but…oh-“ he was looking over my shoulder, down the street. “There’s your sister, and I reckon she’s looking for you, so I should probably let you go. But hey, thanks, I really didn’t want to go in that store by myself.”

“Oh yeah, well…you’re welcome. So…bye.”

I turned to hurry back to where Bella was standing in the doorway to Flourish and Blotts, looked perplexed and annoyed, but he said “Hey Andy?” and I turned back briefly.

“Happy Christmas.”

No one had ever wished me a happy Christmas before, so I wasn’t sure how to react.

“Oh…um…you too.”

“Where did you go?” Bella demanded when she spotted me. “And why do you smell like perfume?”

“I went into that shop down there, to look for…a birthday present for Annabelle. Her birthday is in January.” That was actually true, and I was impressed with myself for coming up with such a realistic lie off the top of my head. Annabelle’s birthday was in January and she was the kind of girl who liked make-up things.

“Oh,” Bella didn’t even question that. “What did you get her?”

“They didn’t have the kind I wanted. Anyway, it doesn’t matter, we still have twenty minutes before we have to meet Uncle Alphard.”

“Cissy is having an ice cream with Patsy Parkinson, and there’s one more store I want to go to.”

“I’ll come, there’s nothing else I need to look for.”

We passed Fortescue’s, where Narcissa and one of her first year friends could be seen sipping milkshakes, and then, although I had not asked Bella what store it was she wanted to visit, I was surprised when she cut off Diagon Alley into a street that didn’t look particularly safe. A sign posted crookedly on the side of a building read “Knockturn Alley.”

“Bella…?”

She glanced back at me. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want. Go wait with Cissy.”

I hesitated. My instincts were against going anywhere near the dark alley with shady looking characters lurking in the shadows, but I was also curious about what she was up to, and not about to let her go wandering in there alone.

“No, it’s fine,” I insisted, hurrying to catch up with her. The street couldn’t have been more different than Diagon Alley. Instead of being filled with people and sunlight and bright holiday decorations, it seemed deserted, the shop windows dark, some of them blacked out so you couldn’t even tell if they were open. The few people who we did see did not stop to chat with one another, they didn’t even make eye contact, just hurried past.

The store Bella paused in front of was called “Borgin and Burkes” and didn’t look any more welcoming than the others on the street, but at least seemed to be open. She took a deep breath, and then pushed open the door, stepping into the gloom delicately. I stuck close to her because there seemed to be a chill as soon as we entered the shop. As our eyes adjusted to the darkness, we saw that the proprietor was behind the counter, and looking at us incredulously. I suppose it was not every day that young girls came into his shop alone.

“I think you’re in the wrong shop,” he said, sounding annoyed.

“No, I’m not,” replied Bella, a ring of authority to her voice. “I’m Bellatrix Black. I believe you have something for me.”

His manner changed immediately. “Ah, Miss Black. I did not realize…Yes, yes, I have the item you need.”

From under the counter he produced a package wrapped in brown paper, only a few inches square in size, but giving no indication by its shape as to what it might be. Bella did not open it, but merely paid him and the slipped it in her pocket, glancing around with a look of distaste.

“Let’s go, Andy. Thank you, Mr. Borgin.”

“You will tell Mr. Lestrange that you received it?” he said quickly, somewhat nervously.

She turned back from the doorway and gave him a hard look. “Yes.”

As we walked back toward Diagon Alley I waited for the explanation that I was sure was forthcoming. When she said nothing, I finally asked.

“What is that?”

“Nothing.”

“Bella, tell me.”

“It’s not important Andy, it’s nothing bad, just something I…needed. Don’t tell Uncle Alphard and Cissy, okay?”

“I will, unless you tell me what it is.”

She stopped, at the junction of Knockturn Alley and the rush of Diagon Alley, and looked at me. “I will tell you, but not yet, okay? I promise I will. You won’t tell, will you?”

I didn’t answer, just sighed and looked away, but she knew I wouldn’t. She hugged me quickly.

“Thanks Andy.”

                                                                        *

“At least it isn’t pink,” remarked Bella, looking in the mirror. She had been admittedly quite worried about what Mother might make her wear for their winter ball. She wished for hard, sharp, dramatic colors that would have suited her best, but Mother thought such things were not appropriate for young girls, who ought to be dressed in white or pastels. Luckily, the ball that they were holding for the winter was being called an Ice Ball, so all the ladies would wear white. While it didn’t really suit her, that somehow made her appearance all that more striking. 

Still not thirteen, Cissy and I could not go, and so we watched jealously as she got ready. Apparently at the summer ball she had conducted herself well enough that she had not been banned from all future events. In fact, Mother had grudgingly admitted that she could be charming when it pleased her to be, and a number of guests had commented on how bright their oldest daughter was. Mother, who sometimes looked at her like she couldn’t imagine where Bella had come from, had been almost disbelieving.

“Ahem,” we all turned to the doorway, where someone cleared their throat, and there was a long moment of silence. Sirius was in the same year as I was at school, but he was about six months older, and thus had already turned thirteen. He was standing there in the stark black and white evening wear, looking uncomfortable and squirmy like most men do when they’re forced into formal clothes. And yet despite being our cousin, and the boy we had known all our lives, he looked devastatingly handsome. He was also nervously unaware of it. “This is supremely humiliating. I feel like an idiot.”

“You look fine,” said Bella, in an extreme understatement. “C’mon, Mother will start screeching if we don’t get downstairs.”

Sirius gave us a smirk as he turned to go. “Don’t stay up too late, _children_.”

Narcissa and I looked at each other, and then she shrugged.

“He cleans up all right.”

                                                                        *

The night of the winter ball had always been one of my favorite times, but with Bella and Sirius not with us it was actually rather boring. We still sat on the landing above the ballroom and watched our parents and their friends, and now Bella and Sirius. Everyone was beautiful and seemed happy and carefree. 

“Look, there’s Lucius,” murmured Cissy, picking him out immediately despite the distance and the strange angle we watched from.

“You really like him, don’t you?” I asked, not sure how she could be so certain, at eleven.

“I think he’s handsome, and he’s nice to me. He doesn’t act like I’m some stupid little kid.” She shrugged. Narcissa was so entirely self-assured and self-sufficient that she was harder to talk to than Bella, whose wild turns of mood also meant that you knew whatever emotions she was experiencing at any given time. With Narcissa, we only knew what she was thinking if she chose to share it. Except when it came to Lucius, we all knew how she felt.

“Andy, what do you think of Rudolphus?”

I turned and looked at her. She was looking down at the floor, and I followed the direction of her gaze and found Bella by the contrast of her dark hair and white robes. She was leaning against a wall, and Rudophus was talking to her. He had one hand placed on the wall next to her shoulder, and as we watched he leaned in slightly to say something quietly.

“I don’t know. He’s always nice to me, but…I don’t know why he likes Bella so much. He’s so much older than her.”

“Yeah, I thought that too,” she admitted. “She likes him too, but…maybe not for the right reasons.”

I remembered our unexpected trip to Borgin and Burkes, and how the man there had mentioned Mr. Lestrange, and I was surprised by how perceptive our little sister really was.

                                                                               *

The next morning we woke up to gray skies and that threatened snow, and when I woke up I saw something silvery sitting on the desk. Rubbing my eyes and sitting up, I saw it was a silver wrapped package. 

“What’s that?”

“Huh?” Bella was still asleep, her face buried in the pillow.

“That package, what is it?”

“Dunno…” she mumbled.

Seeing her lack of interest, I climbed out of bed, shivering in the cold, and went over to investigate. It was a silver wrapped package that bore a card that read “Andy” and I felt a sense of foreboding. He wouldn’t, would he? He couldn’t possibly be that stupid.

Glancing over to where Bella was still sleeping, I plucked off the card and opened it apprehensively.

_Dear Andy,_

_Happy Christmas even though you don’t celebrate Christmas I reckon you should get a present. I wasn’t going to get you anything because I thought it might annoy you but I saw this and it seemed perfect for you. Well, you’ll see why._

_Don’t worry though, the store I bought it from has a special delivery service, and it’s charmed so no one can see it but you. Cool, huh? I hope you like it._

_Merry Christmas,_

_Ted_

_p.s. The invisibility spell goes off when you open it, so be careful._

I prodded the package, which seemed entirely solid and visible to me, then grabbed it and hurried back to my own room, where I set it on the desk and watched it suspiciously for a moment. Finally with curiosity overcoming me, I delicately untaped the silver paper, and opened the small box. Sitting on a bed of cotton was what looked like a small glass ball. I picked it up delicately, for a moment it looked like it was empty, but as I held it up I saw it twinkled with tiny, perfect stars. As I stared at it, I realized what it was- Andromeda. It was a perfect reproduction of the constellation in the tiny little glass ball.

I was both surprised and uncomfortable. It was incredibly beautiful, and obviously perfect for me, but adolescent boys weren’t known for their sensitivity when it came to choosing gifts, and the fact that Ted was so right on made me uncomfortable. He was supposed to be exactly what I knew him to be- an annoying, difficult, teasing, muggle born boy who would not leave me alone because we had somehow ended up sitting next to each other in class. He wasn’t supposed to have any insights into me, and it made me both irritated and nervous whenever it seemed like he did.

“Andy, where are-“ Sirius burst into the room, still in pyjamas. “There you are, Auntie says…what’s that?”

“Uh…”

“What’d you get? How come you get Christmas presents and the rest of us don’t? Who’s it from?”

Before I could answer him, or even tell him not to, he had picked up the card. He wasn’t trying to snoop or be mean, he was simply curious and didn’t give me a chance to say anything to stop him. He looked at the card, then up at me, and then back at the card.

“Oh… _Hell_ …Andy…”

“Sirius, it’s-“

“Is something going on between you and him.”

“No! Of course not, don’t be stupid. He just…kind of…thinks we’re friends.”

“Are you?”

“I…I don’t know.”

He set the card down on the desk, looking at me thoughtfully. “Well, I don’t know him very well, but he seems like a good bloke. You know, Andy…” he paused for a long moment, as though choosing his words carefully. “I know how things are between you and Bella, but…the world won’t end if you disagree with her.”

“I know that.”

“Do you? Okay,” he shrugged. “Anyway, Auntie sent me up to tell you guys to get ready for breakfast, and in her words “do wear something appropriate as we’re having guests.” Better hurry too, she had that look.” He turned to go.

“Sirius?”

“Yup?”

“You won’t tell anyone, will you?”

He shook his head slowly. “No, I won’t. Everyone in this family has secrets, I suppose you’re entitled to yours too.” 


	8. Branching Out

** Chapter 8- Branching Out **

For the male population of Hogwarts, the appeal of Professor Archer had not worn off over the months she had been our teacher. Our defense classes were not particularly interesting, but still seemed to include a lot of glazed-over adoring gazes from one half of the class. That was the half that didn't groan out loud when she announced that second years would be doing a term-long research project on a defense related topic of our own choosing. We would spend all term researching it, and then at the end of the term hand in a paper and make a presentation to the class.

"Besides our regular homework?" Shannon whispered incredulously, next to me.

Professor Archer didn't even wait for the murmurs to die down, but tossed her perfect hair, and went on that we would be working in pairs and to avoid all the drama that would inevitably accompany that, she would be assigning our partners. This elicited an even louder protest from everyone. While it wasn't surprising that Slytherin sensibilities were offended by being expected to possibly be paired with someone from another house, the Ravenclaw students were none too thrilled with the idea of working with us either. They took their grades seriously, and as far as they were concerned, dark-wizards-in-training were not the ideal study partners.

Given our own choice, I would have ended up working with Annabelle or Shannon or Adrienne, but this added a whole new element to it. Surely she would pair us with someone we would be able to work with? But then again because of Bella's constant battle with her she didn't like me, so she would probably pair me with some half-wit who didn't know the right side up of their wand.

I felt eyes on me and glanced over to find Ted, sitting next to Frank Longbottom as always, but looking at me intently. What if I was paired with him? Surely she wouldn't put the top two students in the class together. Would she? What would Bella say? But then what could she say? It was for a class project. With assigned partners. I'd have no choice. There was really nothing anyone could say. Secretly I suppose, I liked the idea of a clear, inescapable reason to talk to him. One that would not raise eyebrows or make my housemates call me a blood-traitor. But as much as it appealed, I wondered why it appealed to me.

As it turned out, my worry over the matter was for nothing, as I ended up paired with a Ravenclaw girl named Marlene McKinnon. She was a good student but not outstanding in defense, though I'd heard she was quite a good hand at transfiguration, we didn't have that class with Ravenclaw. To make the matter even simpler, her family was pureblood, though rather along the same order of the Potters-liberal and using their status to push for equality for mudbloods. Still, that hardly mattered for a class project, it could have been much worse. As Professor Archer read off the rest of the partners I twisted in my seat to look at her. She was one of the prettiest of the Ravenclaw girls, who were generally rather a plain bunch, with almost waist length brown hair and grey eyes. Not storm cloud grey like Sirius's, but bright and clear like a calm lake. She caught me looking and gave me a friendly smile, which I returned.

Ted ended up paired with Severus Snape, and I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. Maybe Professor Archer had figured he was so amiable and even-tempered he would be able to work with anyone, no matter how disagreeable they were. Snape was not actually a bad student, in fact he actually did very well in defense and in potions, but there was something distasteful about him, and he was certainly not like the confident, popular boys who made up Ted's group of friends.

I should have been pleased, and I was, but then there was a feeling I couldn’t immediately identify, and didn’t really care to. Disappointment.

                                                                        *

As class ended Professor Archer suggested we get together with our partners soon, since we had until the end of the week to turn in a short proposal on what we planned to research. Marlene and I met in the library that night to talk about it. We were still in that ultra-polite-oh-no-you-go-first-I-insist stage of acquaintance, but it was obvious we would be able to work together. 

She flipped through our defense book, looking for ideas. We went through several ideas and discarded them as too boring, too hard, too easy, or too difficult to research. As we were hitting a wall, Marlene pulled out a piece of parchment to make a list, and all of her books tumbled out of her bag. As I handed her back one, I glanced at the title, and saw it was not a school book but rather a book about ancient Egyptian witches and wizards. I looked at it curiously.

“I’m kind of interested in Egypt…” she admitted, blushing. “Kind of lame I know, but…”

“Could we do that?” I suggested. “I mean, didn’t they start a lot of the curses we still use?”

She cocked her head, considering. “That would be really interesting…”

“We could talk about all the curses they used on tombs as well…”

“That would be cool, and it would be enough for a term-long project, because they had zillions of curses…”

I nodded, feeling pleased with my creativity.

“That’s a great idea, Andy.”

She had to go to a Charms Club meeting, but we agreed to meet two nights later to work on the short summary of our idea we would give Professor Archer. I was just pulling out my astronomy homework when someone slid into the seat next to me.

“So what are you doing your project on?” asked Ted cheerfully.

“I’m not telling you,” I replied smugly. “You might steal our idea.”

He snorted. “Not likely.”

I turned and looked at him. He had plunked himself down next to me so naturally, as though it was normal for us to sit around in the library chatting to each other. It wasn’t really, he rarely spoke to me outside of class, and then usually only when no one else was around.

“Too bad you have to work with Snape,” I offered, since I really did feel bad for him. He shrugged.

“Yeah, he doesn’t say much, and he always acts like I’m annoying him. But then again he’ll definitely do his share of the work, and he knows what he’s talking about. I reckon dark arts is his favorite class or something, he’s a whiz at it. So I guess no big deal that he’s so…nasty.” He shrugged again. “But you got pretty lucky, Marlene is a cool girl, and she’s smart.”

“She seems like. I wish we could have picked our own partners though.”

“Yeah?” he rested his chin on his hand, studying me. “Who would you have wanted to work with?”

I bit my lip, thrown off by it, a question I hadn’t expected. “Oh…I…I don’t know. Just to assign us partners sounds like we’re about five or something.”

“Oh…yeah, I know,” he agreed.

“Why? Who would you work with?”

“Oh…uh…well, it’d probably be easier to work with… Frank or someone…” he trailed off vaguely.

“Oh. Right.”

“Yeah. Well…” he glanced at something over my shoulder. I turned as well and saw Narcissa had just come in. “I better go. Hope your and Marlene’s idea is good, that way it will be less embarrassing when I get better marks than you again.” He winked at me before heading out of the library.

A moment later Narcissa took the chair he had just vacated. “Who was that?”

“Just a boy in my defense class. We were talking about a project we have to do.”

“I’ve never seen him before. Who is he?”

If anyone else had asked so many questions, I would have wondered why they were prying, but from Narcissa and Bella it had always seemed natural, simply because I’d never had anything to hide from them before. Their questions didn’t seem excessive because they always knew everything about me.

“He’s in Ravenclaw, so you wouldn’t,” I replied.

“He’s not a pureblood?”

There seemed no point to lie about that, she would find out if I lied, and that would make it an even bigger issue and bring up more questions. “No.”

“Oh.”

I turned and looked at her, and found she was biting her lip with a perplexed look. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh…nothing. Can you help me with charms? I can do _wingardum leviosa_ , but I can’t move things around.”

“Sure,” I agreed, glad to change the topic. “Let me see the book.”

                                                                        *

"Andy?" 

I woke up to someone whispering my name, and then saw Bella peering through the curtain around my bed. I blinked at her for a moment, then wondered why she was in the second years' room.

"I..." she bit her lip. "I had a nightmare, and...I can't sleep," she whispered. "Can I stay here?"

In the darkness, she looked very young, and it occurred to me that nobody else, not even Narcissa, ever saw Bella this vulnerable. Her wand was lit only faintly, to avoid disturbing my roommates, but I could still see where tears had tracked down her face. Bella did not cry, not in front of anyone. Silently I lifted up the heavy blanket, and she climbed into bed with me, letting the curtain fall closed again.

"What was your dream about?" I whispered, as she laid her head against my shoulder.

"Don't remember," she answered automatically, and then seemed to think the better of lying. "I don't want to talk about it."

"It's just a dream Bella. Not real," I whispered, stroking her hair.

"I know," she mumbled, wrapping an arm around my waist. "Andy, don't leave me."

"M'not going anywhere," I yawned, relaxed by her warmth and presence.

"I don't mean now, I mean ever. You won't leave me Andy, will you?" she whispered, urgency coming into her voice.

"Course not."

"No matter what I do?" her hands were clenched in my nightgown. "Promise!"

"Bella, I promise I won't leave...what's _wrong_ , what's happened?"

She wouldn't say anything more, and eventually she fell asleep, still clinging to me. I felt like she wanted me to save her, but I didn't know from what.

                                                                        *

It was an unusually warm spring, promising an unusually warm summer. The warm weather came early, so that we almost felt cheated out of winter, but there were no complaints when we could escape Hogwarts Castle and roam the grounds on week-ends. Studying was much more acceptable when it was done sitting outside, and yet much harder to concentrate on our books. 

Marlene and I took advantage of a Hogsmeade week-end, when all the older students were gone, to settle ourselves in a prime spot under a tree on the grounds to work on our project. We had found we worked very well together, having similar styles and interests, and I had even come to think of her as a friend. I said nothing about this in my own house, for although Ravenclaws were better than Gryffindors, or Merlin forbid, Hufflepuffs, socializing outside of Slytherin, for a Black girl, was certainly risky. I found Marlene refreshing after my friends in Slytherin, she had a straightforward, honest way about her that was entirely different than the posturing and mystery of those in my own house. She had a quiet confidence, she wasn’t intimidated by my blood or my family, and she didn’t hesitate to tell me when she thought I was wrong.

Marlene was a good student, and I wasn’t about to be outdone in grades again, and so we had thrown ourselves into the project with enthusiasm, and made quite a good start with the books in the library. Now, we were just looking through those books to make sure there was nothing important we had overlooked, before we took our research any further.

It was while we were sitting there that Ted came and seated himself on the grass next to me as though this were an everyday occurrence. I looked up from my book, blinking at him.

“Tonks, you’re sitting next to me.”

He nodded approvingly. “Very good Andy. You’re a clever sort of girl. I suppose that’s on account of you being all pureblood and superior and stuff, hm?”

Marlene lowered her head to hide a smirk. I glared at him, and then pointedly returned to my book.

“What’s that?” Marlene asked of something Ted was looking at.

“Oh, the classes we can take next year. Have you decided what you’re going to do?”

I hadn’t thought of it. “Bella is taking divination, she says it’s rubbish,” I volunteered.

“I reckon Care of Magical Creatures might be fun. At least be outside a bit…but I think I’d sooner take arithmancy.”

“I’m going to take Ancient Runes,” I announced. “And arithmancy.”

I wasn’t sure what my parents would say about that. Generally, the girls in our family took divination, it was supposedly a form of magic more responsive to women, all of the great Seers were women. It had simply been assumed that Bella would take it and she had never questioned that. But I was determined that if Ted Tonks could handle arithmancy, then so could I. As for Ancient Runes, I just thought it sounded interesting. I had always liked the Latin and Greek we had studied with tutors before we can to Hogwarts, I had a flair for foreign languages.

Ted gave me a sly grin…”I don’t know Andy…they say arithmancy is pretty hard. Sure you can keep up?”

I gave him a smug look. “Piece of cake, Tonks.”

He shrugged. “I’ll leave you ladies to your work.”

We watched him head across the lawn.

“He is the most annoying…” I began, before Marlene interrupted.

“He likes you.”

The look I turned on her must have been one of true horror, for she quickly qualified.

“Not like that! I mean he thinks you’re clever. I’ve heard him say so…that you’re one of the smartest girls in school.”

“Oh…”

“Oh indeed,” she replied rather tartly, going back to her reading.

                                                                        *

"Andromeda Black! Tell me you're not studying on Saturday!" 

I look up to find Bella returned from Hogsmeade. Marlene had gone in and I was still sitting outside to enjoy the last of the sunshine, partly I was studying, and partly I was waiting for her. Since the night she had claimed she had a nightmare, I had been worried about her, watching her closely. She seemed fragile, her moods swinging even more wildly than usual, moving her to snap at even Sirius or Rodolphus, who were usually exempt from her anger, and to stay close to me whenever we were in the same room. She said nothing, so I didn't either, not even to Narcissa.

But as she flopped down on the grass next to me with an armful of bags, she seemed in good spirits.

"What did you get?"

"Oh robes...I got you a new scarf."

"Me? Why?"

"Oh, you didn't notice the ink...?"

"Bellatrix! That was my fav-"

"Well, I tried to get it out, but I'm rubbish at cleaning! Besides, the new one I got you is much prettier," she decisively, lying back in the grass. I considered for a moment if it was worth getting mad over, and then decided not.

Sirius ran up and skidded to a stop at her feet, expectantly. She opened a lazy eye, squinting at him in the afternoon sunlight.

"Can I help you, Gryffindor?"

"Did you get my chocolate frogs and ice mice?"

She blinked innocently. "Was I meant to?"

"Bella! I gave you a galleon to-"

"Oh calm down, your sweets are in there," she said, indicating the bags and closing her eyes again.

He rolled his eyes and busied himself looking through her bags, explaining that he owed James like _a million_ chocolate frogs and he _had_ to even it up, the Black honor was at stake.

"You got books?" he said incredulously, after a few moments. "You're turning into Andy or something!"

I made a face at him, while she continued to ignore him.

"Bella...where'd you get these books?" he said, after a moment, a tentative sound in his voice. Her eyes flew open, but other than that she gave no indication she heard.

"Where does anyone get books, half-wit, at the bookstore."

"They sold _you_ these books?" he said, skeptically enough that I leaned over to see what he was talking about. The books in question were old and tattered.

"They were a gift," she replied primly.

Sirius and I exchanged a look. Rodolphus.

"Maybe you shouldn't have books that..." Sirius began.

"Maybe you're a crashing bore Sirius," she replied irritably. "Go away.”

He looked at me, as though expecting an answer. I could only shrug. He sighed.

“Fine. Later.”

I watched him walk back across the grass toward the castle, waiting until he was well out of earshot before I said her name softly, she opened he eyes again and gave me her attention, though she said nothing.

“I know,” she finally said, when I didn’t speak. “I’ll apologize to him later. It’s just everybody asking questions annoys me.”

Despite this, I asked a question of my own. “Bella…Is Rodolphus…what…?”

She sat up then, and smiled at me. “Oh Andy, it’s nothing like that. It’s just a bit of fun, nothing really.”

Impulsively, she kissed my cheek, and then gathered up her bags. “Come on, I’m hungry and it’s getting dark.”

                                                                        *

The last week of classes, I was sitting in the common room putting the finishing touches on our defense paper, which was due the next day, while Bella lounged next to me talking to Elizabeth, and without even asking, started to braid my hair in a proprietary manner. This was not unusual for her, she did the same thing to Narcissa, and so I thought nothing of it until she rested her chin on my shoulder, reading what I was writing. 

“You should add something more about the theory, here,” she said thoughtfully, pointing to a paragraph on the Egyptian wizards’ interest in immortality.

“We were going to, but we couldn’t find any books. Well, we found one, but it was in the Restricted Section, and Professor Archer wouldn’t sign the form, she said we didn’t need it.”

Bella frowned. “What kind of stupid teacher doesn’t let you get the books you need,” she ran her fingers through my hair, loosing the braid she’d made, and then said “Wait here.”

She hurried up the stairs, and then returned a few minutes later bearing a battered black book, which she held out to me. “That will help.”

The cover read _Encyclopedia of Toadstools_ and I raised an eyebrow at her.

“I charmed the cover, Silly,” she whispered against my ear, and then left me studying to go play chess with Lucius.

                                                                        *

Our class presentation came off without a hitch, and Professor Archer declared it “very interesting” despite the fact that she still didn’t like me. I hadn’t added all that much from Bella’s book, just a few facts about various ways the Egyptian wizards had thought they might achieve immortality, and then an explanation of how most of them had been proven to have nothing to with immortality…in fact they were a good bit more likely to bring your life to a sudden and painful end. 

Ted and Snape went directly after us, and Ted did most of the talking for them, while Snape stood back looking annoyed and menacing. His interest in Narcissa the previous year had come to an abrupt end, and though I never found out exactly what happened to change his mind, he and Bellatrix had developed a lifelong hatred of each other as a result. That extended to me apparently, as he fixed me with a disdainful glare as soon as I glanced at him, so I quickly turned my attention back to Ted. He caught my eye, and grinned, not breaking the rhythm of his speech at all.

“Andromeda!” gasped Shannon, next to me. “Did that mudblood just wink at you?”

“Don’t be stupid,” I replied, and I wasn’t a Black for nothing, I gave her a glare worthy of Bella in one of her worst moods, and she knew to not say anything else.

                                                                        *

There was a great deal of excitement as we made our way down to the leaving feast, because we knew Slytherin, having won the Quidditch cup, would be winning the house cup that year. Our Quidditch players were certainly the stars of the evening, but I had contributed to our earning points in classes, and I had come out with the top grades in the exams, both in Transfiguration and Defense Against the Darks Arts. To say I was gloating would be an understatement, but Ted only shrugged and said that was just because I’d been working with a Ravenclaw. 

I was walking with Bella and Adrienne, when Professor Archer stopped me at the door.

“I need to speak to you, Miss Black.”

Bella and I looked at each other, wondering which “Miss Black” she meant, and she made an annoyed sound and added “Andromeda, that is. Bellatrix, Miss LeBlanc, you go on.”

Adrienne continued into the Great Hall, but Bella struck a combative pose.

“Speak to her about what?” she demanded.

“That’s not your concern, Miss Black. Go on. Don’t make me take points from Slytherin tonight.”

My sister crossed her arms and stared her down, and then turned on her heel, and went into the Great Hall, though I was positive she stopped just inside where she could still hear.

“Miss Black, where did you read this?” she had our final paper, and the section I had gotten from Bella’s book was circled in red ink.

“I…I…ah…”

“Where did you find this book? It’s not in the library and it’s certainly not kept in this school.”

“I…”

I wasn’t going to tell on Bella, but my mind was blank as I tried to come up with something convincing. I had no idea what I had written that was so bad, it had all seemed fairly benign to me, but obviously something in it had tipped her off that I had gotten it from a book I shouldn’t have.

“I gave it to her,” said Bella from behind me, who had indeed been listening just beyond the door.

“I told you to-“

“Andy got that from a book I gave her,” she repeated simply.

“And where did you get it, Miss Black?”

“Found it,” she said, not willing to give a word more than necessary, being rude without being openly defiant.

“Where?”

“An old bookstore.”

Professor Archer looked as though she knew that was a lie, but there was no way she could prove it.

“Go and get the book Miss Black, I’ll be confiscating it. Books of that sort are not allowed in this school. And make no mistake, I’ll speak to the Headmaster about this.”

Bellatrix didn’t seem the least bit bothered by any of this, but I couldn’t stop wondering what I had written that could cause of so much trouble 


	9. Endless Summer

_I have to say, the last scene in this chapter remains one of my favorite I've written._

** Chapter 9- Endless Summer **

That summer was a turning point. It was the last time we would feel like children. We were ready to grow up perhaps, but it was bittersweet. The things that stick in my mind are not the suppressed tension that hung in the air, but the sand between my toes and the chill of the ocean followed by drying off in the warm sun, the tang of salt I could smell in my sisters’ hair and skin as we slept. It’s frozen in my mind as beautiful, idyllic, sun-drenched, and in some ways perfect.

It was an unusually hot summer, so warm that a number of the families in my parents' circle left their country houses for rented villas on the coast. Mother didn't care for seaside holidays, the natural informality of sand and sun might cause her already unruly daughters to be even more unladylike, but when Uncle Orion and Auntie Walburga took Sirius and Regulus, Father insisted. Mother only complied because she didn't want to be left out of the parties of her socialite friends. She knew well enough that those who don't attend will almost certainly be gossiped about behind their backs.

We spent only a few days at the Manor in a whirl of house-elf-aided packing before we flooed to the rambling old house, euphemistically called a "cottage" though it had ten bedrooms.

The first thing I heard when I came out of the fire, besides Mother's refrain that my clumsiness was not becoming a lady, was a high-pitched, breathy voice. Eudoxia Wilkes was one of Mother's friends who lived at the seaside all year round. It was said that this was due to her "nerves" but I have always thought it was simply to see as little as possible of her husband and son, both rather thug-like with absolutely no visible redeeming qualities. She seemed like a woman who had found life deeply disappointing, but then determined to make the best of it. Unlike most of Mother's friends, we all liked her enormously. When Mother wasn't listening, she told us to run wild, to enjoy our childhood, and to not worry about acting like ladies.

“Why this can’t be Andromeda!”

“Good afternoon Mrs. Wilkes,” I said politely, which she put her hands on my shoulders and beamed at me.

“You must be breaking hearts all over Hogwarts.”

I blushed, not sure what to say.

“How old are you now?” she went on.

“Nearly thirteen, Ma’am.”

At this, Mother turned with a look of surprise. “Are you then?”

Bella made an unladylike sound and rolled her eyes, but mother was looking at me as though she had never seen me before, and then she shrugged with a vague “Hm.”

Ignoring that exchange, Mrs. Wilkes grasped both of my hands. "Who would have thought you'd turn out beautiful?"

The comment surprised me. Narcissa was beautiful, and certainly in the last year Bella had grown into her looks, and was in her way as lovely as Narcissa. We shared classic aristocratic features, unchanged over the centuries by the careful practice of keeping the bloodline pure, and I shared Bella's coloring, that of the Blacks, rather than Narcissa's golden beauty that came from Mother's Rosier side. But while I could see how beautiful they were, I had never thought of myself in those terms, and I felt myself blush with confusion and no small amount of pride at her compliment.

But it was Bella who came into herself that summer, shedding any last traces of childhood. So gradually that we hardly noticed, and yet seemingly overnight she was possessed of that languid grace that she would carry her entire life. Her face lost any trace of childhood softness, aristocratic features suddenly more defined, cheekbones sharper. She was, at least for those golden weeks, even more beautiful than we had ever imagined, and we watched this transformation with a kind of awe.

It was a summer different than we had ever had, for usually we had reveled in our isolation for the school holidays, being with each other and including only possibly Sirius and Regulus in our world, now we found ourselves surrounded by friends for the summer, as it seemed all of the old families had homes nearby, or had let one for the summer.

The Lestranges were near us, and Rabastan seemed strangely lost, because his brother was gone. Rodolphus had graduated that year, and his parents had sent him to Europe, not unusual for the pureblood families. He wrote to Bella a few times, letters that she refused to show Narcissa and I. We teased her mercilessly that they must be love letters, and she would just laugh it off. I couldn’t imagine Rodolphus being in love and actually saying it, but then I realized I didn’t know him that well, and perhaps he had a hidden romantic side. I would realize many years later they were love letters of a sort, but not the kind most women dreamed of getting.

The Rosiers, at least the British branch of the family, were cousins on my mother's side, and so we had always played with them and Bella was friends with Elizabeth, as much as Bella had friends who were not Narcissa and I or Rodolphus. Elizabeth was considered the brightest of her siblings, for while her brothers were good-looking and amiable, they were not particularly talented. She was golden as all the Rosiers were, though not quite so pretty as Narcissa. Despite this, she was deeply insecure, and enough of a sycophant to withdraw whenever Bella got bored or annoyed with her. I knew well enough that it was merely convenient for Bella to have a “girlfriend” to cover for her, and even better if she was “family,” even if distant family. That summer they came from their father’s family home in Normandy to stay for nearly a month.

Even Lucius Malfoy, though he ran with a much older crowd, would occasionally grace us with his presence, bringing whatever mates were taking his interest at the time. Only once did he make the mistake of bringing a ‘young lady friend’ to one of our parents' cocktail parties. The poor girl left in tears with little tentacles all over her face, and although no one was sure who would use such a curse, Bella was wearing an expression both innocent and smug. Although Lucius never showed anything other than a brotherly interest in Narcissa until she was sixteen, he also never let any of us see him with another woman again. Whoever he dated until Narcissa was old enough to merit his interest, he learned to keep it secret from Bella and I.

To my absolute joy and pure terror, the Averys were also staying nearby, so that Will and sometimes his older brother Richard just easily became part of our group. Our "relationship" (or so it was in my mind) had progressed to the point that, if asked, he could probably remember my name. Naturally, by that time I was designing a monogram for Andromeda Violetta Avery, which I thought had a lovely ring to it. It took Bella about an hour of watching me act completely mute in his presence to figure out what was going on, and she made a point that night of giving me valuable sisterly advice: I couldn't expect Will to just get it, I was going to have to flirt.

I admitted I had no idea _how_ one flirted.

That kicked off a hilarious evening of Bella "teaching" me how to flirt, covering all the basics of giggling, hair tossing, walking sexy, and "come hither" looks, for most of which Narcissa was collapsed in a heap on the bed with hysterical laughter and I could barely breathe enough to "practice."

When Bella had collapsed on the floor from laughing at my attempts, I had moodily declared that I was destined to spend life alone, living off the charity of my sisters. Bella sat up, wrapped her arms around her knees, and cocked her head, studying me with frank interest that almost made me want to hide.

"You know we're all in fun, Andy. You're beautiful. Just be Andy." She kissed my forehead, more a blessing than a sign of affection, and wandered over to the window. "So it begins."

                                                                        *

            

Much to Mother’s disgust, for she was worried about our complexions, we grew deeply tanned, and spent most of our days outdoors swimming or basking in the sun. She didn’t really try to stop us, and at that time it didn’t occur to us to wonder why. The adults were a separate world that summer, always locked behind closed doors in important conversations. The things that were changing that summer would affect us all, but we were still unaware, and during that time ignorance was indeed bliss. 

Richard and Will had spent previous summers on the coast and undertook to teach us to swim, which Bella mastered as quickly and easily as she did everything. She went out farther than anyone into the crashing waves, and when Rabastan called for her to come back she gave him a smirk and called him a nancy boy before going out even farther. I mastered swimming as quickly as Bella did, but given that Will was the one trying to teach me, I wasn’t above thrashing about like I was drowning, under Bella’s amused but approving gaze. Narcissa didn’t care much for the activity, especially since once the boys found out she had an irrational fear of sharks, they took to diving under and grabbing her legs when she didn’t expect it. She didn’t find it particularly amusing but the rest of us did.

We would come out of the water and lie around on the sand, looking like normal children, in sandy bathing suits with our hair drying in wild curls, rather than the young ladies and gentlemen we were meant to be. Reggie had a great love of building sandcastles, and one day we indulged him and erected a massive one under Richard’s direction. Reg had been very much left out that summer, because Richard, at the superior age of fifteen, hardly wanted an eleven-year-old around. Sirius had been strangely absent, but as we were finished Reg’s castle, trying to finish it before the tide came in, he wandered onto the beach to join us.

“Well, look who’s decided to grace us with his presence,” Bella said dryly. In truth, she was upset that he hadn’t been around. “Where have you been?”

“He’s been slumming it with his Gryffindor buddies,” replied Rabastan, sneering. “He’s been using the floo at that little café down the beach to go Potter’s all summer, while your Aunt and Uncle assume he’s with us.”

I don’t know how Rabastan knew this, but apparently Sirius was surprised he did too. The two of them had not warmed since their fight the previous fall, but rather had settled into a kind of mutual loathing and disgust, perhaps knowing they were evenly matched enough that any fight would probably turn out badly for the both of them.

I felt almost disloyal to Sirius, because I had actually formed something of a rapport with Rabastan that summer. Away from Hogwarts and his little band of admiring girls, he was much quieter and lost some of the swagger, and it became obvious that we actually had a good deal in common. It wasn’t the kind of crush I had on Will, but more a camaraderie, his relationship with Rodolphus was not so different from mine with Bella, and he seemed so adrift that summer on his own.

Now though, he looked pleased at having caught Sirius. Sirius just gave him a dull look and muttered “Rack off Lestrange.”

We had all forgotten the sand castle now, and Bella was not going to let it go.

“I’ll never see where you get your vulgar taste in friends, Sirius.”

“It’s really none of your damn business, Bella,” he shot back at her.

“It is when it reflects on the family,” she replied, and then smiled nastily. “And I’ll bet Auntie and Uncle will think it’s _their_ business too.”

“You wouldn’t…” he said softly.

“No?”

I certainly thought she would, and I wondered why he was pushing it.

“You wouldn’t, because I’d tell them about you.”

She looked genuinely confused for a moment. “Tell them what about me?”

“The…extra studying you brought along this summer.”

In a flash, Bella’s wand was in her hand, and dangerously close to his throat. I hadn’t even seen where she had taken it from. My own was inside, for we weren’t allowed to use magic in the summer anyway. I wondered, for a split second, why she felt like she should be armed in the middle of summer on a beach with friends. The scene was frozen for a moment, Bella and Sirius both looking murderous.

“Don’t even _think_ about it Sirius,” she said, voice low.

“Go ahead Bella. Do it,” he challenged.

“Bella, let up,” I said, afraid she might really hurt him. “You know what Mother and Father will do if you get caught doing magic over the summer.”

She still didn’t move.

“Come on Bella, call off,” Richard finally echoed, sounding uncomfortable.

She seemed to remember the rest of us, and slowly, she let her wand fall a few inches. While she hesitated uncertainly, Narcissa took the wand from her delicately. Sirius gave her one more nasty look and then turned and went back to the house, kicking up sand as he went.

She stood very still for a moment, and then shook her head as though to clear it, and then turned and headed for the house as well.

“Well,” said Will in the awkward silence. “Let’s…um…let’s finish the moat before the tide comes in.”

We all fell on the suggestion gratefully, glad for anything to break the tension, but I helped for only a few minutes before I went to find Bella, taking her wand from where Narcissa had placed it by her sandals.

She was in our bedroom, the curtains drawn, lying flat on the bed with her chin resting on her hands. I closed the door softly and then held out the wand to her. She sighed, and then took it.

“Thanks.”

“Bella…”

“I know Andy. I just…I get so mad at him. He’s…why does he act like that?”

“They’re…James and them I mean…they’re just his friends.”

“Why does he need them?”

“Everyone needs friends Bella.”

She turned and looked at me, surprised, as though she couldn’t quite process that, but she didn’t say anything.

“Go talk to him. Apologize.”

She was silent for awhile, and then she got up heavily, combed her fingers through my hair as she passed, and said “You’re so bossy, Andy.”

                                                                             *

I don’t know what happened between the two of them, but she came to dinner that evening with red eyes, and after that they were normal. Sirius started spending his time with us, and we let the incident fall away. 

My birthday fell on a Friday, and I awoke with a feeling of anticipation. I was thirteen, and thirteen felt like a great milestone, although I couldn’t really say why. I was quite convinced that I was now entirely grown-up.

The day passed pleasantly enough, but I was delighted after dinner when Bella admitted that there was a surprise. Some of the older teenagers had been wanting to have a bonfire on the beach, and had decided that lacking a better reason to do so, they were doing it in honor of my birthday. I was both flattered and embarrassed because no one had ever made such a big deal about me before. As the sun set she insisted we wear something pretty, and I borrowed a set of light, diaphanous summer robes from her. She was downstairs looking for Narcissa and I was changing when suddenly an owl tapped on the window, carrying a rather large package for an owl. I let it in, and it must have been a pre-paid owl for it flew off before I could even stop it.

_He didn’t._

How did he even know where I was?

I locked the door, and then circled it warily. It bothered me that I was not surprised, and in fact all day, I had been wondering. He remembered my birthday even when my parents didn’t.

I picked it up, a book by its weight. It was, when I pulled off the paper, a heavy leather-bound book, and I stared at the title, not sure whether to laugh or be annoyed- _Arithmancy for Beginners_.

That _prat_. That arrogant, cheeky little…

There was no card, but he had scribbled a note on the inside cover.

_Dear Andy,_

_You said you hadn’t decided what classes to take next term, but I thought you might want to do a little advance studying, just in case you think you might be able to keep up with me in Arithmancy. In fact, I dare you._

_Happy Birthday!_

_Cheers,_

_Ted_

I smiled despite myself, and then tucked it away in my suitcase wrapped in some robes that I thought were too heavy for summer. When Bella came in, she only laughed and said I looked a little flushed.

                                                                        *

It was a perfect night. I was the toast of the evening for finally having given them a reason to have a real party, and there was the fun and carelessness that was a group of teenagers with no adults and a warm summer night. The boys built up a roaring bonfire on the beach, everyone looking beautiful in the firelight, and sparks shooting skyward. 

As it grew dark, we sat on the sand, the group of people I considered closest to me, back then. My sisters, and the men both of them would eventually marry, for Rodolphus had returned from Europe for a few days. My cousins, Sirius was again all laughter, even among Slytherins. Friends, although we might have been simply thrown together by our parents, that night I felt actually close to them. We told long stories and sang songs. One of the older boys had brought firewhiskey, and I felt positively wicked and very grown-up trying it, even though it stung my throat and made my eyes water, and I had no more than a sip.

Will was sitting next to me, and I thrilled when he did the casual “yawning-and-stretching” and put him arm around my shoulder. Bella winked at me, and then turned to the others.

“Shall I see all your fortunes from the flames?” she said mysteriously.

“You said divination is rubbish,” Sirius said. “And you’re rubbish at it, what’s more.”

“Oh shut up Gryffindor, it works on magical nights,”

“Do then Bella, tell my future,” Reg insisted.

She did, and then everyone else’s, making up funny stories of how they would be Ministers of Magic or Quidditch stars, marry into royalty, and have ten children. She was again charming that night, but for once I felt just as beautiful and as captivating with Will sitting next to me.

“You’re insane Bella,” Rodolphus said fondly as she finished up telling Richard he’d invent a new kind of sneakoscope and be fantastically rich.

She smiled at him, and then looked back at the flames. “Who knows about the future? But…I can tell you one thing. The world is going to change. Soon.”

“Change for the better,” said Lucius softly.

There was a long silence, but then Bella jumped up. “What’s all this seriousness, it’s Andy’s birthday!”

There was nobody to tell us to come in, and so we stayed late, until Narcissa fell asleep on the sand and Bella carried her inside. It seemed like some of the older teenagers might stay all night, and finally as the fire began to burn down to a dim warmth I could barely keep my eyes open. I didn’t want to night to end, but my head was drooping on Will’s shoulder.

“Hey Avery,” said Rodolphus, shaking me out of a half-doze. “Andromeda looks tired. Why don’t you walk her back to the house? It’s late you know, and ladies shouldn’t walk alone.”

“Oh…um…yeah,” he hopped up and held out a hand to me. At that moment, I thought Rodolphus was by far the most brilliant and wonderful man I had ever known for that suggestion. I took his hand and he helped me up, but then didn’t release my hand. We walked back towards the house, now dark except a few lights burning. We were silent, both searching for something to say, and then we both started talking at once, and then giggled nervously.

“No, go ahead,” I insisted.

“Oh well, I was just going to say…I’m glad we got to…you know…I mean, I’m glad we were…um staying by you guys this summer…it’s been, really fun. I mean, you know…I like…doing things with you.”

To the mind of a thirteen-year-old, that actually sounds romantic. I blushed deeply enough that I was sure he could see it even in the faint moonlight. “Oh, me too.”

We had stopped at the edge of the deck where it led down to the beach.

“I better get back, I mean, Rich will want to go home,” he said, hesitantly.

“Right, okay,” I agreed.

“So, um, happy birthday…”

“Thanks…”

He took a step closer to me, his hand resting at my waist with a kind of determination. My first kiss was as awkward, and sweet, and inexperienced, and absolutely perfect as only a first kiss can be. I had no idea what to do, but it didn’t seem to matter, I still felt as though I would never be as happy as I was that night.

When Bella came back hours later, she took one look at my face and laughed out loud.

                                                                        *

At the end of the summer the Lestranges decided to give an extravagant masked ball at their villa before returning to the London, and since it fell after my thirteenth birthday, Mother decided it would be only proper that I attend. Remembering only too well Bella's pink nightmare of the previous year, I expected a similar fate. Fortunately, mother didn't find any robes in pink in the style she thought I ought to wear, and so I found myself attired in light blue. Mother was firm in her belief that young girls should wear only white or pastels, but unfortunately I shared Bella's dark coloring, and looked no better in it than she had in her pink. Still, she insisted I was getting off easy. 

With all of mother's attention focused on dressing me, Bella was left to her own devices, and chose according to her own taste. I expected something wild and entirely inappropriate, but she surprised me, and Mother, by choosing with surprisingly good taste. Her robes were emerald with silver accents, and managed not only to flatter her coloring, but to declare her house loyalties. She was both fascinated and delighted by the idea that we got to wear masks, with the old-fashioned drama of it, even if there was no real mystery we could pretend at it.

Narcissa was wildly jealous, now that she didn’t even have me to keep her company. She sat on the bed in our room as we got ready, making sure we saw her sulking but unable to stay away from preparations for a party.

Bella was playing with her hair, first putting in up, and then deciding that we were right, it suited her better falling down her back loose. She was doing mine, pulling the sides back so as to not hide my mask, which was silver, when the door opened. Sirius, in evening clothes, his hands stuffed in his pockets. He hated these things, hated the dress clothes and the regalia of an old pureblood family, but he wore it well, whether her knew it or not. He raised his eyebrows at Bella.

“That’s far better than the pink,” he finally allowed. He turned to me, and the smiled. “Ah well, it’s not your color, but you wear it well, Andy.”

“Gee, thanks Sirius.”

He chuckled, and then leaned against the doorway casually, having no idea what an appealing picture he presented when he relaxed.

“Well, we better be going ladies. After all, Miss Andromeda, I believe you have a young gentleman waiting for you.”

Narcissa heaved a melodramatic sigh and flopped back on the bed. “I want to _die_ , just simply die! Your lives are so _exciting_ , and mine is so boring.”

“Oh Cissy stop!” Bella grabbed her face and kissed both of her cheeks, and then I kissed the top of her head and tip of her nose.

“Next year, Sweetie.”

                                                                        *

After an hour of the ball, my cheeks hurt from smiling, my ribs ached from the tight bodice of my dress, I was getting a headache from the lights and overpowering perfume of some of the women, and the mask was becoming scratchy and stifling. All in all, I was deciding there was nothing mysterious or exciting about the balls and parties we had been so excited to grow up and join. They were just another social obligation where we had to be ladylike and wear uncomfortable clothes. I danced with Sirius (who was actually quite a good dancer) and Rabastan and Rodolphus, and then finally with Will. There had been a few more shy kisses, and it was generally accepted we were…something, but all I didn’t want anything more at that point than to dance with him, until his father called him away briefly. I was actually glad to have a moment. 

Making sure Mother wasn't looking, I stepped out on the terrace for fresh air, and to clear my head. I felt dizzy and was beginning to suspect there was something more than punch in the punch Sirius had offered me. The air outside was blessedly cool, and I sat down on a stone bench gratefully, leaning my head against the railing and daydreaming about Will.

When I heard footsteps, I assumed it was Mother coming to catch me, and so I jumped up and ducked around the corner of the house, onto the soft, sandy ground that led to the beach on the other side of the house. After a few moments, I peeked cautiously around and saw that it wasn't Mother, but a man I didn't even know, pacing restlessly. If I came out, it would be obvious I had been hiding, and I realized I would have to wait until he left. I sat down on the steps and slid my feet out of my uncomfortable shoes.

I heard the clatter of running steps, and then Bella's voice calling for me. Her steps came to an abrupt stop, and then she said breathlessly "Oh, I'm sorry Sir, I was looking for-"

"Someone called Andy, by your shouting," the man finished for her in a smooth voice. I stood up and cautiously looked around the edge of the house again.

"Yes, my sister. I thought she'd be out here," she explained.

The man said nothing to this. He was standing in profile to me, and with very fair skin and dark hair he was strikingly good-looking, and yet there was something inexplicably cold about him. Bella was staring at him as though she'd never seen a man before, her eyes wide and her lips slightly parted, her mask dangling from her hand forgotten.

"And who might you be?" he asked, his voice soft and refined, educated.

"I'm Bellatrix Black."

"Cygnus Black's daughter?"

"Yes, Sir."

He nodded slightly.

"Who are you?" she asked, with a boldness that was characteristic for her, but seemed dangerous with this man.

"My friends, and associates, call me Lord Voldemort."

The wizarding world had no use for “muggle” titles of nobility. In the wizarding world, you needed only the right name to indicate your status. Being called Andromeda Black brought me far more respect than a title would have in the magical world. Bella raised a mocking brow, and from where I stood I wanted to scream at her to be careful.

"Lord?" she repeated, derision in her voice.

He took a slight step toward her. "Don't cheek me, little girl."

I couldn't see his face from where I stood, but Bella saw something there that frightened her, for she took a step back and cast her eyes down, submission looking unfamiliar on her.

"I'm sorry, Sir."

"That's better." He began to pace slightly before her. "How old are you, Bellatrix Black?"

"Fourteen, Sir."

"Only fourteen. Merely a child. And yet..." He paused in his pacing, quite near her, and drew an elegant finger down her cheek. It was not a gesture of affection or desire, but more one of aesthetic appreciation. "What an enchanting child."

Bella stood as though enchanted, until his hand fell to his side.

"You'd better go in. It is unwise to linger in the dark with strangers in such uncertain times," he said, with what almost sounded like a note of amusement. Bella stared at him for a moment longer, and then turned to go. "Oh, Bellatrix?"

She turned back, dark eyes intent on him, and he held out her small mask.

"You forgot this." She reached out to take it, but he drew it back slightly, out of her reach. "Allow me."

"Thank you, Sir," she said softly, turning so he could tie the mask for her.

In the years to come, I would realize the perfect prophetic irony of that moment. 


	10. Clarification

** Chapter 10 – Clarification **

I was in a perpetual bad mood as we prepared to go back to school. The end of the holidays had come suddenly for us, and it was a rude awakening to return to the Manor and have to consider books and robes and negotiate packing.

It was not only the jolt of reality that was bothering me, but also that fact that I sensed a subtle change that had occurred while we had been suspended in the beauty and timelessness of the summer. Something was changing in the wizarding world, and though I sensed it with the perception of a child, I understood that it would affect me as an adult. When my father and his "associates" met in his study their angry voices shook the house. There was talk of new laws restricting mudbloods and how much their muggle families knew about our world, those who favored them and those who opposed them were daily fighting it out in the Ministry and in the Wizengamot, which was said to be evenly divided. It was the end of that summer that muggle killings began, and we returned home to screaming Daily Prophet headlines that it had been so easy to ignore in our own sunny world.

When I was in Madam Malkin's for new robes, I could feel the eyes of two strange women on me, and as I tried to ignore it I heard whispers of "Black." It was the first time I heard my family name spoken as an epithet rather than a compliment. On the platform at Kings Cross, Mother and Augusta Longbottom, dignified ladies that they were, nearly got in a schoolboy duel over some imagined insult. We knew it was really because Mr. Longbottom was one of the Ministry's leading advocates for the fair treatment of half-bloods and muggleborns, and Father was decidedly on the opposing side of the issue.

It was with a vague and uneasy feeling, and a dark cloud hanging over us that I began my third year at Hogwarts.

                                                                        *

 

At Hogwarts opening feast that year, there was one topic of intense interest among all the students...which house would Regulus Black be sorted into? Sirius had made history by being the first Black not sorted into Slytherin, and had not been a particularly quiet member of the student body since. He was known to everyone and given their striking physical resemblance, even the students who didn't know our family guessed who Reggie was at once.

He looked a little taken aback by all the eyes focused on him, because while he might look like Sirius, he didn't have the same need to be the center of attention, and in fact would generally prefer not to. Luckily with the name Black he didn't have to endure it for long before he climbed up on the platform and put on the hat. The hall seemed frozen, and I could feel Bella holding her breath next to me. Like me, the hat seemed to take ages with him, and then finally spoke.

"Slytherin!"

Bella let out her held breath in a whoop, and while Reggie looked supremely relieved, I glanced over at the Gryffindor table where Sirius sat. James Potter was whispering to him, but he was watching Reg being congratulated by Slytherins, his face unusually blank. Bella scooted me over to make a space for him on her other side, beaming at him. She had always, despite herself, and despite their rocky and combative relationship, loved Sirius far more than she would ever admit, but I think that was the moment she gave up on him. To Bella, that was the moment that Regulus became the heir to the Black legacy, if not the Black fortune.

Professor Dumbledore stood and welcomed everyone, and then drew attention to something I had not noticed in the excitement surrounding Reg- the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.

“What happened to _her_?” Bella asked the table in general, not even deigning to say Professor Archer’s name.

“Don’t you read _Witch Weekly_?” Annabelle asked.

“No,” said Bella simply, with a look of disgust that she would waste her time with a magazine that focused on recipes and gossip. Annabelle flushed and looked down, she had always been a bit afraid of Bella.

“Oh, well, it was a great scandal,” Shannon took up the story for those who did not read _Witch Weekly_. “She’s run off with some American wizard,” She finished, giving “American” much the same inflection one might use for “troll.”

Bella smiled complacently at this news. “I knew she was trash, and good riddance. Perhaps we’ll have a decent teacher this year.”

“He doesn’t look very nice,” Annabelle said in a small voice.

He didn’t. The new man who was seated at the head table had dark hair and aquiline features, and yet somehow managed to avoid being handsome, and he regarded the entire hall and all the students in it with a kind of cool distaste.

“Where is he from?”

“Durmstrang,” replied Lucius unexpectedly. He had been regally silent for most of the meal. Since Rodolphus had graduated, he was the undisputed master of Slytherin. “His name is Malenkov.”

“Do you know him?” asked Narcissa.

He shook his head. “No, but my father is on the school’s Board of Governors, and he heard of it. Apparently he had a falling out with Durmstrang’s headmaster and was looking for a new position, and Dumbledore offered him the post. Bella’s right, he might just be decent.”

                                                                        *

 

The next day I had my first Arithmancy class. At my decision that I was going to take it, my father had merely raised his eyebrows and said I should mind that my grades reflected properly on the family. I shared Bella’s opinion that divination was rubbish, true Seers were very rare, and they were born, not taught. Bella took it because it was an easy grade and a chance to make the Professor pale with the kind of tragedy her imagination was capable of coming up with. I found myself the only Slytherin girl in my year taking it, and it was a small class, being known as one of the harder disciplines that Hogwarts offered. I took a seat near the front, took out my copy of _Numerology and Grammatica_ , and waited for the teacher, Professor Radix.

“Well, fancy meeting you here.”

I sighed heavily and rolled my eyes as Ted took the seat next to me.

“Tonks, I see an entire room of empty seats. Why are you sitting next to me?”

“So I can explain things when you get confused. You see, it’s a _really_ hard class.” I rolled my eyes again, and he went on. “Did you have a nice summer?”

“Yes,” I admitted, giving in. “We went to the seaside for the whole summer.”

“You did?” he sounded surprised, even disbelieving.

“Yes, look…” I pulled up my sleeve, displaying how tan I was, to prove it.

“Huh,” he said finally. “I didn’t think your family did anything so normal as going to the seaside.”

“What did you _think_ we’d do for holidays?”

“I don’t know, sit around your manor houses and count your galleons.”

“That’s one of the stupider things I’ve heard you say.”

“Yeah, I know. You just get a certain image in your mind, and it sticks.” He shrugged, dragged a copy of the textbook from his bag, and then cleared his throat. “So…so, you’re going out with Will Avery then?”

“I…who said that?”

“Pretty much everyone,” he shrugged again.

At the age of thirteen, “going out” is an amorphous term. You don’t actually have to go anywhere to be going out, in fact in some cases you don’t even have to speak to a person directly to be going out. In fact, aside from the train, I had not even spoken to Will since we had been back at Hogwarts. It had never been established that we were going out, but enough classmates knew about our summer romance that apparently we were going out by Hogwarts default definition.

“Well, yes,” I finally said, for lack of anything better to say. I still liked Will, so I wasn’t going to deny it.

“Ah, right,” he said, without any particular inflection, as though he had just wanted to confirm it. We sat in a suddenly uncomfortable silence as other students came in.

“What did you do for the holidays?” I asked finally, unable to stand it anymore. He looked relieved that I’d spoken.

“Oh, we went to France. My family, I mean.”

“Really?” I sounded almost as incredulous as he had. I wouldn’t have imagined his family had enough money to travel. And in fact, it was slightly embarrassing because _I_ had never been to France. He seemed amused by my surprise.

“We’re not destitute, Andy.”

“I didn’t think that!” I replied, although that was exactly what I had thought.

“Yeah, right.”

                                                                        *

 

Our first Defense Against the Dark Arts class fell on Wednesday, and I was curious about the new teacher. He seemed to have met with the approval of most of the Slytherins who’d had the class. Narcissa said he taught the second years basic dueling spells, which sounded ambitious compared with that I had done in second year the year before.

Rabastan sat next to me, having decided over the summer that I was worth being friends with. Annabelle, having noticed this, was perpetually green with jealousy, and had started sulking every time he so much as spoke to me. Neither of us had any romantic interest in each other, but Annabelle, as she got older, became the kind of woman who saw everyone as a rival.

“My father says we should pay attention to Malenkov,” he said, looking more attentive than I had ever seen him in a class. “He knows what’s what…”

He fell silent as Malenkov came in, glowering at everyone. He looked over the class, apparently noting the house emblems on our robes. “You do like to segregate yourselves at this school, don’t you?” he murmured in a faint Slavic accent, with an unfriendly smirk. Then fell into a more normal teaching voice. “I am Professor Malenkov.”

He picked up the class list, reading off the names. When he got to Black, dark eyes snapped up and he seemed to study me with great interest, and then went back to the list. He said nothing, but I could tell he recognized my name, and looked carefully also at Rabastan and Theo and Shannon when he got to them.

“Third year,” he said as he finished and laid the list aside. “You have been taught a great deal about avoiding the Dark Arts, but I imagine you have no idea what it is you are supposed to be avoiding. _You_ boy,” he snapped around and pointed at Ted, who was sitting on the opposite side of the room from me, and had rather foolishly been whispering something to Frank Longbottom. “Your name, again?”

“Edward Tonks, Sir.”

“Right, well since you seem to know far too much to bother paying attention in class, why don’t you give us a definition of Dark Arts.”

“Dark Arts include spells and curses intended to harm or kill another person, to take away their free will, or to interfere with natural order.”

“I’m sure we’re all very impressed with your ability to read and quote the textbook, Mr. Tonks,” he sneered, and then turned to the rest of the class. “Does anyone else have thoughts on the matter?”

“That’s bollocks, Sir,” said Rabastan boldly, to appreciative giggles from the rest of the class.

“And why is that, Mr. Lestrange?”

“The Ministry will slap the label Dark Arts on anything they see fit to ban, even spells that _real_ witches and wizards have been using for centuries. I suppose they reckon they have to protect mud- I mean muggle-borns- from magic that’s too powerful.”

“Thank you for the political commentary, Mr. Lestrange, but you correct in that the Ministry has no particular success in labeling what ought to be considered Dark Arts. That is because dark magic depends on the intent of the person casting the spell. _Wingardum leviosa_ , the levitating spell, is not considered dark at all, you learned it in your first year. But were I to use it on you, Mr. Lestrange, and then suddenly let it go, you could be seriously injured.” He eyed Rabastan as though he was considering a demonstration of this. “And that is what you need to remember. The Dark Arts are everywhere…even in places you might never expect.”

                                                                        *

 

“What do you think of the new teacher?” Ted asked me as we were leaving Arithmancy on Friday. I shrugged, because I still wasn’t sure. Bella thought he was better than our previous teachers. Sirius had called him “smarmy” and Narcissa like him because Lucius liked him.

“I don’t know. Why?”

He shrugged. “He seems a little...crazy to me. Apparently he took twenty points from Lily Evans for nothing, so everyone says he doesn’t like muggle-borns.”

“Didn’t really seem like that to me, seemed like he was equally nasty to everyone.”

It did not even occur to me that we were walking, and talking quite companionably, along one of the main corridors.

“Andy, wait!”

I turned, and Bella was coming out of the potions classroom with Elizabeth and Will. I felt a blush spreading up my neck at seeing Will, so pleased that I didn’t immediately realize the situation I found myself in.

I smiled at him, but Bella was scowling. “Andy, who’s this?”

“I…uh…” I was used to Ted being around, but I realized how strange it must have looked to my friends, who were all Slytherins and not at all fond of mixing with other houses. Called upon to explain it, I couldn’t. Bella wasn’t waiting for my explanation; she put her arm around me in a possessive gesture, and turned to Ted with a deceptively sweet smile.

“Please leave us alone, mudblood.  And you’d do well to stay away from my sister.”

He glanced at me, and I struggled for something to say but nothing came out. He turned his gaze back to Bella and raised an eyebrow coolly. “I think Andy can decide for herself who she associates with.”

There was a tense silence. Bella was only a fourth year, but it was known that people did not challenge her. She wasn’t much taller than Ted, but she still managed to look down on him haughtily. “She can, and she doesn’t associate with filth like you.”

People were watching. Not only Will and Elizabeth, because Bella had uttered the word “mudblood” and anyone who heard that word in the halls of Hogwarts hoped to see a fight. It occurred to me that I had never seen Ted fight, but he didn’t seem the kind of boy to walk away from one either.

Two things warred within me…the light, teasing friendship I had developed with Ted, for he made me laugh, and the comforting and perfectly natural way Bella’s arm was draped around me, declaring me hers. Although I would hate myself for it, I chose the familiar and comfortable.

“Of course I don’t associate with mudbloods,” I spat, with a disgust I hadn’t imagined I could muster. “Just a pity they allow them in our classes.”

“There, you see, mudblood?” Bella said, in a low, dangerous voice.

He wasn’t looking at her, but me, as he responded with perfect calm. “Yes, I suppose I do see. Thanks for clearing that up.”

                                                                        *

 

We had potions with Gryffindor, which could often be entertaining, as anything is entertaining when you combine Slytherin, Gryffindor, and volatile chemicals. Sirius and James Potter came in directly behind me, and Sirius grabbed me by the arm a little too roughly. He and Bella tended to handle each other physically, but he rarely laid a hand on me. Had I not already felt acutely miserable, it wouldn’t have mattered, but I was angry already, at myself more than anything, and I whipped around.

“Let go of me,” I snapped, and he was surprised into releasing me.

“Next time you decide to be so nasty Andy, maybe you could choose somewhere other than a main corridor, because I don’t much like being associated with it.”

James Potter blanched, and got out of the way. The Black temper was famous, and just because I was less likely to explode than Bella didn’t mean I didn’t have it.

“If I feel like I want your opinion, Sirius, I’ll ask. Until then, assume I don’t really give a damn what you think.”

That wasn’t true, but I hardly cared then, I just wanted to be left alone.

“I wouldn’t have guessed you could be just as much a bitch as Bella.”

I moved and I truly didn’t know at that moment if I was going to hex him or slap him, but I never did anything, because Slughorn’s voice rang out.

“Mr. Black, _Miss Black_! That is enough. Detention, both of you, and in the future you’ll both mind your language in my class.”

                                                                        *

 

I’ll always remember that term as my worst at Hogwarts, and yet ironically it was the term that I was perhaps the most “popular” in my own house. Always quieter than Bella, I was remarkable simply for being a Black but I didn’t draw attention to myself otherwise. I had never realized how quickly gossip spread at Hogwarts, mostly because I had never been worth gossiping about before. I was nearly a hero in Slytherin…Lucius stopped me to congratulate me on putting mudbloods “in their place.” Theo Nott remarked that he never would have thought I was that tough. He made it sound admirable, while I was hating myself.

I arrived for detention with Slughorn at seven the following Tuesday, and endured a few minutes of his lecture, without really listening. Sirius was sitting with his arms crossed sulkily. I hadn’t made it up with him either.

“Really Miss Black, I’m disappointed in you. Your behavior in my class has always been exemplary, and I would hate to see that change.”

He had never been particularly vindictive, and so he simply set us to scrubbing cauldrons in the back of the potions classroom. Sirius was stonily silent, and finally I couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Sirius, I’m sorry.”

He scrubbed for a moment, then sighed. “Yeah, me too.”

“I just…I didn’t expect to be attacked by _you_.”

“Andy, what happened? It’s not like you to be like that. I thought you were friends with him, and I don’t think you’re the kind of person who treats their friends that way.”

“I didn’t know what to do.”

“You could have stood up for yourself. And your friends. Andy, it’s not like I don’t get how close you and Bella are, but she’s not always right, Slytherin isn’t the ultimate law at this school however much it might seem like it.”

“I was doing him a favor anyway.”

He snorted. “How do you reckon that?”

“Having everyone in Slytherin think we’re friends would have about the same effect as wearing a big “hex me” sign. He doesn’t need that kind of trouble.”

He considered that in silence for a moment. “Well, I can’t say you’re entirely wrong, but then again I don’t think that’s your decision to make. I don’t know Tonks well, but he strikes me as the kind of bloke who can take care of himself if he needs to.”

“Sirius, what do I do?”

“You apologize, and hope he’s willing to listen. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s not.”

                                                                        *

 

Sirius was right, but over the weeks that followed I had no opportunity to apologize, simply because I never saw him aside from classes, and he was no longer sitting near me in Arithmancy. If I saw him in the halls he was with Frank or other Ravenclaws, and I would imagine to everyone else in Hogwarts, nothing had changed. I felt like he was making a point of avoiding me, but it probably wasn’t that hard. I felt his absence perhaps more acutely than I should have, because I knew it was entirely my fault, and I hated myself for conforming to the worst image everyone had of Slytherins. I told myself that I had been doing him a favor by keeping Will and Rabastan and Lucius off of him, for they were the kind of boys who would consider it a point of honor to mess with any muggle-born who imposed on a pureblood girl. In reality, I knew I had been cruel, and I couldn’t even say why.

Sirius wasn’t the only one angry with me. Wrapped up as I was in being disgusted with myself, it took me awhile to notice that I had seen very little of Marlene as well. I considered her a friend after we had worked together on the project the previous term, and she had even written to me from her summer holiday in Ireland.

I was a third year, and was allowed to go to Hogsmeade on the week-ends, and excitement was running high as the first one approached. Bella disappeared mysteriously, but I hardly noticed caught in the whirlwind that was Sirius and James Potter let loose on Hogsmeade. Honeydukes and Zonkos and the Quidditch supply store never knew what hit them, and between the two of them and their high spirits, I almost managed to forget my own problems.

We went to the Three Broomsticks, where Sirius and James immediately began trying to charm the lady who worked there. She seemed to find them sweet, and they kept her laughing. I was feeling better than I had in months from the combined effect of their antics and the warming quality of butterbeer when Marlene came in with another Ravenclaw girl who I knew vaguely was called Alice. She caught my eye, but then quickly looked away as though making eye contact with me was something she shouldn’t have been caught doing.

“I’ll be right back,” I said to Sirius and James, but they were hardly listening. I approached Marlene hesitantly, ready to defend myself, which was starting to feel like a permanent condition, but she said something quietly to Alice and then met me halfway.

“Want to go for a walk?”

I nodded dumbly, and so we stepped out into the brisk October afternoon of a chill wind and rustling leaves and the smell of wood fires in the distance.

“So you had to go and make yourself famous, huh?” she said dryly as we walked down the main street of Hogsmeade, walking quickly because it was cold.

“Famous?”

“Well, by Hogwarts standards anyway,” she admitted, and then shrugged. “Look, I’m pureblood Andy, I know the Blacks and I know where your family stands in all…well, everything that’s going on. I didn’t think you were like that. So what? Is it Avery?”

“Will? No, that’s…he’s nice Marlene, but he doesn’t tell me what to do.”

“I want to be friends with you Andy, because I like you. I liked working with you. But if that’s your opinion on muggle-borns then I just can’t swallow that.”

“It’s _not_ though.”

“Then why did you say that?”

“I had a twisted sort of logic, I won’t waste your time with it,” I sighed. “He hates me, doesn’t he?”

She shoved her hands in her pockets, and was silent for awhile. “I don’t know. He’s made it pretty clear it’s not up for discussion, he won’t say a thing about you.” She looked away over the mountains that bordered Hogsmeade, and the roof of the Shrieking Shack (a rumor had recently started that it was haunted) etched against the sky. “Don’t give up, that’s all I’m saying. Don’t be too proud, I know that’s hard for a Black.”

                                                                        *

 

Because I was normally quiet, only Bella and Narcissa noticed that anything was wrong. Bella asked me once if I was all right, and when I said I was, she nodded and said nothing else. Narcissa said nothing but I would periodically catch her giving me worried looks. Still, she hadn’t lived twelve years with Bella to not know how to navigate another person’s moodiness, and so she simply stayed close but didn’t push me.

I was still in the empty common room at nearly midnight, knowing I wouldn’t sleep, and preferring the fire to the darkened dormitory. I didn’t cry, for I had never been one to cry, but I felt as though I had done something I could never put right. I hadn’t really thought that a split second decision could lose a friendship that apparently meant more to me than I had ever realized.

“Andy, what’s wrong?”

It was Narcissa, standing at the foot of the staircase in dark green pajamas that Bella had gotten her. I shook my head.

“Nothing. Go back to bed.”

“No,” she crossed the room and joined me on the couch. “No. If you don’t want to tell me that’s okay, but you shouldn’t sit down here and be miserable alone. Surely I can think of something to be miserable about to keep you company.” She leaned against me, the silk of her hair draping over my shoulder. “Now let’s see, what _shall_ I be miserable about? My hair has been doing this strange flippy thing lately. I have a potions test tomorrow. Today in charms I accidentally shrank my own hands and everyone laughed. I _broke a nail_ in transfiguration, can you _imagine_ , how _devastating_ that was?”

She was trying to make me laugh, and I couldn’t help a smile.

“Now honestly Andy, what is it?”

“Nothing, just something I did that I feel bad about.”

“Well,” she seemed relieved. “Is that all? It can’t have been that bad.”

“You seem very sure.”

“I am, because you’re almost too nice. Too nice for Slytherin anyway.” She drew her knees up and regarded me thoughtfully. “You don’t like to hurt people. You don’t even like to bother them. Oh, you have claws, and a Black temper, but we don’t see them much.” She sighed. “Andy, you let Bella get away with a lot. Maybe more than you should. You make excuses for her.”

I realized then that Narcissa knew exactly what I was talking about, and understood the dynamics of Hogwarts and Slytherin better than I would have ever guessed. Most people at school would call Narcissa aloof, and she was, but I wonder how many realized that was all an act.

“It’s not like I don’t know what it is between the two of you. You and Bella I mean,” she went on. “You get her like probably no one else ever will. But you let her get away with murder. Why? She’s not going to stop loving you Andy. As close as you two are, I can’t understand why you think you have to act with her.” I didn’t know what to say to that, but she didn’t seem to expect an answer. She stretched and leaned back against me. “Now really, let’s talk about me. After all, I have _real_ problems. My hair, you know.”

                                                                        *

           

I studied more than ever that term, because that was what came easiest to me. Arithmancy and Ancient Runes were not easy classes, and our other teachers claimed that they were starting to look toward O.W.Ls, still two years away, so we had more homework than ever. It was because of an Ancient Runes translation that I was in the library until nearly eleven one night, and as I was leaving I came across Ted, alone. I glanced around, and Madam Pince was nowhere to be found, so I summoned what courage I could and walked over to the table he was sitting at, under a window that looked out over the Forbidden Forest.

He looked up when I approached, but said nothing.

“I…I wanted to talk to you,” I began, but he cut me off.

“I don’t think we have anything to talk about.”

“Look, you have every reason to be angry at me…”

He closed the book in front of him with a little snap. “I’m not angry,” he said mildly, and he didn’t sound angry, he spoke quietly and without much expression. “Disappointed perhaps. I thought I was a good judge of character.”

“I’m sorry. What I said was wrong. Really wrong, I-“

“No, apparently some things needed to be clarified, and you certainly did an admirable job of making everything very clear.”

“You don’t understand.”

“I’ve tried to understand, but apparently your pureblood world is way beyond my comprehension. I’ll leave you alone Andromeda, that makes everything much easier for you.”

Oddly, the thing that stung the most in that was his use of my full name. I realized that since I had first told him my name, he had never called me anything but Andy.

“I don’t want you to leave me alone, I just want…don’t you understand what was happening there? Do you really think that Will, or the Rosiers, or my sisters, or Malfoy, or Lestrange were going to just accept that we were friends? What you _don’t_ understand is how much you don’t want the whole “Noble and Most Ancient House of Black” after you.”

He shoved the book into his bag, closed it, and rose, apparently finished with the conversation.

“Look, I know you think I can’t possibly understand your world, but as you may have noticed, I’m not doing too badly with this magic thing. If I want to take on the whole Noble and Most Ancient clan that’s my call. This really isn’t about me, or even about Bellatrix or Slytherin, this is about _you_ , Andromeda,” he paused and ran a hand through his hair, looking for a moment older than thirteen. “I get that family is important to you. It is to me, too. I would never ask you to give up your sisters, but your problem is that you can’t stand up to them. You’re old enough to stand up for what you believe in, but I don’t think you know what that is, and it’s time you figured it out.”

He turned and walked out of the library.

 


	11. Checkmate

** Chapter 11- Checkmate **

“Bellatrix Elladora Black!” I cried, scandalized. “ _What_ are you wearing?”

She paused, dress robes drawn halfway down her shoulder, grinning at my horrified face. Under the dark purple dress robes she cast aside with a careless flick, she was wearing red silk and lace not at all appropriate for a well-bred young girl. She raised an eyebrow.

“Sexy, no?”

“You better hope Mother doesn’t find out you have knickers like that. She’d have kittens!”

“How would she?” she shrugged, reaching for another set of robes in a rich wine color. Discarded robes were a sea of colors at her feet. Mother had left us at Madam Malkin’s to choose new dress robes for the winter parties over the holidays. I’d found some I liked easily enough, and was relaxing in one of the armchairs in Madam Malkin’s well-appointed dressing room while Bella tried on every set of dress robes in the store, scowling at her reflection.

“Look at me!” Narcissa flung open the curtain and stumbled in, tripping over the hem of a metallic silver, slinky dress. It was cut so that on a woman it would leave nothing to the imagination, but on a twelve-year-old girl, even one who wore it with Narcissa’s flair, it just hung in the wrong places. Bella smirked at her in the mirror.

“Nice try, Mother would never let you wear something like that.”

“Well, not now, but maybe in a few years…” she said, looking in the mirror somewhat hopefully.

“Mother could be dead and in her grave and she still wouldn’t let you wear that dress, Cis,” she pronounced. “You better take it off before she comes back.”

Narcissa sighed and dropped down on the chair with me, and as Bella discarded the wine colored robes, we heard girls’ voices from outside the dressing room, where Madam Malkin kept a selection of pretty hair ornaments and inexpensive jewelry of the sort that appealed to young girls. They weren’t aware how their voices carried, and we could hear them clearly from where we sat.

“I thought you were going to the stationary shop?” one of them said.

“Oh, I was,” replied a girl, sounding annoyed. “But I ran into James Potter and Sirius Black, and I didn’t want to bother dealing with them.”

“Honestly Lily, I think Potter fancies you.”

One of the speakers must have been Lily Evans, and I knew that because according to Sirius, James Potter did fancy her. I suspected Sirius fancied her a bit as well, but I would never suggest it since she was a mudblood.

“He can just un-fancy me then,” she replied petulantly. “I can’t stand him, he’s the most annoying, arrogant boy I’ve ever met, except possibly for Black! That boy is the biggest git ever born! I cannot stand him. That whole Black family, they’re all horrible!”

I was indignant. Aside from Sirius, I doubted anyone in our family had ever spoken to her. I only knew her name from Sirius and James, and because she was another of the top students in our year, but I had never said anything to her good or bad, and so I thought she was being rather broad in condemning the entire house of Black because of some sort of childish prank by James and Sirius. The expression on Bella’s face when I met her eyes in the mirror was not indignation, but pure fury. We all might say in private that Sirius was the biggest git ever born, but for an outsider to say it, and then insult the entire family on top of it, was too much for her.

Without a word, she spun and slammed out of the dressing room, and Narcissa and I exchanged a look and followed her, not sure what she was going to do, but knowing it was probably something she shouldn’t in the middle of a robe shop.

She stepped out of the dressing room and said pleasantly, “Hello there.”

They cut off talking suddenly, eyes wide. Had we not been worried about what Bella might do, the effect would have been comical. Lily Evans was indeed the pretty girl with red hair, and the other two girls were Hogwarts students, though I didn’t know their names. Bella didn’t seem to care about them, she zeroed in on Evans.

“What’s your name?” she asked imperiously.

“Lily Evans.” To her credit, her voice didn’t shake, but she was looking everywhere but at Bella’s face. The other two were blushing, looking at their shoes.

“So you’re supposed to be clever? Top of your class, hm?” she went on conversationally.

“Yes?” Lily said hesitantly.

“Then one would think a clever little mudblood like yourself would know to look around the corner before running off her mouth,” she said, taking a step toward them. Despite the fact that she was just trying on the robes she wore, I didn’t doubt she had her wand on her. She wasn’t the sort to be caught without it. “Listen to me, little girl,” she said, and I remembered the man who had spoken to her on the Lestranges’ terrace - “ _Don’t cheek me, little girl_ ” – and shivered. “If I _ever_ hear you talk about my family again…”

“Black, leave her alone.”

Bella turned, and it seemed to take her a moment to place the boy who had spoken- Gideon Prewett was a Gryffindor Seventh Year, and his brother hung a step behind him. Bella was far too wound up to care who she fought now, she wanted to curse someone.

“I can’t imagine what you’re doing here, Prewett. You can’t possibly need dress robes, seeing as your family is no longer accepted in decent company,” she said, eyes narrowed. “I hear your sister has two of Weasley’s brats now. I wouldn’t have thought you could sink so low. Next I suppose you’ll be bringing muggles into the family…”

“Better muggles than a family like yours,” he replied.

“Blood-traitors,” she said succinctly.

Their wands were faster than my eyes even, pointed at each other. Madam Malkin gave a small shriek. I reached for Bella’s sleeve, because Prewett was a seventh year. She wouldn’t know as much as he did, and if she did, I didn’t think they were skills she should be displaying in public, but Narcissa tugged on my sleeve first. I turned to her and saw what she did- our Mother’s dark robes passing by the window.

“Bella-“

“Stay out of this, Andy.”

“But-“

“ _Expelliarmus_!”

Gideon tried to disarm her at the same time she cast “ _Diffindo_!”

Both of their curses ricocheted off the other, his striking the plate glass window with an ear shattering crash, and hers taking a huge chunk out of the wall behind him.

“Bellatrix! Andromeda! _Narcissa_!” Mother didn’t yell, because ladies didn’t yell, but she spoke in a voice that left no question as to just how much trouble we were in. “We’ll be going.”

                                                                        *

“I have never been so ashamed of you! Brawling in the middle of a shop like common mudbloods! Have I been raising ladies, or barbarians?” ranted Mother. What I truly wanted to say was that she had little part in raising us at all, that credit went to the army of house elves, but I knew better than to say that. I kept my eyes cast down, standing between Bella and Narcissa. Next to me, Bella was staring insolently back at Mother. It hardly mattered that she had been the only one with a wand out, we had all been there, and so we were all in disgrace. Father was standing silent, hands clasped behind his back, as he let Mother go on. I noted that nobody said a word about the dangerous severing spell Bella had tried to use on Prewett, merely that she had done so in public. 

“That mudblood insulted the family!” Bella finally burst out.

Mother turned around and slapped her. “Don’t talk back to me!”

Father had glanced up when she spoke, and there was a sort of struggle in his face. Had she been a son, he would have been proud, but boldness was a quality he disliked in women.

“I can tell you this,” Mother went on, not noticing. “You will certainly not be seen in public again while I am not sure you can be trusted to conduct yourselves like ladies. There will be no parties for you while you’re home for the holidays.”

                                                                        *

“You’re lucky, really…” Sirius said, lounging on Bella’s bed in his dress robes. “I’d give anything to get out of these things.”“Bugger off, Gryffindor,” she muttered. As much as she might complain, she liked looking pretty and she certainly liked being the center of attention, especially male attention. She wanted to go to the parties, and it stung that Sirius got to.

It was the evening of our parents’ holiday party, and Narcissa was the only one not sulking over our punishment, since she wouldn’t have been allowed to go anyway. Mother seemed to have forgotten that and we were too loyal to point it out. I knew Will would be there and I wanted to go, and Sirius showing up in evening clothes did nothing to cheer us. I was curled in an armchair in front of the fire in Bella’s room, reading. Bella was reading as well, sitting cross-legged on the floor, and Narcissa was dancing around with an imaginary partner, wearing some ancient family member’s old wedding robes she had dug out of a trunk in the attic. Absurdly old-fashioned, she wore them with such ease and looked so lovely that the image she presented of a child bride was actually rather disturbing.  Apparently Bella thought so too, for she kept giving Narcissa dark looks.

“Well, ladies, I bid you good night, as my very active social life awaits.” Sirius made us all a deep, courtly bow before withdrawing. Bella threw her book after him, but it hit the door as he closed it behind him. She sighed and got up to retrieve it.

Although we were all lost in our own bad moods, there was a freezing rain pattering against the windows, and Bella’s warm room in its rich tones and warm, crackling fire felt very comfortable, and I slowly started to realize I wouldn’t rather be downstairs in constricting dress robes, making polite conversation with my parents’ friends. After awhile Narcissa tired of dancing with her imaginary man and wandered over and curled up with her head resting against my knee. It was dim in the firelight, and warm and quiet, and eventually I started to drift off, with Narcissa dozing against my shoulder now, her breathing slow and regular.

My eyes were heavy as well, but I was idly watching Bella as she closed her book, sighed deeply, and then stood. She came over and looked down at us, thinking I was asleep too, and then brushed the back of her hand against Cissy’s cheek, and left the room silently.

I gently disentangled myself from Narcissa and followed her, wondering what she planned to do and hoping she didn't plan to let Mother and Father see her. I was about to say her name when she disappeared around the corner onto the upper landing, and I hurried after her, cursing her for getting us in trouble again. But she didn't go near the stairs where the sounds of the party floated up, but rather paused in the doorway of Father's study. There was someone in there, for they spoke to her, too quietly for me to make out the words. Father did not, as a rule, speak softly.

I was suddenly afraid to speak or draw attention to myself, as she stepped into the room, but moving closer I could hear their voices.

"Come in, Bellatrix Black. Do you know how to play chess? I should think it would appeal to you. They call it the game of kings, but it was a wizard who invented it."

I knew the voice, the same man who I had watched her talking to on the terrace at the Lestranges. I hadn't liked him, which was odd because he was exactly the sort of man one ought to like. Good-looking, elegant, and refined. He had obviously been invited to our parents' party, which meant they approved of him. He went on, apparently still speaking to Bella.

"I find these social obligations tiresome, so I invited Mr. Dolohov up here for a game of chess. Sadly, he does not excel at it. The secret to chess is strategy, subtlety. Antonin prefers brute force."

"Andy!" Bella saw me in the doorway. She was standing next to his chair, examining the chessboard from his side. My first instinct was to run, but that would be foolish and not fitting for a Black. He looked at me, and smiled. Not with kindness, but with a sort of predatory glint.

"Another Black girl?"

"Yes Sir, my sister Andromeda."

Because it would be rude not to, I came into the room. He regarded me with mild interest over steepled fingers, but I felt as though he was looking through me. I crossed my arms, as though that could block out the invasive gaze, but it did nothing against the cold that seemed to come suddenly from inside me.

"Hm," was all he said, tearing his eyes away from mine. "Well Andromeda Black, we were just discussing chess." He leaned toward us both slightly, as though he was going to tell a secret. "Do you see my next move, ladies?"

I did, but I had always had more patience for games of strategy than Bella. She nodded, and he waved an elegant hand.

"Go on, then."

With a delicate hand, she picked up the highly polished black queen, and set it down with a decisive little click. She looked up, and smiled at his opponent, eyes glittering.

"Checkmate."

                                                                        *

By then end of the holiday season our punishment was lifted. Back then I liked to think that Father interceded on our behalf, but I suppose in reality that wouldn’t have occurred to him. Either Mother forgot or decided it was easier to have us go to the parties than mope around underfoot. Either way, we were allowed to go to the Parkinsons’ New Year’s Ball, and I finally got to wear the blue robes that I had gotten on that trip to Madam Malkin’s. Jewel tones suited my coloring, and I thought I looked particularly nice. I had, without my really noticing, grown nearly three inches over the previous term, so that I was almost as tall as Bella, though still without her curves. Still, I thought I looked a good deal older, and wanted to be seen. 

We entered the hall with Mother and Father, feeling as though we had been confined for years rather than less than two weeks. Mother glided away from us with a hissed “Behave yourselves,” and Bella made a face at her back. Before I could say anything to her, Rodolphus appeared between us, putting an arm around both of us. I could not help but admit that he was indeed very handsome.

“So, I see the lovely princesses have escaped the imprisonment of the evil queen,” he joked. Bella smiled, eyes sparkling.

“More like the evil queen couldn’t be bothered, but the end result is the same…” she admitted.

“Hm,” he bent and whispered something in her ear, and then turned to me with a heart-melting smile. “May I have this dance, Andromeda?”

I flushed, surprised, but agreed. He was incredibly good-looking, older, and romantic and mysterious…who wouldn’t agree to dance with him? I knew deep down he was Bella’s, and that he was just distracting me from whatever he had just said to her, but I also knew people would see me dancing with him, and so I accepted the hand he offered me.

“Of course.”

He was a good dancer, leading so confidently that I really didn’t have to think much about the traditional waltz, but merely follow him. We were silent for a few moments, and I could feel the jealous eyes of others, some grown women, when he spoke.

“You don’t like me, do you Andromeda?”

The question took me completely off-guard. I didn’t actually dislike him, but I was wary of him. I knew that I was deeply protective, and some might say possessive, of Bella. Anyone who influenced her more than I did was somehow a threat. It was something I had not given much thought to, and I found I didn’t want to. It was simply the way things were. I chanced a look at his face, which was blank aside from the slight amusement in his eyes. To anyone watching, we might have been discussing the weather, or the latest popular restaurants and shows in Diagon Alley, but I’m sure he felt me tense.

“What makes you think that?”

“Answering a question with a question,” he said approvingly. “Very Slytherin.”

Under the blank, polite expression, there was one of surprise, as though he didn’t think I was really a Slytherin, and that offended me.

“Well, I imagine that’s why the sorting hat put me there,” I replied acidly.

He chuckled. “Yes, I suppose so. You don't say much, and I think people underestimate you. I'm not out to hurt her, you know," he went on. I didn't bother with pretending to not know who he meant, he would have seen right through that.

"You're not going to help her either," I replied just as evenly.

"Do you think she needs to be helped? To be saved, perhaps?" he said, and there was clear amusement in his voice now, that he wasn't bothering to hide. "Does power frighten you Andromeda?"

I took a step away, and looked up at him. At that moment, I felt like a Black...cold, dangerous, arrogant, and completely sure of myself.

"No. Don't make the mistake of underestimating me."

As I turned away, I heard him say softly, "No, I won't..."

                                                                        *

Before going back to school, we went to stay at Grimmauld Place for the week-end, as Mother and Father were going abroad on “business.” It made little difference to us since we rarely saw them anyway, and we were happy to spend the last few days of freedom with Sirius and Regulus. As an added treat Uncle Alphard was visiting, recently back from India, which seemed fantastically exotic to me. 

Sirius seemed to hate Grimmauld Place with a passion that I couldn’t have summoned just for a house, and although he took out most of his aggression fighting with Auntie, he occasionally found some other outlet for his anger, so it was not too terribly surprising walking part the drawing room one day to find him in a shouting match with a portrait of Phineas Nigellus, hung prominently next the huge tapestry bearing the family tree.

“You do realize you’re not going to change his mind?” I asked when he paused for breath. “It’s a portrait, it’s somewhat frozen in time, you know.”

“She’s right,” Uncle Alphard said from behind me. “And since I was coming up here, your Mother asked that I tell you that if you don’t stop shouting, she will charm your mouth shut for the remainder of the holiday.”

This message was delivered with some amusement. He had always been particularly fond of Sirius. The youngest of three, there was little chance that he would have ever been the heir of the house of Black, but Sirius’s birth had confirmed that, leaving him free to pursue his travel, a lifestyle not an option for the Black heir. Perhaps he saw some of that rebellious spirit in Sirius, and knew that life would not particularly kind to a Black heir who did not want that legacy.

Sirius swore viciously at the portrait once more, causing it to sniff and wander out of the frame muttering dire predictions about the future of the Black line. He threw himself across a chaise, looking sullen. “I can’t wait to get out of here.”

I made a face, which caused Uncle Alphard to look at me in surprise. “I thought you were the one quite fond of school Andromeda. In fact, “a most appalling know-it-all” as young Narcissa phrased it.”

Sirius snorted with laughter. “She is, but she’s just in a snit lately as she’s had a fight with her muggle-born boyfriend.”

It took a moment to realize who he was talking about, and then I glanced at the door and gave him a warning look. He might be joking, but Auntie and Uncle would not think such a joke funny, and nor would my parents.

“He is _not_ my boyfriend,” I informed them both. “In fact, come to that he’s not even my friend anymore, I think…”

It had been on my mind over the holidays, although it was easier to forget away from school.

“I told you to apologize,” Sirius said.

“I did, but he wasn’t having any of it.”

Sirius gave a shrug, which might have meant “sorry” or possibly just “tough luck, you blew it.” I didn’t ask, as I really didn’t want him to elaborate. He had succeeded in turning my mood quite as dark as his. He said something about packing, and wandered out. Uncle Alphard cast a sympathetic gaze on me.

“Confession is good for the soul Andromeda.”

I considered that. There seemed to be a good many things weighing down on my soul just then, in my own little world and in the wizarding world. I was worried about Bella- her dark fascination with the man who called himself Lord Voldemort, the indefinable but deepening rift between her and Sirius, and the fact that she seemed to be suddenly growing up very quickly, slipping away from me. I was worried about Sirius, whose dark, fatalistic moods were more defined when we were at home. I was worried that I had not, as Tonks suggested, figured out what I believed in. I was worried that he truly didn’t want anything to do with me, and though that should have been the least of my problems, he made me laugh.

Beyond my own small problems, the problems of the real world loomed. The newspapers talked of killings, the whispers in the pureblood circles were of revolution, of rifts in the Ministry, of purifying the world through bloodshed if necessary. Nothing had happened, but the world felt as though it was waiting.

And yet none of that could be clearly articulated, and confession was not something that the Blacks were given to. I shook my head slightly at the offer.

“Ah well, just remember things have a way of working out for the best.”

                                                                        *

I left my Arithmancy book in the drawing room, and it was late when we finished packing. I escaped Auntie shouting at Sirius because one of the house elves had reported to her that he had dungbombs in his luggage, and snuck back downstairs to retrieve it. The door of the drawing room was slightly ajar, and the lamps were lit. I was about to go back upstairs, having little interest in Uncle Orion’s guests, when I heard the name that was being whispered about among all the worrying rumors. 

"I'm a reasonable man, Riddle," Uncle Orion was saying. "All I want is to secure my family's position. To ensure my children won't be exposed to mudbloods at school. To keep the power in the wizarding world where it belongs, in the hands of the pureblood families."

"That's exactly what I want Orion, that's the entire aim of what I'm trying to do. To cleanse the wizarding world, to make sure these careless laws regarding mudbloods don't cause more destruction to our purity and traditions than they already have. Your family is one of the purest in our world, people will follow you, and your brother."

"I'm a businessman, not a crusader."

"Crusades must be financed, Black."

Uncle Orion paused, hands in his pockets, considering this. "I see. Well, I can't say I don't agree with you..."

"Then join us."

Uncle Orion nodded slowly, and then shook his hand, sealing not only his own fate, but that of our entire family. 


	12. Shades of Gray

** Chapter 12- Shades of Gray **

I was sitting at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall when Sirius and James, and another boy among their friends came and sat across from me. I had trouble keeping track of Sirius’s friends sometimes, but the quiet boy with brown hair seemed a good influence on him.

"Hello Andy, you're looking very nice today," Sirius began.

"...and you want?"

"I'm hurt, Andromeda, that a guy can't give his cousin a nice compliment without-"

"I don't have all day."

He scowled. "Have you done the potions homework?"

"Yes, I have. And no, you may not copy it."

"But...we haven't done it. And Remus won’t let us copy his." He rolled his eyes in the direction of his other friend.

"Then you’ll never learn it,” said the boy named Remus, with a little smile that suggested he really just enjoyed seeing them panic. I gave him an approving nod.

Bella came behind me and put her hands on my shoulders, but addressed Sirius, "Gryffindor, I need a word."

"About what?"

She glanced at James. "In private?"

"We're busy," James said irritably.

I felt her hands tighten slightly. "Was I speaking to you, blood-traitor?"

James jumped up, with an ominous scraping of the bench he was sitting on, glaring at her through narrowed eyes. He opened his mouth, and then glanced at Sirius, and apparently bit back whatever he wanted to say. I got the feeling a rant against our entire family was something James had been thinking about for a long time, and he only kept it back out of consideration for Sirius. He needn't have, for Sirius probably would have joined him in it.

Sirius crossed his arms and set his jaw. "I'm not talking to you until you apologize to James."

"I didn't say anything that wasn't true."

"Apologize, Bella," he said again.

"No," she said simply. Although she was standing behind me, I could tell she was smiling, trying to see how far she could push him before he drew a wand. "I see nothing to apologize for. If anything, Potter should be apologizing to us for the way his family is trying to pollute our world." She shrugged, and turned to go. "Don't blame me when you get in trouble because you don't know what Auntie said," she added over her shoulder.

Sirius glared after her, and muttered "bitch" as soon as she was out of earshot. I slammed my book shut.

"Sirius! _Don't_ call my sister that."

He turned his glare on me, but I was so used to his tempers I hardly noticed. "She is! You can't possibly say that was my fault!" he protested.

"Of course not, but you don't need to engage her. She _wants_ to get a reaction."

"You always take her side."

"I'm not taking anyone's side, I just want you to stop fighting."

Remus raised an eyebrow skeptically, looking almost sympathetic. "I reckon that's not going to happen for awhile."

I shoved my potions book into my bag, and then on second thought, feeling guilty, pulled out my homework paper and slapped it down on the table in front of them. “I need it back before class. And I’ll find out the message she was supposed to give you from your Mother.”

“Thanks Andy!” he called after me as I went after Bella. It was going to take a lot more than the answers to potions homework to appease her, and for the first time it occurred to me that I was tired of the careful line I was walking between the two of them. I caught up with her crossing the courtyard with Regulus, and drew her into one of the alcoves along the long gallery. It was still cold outside, but out of the wind.

“Why do you have to pick fights with him?”

Reg looked between us, blinking. “What happened?”

Bella looked genuinely confused. Normally she would hold a grudge, but she fought so often with Sirius that it hardly seemed possible. I had the feeling the encounter of a few moments before was practically forgotten for her.

“Why do you care if I fight with James Potter?” she asked, bemused.

“I meant Sirius. You can’t even give him a message from Auntie without making it a battle over his friends?”

She sighed, and Regulus looked worried. Bella and Sirius fighting was fairly normal but Bella and I fighting seemed against the natural order of things to him.

“James Potter shouldn’t talk back to me like he has anything worth saying,” she said haughtily. “And I’m certainly not going to apologize to him for saying something completely true.”

“If you try to make Sirius choose between you and his friends Bella, you might not like the outcome.”

She crossed her arms. “Since when have you become James Potter’s biggest fan?”

“I don’t even really know James, but I don’t think he’s quite the evil influence you seem to think he is. And I _do_ know Sirius as well as you do, and you’re not going to make it any easier by forcing him into a corner.”

“Why are you taking his side?” she asked, as though it was a personal affront.

I didn’t miss the irony of the fact that only a few minutes before Sirius had accused me of exactly the opposite.

“I’m not. I’m not taking anyone’s side…that’s the point Bella. Why does it always have to come down to that? Either Sirius or the family, either you or Sirius. For most people the world isn’t that black and white. It’s not all or nothing. It’s all shades of gray.”

She stared at me, and I could tell she really didn’t understand. Bella hated anyone who did things halfway. Her world really was all or nothing. She either loved or loathed, there was no middle ground.

“Don’t try to make me choose between you and Sirius,” I said finally. “I won’t.”

“No one should have to _make_ you choose. There shouldn’t be any question. If Sirius doesn’t behave like a Black, if he insists on disgracing the family…then it isn’t me making you choose. Don’t forget who you are, Andy. I worry sometimes that you do.”

She turned and walked away, pulling a terrified Reggie with her. I could hear her footsteps echoing along the stone hallway briskly, as though she was just going to class, not faltering once. I leaned back against the cool stone wall, taking deep breaths, eyes closed. I hadn’t meant it to be a confrontation, I had just wanted her to say that I didn’t have to choose between her and Sirius, that I never would have to. I wanted her to assure me that their fights weren’t indicative of something bigger. Bella had always reassured me before.

Though I felt exhausted by the whole encounter, it was my last class of the day, and I was nearly going to be late anyway. I picked up my bag and stepped out of the little alcove, only to run full into someone.

“Watch where you’re going!” he exclaimed. He was wearing a Hufflepuff tie and was probably younger than me- I had no idea who he was.

“Sorry,” I muttered, brushing past him.

“The dangers of inbreeding, huh?” I heard him say behind me, and his friend sniggered. I stopped, and turned. Normally I would have let the comment pass, but he’d picked the worst possible time.

“What’s that?”

He had obviously been hoping I’d react.

“Do you need me to talk slower, Black? Cousins marrying _does_ make you a little slow.”

“I have no idea who you are, so why exactly do you have a problem with me?” I asked testily. “And for Merlin’s sake at least come up with something original.”

“You think you’re so much better than everyone else,” he sneered.

I pulled my wand out, but a hand closed around my wrist. “Are you sure he’s worth getting in trouble, Andy?”

It was Ted, but before I could say anything or shake his hand off, the kid I’d been planning to hex gave a low whistle.

“Oh, the princess has a muggle-born boyfriend? I wouldn’t have thought _you’re_ the type to lick their boots, Tonks.”

He didn’t let go of me, but said mildly, “You want a fight, Mercer? I can take you.”

Mercer appeared to consider his chances against a boy who was both older, and bigger, and then muttered “sellout” and slouched away. I turned to Ted, who held up his hands as though fending off an attack.

“Sorry, I know you can take care of yourself and fight your own battles and whatnot, but he’s muggle-born and I figured the idea of getting beat up without magic might be a little less abstract to him.”

“I was going to say thanks.”

“Oh…well…” he was actually speechless for a moment. “You’re welcome. You okay?”

“Yes…just one of those days.” I shook my head. “I’m fine.”

He frowned, looking skeptical. “You don’t look fine.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“No, I mean, you look _fine_ … just a little shaken up, is all,” he shifted his bag to the other shoulder, nervously. “Do you want to go for a walk or something?”

“But…class is starting…”

“I know, and I’m sure your grades are really going to suffer if you miss a single class. Especially your best class. You just look like you could use a bit of a break.”

I considered this. I had actually never skipped class before without permission and a very good reason. But I was so relieved he was talking to me again that I wanted to. I also knew that if I did go to class, I wouldn’t hear a word of what Malenkov said. I needed to clear my head, and so I nodded.

“I didn’t even do anything to that kid, I have no idea what happened,” I admitted as we walked toward the lake.

He shrugged. “He was looking for a fight, and so much better if your name happens to be Black.”

“What does my name have to do with it?”

“Well, it’s been in the papers a bit lately. Or your Uncle’s anyway, and I don’t reckon he cares to differentiate.” He caught sight of my confused expression. “Don’t you even read the papers? Your Uncle’s been quoted all over the place saying this Riddle guy has the right idea. And he’s advocating some things that aren’t too popular in some circles.”

It was still cold, but sunny and still, without any bite to the occasional breeze. I did feel a little better as we walked around the lake, the argument with Bella still at the front of my mind, but momentarily put aside as I was trying to figure out this new development.

“Since when are you interested in politics?”

He shrugged again. “Since politics got interested in me.”

“Um, not that I’m complaining, but you said before…I mean, I thought…”

He sighed, and stuck his hands in his pockets.

“Well, I suppose it’s none of my business how you deal with your family,” he said finally. “I was mad, I’m not saying I wasn’t. But I realized that just means I’m buying into their labels. I’m not here to be part of a crusade Andy, I just want to do the best I can, and be friends with the people I like,” he was speaking thoughtfully, as though in stream of consciousness, and then shrugged. “I don’t want a fight with Bellatrix, and I definitely don’t want a fight with Malfoy or Lestrange. And I figure that’s what you were trying to avoid, in a remarkably tactless way.”

“Something like that, but that doesn’t change that…”

“I know,” he cut me off quietly. “You do what you have to do Andy. We’ll just see what happens. Besides,” he added, with a sideways look at me. “If not for you I have to sit next to Spencer Callahan in Arithmancy, and he’s really bad at it.”

We passed the hour easily enough on the Hogwarts grounds without encountering any other students or Hagrid, the gamekeeper, so we were careless by the time we got back to the Castle, and Professor Malenkov stepped into our path, with a bit of a smile.

“Well, since you do not appear to be suffering from a jelly legs hex and the effects of a manticore attack, respectively, which is the best your friends could come up with on the spot, I have to wonder why you both weren’t in class.”

“Er, we were…”

“It’s just that we had to…”

“Mhm. I fully understand the lure of a sunny day. However, since this can’t be encouraged, you can both join me for detention. I will be gone this week-end, so it will have to be next week. Friday night.”

                                                                        *

“A manticore attack?” I asked my roommates when I came into our room that night. Adrienne shrugged, but had the grace to look embarrassed. 

“It was ze first thing I think of.”

“Where were you anyway?” Annabelle asked, poking her head out of the curtains around her bed, her hair wrapped around heated curlers that were supposed to result in “cascading curls” according to the box. This was a nightly ritual for her despite the fact that no amount of magic could make her fine hair hold a curl until morning.

“I just…didn’t feel like going to class,” I said, avoiding her interested gaze.

They all exchanged a glance, and the giggling started. I realized it wasn’t going to be that easy. I sighed.

“What?”

More giggling, and then “You were with Will, weren’t you?”

That had actually not even occurred to me, and I blushed not because it was true, but because I felt like it ought to have occurred to me. We were still more or less “going out,” which was really just studying together in the common room and walking to Hogsmeade together on the week-ends we were allowed to go. Since I was not nearly as “precocious” as Bella when it came to boys, I didn’t really expect anything more. My roommates, like any nearly-fourteen-year-old girls, were eager to hear that there was more to tell, and the color in my cheeks didn’t convince them otherwise, especially since it was out-of-character for me to skip class at all. Finally, to escape their increasingly suggestive questions, I retreated to the common room to do the homework I had missed in Defense Against the Dark Arts.

I found Regulus sitting at one of the tables in a darkened corner of the common room, studying. He was often found studying and after a few weeks of puzzling over such strange behavior for the brother of Sirius Black, the others in Slytherin more or less left him alone. Sirius might have been a target for the boys in our house, but Regulus was a Slytherin and a Black and there was an unspoken understanding he was under Bella's protection. He had made friends among some of the boys in his year, but more often stayed below the radar, something Sirius had never done, or even tried to do. He had surprised everyone the previous term by bringing home excellent grades. While it wasn't that we assumed Reg was stupid, it was hard for him to find anything that Sirius hadn't done first and flashier. While Sirius got good grades without even cracking a book, Reg seemed determined to prove he could manage the same grades, even if it meant a bit more studying.

I joined him, and he looked up from his transfiguration notes long enough to give me a vague smile, but said nothing. Happy with the silence and lack of probing personal questions, I had started on my essay when he said suddenly, “Andy, what’s wrong with Bella?”

I laid down my quill carefully. “What do you mean?”

“Well, her and Sirius…”

“That’s nothing Reg,” I said lightly, trying to convince myself as well as him. “They just had an argument. You know how they are, they’ll make up quick enough.”

He bit his lip. “After we left you, she was saying lots of bad things about him.”

“Like what?” I asked, despite myself.

“Oh, the same things Mother says…that she doesn’t know where he went wrong and he’s going to turn out a blood-traitor and he’s going to end up disgracing the family,” he burst out as though he had been waiting a long time to say it. He raised his eyes, looking resigned. “Is he a blood-traitor?”

“Reg, that’s just name-calling. Bella was mad at him,” I said, as though I knew exactly what I was talking about.

“Is she mad at you, too?”

“No,” I said confidently, picking up my quill and hoping he would realize the conversation was over. He seemed satisfied.

                                                                        *

The next morning when I came into the Great Hall for breakfast it was obvious something was wrong. An almost palpable tension hung in the air, and the usual hum of hundreds of conversations was dulled to quiet murmurs. 

“What’s going on?” Narcissa asked in a stage whisper as we sat down, and someone handed her a newspaper. Over her shoulder I read the headlines in inch high black letters that four high-ranking Ministry employees who had mysteriously “disappeared” over the past week had all been found, dead. Worse yet, they’d been found by muggles, which was both a hassle and a security risk, and it was causing a panic in the Ministry, people resigning jobs left and right, assuming that some crazed wizard was targeting the Ministry. It didn’t take much of a genius to see the pattern though, the four people had nothing in common, except that they were all muggle-born, and were outspoken supporters of muggle protection.

I didn't immediately realize why everyone in the Great Hall seemed so subdued, muggle killings had been going on and off for months, and this was a step further certainly, but shocking headlines were becoming commonplace. Then I looked at the names of the victims again and saw a vaguely familiar one. Goodwin, and a boy called Toby Goodwin was a popular, good-looking Hufflepuff fourth year. I looked over at their table, by far the quietest, and saw they all looked pale and frightened.

Until that point, I had looked at the muggle killings with a kind of uneasy indifference. The idea was vaguely worrying and unpleasant, but it didn't affect me or anyone I loved, and so it wasn't real. When it was another student, even a student I had never spoken to and probably never would, it became suddenly real in the graphic black and white of the newspaper, and in the white faces of Toby Goodwin's friends. It was no longer something that was removed from Hogwarts and affected only muggles.

It was an old battle, the balance of power between those born into the wizarding world and those who, by some kind of genetic lottery, were born magical in the muggle world. You could hardly keep muggle-born witches and wizards from exercising their power, and without proper education you would simply end up flare-ups of uncontrolled magic by people who didn't even really know what they were or what they were capable of. To eliminate muggle-borns from the wizarding world was no option, but the argument of what place and what rights they should have had gone on for centuries, occasionally flaring into full-blown war, only to quiet down again.

Someone was trying to raise the stakes. I didn't have to think very hard to figure out who that was, and it didn't take any deep understanding of politics to know which side my family would come down on.

Bella stumbled into the Great Hall as breakfast was ending. She had overslept again, and was barely awake enough to notice the mood. Without waiting for her to ask, Narcissa handed her the newspaper.

She said only "hm" in response to the article, more to herself then anyone else, before Malfoy, who came in a moment behind her, snatched it from her hand from behind. His face was its usual calm mask but his eyes were alive with excitement.

"I was reading that," Bella said irritably, making to grab it back.

He turned away out of her reach. "You wouldn't understand the significance anyway, Black," he said dismissively. He should have known better, Bella didn't like to be dismissed by anyone and certainly wouldn't tolerate it from him. She put up with him in groups, and counted him among our "friends" only because he was from a good family and the object of Narcissa's affection, but as they got older they never really liked each other and he never really learned when he was pushing her too far.

Slowly, she raised an eyebrow. "Don't I, Lucius?"

He actually spared her a glance, but it was just to sneer. "Shouldn't you be playing with your dolls or something Black?"

Narcissa and I glanced at each other, waiting for an explosion, and then it came. She whipped around, wand out. I don’t know what hex she intended to use, because the incantation, or at least the beginning of it, was a spell I’d never heard before. She didn’t get through all of it because a sharp voice cut her off.

“Miss Black!”

Professor Malenkov was striding over to the table, and she was caught in mid-hex. There was no way to even pretend she hadn’t intended to lay Malfoy out.

“Is there a problem here, Miss Black?”

She didn’t look the slightest bit embarrassed at having been caught. “No Sir.”

“Then you really shouldn’t have your wand out, should you? Detention, Miss Black, Monday night.” He didn’t leave immediately, but studied her for a moment. “I know what spell that was. You really must learn to think before you throw around curses. That temper will land you in Azkaban.”

                                                                        *

Bella was angry at me. She never said another word about her accusation that I was forgetting who I was, and she didn't really act particularly cold or distant. Probably nobody else would have noticed, but nobody else knew her as I did. She had always been intensely physical with me, invading my space, playing with my hair, simply touching me. It was probably unconscious for her, and while it would have made me deeply uncomfortable with anyone else, it was simply Bella, and I had really never noticed it before until she stopped. Suddenly, she didn’t lay her hands on my shoulders, didn’t put her arms around my waist, didn’t brush her fingers through my hair. 

It was her way, conscious or not (probably not), of punishing me for siding with Sirius, and therefore in her view of the world, going against the family. I only knew that something was very wrong, but couldn't figure out exactly what it was. Nobody could hold a grudge like Bella, and suddenly I was finding myself on another side of it, and feeling completely lost.

Suddenly being without her presence all the time might have been a blessing in disguise, because then I didn’t have to explain to anyone what I was doing talking to a muggle-born boy, and Ted had somehow, without my permission and without my even really noticing, become my friend again.

Which is not to say we didn’t argue constantly, that he never called me spoiled or pretentious, that I never slipped and called him a mudblood. But I had, between his eye-rolling and Sirius’s none-too-subtle glare, made a concerted effort to stop saying it so casually.

I had nearly forgotten about our detention for skipping class (rumors of what I had done during that skipped class were flying fast around our dormitory and I neither confirmed or denied any of them) when he reminded me of it. I arrived before Professor Malenkov, and Ted came in a few minutes later, looking put out.

"Is everyone in your family just naturally horrible and vindictive, or do you all practice in your spare time?"

I didn't answer him immediately. He shot me a worried glance as he took the desk next to me, as though thinking maybe he'd gone too far, when I answered pleasantly.

"We practice of course. We have "being horrible and vindictive" lessons on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and we practice every day after lunch. Right before we practice being spoiled and petty, which we also excel at."

He stared at me for a moment, and then burst out laughing, so hard that he almost fell backwards out of the chair.

"Just out of curiosity," I went on, when he'd finished wiping his eyes and sat up. "Which member of my family inspired that little outburst?"

"Your sister. I bumped into her, knocked one of her books down, but it was entirely an accident, and I picked it up."

"The thing with Bella," I began, and probably would have given him some very valuable advice about avoiding her wrath, but he cut me off.

"Not Bellatrix, Narcissa."

I turned and looked at him, and gave a badly concealed and very unladylike snort of laughter. "Cissy? What did she do? Give you a make-over?"

I regretted that almost as soon as it left my mouth. It wasn't that Narcissa wasn't capable of powerful magic, or that she didn't have some fairly nasty spells at her disposal, it was simply that it would normally take a great deal to inspire her to make that much effort. She was too reserved and aloof to show much emotion unless it was something she truly cared about, and I didn't think a dropped book would move her to actually retaliating with much conviction or force.

“She didn’t have to, she just whined to Malfoy,” he replied, pushing up his sleeve to reveal a series of nasty-looking red streaks. I winced.

“You should try murtlap essence, Sirius told me when-“ I stopped abruptly. “Well, it will stop the stinging. Not that it helps, but I imagine Narcissa was just trying to see how far Lucius would go on her behalf.”

“How touching, young love,” he muttered irritably.

Malenkov strode in, and looked at us with some amusement. He was actually proving to be an excellent teacher, with fast-paced and interesting classes, and he made even the most unenthusiastic students study to avoid his sharp tongue, for his comments to those who didn’t know the material sometimes bordered on cruel. Still, he was the most effective teacher we’d had so far and he gave the impression that he understood a great deal more than he let on. Given his Durmstrang origins, the Slytherins had expected an ally, but he was disappointingly fair. However, as he looked at us with vague curiosity, it appeared he had not given a great deal of detentions in the past.

“So, I suppose I’m supposed to make the both of your write “I will not skive off class” a thousand times or something?” he asked us. We exchanged a glance, wondering if we were supposed to make suggestions for our own detention. “That seems rather a waste,” he went on. “But you’re both clever enough, so perhaps we can make you useful.”

He set us to marking first year homework papers, which while boring, was not the worst detention I had ever experienced. Malenkov didn’t seem to pay any attention to us, except after a long period of silence apart from the scratching of quills, he said unexpectedly, “I met your parents over the holidays, Miss Black. They were very pleased to hear you do so well in class, though rather surprised, I must admit.”

“I…ah…” I hadn’t said anything about my grades because my parents didn’t ask, although it certainly explained Mother’s comments about how boys didn’t like girls who were know-it-alls. “How did you meet my parents?”

“At your parents winter ball, from which you and your sister were conspicuously absent. Your cousin was in fine form though.”

I grinned. “He set Andrea Wilkes’s robes on fire,” I explained to Ted, who laughed and said again that he liked Sirius.

I wasn’t sure what to think about his admission that he had been at my parents’ winter ball. If nothing else, it confirmed his loyalties, which were the subject of much speculation.

Malenkov dismissed us at nine-thirty, with some vague and rather half-hearted reprimands about skipping class, and as I handed him the first year papers, raised an eyebrow and said so softly only I could hear, “You don’t laugh very often Andromeda, but you laugh when you’re with him.”

                                                                        *

I couldn’t sleep that night. Finally I got up and crept out of my room and up the silent staircase. Bella’s room was silent as well, all her roommates asleep, and dark except for a shaft of harsh, bright moonlight coming through the window, bisecting the floor and cutting across her bed. The heavy curtains were partially open, and in sleep her face looked open and relaxed and completely innocent, with none of the wild animation and wicked gleam she had every moment she was awake. She stirred when I nudged her over and crawled into bed with her, and draped her arm over my waist. The physical contact was enough to reassure me. 

“S’wrong Andy?” she murmured, half-asleep.

“I can’t sleep…are you mad at me?”

She lazily waved a hand and made the curtains around the bed fall shut, which was actually a highly impressive bit of magic given she didn’t have her wand in her hand.

“No,” she said, with a sigh. “I wanted to be, and I can’t. It just made me miss you.”

When it was just Bella and I, it was so easy. It was when the rest of the world interfered that we lost each other. In the perfect golden world of our childhood there had been nothing to pull us apart, and so if I couldn’t relate to Bella in the new world of adults, then I wanted terribly to be a child again.

“Tell me a story Bella?”

Her voice was muffled by her face pressed into my hair. “You’re too old for stories Andy. We can’t go back.” 


	13. Life and Social Habits of British Muggles

** Chapter 13- “Life and Social Habits of British Muggles” **

The only thing of note that occurred over the summer was that Narcissa was finally old enough to go to the parties. Bella and I were glad because when Cissy was forbidden to do something we got to do, she inevitably worked herself into a snit and decided she wasn’t speaking to us. The silent treatment never lasted more than a few hours, but she also refused to believe that the balls were not nearly as exciting as she imagined them to be. We figured now she would find it out for herself.

Mother fussed over Narcissa's first ball for more than she had for Bella or I, which was not surprising. Cissy had always been the favorite, especially when it came to showing her off. We had never really been jealous, especially as neither of us really wanted to be displayed as a Black family status symbol. Unlike Bella, Narcissa made the pink robes work, looking like a perfect china doll when she appeared before the mirror, her hair in long golden curls nearly to her waist, and a satisfied little smile on her face. She looked somehow both younger and older. The outfit was childlike, but the confidence in her own beauty was that of an adult.

The night was hers, but it stands out in my memory as one of the more enjoyable balls, while most of them blend together in a whirl of uncomfortable gowns and painful shoes and overheated rooms. It was at our house, but the doors all around the ballroom stood open to the cool, early summer breeze, and someone had put a charm on the ceiling similar the one on the Great Hall, so that stars sparkled beyond the torches that blazed along the walls.

It was one of those balls where all of Slytherin seemed to be present, which only meant that our housemates were further impressed with our family. At these parties there were no whispers of conflict between the guests, for they were all pureblood, and in our parents’ circles, all on the same side of the political battle.

As the night grew later, I was dancing with Will when I saw Bella off to the side of the ballroom, just at the edge of the hallway, engaged in a quiet, but apparently passionate argument with Rodolphus. While I watched, she shook her head vehemently, paused a moment while he said something, and then cut him off with a quick, sharp gesture of her hand. With an irritated glance around to see if anyone was looking, he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her away from the ballroom. While she didn’t look terribly pleased, I wasn’t quite worried about her. Anyone who touched Bella if she didn’t want him to would be lucky if he didn’t lose a hand. But I couldn’t keep my gaze from the hallway they had disappeared down, until Will grabbed my chin and turned my face back to him.

“Better just let them go,” he said, smiling.

“I know,” I agreed, forcing a smile and shifting slightly closer to him. He didn’t appear to mind that at all, and I decided to think about my own romances rather than Bella’s.

But later that night when she collapsed into my bed at nearly half past one, still in her dress robes, I knew they hadn’t slipped away just to be alone together. I could feel the magic on her; it seemed to cling to the air around her, cracking and heavy in the darkness. I turned over to look at her, but she was looking up at the ceiling, biting her lip as though to keep back a smile.

“What did you do?” I whispered.

“Shh. Go to sleep, Andy.”

“Bella, we can’t use magic over the holidays! You could get expelled from Hogwarts!”

She waved a hand carelessly. “Oh, don’t worry about that. Rodolphus knew a charm to go around the room so the Ministry wouldn’t detect it was me doing magic.”

I didn’t doubt that Rodolphus knew his charms well enough, especially ones that might help him avoid the notice of the Ministry, but that didn’t make me feel any better.

“What were you doing though?” I pressed. “I can feel it on you.”

“Really?” she said curiously, holding out a hand as though she might be able to see it. “Don’t worry Andy. Just ’studying.’ You do say I should study more.” She turned and propped herself up on her elbow, so she was looking at me. “I can teach you, you know…”

I never answered.

                                                                        *

"C'mon Reggie, put your hips into it!" Regulus sighed and crossed his arms. "You're lying Sirius, I don't think this is really how muggle kids dance."

"It is!"

Bella, her head resting in my lap, glanced away from her book long enough to look at them. "You guys look like you got hit with a seizure jinx."

We were in the old nursery, a gorgeous, old dark-paneled room that flooded with sunlight when you opened the curtains on the floor-to-ceiling windows, where extra furniture was stored when there were no Blacks young enough to need a nursery. It was where we escaped from our parents, especially over the summer when their attitude was that we had disrupted their lives by not being away at school where we belonged. It had been a long, hot, and boring summer. We longed for the seaside of the summer before. I felt like I was going crazy with restlessness, but lacked the energy to actually do anything. By August, we just wanted the summer to be over. School was preferable to the monotony.

Bella had said nothing more about that night of the ball, perhaps realizing she had gone a step too far and frightened me, but she did start giving me books. They were mostly from our own family’s library, and though they were about magic well beyond my level of education, they seemed mostly benign. There was little overtly dark magic mentioned, and some fascinating theories behind magic in general. When I saw Bella with dark, tattered old books, I had always been a little afraid of what I might find in them. I had never thought it quite so intellectual.

While Bella and I read and Narcissa gave herself a manicure, Sirius was teaching Reggie a muggle style of dancing, which he had apparently learned from someone in Gryffindor. They were without music- wizarding music was no good for any dancing popular after 1800, and we didn't know muggle music, nor would we have been allowed to listen to it. It didn't really matter, as Reggie seemed to lack both a sense of rhythm and any coordination whatsoever.

“Why bother learning muggle dancing anyway?” Narcissa asked, holding out her hands to examine her work. “It’s not like you’re ever going to dance with muggles.”

“I might.”

Bella snorted. “Yes, I imagine Auntie and Uncle would be just wild about that.” She seemed to be just making a comment, but I didn’t feel up to dealing with yet another fight between them. I threaded my fingers into her hair and she glanced up at me, and sighed, and brought her book back up, letting it go for the moment. Perhaps as a result of my unspoken request, or perhaps simply because she was feeling too lethargic to bother.

There was a knock at the door, and Uncle Alphard stuck his head in. “I’m going to run some errands in Diagon Alley, and you lot won’t stop complaining you’re bored. Anyone interested in coming?”

“No, it’s too hot. I’m too tired,” Bella yawned.

“Nah, I don’t have any money anyway.”

“We’ll go next week to get our school things anyway,” Narcissa agreed.

“I want to go,” I said, pushing Bella off of me, and Reggie agreed he wanted to as well, so the three of us flooed to The Leaky Cauldron. Having his own errands to run, Uncle Alphard said he would meet us back there in two hours. Reg and I went to Fortescue’s to get ice cream, because it really was very hot.

“Want to go to Quality Quidditch Supplies?” he asked me brightly. I rolled my eyes.

“Decidedly not. You’re big enough to go on your own,” I added when he frowned and hesitated. “Just keep an eye on the time so you’re not late when we meet Uncle Alphard.”

He nodded and ran off toward the Quidditch shop, and I went on sitting outside Fortescue’s, watching all the people passing. It was a bright, sunny day and getting close to school starting again, so Diagon Alley was crowded with people buying their school things. I saw several people from school and even chatted for a few minutes with James Potter, but I was alone and starting to get bored when someone sat down next to me. I didn’t even have to look to know who it was.

“What are you doing here?”

“Hello to you too, Andy. I’m fine, thank you for asking. Why yes, it _is_ lovely weather we’ve been having.”

I raised an eyebrow.

He held up an armful of bags. “School shopping. Books and potions things. Have you gotten your books yet? There are some really interesting spells we’re going to be doing in defense.” He glanced around somewhat hesitantly. “Where’s the rest of the _Toujours Pur_ clan?”

Somehow, the family motto spoken by him made me uncomfortable. “At home mostly. Reggie’s around.”

“I didn’t think they let you lot out alone.”

I forced down a smile. “Nor do they. I came with my Uncle Alphard, but he thinks my parents’ rules are stupid.”

“I think I like this Uncle Alphard guy.” He glanced at his watch. “You hungry?”

“What?”

“Lunch, Andy. It’s a meal people eat around midday. It’s half-past one. I’m going to get lunch before I meet my parents. They took my brother and sister to get their school things.”

In fact, though I had just had ice cream, I did rather want something more substantial to eat. I hesitated, but he said encouragingly, “They have really great sandwiches…”

“Where?”

“I know this place, only about a block down from The Leaky Cauldron.”

I had started to follow him, but I stopped suddenly. “You mean, in _muggle_ London?”

“Well, it’s not far it’s…” he paused staring at me. “Hang on, you’ve never been in muggle London, have you?”

“Well…I mean, not technically, but we…I…”

“Well, then it’s time you tried it.”

“No _way_.”

He gave a little shrug. “Well, I guess if you’re too _scared_ …” he taunted.

“Oh _please_ Ted, do you think me an idiot? I’m not falling for that.”

He appeared to consider his odds of winning an argument with me, and the decided to rely on force instead and seized my arm and pulled me through The Leaky Cauldron to the door that led out onto the London street. I knew it was how people got to Diagon Alley from the muggle world, but I’d never had any reason to go beyond it, we simply flooed or took a portkey to Diagon Alley. Ted still looked disbelieving as we stepped out of the pub into the busy chaos of muggle London. I bit down a wave of sudden panic at being surrounded by so many muggles, stepping out of the sheltered wizarding world I had never left before. Traffic streaked by and everything seemed suddenly loud and bright and overwhelming. I took a deep breath, and Ted touched my arm gently.

“All right Andy?”

I nodded, thinking how stupid it would sound to admit that I was overwhelmed by it all. It was really no more crowded than Diagon Alley, but the traffic flying by was foreign to me. Because of who I was and the family I had been born to, I had been raised to think the entire world was at my fingertips, that it was mine to take. I had never realized how limited the world I knew was.

Walking next to me, Ted was juggling his bags trying to make sure none of the book titles were visible. I supposed that _Standard Book of Spells Grade 4_ and _Defensive Magical Theory_ might look a bit odd to the average muggle on the street. The dizziness subsided slightly as we turned down a quieter side street, and stopped into a restaurant a few doors down. It was surprisingly cool inside, and full of the sounds of clinking silverware and cheerful conversation. Aside from the fact that trays were being carried rather then levitated, it might have been a café in Diagon Alley.

“It’s so cool in here,” I whispered to Ted.

He smirked and pulled out a chair for me. “It’s called air-conditioning.”

As some of my panic died down, I started to feel wonderfully dangerous and wild. Even Sirius had never snuck away into the muggle world before. I started to understand what so fascinated Sirius about pushing back against the family. It was exhilarating and almost addictive.

“See, not quite the uncivilized barbarian muggles you expected, is it?”

“Mother and Father would have a stroke…” I said, thinking aloud. And that was mild compared to what Bella would do.

“They’ll never know,” he reminded me.

“Your parents don’t mind not coming to Diagon Alley?” I asked.

He shrugged. “They figure I can manage to get school things on my own,” he said carelessly, but I couldn’t help but notice he made a point of not meeting my eyes when he said it, looking at a random spot beyond my shoulder. “They came with me to Diagon Alley before my first year, when we got my wand and everything. But you can imagine how most of the people there react to muggles.”

I felt almost as though I ought to apologize for my entire world, and yet I knew that my own family would do much worse than just look askance at muggles.  I looked down at my hands. I had always simply assumed that muggle-borns who discovered they were going to Hogwarts were thrilled with their luck. It had never occurred to me that their families might not be. He always spoke of his family like they got on brilliantly.

He seemed to think he’d said too much, for he quickly changed the subject to talk about classes, and we spent the rest of our lunch talking about school. Knowing that deep down he was interested in the same things I was, I allowed the conversation to slip into the things I had been reading that summer. I looked up finally, and found him looking rather troubled. As I trailed off hesitantly, he shook his head slightly.

“Blood charms…that’s really dark magic, isn’t it?” he said, looking me straight in the eye, as if a challenge.

“No…it’s not really. It can be used for protection too. I think Malenkov was right on that…there isn’t good or bad magic, it’s all just magic. Whether it’s good or bad depends on what you mean to do with it.”

He continued to frown, playing with his napkin, but it pleased me slightly that he was actually giving some serious consideration to what I had said. Usually, because I was a girl and because I was young, people dismissed my opinions on important things. When he looked back up at me, his brown eyes were serious.

“I’d love to know the possible benevolent use for cruciatus…” he said quietly.

I didn’t know what to say to that, and so I was grateful when he changed the subject again, and devoted the rest of the lunch and our walk back to The Leaky Cauldron to telling me funny stories about his muggle neighbors and the stories he came up with to cover up that he went to Hogwarts. Malenkov had been right about one thing- he did make me laugh.

We were nearly back to The Leaky Cauldron when he stopped suddenly at the people waiting outside.

“Oh, my parents…”

They were looking around vaguely, and I realized they couldn't really see The Leaky Cauldron on their own. They were standing in front of the muggle book shop next to it, and I thought with some curiosity about muggle books, I decided that would have to wait for another time. Instead, I turned my attention to his family, who looked perfectly nice and normal. I wasn’t sure what I had expected, but aside from the muggle clothes they might have been an average family in Diagon Alley.

The woman, his mother, turned and seemed relieved to see him. “Oh, there you are Teddy. Did you get everything you needed?”

I caught his eye and mouthed “Teddy?” and he started to turn an interesting shade of red.

“I really didn’t consider the embarrassment potential here,” he muttered under his breath.

“Is this one of your friends from school then?” she went on.

“This is Andromeda Black, she’s in some of my classes,” he said quickly, as though wanting this to be over. “Andy, this is my Mum and Dad, and my sister Jessica, and that’s Michael.”

His sister, about sixteen, was quite pretty. His brother was a smaller version of him. I was unused to people not reacting to my name, but they didn’t seem to see anything significant about being called Black, and it took me a second to digest that. All four of them were, however, looking at me avidly and it was hard not to shrink back under the gaze of interested muggles. It had never occurred to me that as strange and exotic as they seemed to me, I must seem equally odd and mysterious to them.

“Andromeda? What a pretty…and _unique_ …name that is.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, Ma’am,” I said, and as we had been taught all our lives, looked her in the eye and shook her hand when I spoke. It slipped into my mind that my parents had never intended the good manners to be used with muggles, but I tried to push that thought away as soon as it appeared.

“Oh, such nice manners,” she said approvingly, beaming at me. “It’s so nice to meet some of Teddy’s friends from school.”

I was trying very hard not to giggle at “Teddy”, as they asked me politely about my holidays and about Hogwarts. I couldn’t help but notice his little brother was staring at me intently. Not just politely interested, but fully open-mouthed gawking at me. He spoke abruptly.

“So how rich _are_ you?”

“Michael, hush! What a thing to say! Mind your manners.”

“I was just wondering…”

“That’s enough Michael,” his father said.

“Well, Ted is always talking about how pretty and rich she is, so I wondered-“

“Mike, shut _up_ ,” hissed Ted, turning a deep shade of red, and definitely not meeting my eyes. I felt myself blushing as well. _Pretty?_

“Andromeda really has to get going,” he said a little desperately, pushing me toward the door. “Her Uncle is waiting for her…”

“It was nice meeting you,” I said politely. “And thank you for lunch…” I added, “See you at Hogwarts…Teddy.”

He cut me a look as the door closed, and I heard his mother say, “What a nice girl, you could pick up something about good manners from her…”

I was still smiling as I stepped into the dark little pub, but my smile faltered, and then fell away completely as my eyes adjusted to the dim lighting and I found myself faced with Regulus. A half-finished butterbeer in a slightly shaking hand and staring at the plain wooden door I had come through as though it were the yawning Gates of Hell.

“W…w…were you in _muggle_ London,” he gasped.

I took the butterbeer before he dropped it. “Reg, listen…”

“That’s…we’re not allowed…it’s…” he stammered.

“Reg listen,” I said firmly, summoning my best, most commanding voice. He was still shorter than me, not yet having hit that growth spurt that had sent Sirius towering over us girls. I leaned down to exactly his level, face to face. “You can’t tell _anyone_. As far as you know, I spent the _entire_ day in Diagon Alley.”

He shook his head softly. “But Andy, you…”

“Listen to me Regulus,” I said sharply, almost frightening myself with the sharp edge of my own voice. “If you tell anyone that I went into muggle London, I’ll just tell Bella that you’re telling nasty stories about me.”

He blanched. I didn’t miss the irony of the fact that the one person who would be the most enraged by my adventure in muggle London was also the one who might protect me from Reggie telling. He was more afraid of Bella than anyone, and he understood the order of people in my sister’s life. She might have taken him under her wing since he had started Hogwarts, but she would believe me first.

“Swear that you won’t tell Reg,” I said, almost a little alarmed by how easily I could imitate Bella’s command, her clipped, bitten off words that indicated when she wasn’t kidding.

He looked at me with wide, frightened eyes, and I felt bad, but didn’t back down.

“I swear, Andy.”

                                                                        *

“So, interesting afternoon?” Sirius said conversationally, coming into the library where I was curled up in the corner of the couch, on the pretense of reading. Really I had just felt like being alone. 

“Not particularly,” I lied easily.

“That’s not what Reg says,” he replied.

I threw the book down on the couch. “He _told_ you?”

A grin spread across his face. “Reg didn’t say a word. I can’t believe you fell for that one. Oldest trick in the book, Andy. But you just confirmed there’s something worth telling.”

I glared at him, and so he went on. “You had a funny look when you got back, and so did Reg, so come on, spill.”

I picked up my book with great dignity, and tried to ignore his grin. He continued to stare at me until I finally got tired of it. “Take a hint Black, I have nothing to tell you,” I said irritably.

“I could ask Reg,” he said softly. “He says it was just a boring afternoon in Diagon Alley, but you know Andy, I can crack Reggie like no one else.”

I chewed on my lower lip and thought. I had scared Reggie, but I couldn’t help but realize that his influence on Reggie was not unlike how I felt about Bella. There was a point where I couldn’t refuse her, and I imagined that between Sirius and Regulus there was the same thing.

“Don’t make this a big thing, Sirius,” I finally said, almost pleading.

“Is it worth being a big thing?” he returned.

I looked down at my book, and decided to tell him. I thought I could trust him, and I wasn’t so sure about Reggie now. He was slowly becoming Bella’s, while Sirius was definitely becoming his own man.

“I went into muggle London…” I said quietly, not meeting his eyes.

The effect was rather amusing- the Gryffindor rebel gasped.

“Alone?” he whispered.

That was the thing. A certain morbid curiosity about the muggle world was perhaps rather vulgar, but not necessarily a terrible crime, but being friendly with a muggle-born was entirely a different thing. Sirius correctly read my silence.

“You weren’t alone.” It was a statement, not a question. “Who were you with?”

“Sirius, it doesn’t matter.”

“Humor me then, I’m curious.”

I sighed, and he looked at me shrewdly. “It was Tonks, wasn’t it?”

I gave a strangled sort of gasp. “Reg did tell you!”

He gave me a bemused sort of look. “No, he really didn’t. I just understand two important things about you Andy- you love a challenge, and you respect people who challenge you.”

He stood, leaving me puzzling over that comment, and leaned into me, whispering, “I won’t tell Darling, and I’ll see to it Reg doesn’t either…on the condition that next time we manage it, you show me around muggle London…” 


	14. One Step Further

** Chapter 14- One Step Farther **

“Andy?” Bella finally seized the paper from my hands in irritation, and I grabbed it back. If there was one thing she couldn’t stand, it was being ignored, even if it was only because I was trying to catch up on the news. Our father had stopped taking the paper that summer, because they’d appointed a new editor who seemed to be a great fan of Dumbledore and quoted him often. Father started claiming it was full of mudblood propaganda, and our parents didn’t discuss what was going on with us- politics was not proper for young ladies. Once on the train going back to Hogwarts, there was no missing that things had gotten even worse over the summer. There had been more killings, more disappearances of both wizards and muggles, and vague mentions of a strange apparition in the sky over some of these unexplained murders. The Ministry would neither confirm or deny that rumor or speculate on whether or not the killings were connected. I felt uneasy about it, almost faintly sick, but apparently I was the only one.

Bella seemed unsurprised by the news and I didn’t want to think very long about where she might be getting her information. Among my friends, Annabelle and Adrienne seemed a great deal more concerned about the fact that Daniel Greengrass had grown six inches over the summer and was suddenly awfully good-looking, a fact that they spent most of the train ride marveling over. Shannon was buried in one of her potions books of questionable legality, and Sirius was sulking after a strongly worded lecture on the way to the train station on the subject of his friends and upholding the family honor. Such lectures always left him in a sullen mood.

I decided to go and look for Will in the hope that he’d be finished meeting with the other prefects. Loyalty as his girlfriend prevented me from expressing too much surprise when he found out he was a prefect, but after more consideration it made sense. He was a reasonably good student, though not the best in his year, and had no trouble charming most of the teachers. More importantly, he was popular, good-looking, and a pureblood. The powers that be at Hogwarts obviously knew enough of Slytherin House culture that they knew a prefect without the proper bloodline and name would be at best useless, and at worst a target.

I opened the door to the compartment and knocked hard into a little tow-headed boy, who was so tiny I hadn't even seen him. Small for an eleven-year-old, even I was big enough to knock him down. With my typical grace, I stumbled into Will, who caught me, coincidentally in the corridor with Rabastan and Mulciber, a huge, hulking fifth year boy.

"Sorry," I said quickly, more as a reflex than anything else. "Are you all right?"

The little boy shrugged, starting to pick himself up. "That's okay," he said reasonably, when Mulciber pushed him back with a foot against his chest.

"I think," Will began with a smirk and a glance at the other two, "that you should apologize to Miss Black."

The boy blinked at them, and then made his mistake. "But...but she bumped into me," he explained, as though they hadn't seen the whole incident.

“Then you shouldn’t have been in her way,” Rabastan picked up.

“But…”

“You should apologize for touching her, nasty little mudbloods like you should _never_ touch a lady like Miss Black.”

If it had been any other girl, he might not have bothered, but men posturing in front of their girlfriends is one of those things that transcends time and class, and they all appeared to think it great fun to teach this little mudblood a lesson. I looked down at the boy, who looked incredibly young, and was staring at us in confusion. I felt bad for him, thrown into this strange world, with no idea of the social order and with no understanding of what rule he had broken.

“Will,” I began, but he wasn’t listening to me.

“In fact, I think you should apologize to her for your filthy presence on this train…”

“But I didn’t do anything…” the boy started again, giving one last try at what seemed logical to him.

“Apologize, or I’ll make you,” Will said, darkly.

“Don’t.”

I think I was even more surprised by my own command than he was, for it was a command, the tone of my voice left no question of that. They looked shocked, and the boy on the floor hopeful. I wished for a second, at their shocked expressions, that I hadn’t spoken, but then tried to save face.

“Why are you wasting time with a little boy like this?” I said irritably. “Is a little baby mudblood really worth getting in trouble over? That’s beneath you. Let up.”

He looked at me for a moment, face unreadable, and then slowly pocketed his wand.

“If that’s what you want, Andy,” he said quietly.

“Don’t waste your time with mudbloods. I wouldn’t,” I said, turning away with a toss of my hair, hoping it was convincing. Apparently it was, out of the corner of my eye I saw them exchange brotherly looks in commiseration of how bizarre girls were, and then they followed me with nothing more than a sort of half-hearted kick at the little boy from Mulciber.

                                                                        *

"That boy looks like a crup. Look at his ears. Hufflepuff." 

" _HUFFLEPUFF_!"

"Merlin, he'd have to be brave to go out in public with that haircut. Must be a Gryffindor."

" _GRYFFINDOR_!"

"Oh dear, that one looks like he's going to be sick...those standing up front better step back...oh he's green. Entirely Hufflepuff."

" _HUFFLEPUFF_!"

"Hm, well, I suppose the only good thing you can say about those glasses is they draw attention from her nose, poor dear. Ravenclaw."

" _RAVENCLAW_!"

For the first time since Bella had started school, there were no Blacks to be sorted, and so with nothing invested in the ceremony, she kept up a running commentary on each of the first years, and then guessed which house they would be in. She was right about ninety percent of the time, and her comments, while perhaps slightly cruel, were funny, keeping everyone at our section of the table laughing through the sorting. While McGonagall kept shooting suspicious looks at our badly concealed giggling, she couldn't tell exactly who was causing the disturbance.

The sorting ended, and Bella leaned back in her chair, eyes wandering to the head table.

“D’you reckon they couldn’t get a teacher and we won’t have Dark Arts?” Reg said from across the table, following her gaze. “They say it’s a cursed job. I wouldn’t take it.”

Indeed, Malenkov, who I had grown to like very much despite his rather cool and sharp mannerisms, was not at the head table. What exactly had happened no one could agree on, though there were plenty of rumors. Some said he was back at Durmstrang, having made up with the headmaster there and preferring their curriculum. Others seemed to believe he had gone abroad, to locations varying from India to Alaska, to either fight the Dark Arts or embrace them, depending who you asked. Whatever the real story, there was no replacement to be seen at the head table that night at the feast, and everyone was wondering the same thing Reggie had asked- what if they couldn’t find anyone willing to take the job?

As we finished eating, Dumbledore gave the usual start-of-term notices- repeating oft-broken rules for those who might have forgotten and mentioning quidditch trials- and I let my eyes wander over the Great Hall until they fell on the Ravenclaw table. Marlene caught my eye and grinned at me, deeply tanned from a summer holiday in Cornwall. Sitting a little way down from her, I spotted Ted, but he wasn’t looking at me. Instead, he was in an apparently deep and absorbing conversation with a girl sitting next to him. I couldn’t help but note that she was quite pretty, with curly, dark blond hair. I knew vaguely she wasn’t new, but I couldn’t think of her name, as I had never had much reason to pay her attention before. She had never been worth noticing before, but she was one of those girls who went from plain to shockingly pretty in the space of a few months.

Watching them whispering to each other, their heads bent together, I felt a flash of sudden, unexpected, and surprisingly strong irritation that I didn’t quite, at the time, identify as jealousy.

“Andy? What are you looking so put out over?” Bella asked, prodding me gently. She was in high spirits that evening, and as far as she was concerned that meant I should be as well. But for as much as we had been looking forward to going back to school, I felt like it hadn’t gotten off to a very good start.

                                                                        *

"That's wrong." 

Ted looked up at me. I had spotted him as I was leaving the library, and noticed he was working on the Arithmancy homework I had already finished. I never passed up an opportunity to be smug, especially with him, and especially in that particular subject. To my extreme irritation, he had more of a head for numbers than I did, easily understanding the things that I had to read several times.

He frowned back at his paper for a moment. "No, it's not."

"Yes it is," I insisted, quite sure my answer had been correct.

"Andy, it's-"

"Look," I snatched his quill and sat next to him, tracing it down the page. "You went wrong all the way back here. What did you...oh, look, you transposed these numbers..."

He frowned, drawing his eyebrows together. "Damn, you're right..." He sighed and started erasing, muttering about how he'd be up all night. He glanced up beyond my shoulder, and gave a friendly smile to someone apparently there. "All right there?"

I turned, and found the little boy Will had been hassling on the train, standing there shuffling his feet and looking embarrassed.

"You're...you're the girl from the train..." he informed me. Although I was tempted to point out I had not been the only girl on the train, I merely nodded.

"Right, well, I wanted to say...thanks. For telling them to leave off, I mean," he spat out in one breath.

"Just keep away from them," I advised him. "They won't bother you unless you get in their way."

He nodded quickly, muttered "thanks" again, and bolted out of the library.

"Someone's got a crush," Ted smirked as the door shut behind him. I outlined briefly what had happened on the train, and he considered it for a moment, face unreadable.

"Oh go ahead and laugh," I said finally. "I know you want to."

"No, I'm just trying to reconcile your image of pureblood princess with that of crusader and hero of first-year muggle-borns." He grinned. The only thing that came to hand to throw at him was a balled up piece of parchment, which I did, but he caught it. "So I reckon Avery's not too happy with you?"

"What?"

He shrugged. "Well, I don't know the guy, but I can say pretty positively no guy wants to get told off by his girlfriend in front of a bunch of his mates and assorted first-years. Bit of a blow to the ego, isn't it?"

"Oh...I hadn't really thought of that."

"No? I bet he has."

                                                                        *

Bella had Defense Against the Dark Arts first thing on the first day of school, and as soon as we could catch up with her, we demanded to know about the new teacher. 

"So? What's he like?"

"It's a she," she corrected, frowning. This was not surprising, Bella always felt like she could control men, and she was usually right. Women were more of a wild card when it came to how they reacted to her. "I’m not sure, she’s definitely pureblood, that’s good. But I don’t know..."

For someone who generally took the measure of people quickly and with considerable accuracy, that was unusual, so we were even more curious. I was personally hoping we didn't end up with another beauty queen type, but I suspected if she was, Bella would have had a few things to say about it.

Rumors were flying…but one that seemed to be true was that the new teacher had previously worked in the Department of Mysteries, and had agreed to come to Hogwarts because she was an old friend of Dumbledore’s.

She was sitting at the desk when we came into the classroom, so that the usual dull roar before class was nothing more than a few mutterings. She might have been pretty at some point, probably had been, but she was far too old to be pretty still. And yet she didn’t give the slightest impression of weakness that ought to have come with age. Much like Dumbledore, there was a sort of quiet confidence and palpable power. She watched us in silence until the entire class was there and then stood, moving with surprising grace.

“So, fourth year?” she spoke with a faint and not unpleasant accent. “And you have had some difficulty keeping teachers in this course, haven’t you? Well, I am Danielle Langlais.”

Bella was right, she was hard to read…at once polite, slightly amused, and authoritative, I thought as she read through the class list. As with other teachers, she seemed to know me, whether because she’d heard of the family or because Bella had made an impression I wasn’t sure.

“You can put your books away,” she went on when she had finished. “While I think it is important to understand the theory behind magic, given the current times, the Headmaster has agreed that we might also focus on things a little more practical. This will also be helpful to you next year as there will be a practical part of your O.W.L. examinations.”

Mixed looks of interest and apprehension. Some, like Adrienne and Annabelle, didn’t really want practical lessons, as they didn’t want to get messed up. I was interested- I had dueled at home, it was impossible not to with Bella as my sister and Sirius as my cousin- I had to learn to defend myself after all. Even before we were old enough to have our own wands Bella would steal Mother or Father’s. Our parents had never tried to discourage it so long as we didn’t disturb them, they thought it was simply part of growing up- if we didn’t kill each other, then it would make us stronger.

“Now, you should each choose a partner, and we’re going to start with the basics.”

I ended up paired with Shannon, which was actually relatively fair, as either of us could have flattened Annabelle or Adrienne, who spent the most of the hour shrieking girlishly and jumping out of the way of each other’s spells rather than using magic.

As the class was winding down, people were getting fairly good at blocking mild spells, when suddenly I was hit by a splash of cold water from behind. Without even wondering who it might have been, I spun to fire back a spell and found it was Ted, hand clasped over his mouth, laughing. He had apparently been aiming for Frank.

“Mr. Tonks!”

“Sorry Professor, my wand slipped.”

I wasn’t going to take that. “ _Rictumsempra_!” He doubled over, and I smiled sweetly. “Sorry Professor, my wand slipped too.”

“Mhm. Class dismissed, but Miss Black and Mr. Tonks will stay after class, please.”

We waited as everyone else filed out, and then she turned to us with crossed arms. “The first day of class? Am I going to have to deal with this all year?”

“He jinxed me first, and from behind!”

“That was an accident, she got me on purpose!”

It seemed to amuse her enormously. “You’re both clever students and your spell work is strong, but I really can’t allow this magical version of hair pulling. Rather than detention, I want you both to summarize the first chapter of your textbook, to hand in Monday. And in the future, you will cast spells only when you’re told, and not on a dare, Mr. Tonks, or in retaliation, Miss Black.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“You’d better both get to your next class then.” She studied me for a moment, and then said abruptly. “Bellatrix, she’s your sister, right?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Interesting. Well, go on then, both of you.”

                                                                        *

"Hey Andy, are Sirius and Lily Evans going out?" 

Marlene blurted out the question, apropos of nothing, as we were walking to dinner after potions. I followed her gaze across the hall, where I spotted Sirius and the bright red hair of Lily Evans walking a bit ahead of us. He was gesticulating enthusiastically about something, but she didn’t look impressed.

"No, I don't think so. He's probably trying to sweet talk her on behalf of James. He wouldn't, I don't think. James has always fancied her and he puts his mates before girls." I shrugged. "Of course, I really can't keep up with the revolving door that is Sirius Black's love life."

At fourteen, he was, like all the Black men, undeniably good-looking. It was not so long ago that the pureblood families had pushed for first cousins marrying, and I wouldn't put it past my parents to try to bring that around again, worried as they were about us all making good marriages. But Sirius and Regulus were almost like brothers to us, and so I really couldn't work up anything more than aesthetic appreciation. Even bearing that in mind, I had to admit there was a great deal to find attractive about Sirius- aside from looks alone, he was smart, funny, and a bit of the bad boy that appeals to even the most sensible girls. There was no denying that he was the subject of many adolescent fantasies at Hogwarts, and many of his admirers felt compelled to share these fantasies with me, assuming that as his cousin I had some particular influence over the direction of his love life. Perhaps that's why I recognized the slightly defensive note in her voice when she spoke again.

"I think 'revolving door' is a bit harsh, Andy. I think he's all talk, really. For all that reputation of being such a ladies’ man, he doesn't really go about with different girls all the time."

I gave her my full attention. "Clearly, you've given this subject some thought."

She blushed, and feigned a deep interest in the suit of armor we were passing. "Of course not. I was just wondering about Evans because it would be such a huge scandal if a Black was going out with a muggle-born."

I considered that, and thought involuntarily of the tapestry in Grimmauld Place bearing the family tree. I didn’t remember ever asking what those gray charred marks on it were, we just knew. There would be a scandal, as she said, but then the person would disappear, no longer a Black, blasted off the family tree and dead as far as the family was concerned. _Toujours Pur_ was not just something to say on the coat of arms, it was an inviolable rule.

I didn’t get any farther with that train of thought, because Elizabeth caught up with us, looking worried.

“Hey Andy, Bella’s gone to the hospital wing.”

I felt a little tickle of worry, but I wasn’t immediately alarmed. Hogwarts was, after all, a school of magic. Magic was an imprecise art even for those with experience, and half the injuries that had to be sorted out on the hospital wing were more amusing than life-threatening.

“What happened?”

She shrugged, trying to catch her breath. “I don’t know, something happened in defense.”

I told Marlene to go on to dinner, I should go check on Bella. The corridor outside the hospital wing was silent, and when I pushed open the door the rows of beds seemed to be deserted, aside from one silent, still, sheet covered figure on one of the beds. Since I could see light brown hair, I knew it wasn’t Bella. I was going to ask the Madam Pomfrey, but before I could find her I heard voices coming from the hall. I quickly ducked behind a tall cabinet full of little glass bottles of potions.

“Poppy wants to wait until morning to decide if he ought to be transferred to St. Mungo’s. What spell was it?”

I knew the voice of the person who spoke, it was Dumbledore.

“I don’t know Albus, it was nothing I’ve ever heard, and that in itself is worrying,” answered Professor Langlais, in her soft accent. “That girl should be expelled.”

“Oh come now, my Dear,” answered Slughorn, apparently with them as well. “That’s a bit extreme.”

“Look at what she did to the boy. That’s hardly a friendly spell. Bellatrix Black is dangerous.”

“Nonsense. Miss Black is spirited, and she’s got a nasty temper, no doubt about that. But she’s quite a leader in Slytherin, well-liked among her peers, quite talented. I don’t doubt with her charisma and family connections, Miss Black could go far. No reason to overreact to one little incident.”

“Little incident? That’s dark magic Horace, and I’ve seen enough of it to know.”

“You don’t even know what the spell was, my Dear. Perhaps it was an accident-”

“It was no accident, I saw her face, she knew exactly what she was doing-“

Dumbledore cleared his throat quietly, and they both cut off arguing. “It is worrying Danielle, I agree with you. But I also agree with Horace that Miss Black should certainly not be expelled. Oh, she will be punished, but I fear expelling her from Hogwarts would only encourage her to continue her education elsewhere, and I don’t like to think who she might turn to for that. She is safest here, and perhaps…well, perhaps it is not too late.”

He strode over to the bed and bent over the person there, and while they were all examining him, I tried to take that opportunity to sneak out. I was to the door when I caught my foot on the doorjamb and they all turned, but luckily they thought I was coming rather than going.

“Miss Black,” Dumbledore, who had sounded rather severe moments before, now sounded quite kind when he spoke to me. “You must be looking for your sister. She was sent back to her dormitory. Perhaps you should return to Slytherin as well.”

“Yes, Sir.”

I turned and ran back to the Slytherin dungeons.

                                                                        *

“Bella?” I knocked for the third time on the fifth year girls’ room, and got no response. “I know you’re there and if you don’t open the door I’ll blast the bloody lock open. Don’t think I won’t.” 

Apparently she didn’t, and she opened the door moments later, a hairbrush in her hand and looked perfectly unconcerned. “Have you come to scold me as well? I’ve had rather enough of that today.”

I pushed her into the room, and found none of her roommates were there. Despite her apparent lack of concern, it had grown dark and she hadn’t lit any of the lamps, suggesting she did have things on her mind besides the practical. I lit the lamps along the wall and then turned to look at her in the sudden light.

“What did you do? No one will tell but they’re talking about expelling you.”

She made a face. “I’m definitely going to get a howler from Mother and Father.”

“Yeah, and that’s clearly the biggest problem you have,” I snapped. “What did you do?”

“Oh, I just had enough with an obnoxious little half-blood Gryffindor twit. He’s always talking about how his Father’s all brilliant for working for the Ministry, when really Father could buy and sell him ten times over. He thought he’d get a little mouthy about the family.” She shrugged, looking out the window. “I didn’t really think it would work, it was just something I’d read about.”

I sat down on the bed heavily. “Bella, that was stupid, to try some spell you didn’t even know. You’re in big trouble.”

She glanced at me from the window seat, and looked at me for a long time. “Come here Andy.”

I didn’t move, angry at her for frightening me, for the gnawing uncertainty. She repeated herself, and I obeyed. I was learning to go against her, I knew that deep down somewhere, but I wasn’t quite there yet. She took both of my hands. “I’m not going to be expelled. I’m not worried, and you shouldn’t be either.”

“Even if you’re not expelled,” and I knew she wouldn’t be, I had just said that to frighten her. “You still really hurt that boy Bella. You can’t go around doing that. You could have _killed_ him.” She didn’t look horrified by that idea, merely thoughtful.

“Well I knew I wasn’t going to kill him,” she said, as though that was an acceptable defense.

“That’s not the point…”

“Andy, he was a mouthy half-blood. Nothing is going to come of it.”

I didn’t know how to express what I wanted her to get, to understand that hurting people badly enough that they had to go to St. Mungo’s was something she ought to feel bad about. There ought to be guilt, remorse, a fear of the consequences. Instead, she seemed merely bored and annoyed with the whole matter. I sighed, and she pulled me against her shoulder.

“Don’t worry Andy. You worry too much.”

                                                                        *

The problem with a school like Hogwarts is that one rarely manages to be alone, and for the next few days, I felt very much like I wanted to be alone. The more perceptive of my friends noticed this, and backed off, but there was still nowhere to get away from other students. 

The fallout from Bella’s mistake was more or less what we expected. The boy was no longer at Hogwarts, though he had recovered far better than expected his parents had taken him home until the holidays. Bella had been made to apologize, which she did with surprising acting skill, and Slughorn tried to imply to the boy’s parents that it had all been an accident- Miss Black had gotten an incantation wrong and didn’t know her own strength. I think his suggestion, and possibly some well-placed bribes from Father, are the reason there was never any legal action. Rumors about just what she had done became wilder and wilder, but she accepted ongoing detentions and an indefinite ban on Hogsmeade week-ends with a surprising grace.

It was dusk on Friday that I found myself out in the bleachers overlooking the quidditch pitch, which was a still, silent expanse of green when there was no game or practice, and also an excellent place to hide. I was glad for some solitude, if only to sort through my complicated thoughts, and so was annoyed when footsteps interrupted me. I looked up in annoyance and found Sirius.

“What are you doing here?”

“A little bird told me you might be here. Well, actually, Ted Tonks did. He seems to be quite informed about your whereabouts.”

I ignored that, so he went on.

“I thought you might want some company.”

“I don’t.”

“Yeah, he told me that too. I just assume when people don’t want company they mean anyone but me. I’m always an exception.”

“Did you come out here just to tell me how exceptional you are?”

He grinned. “No, I actually wanted to talk to you,” he wandered over and sat next to me. “We should have seen this coming, hm?”

“What?”

“Bella. It was only a matter of time before she did something really stupid.”

“Why do you think that?”

“You really think she and Rodolphus play charades when they’re alone, Andy? He’s been teaching her, and he’s deep into the Dark Arts.”

“No,” I shook my head, refusing to believe Bella’s experience with Dark Magic was anything more than dabbling, a passing interest. “I’ve read the books she does Sirius, they’re not that bad.”

He rested his elbows on his knees, and his chin on his hands. “How long are you going to be willing to ignore it? It doesn’t matter how much you love her Andy, you can’t save her from herself.”

I turned away from him stubbornly, and he shrugged and leaned back, hands folded behind his head. “So, as your cousin I feel it’s my duty to inquire as to why Ted Tonks is so informed of your whereabouts.”

I thought about Ted, and then immediately about the pretty blond girl I had spotted him talking to outside the library the day before, and realized Sirius landed on the one subject I wanted to discuss less than Bella.

“Shut up, Sirius.”

“I’m just saying…” 


	15. Chains

** Chapter 15- Chains **

The first night we were home from school we were immediately thrown into the whirl of the holiday season in the wizarding world. There was to be a grand party at Grimmauld Place, and we arrived in mid-afternoon to find Reggie and even Sirius in unusually high spirits at the prospect of the usually gloomy house filled with people in cheerful holiday moods. Their house elves had outdone themselves so that everything gleamed richly and crystal everywhere made it feel like you were surrounded by ice. The house was full of the rich scents of pine and holiday treats and even Sirius, who hated the place with a passion, couldn’t be sullen and sulky.

We arrived too early to start getting ready, and so Sirius offered Bella a game of chess, a game she had taken a strong and renewed interest in after our meeting Lord Voldemort the year before over a chess board in our own home. They set it up on the lower landing, from where you could see all that went on in Grimmauld Place, for it was the holidays and people were forever coming and going. I lay on my stomach next to Bella, chin on my hands, and occasionally pointed out moves to her in a whisper. She was good at the game when she put her mind to it, but strategy was never her strong point, and Sirius usually beat her. Cissy was prattling on about her dress robes, which were, it must be said, spectacular on her. Reggie was flipping through a broomstick magazine and prattling on about what sort were good and what kind he would buy if he had all the money in the world.

A draft swirled up to us and then we heard the door slam below, and we all leaned over the banister to see who had arrived. It was a man we didn’t know, dressed in a sober dark suit, who we promptly dismissed as quite boring.

“Just one of Father’s friends,” Sirius said, immediately bored and returning to the game. A few moments later the man appeared on the landing, looking down at us. He spoke to Bella, perhaps because she was the oldest.

“I’m here to see your Father, is he in?”

Bella didn’t bother to explain that it wasn’t our house. We looked enough alike that we might have been siblings, it hardly mattered. I could tell immediately that she didn’t like this man, and I wasn’t sure I did either. He wasn’t the least bit threatening, but he seemed just a little too tightly wound.

“He’s in the study,” she said, indicating the closed door. He reached behind him, and dragged a little boy out, a boy who had been hiding behind him, looking at us with wide blue eyes. He was young, certainly too little for school, maybe no more than eight or so, and delicate. With sandy hair, tiny and fine-boned and slight, he was almost too pretty for a boy. He immediately looked down shyly.

“You wait here while I talk to Mr. Black,” the man commanded him. “I won’t be long.”

He swept past us, rapped on the door of the study, and disappeared inside. The boy looked around at us warily.

“D’you want to sit down?” Sirius said finally, and he promptly did.

“What’s your name?” Bella asked, more gently that she normally would since he seemed so shy. He looked up at her, his eyes bright as he stared at her like he had never seen a girl before.

“I’m Barty Crouch,” he finally said.

She gave a satisfied nod. They were an old pureblood family, though his father still worked for the Ministry, an advocate of doing everything by the book.

“Do you know how to play chess Barty?” she asked, smiling at him. He looked terrified and yet fascinated by her. He shook his head faintly. “Then watch. You might learn something.”

It was only a few minutes later that the door flew open and Mr. Crouch came out, his face white and set with barely controlled anger. Uncle Orion stood behind him, framed by the study door. “So be it then, Crouch. Do what you must.”

“I will, Black,” he said tightly, motioning to the boy. He hopped up, and there was silence until the door closed behind them. Uncle Orion looked at us for a long moment, and then shook his head and disappeared.

Narcissa broke the ringing silence. “I guess that meeting didn’t go so well.”

                                                                        *

The ball at Grimmauld Place appeared to be a great success. There was an air of forced cheerfulness, as though they were determined to ignore the war and have the parties go on as they always had. Even as the war escalated it would not interfere with their social schedule. If they didn’t acknowledge it, didn’t let it into their gilded world, it might not exist. I have realized they were not the passionate ones, the men like our Father and our Uncle. They believed in what Lord Voldemort was saying, but they didn’t want a war. They wanted their privileged place in the status quo, and felt it was slipping away into the hands of those they thought to be lesser. It was the younger men, the men like Rodolphus and Lucius and even Will, who wanted a war, a revolution of sorts. Lord Voldemort had been gathering followers for years, but it was among those young people that he found those most devoted. 

I didn’t know that as Will drew me away from the hot and crowded ballroom with its stiff formality to the dusty attic of Grimmauld Place, where some of the teenagers had snuck away to. A few were drinking, but mostly it was just to be away from their parents, as young people always want to be. I relaxed, as I had wondered exactly what Will expected when he had led me away from the party into the quiet hallways of Grimmauld Place. I expected the light and sometimes vulgar talk of unsupervised and half-drunk teenagers, but instead it was nothing but talk of the war that we all knew was now inevitable.

“-and Crouch stormed out,” Bella was saying as I came in. Sirius saluted me with a glass of what looked like whiskey, but Bella appeared to be mostly sober, far more interested in pureblood politics than common teenage pursuits like sneaking alcohol under the noses of our parents.

“It’s happened then,” said Rodolphus, in a low voice, his eyes intent on Bella.

“What’s happened?” asked Elizabeth, unfocused and giggly and very definitely drunk, she would barely be sitting up if Lucas Flint hadn’t been holding her up.

Lucius glanced at her, seeming unsure if he was disgusted or interested. “Crouch is with the Ministry. The old families have decided the Ministry isn’t going to take care of the problem. They’re taking back power. The break has come.”

We were all sitting on the floor, Will was leaning against a dusty old cabinet, and I was leaning back against his chest, and I felt him tense as he heard Lucius say that.

“You sure on that Malfoy?” he said, trying to sound careless but failing entirely.

“It’s about bloody time,” said Rodolphus, with a restless movement. “How long have we waited, tried to work with the Ministry, paying their damn bills while they passed laws to protect mudbloods. Mudblood protection is just another way of taking power that ought to belong to us.”

It occurred to me that he was probably drunk, for it was the longest speech I had ever heard him make. He was generally silent and cold and superior, but now he spoke with a conviction I hadn’t assumed he was capable of, he always seemed so casual and quietly amused. Then I realized that had been a foolish assumption, for Bella would have no use for someone who couldn’t summon the same passion she threw into every day. Sirius handed me a bottle, and feeling quite grown-up and rebellious, I gamely took a sip, only to choke on what seemed to be pure grain alcohol. Sirius laughed, and Will patted me on the back. I gave it another try and managed to choke some down, just to look cool. It immediately burned all the way to my fingertips, but while I was considering that new sensation, the talk of war went on around me. When I think back on these moments that made up my own coming of age, there always seems to be talk of war in the background.

“What will happen now then?” asked Rabastan quietly. He was sitting under a window with moonlight streaming in, illuminating his face. He looked, like all of them, excited, but also a little frightened, I thought. That he could be afraid, despite the boldness and bravado he showed at school, unsettled me a little. I slid closer to Will, and Bella noticed and gave me a wicked grin, but then turned serious again as the older ones there considered Rabastan’s question. Rodolphus, who usually spoke to his younger brother with brisk irritation, seemed pleased that he had been the one who asked the question, for he answered him in a hearty man-to-man sort of voice.

“This is it then. We take it upon ourselves to purify our world, to save our race. We have a leader, we know who our allies are. There will be a war, but we are on the right side.”

I didn’t miss that he looked at my sister as he spoke. I hated him then, because I felt like he was taking her away from me, taking her deeper into something dark. It was easier to blame it on him than consider it might be what _she_ wanted.

“I don’t want a war,” I said suddenly, impulsively, surprised at my own daring to speak up in their presence. Rodolphus turned and looked at me, and I could see he was remembering our conversation the year before, when he had promised not to underestimate me. I had to admit that night he looked handsome, dressed in black that suited him, every movement infused with a kind of restless anticipation, but I still couldn’t like him.

“Nobody wants war, Andromeda. But sometimes it is a necessary evil,” he said softly.

                                                                        *

Much later that night, the others had drifted back downstairs, to home or in the case of my cousins and sisters to bed, and Will and I remained in the attic. With only a few sips from the bottle Sirius had, I was probably more tipsy than I realized. 

“Why do you say things like that?” he said suddenly, interrupting a moment definitely not meant for conversation.

“Like what?” I murmured drowsily.

“You said you don’t want a war,” he said, like an accusation, and I sat up. We had been going out for a year and a half, and I knew him well enough to speak somewhat honestly.

“I don’t! People _die_ in a war.”

“I know Andy. But sometimes it must happen. Like Lestrange said, a necessary evil.”

“Is it necessary now?” I snapped, pushing his hands away. “When have you ever been prevented doing anything? How are you oppressed?”

He looked surprised, a hand still lingering on my neck, as though wondering where this romantic night had gone wrong.

“You deserve to not have to go to school with them, to not have to be around them,” he said. “You’re a pureblood Andromeda, you shouldn’t be forced to mix with those beneath you.”

Unexpectedly, I thought of Ted and his wild laughter when he commented on the little muggle-born boy who had a crush on me. I knew somehow that Will wouldn’t find it funny, the little boy would be subjected to the anger of the most dangerous boys at Hogwarts (and could I really call them boys, knowing what they were capable of?)

“Do you really want this?” I asked Will, who I thought I knew. “Can you really kill someone?”

He looked down at his wand, which he carried even though we were still not allowed to use it on holidays. “I could, if it was for the right reason,” he said finally.

I wanted to draw away from him as a shiver ran through me. “I couldn’t,” I whispered.

He slid hi fingers into my hair at my forehead, combing his hand through my hair until it rested at the back of my neck. “Yes, you could. If they hurt someone you love. You’re too much your family for anything else.”

“I’m not my family…” I murmured. “I’m only myself.”

                                                                        *

Diagon Alley was decorated in fine style for the holidays, but the glitter and sparkle had taken on a dispirited look due to the weather. It was bitterly cold, and the dark clouds hanging overhead seemed to be undecided on whether they wanted to rain or snow, and so were pelting down an unpleasant, slushy combination of the two. 

Mother didn't like coming to Diagon Alley and mixing with the masses, but she simply had to take Narcissa to Madam Malkin's. Cissy had grown a good three inches over the past term, and her school skirts were on the verge of becoming indecent. Bella had attempted to rectify the situation but her attempts at magical tailoring left something to be desired. Mother had allowed all of us to come against her better judgment, probably because Father complained that we wouldn't "stop making such a bloody racket." Her agreement had naturally come with a lecture on behaving ourselves and a look that promised dire results if we didn't.

Bella and I had been allowed to go off on our own for a bit, probably not so much an indication of Mother's trust but more a suggestion that dealing with all three of us at once was more than she could take. Especially given the trials of shopping with Narcissa, who was very particular about her clothes. Bella and I ran into Elizabeth, and since I wasn't inclined to put up with her cloying presence, I wandered off to shops more to my liking. Of course, wandering became running when the sky rumbled ominously and then the deluge of sleet began.

I was beginning to wish I'd stayed home curled up in bed with a book and a lovely warm fire when I dropped one of my bags, splashing myself with mud, and cursed viciously.

"Wow Andy, I wouldn't have thought you even _knew_ that word," said a voice I knew only too well, as he picked up the bag to hand back to me. He was dressed in muggle jeans and a jumper, and some sort of waterproof jacket that looked much more appropriate for the weather than my clothing.

“What are you doing here? And why is it every time I’m in Diagon Alley you show up?” I snapped. I was irritated, and though not necessarily at him, he was there.

“There’s a really super muggle invention called an umbrella, you should really look into one,” he replied, drawing me into a doorway and out of the rain. It was Fortescue’s, and so warm inside that condensation was forming on the windows. “And as to your question, perhaps I’m stalking you. _Or_ perhaps it’s two days before Christmas and most people- that is to say, _normal_ people- are trying to finish their Christmas shopping.”

“Oh, right…Christmas,” I set down my bags gratefully and unwound my scarf.

“Geez, you’re soaked.”

“Your mastery of the obvious is astounding.”

He smiled at my sarcasm, refusing to be offended. “Sit down, I’ll get some coffee. Not to sound like your Mum or anything, but you’re going to catch your death.”

I didn’t bother to point out that my Mother was not the sort to offer hot beverages. Her immediate reaction to seeing me drenched would be that it was unladylike to look like a drowned rat. I protested, but without much conviction, because really coffee sounded lovely, and I was shivering.

‘How’s your holiday?” he asked when he came back, and I wrapped my hands around the hot cup and felt some of the feeling come back into my fingertips. I wasn’t sure how to answer…nothing bad had happened so far in the winter holidays- but our house was tense and gloomy, more so than usual. Father was in a particularly foul temper, snapping even when we were quiet, and his friends and associates would come to the house and leave, stone-faced and silent. Bella was given to listening at doors and said there was dissension among the old families- those who wanted to go on trying to change the laws through the Ministry, and those who wanted all-out war. I knew which side our family was on, I had heard Uncle Orion make an agreement with Lord Voldemort. I told Bella about it and it was exactly what she expected, but there was a certain look on her face when she said it that bothered me, and I couldn’t say exactly why. I couldn’t explain that to him, not in any way that made sense, so I merely shrugged.

“All right. Yours?”

He looked as though he didn’t believe me, but then allowed it to pass. “Mine’s all right. We’ve had a lot of people over- my grandparents and Aunts and Uncles and like…and it’s always a bit odd, because we can’t really tell them where I go to school.” He frowned, and went on. “Let’s just say that when we tell them I go to a special boarding school, Hogwarts isn’t exactly what they imagine.”

I cracked a small smile. “They think you go to a school for crazy people?”

“Well, we try not to call them that, but something like that. And they’ve always thought I was a bit off anyway.”

“Why?”

“I was different. Strange things happened when I was around. My parents tried to act like it was normal, but…” he shrugged again. “Besides, my Mum won’t leave off talking about you. She calls you ‘that nice girl with the funny name.’”

“There is nothing wrong with my name!” I exclaimed. I actually liked our family’s celestial naming tradition. Given what some of the pureblood families came up with, we were getting off rather easily with constellations.

“No, it’s just a bit of a mouthful, especially when you say it all flouncy-like.”

“I do not-“

“You do so.” He grinned at my outrage. “What’s the story behind ‘Andromeda’ then?”

“It’s a constellation.”

“No _way_! Not like Astronomy is a required course at Hogwarts or anything. I meant that most of the constellations have a story about them, and they don’t teach us that in Astronomy.”

“You really want to know?”

“I asked, didn’t I?”

I couldn’t believe he’d care, but he seemed genuinely curious, and there’s nothing so nice as telling a story to an interested audience. Long nights of telling stories with Bella and Narcissa came back to me, and I rested my chin on my hand.

“All right then. Andromeda was the daughter of the King and Queen of Ethiopia, and she was very, very beautiful. _Very_ beautiful.”

He rolled his eyes. “Of course.” I gave him a look and he folded his hands and nodded, “Go on then.”

“Anyway, she was engaged to a nobleman called Phineus, but then her Mother, who was also beautiful but arrogant and proud about it, angered Poseidon by claiming that she was more beautiful than the Nereids. So he sent a flood and a sea monster to destroy them. A Seer told them that the only way they could stop the devastation was to offer Andromeda as a sacrifice to the sea monster.”

“Why her? Why not hand over the Mum who was thick enough to start running off her mouth, eh?”

I shrugged. “That’s not what the Seer said.”

“What if he was a rubbish Seer?”

“Ted-“

“Okay, sorry, go on.”

“So they chained her up as a sacrifice to a rock over the sea so that the monster would come and devour her. But then as the sea monster was about to take her, she looked up and saw Perseus, wearing the winged sandals of Hermes. He saw her and swept down from the sky, and he fell in love with her in a single moment. He freed her, and said “those are not the chains you deserve to wear, but rather those that link fond lovers together,” and so he killed the sea monster and rescued her. He turned down all the things her parents offered him as a prize, because he only wanted to marry her. While they were celebrating their marriage though, Phineus showed up, claiming Perseus had stolen her.”

“Men can be possessive like that.”

“Mhm. They had a great battle, and finally Perseus turned Phineus and all his men to stone by showing them the head of Medusa.”

“And so? Did they live happily ever after?”

“Of course, it wouldn’t be a good story otherwise. They went to Hellas and reigned together and had eight children. The gods were so impressed by their story that they memorialized them by putting them among the stars.”

“Not a bad story,” he said thoughtfully, but then shook his head. “But now I’m not so sure the name suits you.”

“Why not?”

“Well, I reckon if it were you, you’d break the chains and kill the monster all on your own.”

I smiled. “Of course I would.”

He laughed. “I think…” he cut off uncertainly, looking beyond me. Before I could ask what was wrong, I was pulled bodily out of my chair and slapped so hard that I staggered backwards and would have fallen if Mother hadn’t had a bruising grip on my arm. I was more shocked than hurt. Although Ted came away from that day thinking we were all beaten mercilessly at home, the truth was our parents rarely struck us, and _never_ in public. It was the shock of that that made me speechless for a moment.

“Well, apparently Regulus was right, I never!” she said, and that was the first time I noticed Reggie lurking behind her. He wouldn’t meet my eyes, and I knew he had told on me. I felt betrayal more than anything.

Ted rose, and I hoped desperately that he didn’t think he was going to lay a hand on Mother…that would only end badly for both of us. I tried to make him understand that with a look, and luckily he didn’t try to touch her, though he did try to speak.

“Ma’am,” he began, in a polite though strained voice, his face horrified, but Mother cut him off.

“You, mudblood” she hissed, her voice suggesting violence, “will stay away from my daughter. If you speak to her again, I will make you regret it.”

“Andromeda wasn’t, which is, I made her…” he tried again, I’m sure in an attempt to help me. I wanted to tell him not to bother, he would only make it worse.

She looked at him with disgust that was almost palpable. “Don’t speak to me like an equal, mudblood. You don’t belong in this world. It would be best you realize that before someone is forced to teach you.”

                                                                        *

Narcissa took the ice pack off my cheek and frowned, and I took her expression to mean it didn’t look good. Mother had hit me with an open hand, but hard enough that a bruise was coming out around my eye. Cissy had been remarkably circumspect, not saying a word, but surprisingly kind as well. 

Not a word had come down from Mother and Father yet, but I knew that I was in trouble- not only for having a coffee and a pleasant conversation with a mudblood, but for making Mother lose her temper in public. Any public display of emotion, even anger, was unfitting.

Narcissa shifted so my head was resting in her lap, stroking my hair, and finally said quietly, “that was a silly thing to do Andy.”

“I didn’t actually do anything,” I protested through the cloth, though not with much conviction.

“I’ve seen you talk to that boy before. You’re sometimes rather too familiar with mudbloods.”

“But…”

We heard a door slam, and then footsteps thudding up the stairs that could only be Bella, and I saw Narcissa wince on my behalf. Mother’s anger was one thing, but rage from Bella was entirely another. Mother had icy control, whereas Bella was entirely fire, and just an unpredictable.

She flung the door open, eyes blazing. “Honestly, Andy, what were you thinking?”

I sighed, putting aside the ice pack. She looked annoyed, but not violently angry.

“I really fail to see the big deal here,” I said tiredly. “I was talking to a boy in my classes. I’m not going to be his best mate, I’m not going to marry him, I was just _talking_.”

“It’s bad enough that we have to go to school with mudbloods, you shouldn’t be associating with them over the holidays.”

“What does it matter? I’m perfectly fine, he didn’t do anything to me. I’m not permanently scarred.”

“Someone might have seen you. Do you want to get a reputation of being a muggle-lover? A blood-traitor?” she was getting worked up, and I knew her well enough that I knew it was time to back down, but for the first time, I didn’t. The day, my own anger at Mother and at Reggie, and the tension in the air didn’t allow it anymore. I sighed and pushed away from Narcissa, getting up.

“I’m not a blood-traitor, but was I to have acted like I didn’t even see him?”

She seemed shocked that I even had to ask that. “You do not associate with mudbloods Andromeda. Remember what you are! You’re a Black.”

I spun back to her, and surprised even myself when I yelled. “Damn it, Bella, I _know_! Don’t you think I know? I’ve had it pounded into my head for the last fourteen years. I know, but I don’t…”

I stopped myself just in time. I had been about to say that I didn’t know what it meant, why it mattered, except I knew that to Bella it meant everything. Being a Black and a pureblood was how she defined herself. Although I stopped myself from voicing my question, perhaps in some way she understood it, for it was as though she answered it when she spoke again. Her voice was raised slightly, not yelling but even more sinister, telling of a barely controlled anger, tinged with disbelief that I would ever question her, ever question the rules.

“If you _knew_ you wouldn’t associate with them. _What_ are they? What do they _have_ , when compared to _us_?” She moved toward me and for a moment I actually thought she would strike me, but instead grabbed my hand, as though to force me into awareness of my own flesh. I jerked my hand away from her, for the first time I didn’t want Bella to touch me. “Compared to us! Andromeda, we have a thousand years of _magic_ , of wealth, of power, running through our blood!”

I turned away from her, looking out the French doors through the rivulets of rain running down, at the vast manor that was our home, and knew how fortunate we were, in so many ways. We indeed had everything she said, but what she didn’t say, didn’t feel, was what came with the magic and wealth and power. Running through our blood was also a thousand years of dark magic, of cruelty and incest and bigotry. Of a darker side of the family behind the façade of elegance and opulence. We were admired, yes. We were also feared and hated.

And what did they have, the muggle-borns she so hated? None of our long history, none of the magic and power and wealth in their blood, but a chance to do something no one had ever done before. To start in a new world and to be whatever they wanted to be. There was no mold to break, no protocol, because they were the first. They were without a legacy in our world, and so had a kind of freedom I couldn’t imagine. They weren’t chained to what was proper, what the family approved of, what had been done for a thousand years. No matter what I did, I would always be a Black, that was what people would see about me, as surely as if the glittering family tree on the wall showed in my skin.

Someday, I would say all of this to Bella, but then I wasn’t ready, I couldn’t even find the words, I had never allowed such thoughts to form before, and they terrified me.

I didn’t realize I was crying until Narcissa reached up and smoothed her hands over my cheeks, brushing away the tears. She looked terrified, poor Narcissa, caught between us.

“I expect…” she laid her hand against my cheek, her voice hopeful and encouraging and deliberately practical. “I expect you just weren’t thinking.”

I turned back to Bella, afraid of what I would see in her face. I never saw her face, she moved so quickly, taking Cissy’s excuse for my own, dragging me into her arms as though by physical contact we could ignore that suddenly, for the first time, we didn’t understand each other at all. I fell into the familiarity of my sister, hating myself for weakness, but afraid to tell her what I really thought. I knew deep down that if I gave voice to what I thought someday Bella would hate me, I couldn’t stand it yet. 


	16. Misguided

** Chapter 16- Misguided **

Mother and Father decided that if I couldn’t be trusted to know who it was proper to associate with, I simply wouldn’t be allowed to associate with anyone, and so I was strictly isolated for the rest of the holiday, seeing no one but Bella and Narcissa. The day before we were to go back to school I was called into Father’s study. He informed me that they had just barely decided against taking me out of school entirely, but if he heard so much as a whisper of me associating with mudbloods at Hogwarts, I would be brought home immediately. He then proceeded to deliver a blistering lecture on family honor, and just in case I wasn’t taking him seriously enough, underlining his more important points with mild but well-placed hexes. All in all, I was delighted when we got on the train to go back to Hogwarts.

Sirius immediately headed off to find his friends, and Reggie tagged along with him despite his annoyance. If anyone had a holiday as bad as me, it was Reg. He had seen me through the windows of Fortescue’s talking to Ted, and had gone straight to find Mother. That had broken a sort of unspoken code between us. Our fights were ours, but going to Mother was a betrayal. He hadn’t said a word to me, and I didn’t particularly want to hear his reasoning. It was obvious he was miserable, but I was still feeling a little too keenly my long, boring holiday and the sting of Father’s reprimands to try to make up with him.

I sat with Bella for awhile, while Simon Flint attempted to impress her with descriptions of his Quidditch prowess. She had little interest in Quidditch, and even less in his rather mediocre Quidditch skills, but she had apparently decided to indulge him for the moment, which usually just meant she was bored. He clearly couldn’t believe his luck that the oldest Black girl had suddenly decided to notice him, but he was blissfully unaware of a few important facts. First, that Rodolphus could and would hex him into oblivion for even thinking he had a chance with Bella. And second, that Bella’s charm and good humor would last only as long as her interest, which was usually just a few days. She played with boys like a cat plays with mice. Not that she wasn’t entirely devoted to Rodolphus, but this was something different in her mind, it was just entertainment.

I quickly grew tired of watching him try to impress her, and of watching her at least make a slight attempt to seem interested, and went to find better company, which I quickly did a few seconds later as I ran into Marlene coming out of another compartment.

“Hey Andy, I was just going to find the sweets trolley, come on.”

I followed her along the corridor as she talked about the holiday and asked about mine, to which I made some vague response about it being fine. Family conflicts were not to be discussed, even with good friends, and I trusted Ted’s discretion on the matter. Besides, I rather wanted to forget the whole holiday, and would much rather talk about the upcoming term as we caught up with the woman selling sweets and bought licorice wands. We were heading back to her compartment when I chanced to glance in a compartment, and saw the girl I didn’t know but definitely didn’t like, the pretty blond Ravenclaw girl. Ted was sitting across from her, but leaning forward with his elbows on his knees as though she was saying something absolutely riveting. I felt irritation rush through me.

“Who is that girl anyway?” I snapped. Marlene followed my gaze.

“Who? Oh, that’s Helen Carmichael. She’s in my dorm. Quiet, but most of her friends are Gryffindors. She’s nice.”

“Well he certainly seems to think so,” I muttered.

Marlene raised an eyebrow. “Well, yes, I imagine so, since they’re going out.”

“What?” I sputtered. “Since when?”

“Just before Christmas, I think,” she said promptly. “Might I ask why you’re so worried about it?”

“I’m not. I just…didn’t know that,” I replied unconvincingly.

“Right, because you normally concern yourself in the romantic affairs of various Ravenclaws?”

“She’s not even that pretty,” I said nastily.

“Retract those claws, girl,” she said, seeming to find it terribly amusing, and tugged on my arm to make me move back to the compartment she had been sitting in. “She’s perfectly nice looking and you know it. But again, why do you care?”

“I don’t _care_ ,” I replied, throwing myself down on the seat irritably. “I’m just commenting.”

Marlene, her own romantic disasters notwithstanding, was always rather adept at reading people, even me, and perhaps she realized that although I would eventually need a push on that particular topic, it wasn’t the time. She settled for giving me a smug little smile and a totally insincere “whatever you say Andy.”

                                                                        *

Professor Radix smiled at me as he came into class, and I smiled back, knowing I was by far his favorite. He was the sort of man who had a deep and truly brilliant understanding of numbers and formulae, but very limited grasp of social skills. He liked me especially because I was the only Slytherin girl to take on the class, because I was pretty and polite, and because I was unusually determined to do well. It seemed to delight him that a Black girl, who was certainly not dependent on grades for future stability, actually wanted to learn arithmancy just for the sake of mastering a complicated subject. Or possibly for the sake of pride, he hardly cared so long as I worked hard in his class. I really was the teacher’s pet Ted mocked me mercilessly for being, but I thought Professor Radix was sweet. 

The final bell rang and I wondered where Ted was, for it wasn’t like him to be late, especially to the first class of the term. But as I turned to look around at the door, I saw that he was there, but sitting several rows behind me with Spencer Callahan. It seemed odd, I had never gotten the impression they were particularly good friends, and even stranger that he hadn’t even spoken to me when he came in. I tried to catch his eye, but with no luck, he seemed to be making a point of not looking my direction, focused on Professor Radix with suspicious concentration.

I intended to corner him after class, but he was gone as soon as the bell rang, and over the next few days it became pretty clear he was avoiding me, and not just in class. He never studied in the library or the Great Hall, where I could talk to him, and in class it seemed he made a point of being surrounded by friends.

I was completely thrown off by his behavior; he had always been the one who made an effort to be friends with me. I wondered if he was mad at me about the nasty things that Mother had said to him, but that didn’t really make sense. He’d surely heard worse…Hell, he’d heard worse from me…and he wasn’t the type to blame me for something Mother said. Besides, if he expected anything different from Druella Black he wasn’t as smart as I gave him credit for.

While I didn’t see Ted at all, it seemed that the girl, Helen Carmichael, was everywhere. Logically I knew she wasn’t around any more than she had ever been, it was just that now I was losing no opportunity to glare at her. Apparently most of her friends were Gryffindors and so Sirius proved a valuable source of information, and didn’t give me the sort of superior, amused look that Marlene did. From him I learned that she was from Liverpool, and a half-blood. Her Mother was a writer for _The Daily Prophet_ , and her father, a muggle, had some job neither Sirius or I understood. I had no particular use for this information, but I still felt like I needed to know about the girl.

It wasn’t until the next week I finally managed to corner him alone in the corridor outside the potions classroom. He had apparently stayed after to speak to Slughorn, and nearly ran into me as soon as he stepped out of the classroom.

“Oh, hey,” he said vaguely and tried to pass me as though it was nothing. I grabbed his arm.

“What’s going on?”

“Going on?” he repeated, not looking at me, but at my hand on his arm.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not,” he said, still not looking at me.

“Then why aren’t you sitting by me in Arithmancy?” I said, grabbing the first example that came to mind.

“Ah…well, I figured I should sit with Spence as we study together a lot, you know, being in the same house and all…” he said, not very convincingly.

I crossed my arms. “Are you sure you want to stick with that story Ted?”

He ran a hand through his hair nervously. “Look, I have to get to my next class. Later, Black.”

He turned before I could stop him and left like there was a dragon after him.

_Since when did he call me by my surname?_

_*_

With nothing to draw me out to the library, I took to studying more in the Slytherin common room, and spending more time than ever with Bella. After our fight I had expected her to punish me as she always did by withdrawing and turning cold. It turned out to be the opposite, I felt like we were closer than ever. Now I see it how intensely careful we were then, trying as hard as we could to not push each other away. The fight over Christmas, as brief as it had been, had changed our relationship, and we were desperately pretending it hadn’t.

It was a Friday night and we both probably could have, and should have, had better things to do, but I was angry over having been so summarily dismissed by Ted, and Bella seemed to have her own problems. While I was curled up in the corner of the couch, she was sprawled out taking the rest of it, her feet lying my lap. She was scowling- the kind of scowl that suggested she had a particularly confusing problem, not the kind that said she was angry and someone was about to be on the receiving end of a very uncomfortable series of hexes. This was accompanied every few minutes by a deep, despondent sigh. I let this go on for a few minutes before I finally said something.

“Something you’d like to share, Bella?”

The response to this was another heavy sigh.

“Is that your entire comment?” I responded pleasantly.

“Yes…well, no…I don’t know…”

It was my turn to sigh. “Well, I’m glad we had this little talk. It’s really cleared things up for me.”

She cracked a smile for the first time. “I’m just trying to figure some things out.”

“What things?”

“Fifth years have to do this thing where they advise you on…jobs and things.”

I shrugged. “You’re not going to have a job.”

In some ways, when it came to women, the wizarding world was more progressive than its muggle counterpart. Magic was a great equalizer. There had been many female Ministers of Magic, and none of us would have batted an eye to see another one, and yet it was simply understood that wealthy, pureblood women did not have jobs. It had always seemed to me a great waste of talent, for Mother and her friends couldn’t have always been as shallow and silly as they seemed now. There must have been a time they were like Bella and Cissy and I, strong and smart, and maybe it was just a lack of purpose that changed them.

That would never do for Bella, for she hated nothing more than being bored and ignored, and yet I felt like her future was so set in stone that even I knew what it would be. She would marry Rodolphus, and in that she was lucky, for he was exactly what Mother and Father wanted for their oldest daughter. Bella would not submit easily to a marriage she didn’t want, but I knew she wanted him. And yet she would never submit to the kind of life Mother had, and for the first time I wondered what she would do. What _I_ would do.

It surprised me not only that Bella was giving this any thought, but that she was old enough to be taking her O.W.L.s that spring. Technically, she could leave school after that, although I knew Mother and Father wouldn’t allow it and she wouldn’t want to. I felt somehow shocked by how old we were suddenly.

“No, I know, but what am I going to _do_?”

                                                                        *

“I don’t think this looks good on me,” Narcissa said thoughtfully, holding up a light blue robe with silver detailing. 

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t fish for compliments Cissy, everything looks good on you.”

That was apparently what Narcissa had been hoping to hear, for she gave her reflection a satisfied smile, and the mirror sighed in appreciation of her beauty. We were in the dressing room at Gladrags, Hogsmeade’s trendy new robe shop, looking for lighter new clothes for the recently warm weather. Despite exemplary behavior that term, Bella was still not allowed to go to Hogsmeade, the punishment for the previous term still in effect. Going to Hogsmeade with Narcissa meant shopping, and since I was in a bad mood and disinclined to have any other company, I joined her. This involved trying on robes she thought would compliment me, and naturally a certain amount of stroking her ego, but she was in a cheerful mood and easy to be around.

While she pranced around, I was slouching on one of their cushioned footstools, while Cissy tried to cheer me up by pointing out robes in colors that would look good on me. Finally to appease her, I tried on robes in a dark sapphire color, which were very pretty on me. Cissy gave me an appreciative glance and then frowned at herself in the mirror. “Too big. I wonder if they have a smaller size.”

“I’ll go check,” I told her, picking up my skirt and walking in bare feet out to the front of the shop, where a harried looking young girl was trying to help ten people at once. I considered the chances of her getting to me in less than twenty minutes, estimated they weren’t good, and went to look for Cissy’s new size on my own. I was walking back with my arms full of light blue robes when I ran into Ted. I stopped dead, and there was a long and unbearably awkward silence. His eyes swept over the dress robes I was wearing, and I felt a flash of deep and fairly vindictive satisfaction that I looked particularly good, which was apparent by his slightly open-mouthed stare.

I took a deep breath, without even knowing what I was going to say. I didn’t know if I was going to berate him for being unfair to me or beg to know exactly what I had done. I had no idea if I planned to accuse him or tell him that I actually missed him. As it happened, I didn’t get to say anything. While I was trying to put together words, he bit his lip as thought fighting a difficult internal battle, and the turned quickly and left the store, and I was too shocked to say anything. I stood there clutching the robes until Narcissa called out plaintively to ask what was taking so long. For the rest of the afternoon she cast worried looks at me, but said nothing.

                                                                        *

I felt Ted’s sudden dismissal so strongly because it was unexpected and I didn’t understand it, but I don’t think anyone else even noticed, because when you really came down to it, we didn’t spend time together very often outside of class. If you asked anyone else at Hogwarts, they wouldn’t have even said we were friends, and so nobody but me noticed that we suddenly weren’t anymore. Pride prevented me talking about it, even to Marlene or Sirius, because that would mean admitting I cared. 

Sirius sought me out on one of the first week-ends it was warm enough to sit outside. I found it rather odd because I knew he didn’t intend to study, and certainly not on a Saturday, so I could only assume he wanted to talk. It took him a few comments on the weather and classes before he got to the point.

“Listen, Andy. Reggie…he feels really bad,” he began, with a little sideways look to see how I was going to take the sudden introduction of that subject. I didn’t know what was going on with Ted, but I was pretty sure it was related to his first meeting of my Mother over the holidays, and that, to me, was indirectly Regulus’s fault. I knew what my Mother was like, and I thought Ted was being an idiot about whatever he was so angry about, but I also thought none of it would have happened if Reggie hadn’t felt like he ought to go running to Mother.

“I’m not really concerned about Reggie’s feelings,” I said sharply.

“Look, I wasn’t too thrilled with him either, but…hell, he’s my brother. You of all people ought to get that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He looked surprised by the tone of my voice, but went on.

“There are some people… some people you’ll forgive anything.”

I knew he meant Bella, but I shook my head. “Not yet, Sirius.”

“Okay. I’ll accept that,” he said quietly, with surprising gravity, and then lay back in the grass with his hands folded behind his head.

“Where are your friends?” I asked him, as seeing him without his partners-in-crime was unusual.

He shrugged. “James has Quidditch, and Remus was feeling a little…under the weather. And Peter is afraid of you.”

“Afraid?” I repeated. “Of me?”

“Well, of Slytherins really. That, and he can’t form a sentence around pretty girls.”

I smiled at him at the implied compliment, but it seemed to remind him of something, and he sat up suddenly. “You’re friends with Marlene McKinnon, aren’t you?”

“Yes…” I answered hesitantly, wondering where this was going.

“Good friends?” he pressed.

“I suppose…”

He nodded, as if that was all he needed to know. “She’s a cheeky sort, isn’t she?”

I closed my book, finally giving him my full attention. “She can be. What makes you say that?”

“She jinxed me in the corridor outside the Charms classroom,” he said, and I tried, and failed to keep from laughing, and thought of Professor Langlais’s comment about magical versions of hair-pulling.

“Why?”

“Oh, nothing really, I was hassling some little Ravenclaw. I wasn’t actually going to do anything to him.” He shrugged. “She’s rather pretty though, for being in Ravenclaw and all. They’re mostly trolls.”

“Sirius!”

“She’s not going out with anyone, is she?”

“No,” I told him. “But honey, she’s not like most of the girls you date. If you expect her to spend all her time engaged in the adoration of Sirius Black, she’ll eat you alive.”

He raised an eyebrow, and I congratulated myself at my skill as a matchmaker. Sirius would never walk away from a challenge.

                                                                        *

“Are you trying to burn holes into the back of her head?” Marlene inquired pleasantly. “Because I imagine Helen Carmichael isn’t the only one who’s noticed that death glare, and if you keep on like that people are going to think you’re jealous.” 

I quickly pulled my eyes back to my homework. I had, in fact, been glaring at the Ravenclaw girl across the Great Hall, because I had decided I didn’t like her, despite the fact that I had never actually spoken to her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“She thinks you’ve got it in for her.”

“That’s ridiculous. I don’t care in the slightest.”

“Whatever you say.”

She had perfected a way of agreeing with me without actually agreeing with me, and it drove me crazy.

“I don’t.”

“Okay.”

“Marlene, I’m serious.”

“Yup.”

I sighed and closed my book, and turned the tables on her neatly. “So you jinxed Sirius the other day? Why’s that?”

She muttered something about he was bugging one of the kids in her house.

“And he’s _never_ done that before. So why suddenly are you the protector of first years?” When she didn’t answer immediately, I added, “He called you cheeky.”

She smiled, and then frowned. “Is that good?”

“I really have no idea.”

                                                                        *

Since I was not naturally a morning person, and I usually studied much later than my roommates, I was almost always the last in our room to get up, and it usually took more than one attempt by Adrienne or Shannon to get me out of bed. Half the time I was the last one in the room because I told them to go on to breakfast without me. I was finishing up brushing my hair one morning when the door opened, and I assumed it was one of them coming back for something forgotten, until Bella swept in. 

“I’m just returning your cloak,” she announced. “I borrowed it.”

“Thanks for asking,” I replied. I was in bad mood anyway, as it was early, and a gray, rainy day. Rain was pattering against the window and even the fire in the room wasn’t entirely dissipating the cold.

She made a face at me in the mirror. “I brought it back, didn’t I? You were asleep, and I needed to borrow it.”

“Why? You have your own cloak.”

“Only my school one. I needed one that didn’t advertise that I was still in school.”

Several things occurred to me at once. She was far too cheerful and conversational to have just gotten up, for she was less of a morning person than I was. I turned to look at her, and she was stretching the cloak over the foot of my bed so it would dry. She was wet herself, hair hanging in damp curls down her back, and wearing a plain sweater and skirt rather than her uniform. There were dark circles under her eyes, and she did look tired, but her cheeks were flushed and her eyes bright. I glanced from her to the rain striking against the window.

“You’ve been out…all night?”

She collapsed on Annabelle’s bed and flashed me a smile. “I’m not going to class. If anyone asks I’m sick. I need to get some sleep.”

“Where were you?”

She rose, and came over and took the brush out of my hand, and started tugging it through her wet hair, but didn’t answer me.

“For Merlin’s sake Bellatrix, are you _trying_ to get expelled? Is that what you _want_?” I exploded. She turned to stare at me, some of the bright color fading from her cheeks. “Do you have any idea how close they came to expelling you last term? It was only Dumbledore intervening on your behalf that stopped it. Do you really think they’re going to give you another chance if you get caught sneaking out?”

“I had to,” she said, her voice quiet and restrained, but intense.

“Why?”

“Because I’m not going to be like Mother,” she said, almost violently, slamming down the hairbrush and crashing a small perfume bottle on my dresser to the floor. It shattered into glittering shards and the scent of lavender wafted up. “I’m not going to turn out like that. I had to know it would never be like that, I would never be that unhappy.”

“Rodolphus,” I said dully, anger slipping away as I sat down on my bed, facing her. “You went to see him.”

She nodded slightly, as though that was an afterthought. “Yes, because he needed to know…and I realized Andy, it’s not for us, that life Mother has! We were born into the perfect time! We don’t have to be proper, pureblood ladies, we can do more.”

She scared me then, a little, for she had gone from the languishing deep sighs to this almost manic state literally overnight. She spun, skirt swirling and her dark hair flying. “He’s always said I can be a queen, but I don’t want to Andy, I want to be a warrior. I want to do something- something important, and I _will_.” She grabbed my shoulders, and though she meant to shake me. “The world is ours. We’re strong and powerful, and we have the purest blood in the wizarding world. We’re exactly what he wants Andy. We can take the world apart.”

“He?” I repeated, and this time I realized she was no longer talking about Rodolphus.

She only smiled, but I felt like she wasn’t even really seeing me anymore.

                                                                        *

As exams drew closer, the Slytherin common room became a dangerous place. It only made sense that in the house known for ambition, scores on O.W.Ls and N.E.W.Ts were given great importance. They could lead to your choice of N.E.W.T classes, and your scores on those exams could determine what kind of job you had. Few in Slytherin actually needed a job, but pride dictated they should do whatever they chose. Ambition and entitlement went hand-in-hand in Slytherin. So as the older students prepared for exams, anyone who so much as _looked_ wrong would find themselves hexed. Even Bella could be found studying, for although no one doubted she was talented when it came to performing spells, there was a written portion to the tests as well. 

Although my own were less important, we all had exams, and so I withdrew to the library to avoid the tension and do my own studying. No matter what else was going on in my life, and that term there was a lot, I still managed to keep my grades up. But it had been a lot more fun when I had been competing with someone, and it was hard to claim I was competing with Ted when he was ignoring me.

As I was considering this, not even really seeing the notes for my potions exam the next day, the object of my musing walked past, apparently not even seeing me, and looking like he was heading back to his dorm. In a moment of frustration, I jumped up and stopped him.

“Wait-“

He looked as though I had cornered him, but then avoided my eyes again by glancing at his watch.

“Hey, it’s really late, I need to get-“

He tried to pass me, and possessed by an anger I rarely allowed to show, I grabbed the back of his robes.

“Don’t you dare walk away from me,” I hissed.

It was the first time he saw the side of me that made me a Black and a Slytherin. He looked shocked, taking a step back from me, but he stopped. It was very late, and the library was mostly empty- I didn’t bother to keep my voice down.

“You owe me, at the very least, an explanation.”

“For what?” he said tightly, looking over my shoulder.

“ _Look_ at me, Ted,” I snapped, and he finally did, reluctantly. “You’ve been avoiding me and ignoring me all term. Don’t waste my time saying you haven’t,” I added as he started to speak. “I at least deserve a reason, because I _don’t_ know what I did.”

“You didn’t do anything Andy,” he said quietly, and I felt slightly better just because he used my name. “I just thought…well, you’re obviously better off if I leave you alone. So I was.”

Whatever I had been expecting, that wasn’t even close, and I couldn’t say anything more articulate than “ _What?_ ”

“You were honest,” he said in a resigned voice. “From first year you told me that you’d get in trouble for being friends with me. I guess I thought you were exaggerating, or trying to sound pretentious, or…just being an arrogant Slytherin. The point is, obviously I should have believed you. I had no idea…”

“Ted-“

“I never meant for you to get in trouble,” he went on intently, cutting me off. “It was pretty obvious from that slap,” he winced slightly, “that your parents mean business. And we shouldn’t be friends if you’re going to get hurt by it. So I’m leaving you alone.”

“And my opinion on that is irrelevant?”

That shocked him. He just blinked at me as I went on. “My Mother was angry, but she didn’t really hurt me, and there weren’t the kind of dire consequences you’re imagining.”

“Sirius said if you’re caught talking to muggle-borns your parents threatened to take you out of Hogwarts.”

“My parents threaten to take me out of Hogwarts if I used the wrong fork at dinner. It’s their standard threat of choice. Honestly, let _me_ deal with my family. I understand them…well, not always, but I’m used to them.”

“I just think you’re better off-“

He cut off abruptly because I put my hand over his mouth to shut him up. His eyes went wide over my hand.

“Why don’t you let _me_ have a say in what’s best for me.” I took a deep breath, trying to be calm. “If you’re going to let my parents tell you what to do, then I over-estimated you.”

He pulled my hand away with a surprisingly strong grip. “That’s a cheap shot Andy, I was trying to do what was easiest for _you_.”

“By ignoring me all term and _not telling me why_?”

He turned away from me briefly, and then shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’m sorry,” he said simply.

I had no idea what to say to that, I had expected another argument, not an apology. I sat down heavily on one of the library chairs.

“Oh. Well. Thanks.” I looked at my hands for a moment, and then back up at him. “Can we be friends again?”

He smiled. “Of course.” 


	17. In Vino Veritas

** Chapter 17- In Vino Veritas **

It was a bit appalling to me, the level of cliché I was reaching. Will and I were strolling, hand in hand of course, along a perfectly groomed garden path. It was a pretty picture indeed, and I was drawn in by the appeal of a warm summer evening, the bloom of flowers, and the good-looking young man with me, and yet I was uncomfortable with all the eyes that had watched us leave the party. The appraising gazes that said “Black and Avery….yes…good match for the second daughter.” I was afraid of being forced into marriage with someone I had fallen for at the age of twelve. Couldn’t I at least be an adult before I chose my destiny? I loved Will in the way that you can only feel about your first love. I loved him in a way, but I couldn’t imagine the rest of my life with him.

And yet it was the Avery’s summer house party, and only a day off from the ball to celebrate Bella turning sixteen, and the official start of my parents attempt to marry her off and turn over responsibility of their most volatile child to whatever proper pureblood man would pay the highest price. The preparations had taken most of the summer, no expense spared. It was a tradition, although it was unlikely any engagement would be announced before she left school, it was a holdover from the days when any woman not married by seventeen was in serious danger of being a spinster. As Bella was a great beauty, it would not be difficult to find suitors, but no one doubted that through whatever means necessary, she would be married to Rodolphus Lestrange. Anything else was just for show.

And yet, it would be a spectacular show.

Will was rambling on about the Ministry’s latest attempt to appease the old families by repealing a series of muggle-born protection laws that were ineffective and had been mostly for show all along. The general consensus was that this was too little, too late. Will agreed with this, apparently, as he explained to me (since, as a woman, I couldn’t possibly grasp the subtleties of politics), that the Ministry was getting scared.

I was only half-listening, I’d heard it all at home anyway, and I knew that no matter what sort of gesture the Ministry made, there would be no going back. He didn’t need any encouragement from me to go on- I had been hearing more and more of these speeches over the last few months.

"Are you all right, Andy?" he said suddenly, apparently finally noticing my lack of attention.

"Oh yes," I tried to smile and look as though my mind hadn't been wandering. "Just so much talk of the war."

I know I sounded weary and disinterested, and so he wasn't entirely to blame for the slightly chiding tone he took.

"It's important, Andromeda. This war will ensure your future...our future."

I'm not sure if it was his tone or his alarming use of the collective pronoun that set me off, but I withdrew my hand and whirled to face him.

"Don't take that sort of patronizing tone with me. I know exactly what is at stake."

Always calm, he seemed to consider the merits of letting it go or possibly confronting the legendary Black temper, and decided he wanted to have this issue out.

"Really? Because you don't act like it, and sometimes I wonder if you care at all about what we're fighting for."

"What are _you_ fighting for Will? Not what your Father is fighting for or Lord Voldemort is fighting for, but _you_. Do you even know?"

What I didn't know at the time was how deeply his family was involved with Lord Voldemort. While the Blacks had been brought in as Lord Voldemort courted the support of the wealthy, old pureblood families, Will's uncle had been a friend of Tom Riddle, the boy who would become Lord Voldemort, in school. He had been raised for this cause and believed it more deeply than I had ever realized. Simply because we'd had the superficial relationship of young teens, I hardly knew what he really believed, and it was only as the future started to come into play that I realized how he really felt about it.

"Of course I do," he snapped. "I know what I believe and I understand the concept of committing myself to something, which is something you seem to be unclear on. You really don't seem to a give a damn about the outcome of this war as long as it doesn't make your life uncomfortable."

"That's not true and you know it. I don't want the people I love to die without even knowing what they're dying for."

He grabbed my elbow, more from the urgency of what he was trying to make me understand than anything, but it scared me. "They know what it's for Andromeda. Have you ever really listened to what he says? It makes sense, especially for you, for us, that the power should belong to the purebloods, it's-"

"Don't handle me," I bit out from behind clenched teeth. I knew I would be bruised where he grabbed me. He immediately dropped his hand.

"You have some decisions to make Andy."

"Then maybe you shouldn't presume to make them for me. I don't need to be told what to believe."

I turned and walked away, and behind me I heard him shatter a small stone birdbath with a single curse. I supposed I was lucky it was directed at the fountain and not me.

                                                                        *

"I'll kill him," said Bella simply, when she saw the bruise on my arm. I wasn't entirely sure that was an empty threat, she looked angry enough to try it. For Mother to leave a mark on me was one thing, but to be handled roughly by someone outside the family was entirely another. 

"Don't be ridiculous, it was an accident," I said, as carelessly as I could. Narcissa frowned and said nothing, but dabbed orange paste on the mark. It was sticky and smelled funny, but it was by far the best bruise remover we'd found. Going through childhood with Bella required an effective bruise remover.

Bella and I had been getting along so well I wasn’t stupid enough to tell her what Will and I had fought about, and in the absence of details they were naturally taking my side. I was upset about the whole fight, and yet not nearly as upset as I felt like I should have been. I wasn't sure what it meant really- had we broken up? I felt as though I should have been more worried about it. Didn't I love him? Bella and Cissy were more outraged by it than I was.

We were taking a long, languid afternoon to get ready for the ball that was unofficially in Bella's honor. Mother left us to our own devices as she was still put out over being overruled in the epic battle of what Bella would wear. Mother wanted white, with her hair up neatly, which she thought made the appropriate impression for a girl of sixteen who was not yet married. Bella was adamant that this was her ball, and her life, and she would wear what she chose. Arguments escalated to shouting, which escalated to Mother hexing Bella. I have no doubt she was ready to throw a few curses of her own, but Father slammed into the room, bellowing "for the love of Salazar, Druella, let the girl wear what wants and shut the bloody hell up!"

What Bella wanted was red. Not the bright, cheerful Gryffindor scarlet, but deep, rich, blood red with wide sleeves and a plunging neckline. Her hair fell loose down her back, as she preferred it. It was entirely inappropriate for a girl of sixteen, and yet entirely perfect for Bella, and left Cissy and I gaping in open-mouthed admiration- she was spectacular.

"This ball is really just a formality though," Narcissa said as she allowed Bella to button the back of her ice-blue gown. She had been saying the same thing in a variety of different ways for the past few weeks, and I felt like I understood what she was trying to ask, without actually admitting she cared. That this ball didn't mean Bella was grown-up. It didn't mean we were losing her.

"Of course," she said easily, finishing with the buttons and patting Cissy on the back. "I've got more fun to have before I get married."

Narcissa was apparently reassured by that, but I wasn't so sure. Bella studied me in the mirror for a moment from behind, and then used her wand to twist my hair into a complicated and trendy style she's seen in a magazine. It pulled slightly, and I made a face at her in the mirror, but she finished it and then draped her arms around my waist and rested her chin on my shoulder.

"That's pretty, you should wear it like that, and borrow Mother's amethyst hair clips." She kissed my cheek. "Really Andy, just a formality."

Formality or not, it was her night, and Narcissa and I were not the only ones admiring her. Father beamed, and Mother acted as though the red gown had been entirely her idea. Yes, it was outrageously inappropriate, but when had Bellatrix Black ever played by the rules?

Rodolphus saw her as soon as she entered the room, leaving a man in mid-conversation, striding across the room with a dangerous gleam in his eyes, as though if he didn't claim her immediately someone else might. The air between them seemed to crackle with tension, but then someone stepped out of the shadows between them- probably the only man in the world who could do so and get away with it.

Lord Voldemort raised Bella's hand and kissed it, and I saw a shiver run through her.

"All grown up tonight, aren't you?" he inquired with a slight arch of an eyebrow. He leaned slightly closer to her. "I expect great things from you, My Bella."

I cannot have been the only one who saw the flare of jealousy in Rodolphus's eyes, or the flash of fear in Mother's. I think that is the first time either of them realized how deeply drawn to him she was already. Even I, who had watched them from the first meeting, felt sick with some indefinable terror. On her own, Bella had a brilliant mind and unlimited potential. At his side, that could be turned to something truly terrible.

The moment passed, and Lord Voldemort withdrew, for although such social occasions were necessary to be accepted among the pureblood elite, he never lingered long among crowds. When he left, a gloom seemed to lift, at least to me, and I enjoyed the rest of the night. Despite all my fears for Bella, I felt like she was magical that night, and ought to be admired.

She danced with everyone there- not only with family and Rodolphus- but with Father’s friends and shy little boys from Hogwarts and diffident young pureblood men who had never hoped for the interest of Bella Black.

Narcissa and I were by no means ignored. We danced with boys from school, and Sirius and Father and I even danced with Lucius, although I felt like his eyes were on Narcissa the entire time. I never got on with Lucius as we got older, and I think we would have realized that sooner if we had ever spoken. Yet as much as Bella and I disliked him, we never doubted he cared for Cissy. I wonder sometimes, with the clarity of hindsight, if we would have felt the same if we knew what he would lead her into. We wanted nothing more than to protect her. I know that Bella, for all the darkness she embraced for herself, wanted nothing but the bliss of ignorance for Cissy. The instinct to protect a younger sister is strong. We thought that’s what Lucius would give her.

As I drew away from Lucius, rather thankfully for the forced small talk had been nearly painful, I glimpsed Will across the ballroom, looking at me intently. Of course he would be there. With some satisfaction, I turned to Rabastan, who had just asked me to dance. He winked at me and I knew he had seen the look I had just exchanged, and if he pulled me a little closer than was proper, it was because he was on my side, helping me make Will jealous. There was never any romance between us, no matter how my parents, not to say Bella and Rodolphus, would have appreciated it. Many years later I would stand in the shadows in the back of a courtroom, and wonder how I had escaped, and he stood trial with my sister. That night, he gave me a wicked smile, and said, “there’s more of Bella in you than anyone thinks.”

                                                                        *

"So, you're a prefect?" 

Since my Father was holding the badge and a letter to that effect, I assumed this was a rhetorical question, and experience with my Father told me it was best to say nothing at all unless asked an _obvious_ question, so I remained silent. He paced, looking at the letter and then at me as though he couldn't quite make the connection.

"Well, it would seem as though you are conducting yourself properly at school," he finally said. I deemed it wise to stay silent. "Although I don't particularly care for Horace Slughorn...he's far too friendly with mudbloods- do you know who the other prefect for Slytherin is?"

"Rabastan Lestrange, Sir."

"Good, good," he said nodding. "Good family. What about the other houses?"

"I don't know, Sir," I answered honestly, though I could probably make some fairly accurate guesses. "I don't really speak to anyone in other houses," I added. That was a lie, but I figured one that he wanted to hear, and indeed he eyed me over his glasses for a long moment, and then gave another satisfied nod.

"Very well then. Well done Andromeda." He handed me the badge and the letter. "You may go."

As I wandered back upstairs, I considered who else might be a prefect. Bella knew for certain Rabastan was the other for Slytherin, and I was agreeable to that, since he and I got on well enough. I guessed for Gryffindor would be Lily Evans, who was making quite a name for herself at Hogwarts- the darling of all the teachers and popular among students- especially the boys, suckers for a pouty redhead with decent Quidditch skills. And while Sirius and James Potter were perhaps the most gifted students in Gryffindor, I wouldn’t trust them for a second in a position of authority and I doubted McGonagall would either. More likely was their other friend Remus- bright as well, but a good deal quieter and more thoughtful. I didn’t know any Hufflepuffs very well, in fact I could probably count on my fingers the number of conversations I’d had with Hufflepuffs in my time at Hogwarts, but that didn’t mean I didn’t pay attention to who was competing with me for grades. There was a Hufflepuff boy named Christopher Hughes who had an absolutely uncanny understanding of Arithmancy (to my supreme annoyance), and a girl named Emily Chambers who was thought to be particularly talented. As for Ravenclaw, it might possibly be Marlene, but her roommate Lucy Davies probably had better grades, so it was really a toss-up. As for the other Ravenclaw prefect…there was very little doubt in my mind as to who that would be. I wasn’t sure if I was pleased or terrified by that.

                                                                        *

We should have spent the evening getting ready to return to school, but with house elves to pack for us there was little left to do. The boys had been staying with us for a few weeks, but Reggie had gone to spend the last few days of the summer holiday with Tommy Burke, and Sirius had disappeared mysteriously, which I assumed meant he was with one of his Gryffindor buddies and felt life was easier if he didn't advertise the fact. The result was that the last night before we went back to school I spent a pleasant evening with my sisters, girly magazines, nail polish, and red wine. 

Bella had spent the day with Elizabeth in Diagon Alley, and so she was full of gossip.

“You know what I heard about Cecilia MacNair?”

“I heard she was going to stay with family in Ireland, way up North somewhere, because she was sick,” Narcissa said innocently.

Bella smirked. “She’s not sick, she’s _in trouble_.”

It took Narcissa a moment to process what kind of “trouble” a nice pureblood girl could get in that would have her sent away to distant family for roughly nine months or so.

“Oh… _oh_! Well, I heard she was secretly dating some mudblood who works for the liaison office at the Ministry. It only figures something like that would happen,” she said prissily.

“That can happen with purebloods too, Darling. Mind you remember that,” Bella said severely. She was not usually one to give sound “older sister” advice, and Narcissa yelped, smearing nail polish across her hand.

“Bella! Why are you telling _me_ that? Tell Andy!”

“Me?” I sputtered. “I’m just sitting here painting my toenails. How did I get in this conversation?”

Bella grinned wickedly. “You and Will have been going out for two years Andy. You can’t expect us to believe you’re merely holding hands. And it’s always the quiet ones…” she added knowingly to Cissy.

I cursed fair skin that made it incredibly obvious when I blushed. “I’m not even sure if we’re going out anymore. And I’m certainly not…going to get in trouble.” I raised an eyebrow at Bella. “Are you?”

Narcissa looked curious at her answer as well, and I had to admit I had wondered. She had always acted older than she was, and Rodolphus was much older yet than her. He didn’t seem like the sort of man who would be bothered about what was proper behind closed doors, and given the way he looked at her…well, I’d like to think she’d tell me, but I wasn’t sure. She bit her lip, looking between us, all the giggling and teasing suddenly vanished.

“No,” she finally admitted, and Narcissa and I both let out a sigh. “Not from lack of interest,” she went on candidly. “But I have plans, and I don’t want anything to interfere with them. Not even for Rodolphus.”

“What plans?” asked Narcissa innocently. Bella looked at her, studying her carefully in the firelight. As though stalling, she reached for the wine and found the bottle empty.

“Well _that_ simply won’t do,” she stood up, swaying slightly, and left the room.

We sat in companionable silence until Narcissa sighed.

“What?” I asked her.

“Nothing, I just worry about her sometimes.”

I was tempted to ask what she meant, for Narcissa sometimes had surprising insights, but Bella came back then with another bottle of wine, and we were all feeling languid and hazy. I wanted to ask what she had meant, what plans she had that didn’t involve Rodolphus, but I was afraid, if she spoke honestly and freely, of what I might hear. I already knew what while she probably did love him, she saw him as an equal and as an ally, her soul would belong to someone else.

It was nearly an hour later and we had gotten very giggly when Sirius slammed the door open, looking furious.

“What is _wrong_ with girls anyway?” he demanded, glaring at each of us in turn, apparently for the crime of being female.

“Aww, what’s the matter Romeo? Trouble in paradise?” Bella asked sweetly.

He and Marlene had spent the better part of the last term fighting and attempting to hex each other, and so no one had been surprised when they started going out just as the term was ending. I had, of course, mocked her mercilessly, but secretly I wished them well. Her “no bullshit, no nonsense” attitude was exactly what he needed, and what I secretly thought he might want as well. Throughout the summer they seemed to fight about once a week, and yet Sirius was far more engaged than he had been with any of his other girlfriends. He actually seemed to enjoy it between his rants about how women were insane.

She was a pureblood, though more along the lines of James’s family than our own, either his parents thought it just another fling (not unlikely with Sirius) or had learned to pick their battles, but nothing had been said and there had been no move to stop him seeing her. We found his distress rather amusing from the boy who thought he was the hottest thing to ever grace the halls of Hogwarts.

“Have you guys been drinking?” he asked, when we only snickered in response to his question.

I started giggling anew; Narcissa gave him a serene smile.

“Have a drink, Gryffindor?” Bella offered.

“Yeah, sure,” he muttered, dropping down on the couch next to me. She passed him a glass, and he raised it in a little half-toast to all of us. “To love.”

I snorted, and he gave me a curious look. “Cynical, Andy? You, of all people?”

“She and Will are fighting,” Narcissa informed him. I didn’t even bother to snap at her. Very little was private among us. He fixed me with an interested look.

“Really? Did you break up?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted, irritated. I wished Will would give me something. Were we going out again if I decided I was on his side? Merlin knew I could recite the speeches, but did I want to? And how much was I willing to play the part for what was known and comfortable?

“Because if you’re single… _man_ …” he gave a low whistle.

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?” I was sure he was insulting me somehow.

“I’m just saying if you’re single again people are going to be interested. Everyone’s a bit scared of Avery…because he’s scary…but there will be some people happy to hear if the two of you are over.”

“Like who?” I demanded.

He just grinned enigmatically.

“Well, I imagine he’ll come to his senses,” Bella said firmly. “He can’t do any better than a Black girl.”

“That’s the thing though,” I said suddenly, speaking more freely than I normally would. “Sometimes I feel like he just likes dating a Black girl. He has no idea who I am, and doesn’t really care, it’s just my name and bloodline.”

Sirius looked sympathetic and it occurred to me he probably understood that better than anyone. The oldest male heir of the Blacks was no small thing and any girl in the wizarding world would know it meant not only a name, but wealth and power.

“You deserve someone who likes _you_ , Andy. Not the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black,” he said decisively.

Much later, as we were stumbling off to bed (I was still blissfully unaware of my first hangover, which would make itself painfully clear a few hours) Sirius grabbed my arm, drawing me back from Bella and Cissy.

“I meant that, Darling. You deserve better, and you know it’s out there. Andy, you’re more than a bloodline, and I say this in the purely platonic sense of a brother…you’re quite the catch…just recognize _who_ realizes that,” Sirius said, with a wink, and then pushed me after Bella.

Much later that night, I slid into a hazy sleep, Bella gave me her version of that.

“It doesn’t matter really, with Will or anyone else. You’re mine, you know.” 


	18. Falling Apart

** Chapter 18- Falling Apart **

When you have a hangover, getting on an old train filled with teenagers yelling to each other is possibly the most unappealing idea in the world. Needless to say, our enthusiasm to return to Hogwarts the next day after our adventure with merlot was noticeably lacking. None of us had the potions skills or ingredients to make a potion for it, and to ask the house elves would mean it would get back to Mother and Father, and so we suffered. I didn't really have time to focus on my absolutely blinding headache as I had new prefect duties to worry about. I might have forgotten about it entirely in my misery, but I ran into Marlene getting on the train, and noted her shiny badge, and she dragged me along with her to the compartment we were supposed to report to, chattering about other prefects.

"Lily Evans...she's really nice, you'd like her if you got to know her, and Remus...but you already know him on account of he's Sirius's friend. Ted, well, that's no surprise to anyone, although naturally you wouldn't care about that..." she added, with a sort of superior, knowing look.

"No, not particularly," I agreed.

"Then I suppose you also wouldn't be interested the _least little bit_ to know he and Helen broke up over the summer," she added lightly.

I was more interested in that news than I cared to admit, but shrugged. "Again, not particularly."

"And that he's now going out with Alice Taylor, from Gryffindor," she finished, clearly very interested in my reaction to that.

“Well, that was certainly fast,” I said sharply.

Marlene frowned at that, as though she wanted to discuss it further but wasn’t sure if she liked that comment, but she didn’t have time to say anything as we walked into the car where the subject of our discussion was sitting, along with Rabastan. They were eyeing each other warily, but silently, and they both looked rather relieved to see us.

“Whoa Black, you look rough,” Rabastan said, grinning.

“Shove off, Lestrange.”

He smirked, and I saw Ted smile slightly, almost as though to himself. I took the seat next to Rabastan because it was the natural thing to do, we always seemed to segregate ourselves by houses even when we were supposed to mix. A few minutes later Lily Evans stuck her head in, and then said “Yeah, this is it,” and was followed in by Remus Lupin. By the time the train started to move everyone had showed up, including the Head Boy and Girl- Timothy MacDonald and Sally Ackerly (from Gryffindor and Ravenclaw respectively.) I was personally congratulating myself on my accurate guesses as to who the prefects from other houses would be.

We all got a long lecture on how prefects were allowed to take away house points, but anyone abusing that power would find themselves no longer a prefect. Points could be taken only for misbehavior, and being someone we didn’t like did not constitute misbehavior. Rabastan looked highly disappointed by this news.

I chanced to glance up, and found Ted looking at me intently, not listening to the instructions any more than I was. He hadn’t said anything to me, there seemed to be a sort of unspoken understanding that in front of someone from Slytherin, like Rabastan, we weren’t any more than casually acquainted. I hadn’t asked him to do so, but it made both of our lives easier. As soon as I glanced up and met his eyes he smiled at me, and then turned his attention back to Sally, who was explaining that prefects were supposed to set a good example for other students.

After about an hour they sent us off, but rather than immediately trying to catch any misbehavers and exercise our new power, Marlene and I wandered into the train compartment where Sirius and James were sitting with their friend Peter, who I had never actually spoken to. He didn’t really stand out in a crowd, but I guessed he must be fun, being friends with Sirius. All three of them were hunched over a book, rather an odd thing in itself, and Marlene marched over and snatched it away.

“Why are you reading about-” she frowned at the cover. “-Animagi?”

“Maybe because it’s _interesting_ , and who made you the book police anyway?” Sirius replied, taking the book back and stowing it in his bag, then turning an annoyed look at both of us. “I can’t believe you’re both prefects. This is _not_ going to be a good year.”

“No worries here,” said James cheerfully, folding his hands behind his head. “I learned to avoid the prefects years ago.”

“Bet you won’t be avoiding Evans very hard,” smirked Sirius.

James sighed wistfully. “This year she’s going to warm up to me. I’m sure of it.”

Sirius, Peter, and Marlene all rolled their eyes at once, apparently this particular prediction was one he made with some regularity, as Remus came in behind me.

“Dear Merlin, three prefects in one compartment?” said Sirius, putting a hand to his forehead in melodramatic swooning fashion. “I fear I may pass out from the sheer brown-nosing potential here…”

Marlene punched him in the arm (rather hard) and he winced, and I stood to go.

“I’ll lower the average a bit then.”

He looked apologetic. “I didn’t mean…”

I smiled at him. “I know, you were kidding, I’m going to find Bella anyway.”

I didn’t find Bella, as I had gone only a few steps when I ran into Ted. I stopped because I wanted to say something, although I wasn’t really sure how to phrase it. I wanted to thank him for automatically understanding not to greet me normally in front of Rabastan, for giving me the choice of taking on Slytherin’s ingrained ideals or not, and in my own time. It was a vote of confidence, that I would eventually do it on my own, whether he realized that or not.

“Hey,” I said, stopping him.

“I just took points from two Slytherin second years for fighting…do you think this new power is going to corrupt me?”

“It might, you strike me as easily corrupted.”

He laughed. “You all right?” he asked with slight concern. “Lestrange was right, you look a little rough, and you were pretty green while MacDonald was going on and on.”

“I’m fine,” I said briskly, as the train lurched slightly and my head did as well. “Though coffee would be nice…”

His grin widened a little bit. “Are you hungover?”

“Shut up.”

“You are!” he caught my expression and made a concerted effort to stop laughing quite so obviously. “What did you do?”

“Nothing so interesting as you’re imagining. Bella and Cissy and I were just sitting around drinking wine.”

“And then you had a pillow fight in your knickers?”

“Ted!”

“Or that’s how it ends in _my_ mind anyway.” Before I could come up with a satisfactory response to that, he rummaged in his bag and withdrew a small white bottle, which he handed to me. “Aspirin. Take two. It’ll help,” he explained, and when I looked skeptical he added “It’s not going to poison you Andy.”

Someone cleared their throat quietly behind us, and I turned to see Will.

“Can I have a word Andy?”

I shrugged, agreeing without giving him any leeway, and Ted gave Will a particularly nasty glare before leaving us. Will said nothing about the fact that I had been having a conversation with someone who he thought entirely beneath me, and if he thought we were just discussing some sort of prefect business, I wasn’t about to correct that misconception.

He glanced around and then spotted a compartment occupied by only two young Hufflepuffs. He pushed open the door.

“Get out,” he ordered them simply.

The bolder of the two spoke up. “No way, we don’t have to do what you say…”

He pulled out his wand, but I put a hand on his wrist. “Please?”

They grumbled, but realized that Will wasn’t kidding and their bravado was not going to be appreciated. As soon as the door closed behind them he put away his wand, which I supposed I should take as a gesture that this was going to be non-combative discussion. I crossed my arms expectantly. He had asked for a word with me, and so I was going to let him start this.

“Look…” he began, stopped, and then started again. “I don’t want to fight with you. I just don’t know what to think…about anything. You’re not exactly easy to read, and I know you feel like I’m telling you what to think, but I’m doing that because I don’t know what you think.”

I suppose it’s sad that this speech reminded me what I had liked about him originally. He wasn’t a thug, he didn’t get off on violence for its own sake. When he was himself, and not in the company of people like Lucius and Rodolphus and his brother, and not stirred up by their enthusiasm for the cause, then I felt like I knew him, he was calm, and reasonable. He was smart, and talented, and even funny when he allowed himself to relax. I had admitted to Sirius and my sisters that I thought he might be dating me just because he liked my name and my family, but I didn’t think that’s where it had started. There was a point he really had liked me. It occurred to me suddenly, and not without some guilt, that I was doing the same thing. Was I still with him because I really wanted to be, or because it was so easy and everyone approved? Infatuation as a child is very different from trying to reconcile someone into your life as an adult, and there was no ignoring that we weren’t the same people we had been two years ago. He was smart enough to realize that as well. What we still had was really nothing more than what was most convenient for both of us.

“I’m not trying to be mysterious,” I said helplessly. “And I’m not trying to start fights. I just don’t feel about it the way you do. I can’t say without exception that it’s worth it because I don’t really see what it is my family lacks that we’re meant to take back.”

“It’s-“

“It’s not that I don’t understand the politics, don’t explain it to me like I’m a child,” I warned.

He stuck his hands in his pockets. “So? Where does that leave us?” He leaned back against the train window and looked at me. “We’re breaking up, aren’t we?”

I nodded, not entirely trusting what I might say. He glanced away from me for a second, and then nodded as well.

“Okay,” he said quietly. “I hope you’re sure about some of these choices Andy, because I can’t protect you if you make the wrong ones.” He kissed me briefly, and left.

                                                                        *

“Well, it’s not the end of the world,” Bella pronounced, as I sat on the foot of her bed that night and told her about it. It was late, I had gotten through the opening feast, and making sure all the first years got to their rooms properly and Rabastan didn’t terrorize them, but I wanted Bella’s reassurance that it wasn’t a huge mistake. I actually felt relieved to have the whole matter settled. “Really it might be for the best. They’re a good family, but there are better families out there if we talking about marriage.” 

“I wasn’t really…”

“You can bet Mother and Father are,” she replied. “But that’s no reason you can’t have fun for awhile.”

She said all of this while frowning at the timetable for her classes, which she had been unable to decide upon. To no one’s surprise, she had come out with excellent scores on her O.W.Ls. On the ones she considered “real magic” (Transfiguration, Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Potions) she had gotten an “outstanding,” and even on the ones she considered a waste of time she had managed to pull off an “acceptable” or higher. She was planning to do N.E.W.T classes in all of the ones she’d done an Outstanding in, and was trying to decide if she wanted to take any others. I wasn’t sure exactly why she was so concerned about taking the right N.E.W.T classes when she had already announced she knew she wouldn’t have a regular job that would look at her scores.

I shrugged. “I wasn’t really thinking about that kind of fun either.”

“Don’t rule it out, is all I’m saying,” she said, with an irritated sigh as she pushed open the curtains around her bed, which she had charmed so her roommates wouldn’t hear us and laid the timetables on the bedside table.

“Right. I’m going to bed, I’m exhausted.” I started to go.

She frowned and let the curtains fall shut. “No, stay.”

“Why?”

She frowned. “Because I want you to.”

I conceded, not really caring enough where I slept to make it a fight.

“You know, you never really said what it was you guys fought about,” she said suddenly, a few minutes later.

“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”

“Mhm. You used to tell me everything.”

                                                                        *

“No question about it. That job is cursed,” Reg said decisively the next morning at breakfast. The Defense Against the Dark Arts position had changed hands again, when Professor Langlais had met with an accident while working again for the Department of Mysteries over the summer. She was in St. Mungo’s, and there was no word on what exactly had happened or whether or not she was expected to recover. There was also no word yet on who our new teacher was meant to be. I was surprised anyone was willing to take it, given the track record. 

“Why would a teacher job be cursed? Zat is stupid,” Adrienne said, and he blushed and quickly looked down. Reggie had a bad case of unrequited love for her, something he thought to be a great secret, when in fact everyone knew.

“Not so stupid,” Bella said quietly. “There’s no better time to influence people than when they’re young. And no better way to control people but through their children.”

I stared at her, wondering where she had gotten that from. She seemed to think she had said too much, and so just shrugged and went back to frowning at her class schedule again.

I didn’t have to wait long to find out about the new Defense teacher, as I had the class that afternoon. I walked into the class with Shannon and Adrienne, and ran into them as they both stopped dead.

“Whoa,” muttered Shannon, followed but Adrienne’s quiet “ _Mon Dieu_!” I peeked around them to see what they were talking about. The new teacher was standing in profile, writing on the board, and he was absolutely gorgeous- at least six feet, wavy dark hair, sparkling blue eyes, and a perfect physique. While we stood in the doorway gawking, more students were arriving, with rather divided reactions.

“Now that’s more like it,” said Annabelle.

“Oh you have _got_ to be bloody kidding me,” said Frank Longbottom, directly after her.

“Well hel _lo_ ,” said Marlene, appearing at my elbow. “Easy on the eyes, that one.”

“I know.” I had to agree. While I was hardly the type to set my sights on a teacher, that didn’t mean I couldn’t admire the scenery. Finally, as we were causing a pile-up outside the door, we had to move into the classroom, and without even realizing I did so, I sat next to Marlene rather than joining Adrienne and Annabelle in their stampede to sit in the front row. I didn’t even realize how strange that was until I saw Annabelle turn in her seat and give me a strange look. By that point changing seats would have looked even more obvious, so I stayed where I was. I tried to reason that Marlene and I had been friends since second year, everyone knew we were friends, and there was nothing particularly strange about it, but I also knew that I was breaking some kind of deep-seated Slytherin protocol. Perhaps even more disconcerting, Ted was sitting on her other side.

“Good afternoon class, I’m Professor Browning.”

“Yes, you certainly are, aren’t you?” Marlene muttered under her breath.

“Are we going to have to listen to your commentary for the entire class?” Ted muttered back.

“Oh, I reckon the entire year…”

                                                                        *

A few weeks into the term, Sirius and Marlene broke up. Of course, they would break up hundreds of times over the years they were together. We would quickly learn that it was their favorite way of ending an argument, and they would promptly get back together again, be absolutely nauseating for about a week, and then repeat the process. The first time, however, we didn’t know this so it seemed like a great crisis. Being the cousin of one and the good friend of the other, and feeling somewhat responsible for them being together, I was naturally the one stuck in the middle, listening to their respective rants about each other. 

“Just who the hell does he think he is anyway…” was pretty much the way all of Marlene’s comments began, and I more or less made noises of agreement that yes, Sirius could be quite a prat, and yes, men in general were all quite useless, and yes, we probably would be better off if they were all just eaten by hippogriffs.

I was rather inclined to agree with at least the last two statements, since it seemed Sirius had been correct, once it became generally known, in the way things simply _did_ at Hogwarts, that Will and I were no longer going out, I noticed a definite increase in male attention. One Ravenclaw sixth year had asked me to “study” with him, and I had agreed as he was quite good looking. I had quickly realized that his idea of “studying” didn’t involve books, quills, or parchment, and cut that particular study session short immediately with a relatively harmless but rather painful hex.  Subsequent invitations were turned down summarily.

I made a point of finding out everything I could about Alice Taylor, which, since she was in Gryffindor, was surprisingly easy. I simply asked Sirius, who was kind enough not to comment on my strange habit of investigating the girlfriends of a boy I claimed to have no interest in. To my extreme irritation, there was absolutely nothing to dislike about her. A year younger than us, she was pretty in a warm, friendly sort of way, the top of her class, and generally well-liked by everyone in Gryffindor. According to Sirius, she was quiet at first, but really quite sarcastic and witty when you got to know her, and really very clever. In short, she sounded perfect for him. Even Sirius admitted she was "really quite a cool girl" and I was in a snit with him for a week over this perceived disloyalty, although had I been called on to explain exactly how it was disloyal I probably couldn't have. In all honestly, she really was lovely, and we ultimately became good friends, and it caused Sirius no end of amusement to remind me all the self-imposed angst I had endured.

I was so wrapped up in my own friends and their romantic intrigues that I didn’t realize the slow shift that was taking place. I was spending less and less time among Slytherins, and though I didn’t notice, it never occurred to me that Bella did.

The last Hogsmeade week-end before the holidays fell on a bright, sunny Saturday, and I spent it mostly with Marlene. She and Sirius had made up (and subsequently broken up and made up again) and we spent a while with his friends in the Three Broomsticks, until they went off on some mysterious errand, which Marlene took in stride. I suppose she’d have to in order to date Sirius. We spent the rest of the afternoon shopping with her roommate Lucy.

Ted caught me as Marlene and I came back into the entrance hall as twilight fell, having stayed in Hogsmeade as long as we could. He was breathless, and looked worried.

“I was looking for you, there’s a fight,” he began. I gave him an odd look.

“So? You’re a prefect, why do you need me to take care of it?”

“Because…it’s…well, I think it might be…”

He didn’t have to finish, because I saw the glossy black of Sirius’s hair in the midst of a forming knot of students.

Sirius fighting was not particularly unusual, he’d had his share of fights at Hogwarts, very often on behalf of some female, that Gryffindor chivalry complex getting the better of him.

“Oh no…” I muttered, pushing through them, and then stopped as I saw what was really going on. The person he was arguing with was not some other boy who’d made a snide comment in the halls. It was Bella. Bella fighting _was_ unusual, mostly because anyone with any sense was afraid of her.

For a moment I stood frozen with indecision, I didn’t want to get between them, but Blacks simply did not air family conflicts in public. They were both too angry to realize that, looking murderous. There was no laughter or hint of amusement in Sirius’s features, his eyes suddenly cold and deadly. I couldn’t see Bella’s face, but before I could touch her or say anything, she stepped forward and slapped him so hard it rang through the hall. My first thought was that it was an odd reaction for someone who used magic as naturally and easily as she did, but then her relationship with Sirius had always been so intensely and sometimes violently physical, and she had never been capable of cold detachment and calculation when it came to those she loved, or hated, and I think then, with Sirius, it was both. Driven to action by the sheer force she put behind it, I grabbed her arm.

“Bella, don’t.”

“Stay out of this Andy,” Sirius said tightly, eyes barely flickering to me. “I know who it was Bella…how would Mummy and Daddy feel about you then? For all their complaining about me, you’ll be the one dragging the family name through the mud,” his words were short and clipped and so cold that he frightened me.

“You’re a disgrace to the family already, and I won’t let you drag us down to the mudbloods and muggles…” her eyes glittered dangerously, with that kind of horrible expression that made me feel like she wasn’t entirely there. “I’ll kill you first.”

“What’s going on here?” Tim MacDonald hurried across the hall, and with the authority of Head Boy, didn’t seem the least bit concerned that either one of them would turn on him without a second thought. I wasn’t so sure. “Get on to dinner, all of you, before I start giving out detentions.”

Sirius started to say something, and then turned on his heel and headed in the direction of Gryffindor Tower. Bella shook off my hand and headed for Slytherin, people nearly jumping out of her way when they got a look at her face.

Students drifted away, I could hear them muttering to each other, “I thought she really might kill him,” and “Did you hear what he called her?”

There were a number of times in my life I was glad for Marlene’s cool head in a crisis, and she put her hand on my arm. "I'll deal with Sirius. I suggest you go and make sure she doesn't do anything unusually stupid."

She was right, and yet before dealing with Bella I figured I ought to get at least a vague idea of what had happened, which Narcissa could only give me a half-outline of. Apparently Bella had a mysterious appointment to keep in Hogsmeade, and Sirius, hoping either to get her in trouble or keep her from trouble, we weren't sure which, had taken it upon himself to follow her. Narcissa had no idea how he might have managed this without being seen, but then she didn't know about James Potter's invisability cloak. Whatever the method, Bella found out about it, and while she was unable to get to him in Gryffindor Tower, had cornered him on the way to dinner. Apparently what had started as a little spat has escalated into what I had walked in on.

In a way, I was annoyed with the both of them for simply being stupid- Bella for thinking Hogsmeade with all of Hogwarts there would offer any kind of privacy for whatever she'd had planned, and Sirius for being foolish enough to meddle when he had no idea what he was getting into. On the other hand, I felt like this had been coming for awhile and this was just the spark to set it off. It didn’t really matter what had started it, it had just been the one incident that got them both angry enough for things to come to a boil.

Elizabeth was sitting on one of the couches in the Slytherin common room, and when she saw me heading for the stairs advised, "I wouldn't Andy, Bella's in a rage." The comment was punctuated by the sound of something breaking above me.

"I know," I said grimly.

She had broken something, for the floor was littered with glass shards that crunched under my shoes when I stepped into the room. As soon as she heard the door she whipped around with her wand pointed at my heart. I didn’t flinch, and slowly, she lowered it slightly. “Get out.”

“No.” I shut the door behind me. “What were you thinking? We do _not_ make our family matters public.”

“Sirius hardly deserves to call himself a Black anymore,” she spat.

“Because he wanted to know what you’re up to? Hell Bella, I wonder that myself sometimes. Half the time you’re too stupid and careless to realize how much trouble you could get into.”

“How can you take his side?”

“I’m not taking anyone’s side, I was just trying to stop both of you from airing family conflicts in front of every damned student at Hogwarts. And do you really think it’s smart to be broadcasting death threats to everyone within hearing distance of the Great Hall? How does Azkaban sound, Bella?”

She turned back to me, eyes narrowed, and put her hand against my cheek. “What’s the matter Andy?” she said, in a horrible, mocking little voice, “were you scared?” Her hand slid over my skin, nails scoring slightly, not enough to leave a mark, but enough that I knew it wasn’t an affectionate touch. I slapped her hand away, and for a second her eyes flashed and I wasn’t sure that she wouldn’t hurt me.

“Sirius is a blood traitor,” she said, clenching the hand I had just slapped away. “Mark my words, he’ll come to a bad end.” Suddenly her hand flashed out again and she grabbed me by the arm, as though she might shake me. “When this war ends, those who were on the right side will be honored, beyond anything we can imagine. We’ll live in a world where purity is the standard. Those who opposed him will be lower than muggles. I won’t let him drag the family down, and damned if I’ll lift a finger to save him.” She released me, but then turned and perhaps in an unconscious gesture, put her hand on my shoulder, fingers curling around my throat in what was almost, but not quite, a threat. “I hope you understand the concept of loyalty better than he does, Andromeda.”

                                                                        *

I was sitting in the library, not because I intended to study, but because I was usually left alone there, sitting at a table that looked out over the grounds, and generally hidden from view, so anyone who wanted to find me would have to do some looking. Nevertheless, I wasn’t terribly surprised when Ted sat across from me. 

“You all right?”

“Sure, I’m fine,” I tried to sound casual and failed miserably.

“Look, I’m really sorry for throwing you into the middle of that. Just that I’ve seen you guys, your family I mean, kind of close ranks when you fight, and I thought it might be better if you broke it up.”

“Thanks…I mean you’re right, normally it would be. But when they’re both mad like that there’s really no talking them down.”

“I could tell. You get caught in the middle rather a lot.”

I shrugged. “They can’t go on like this forever.”

He frowned. “At some point, you have to take care of yourself and let them do what they will. Maybe you can’t save everyone, and maybe, it’s not your job to.” 


	19. Love Lessons

** Chapter 19- Love Lessons **

For the last few days leading up to the Christmas holiday, Bella and I barely spoke to each other. I was distracted even from exams, which had previously seemed all-important, struggling with the confrontation we had over her fight with Sirius. For the first time I was not entirely sure Bella wouldn't hurt me, and that was an idea that had truly never occurred to me before. For the first time, I wondered what she was capable of. I knew about the dark magic, I had always thought her exploration was academic. Was she capable of unforgivable curses? Was she capable of murder? Had she killed already?

I suppose she was trying to adjust to the realization that maybe I didn't believe as strongly as she did. I'm sure she never suspected that I had started, in my own way, to doubt her cause as much as Sirius, but she realized I didn't share her passion. For so long she had assumed we thought the same things. She didn't reconcile herself to it, for Bella never accepted anything that wasn't on her terms, but at the very least she began to understand.

As always, Narcissa was the one who noticed and worried when we fought. Until Lucius became the center of her world (for then he was still on the periphery, waiting for her to grow up), Bella and I were the constant and familiar to her, and dissension between us left her adrift. She had learned early on to navigate Bella’s moods and my silences, but she had no idea how to get us to make up, and during those last years she was often in the middle.

When we went home for the holidays, with nothing else to do and no one else to talk to, we hesitantly eased into normalcy. Still unable to forget the unease her sudden rage had left me with, I was still glad for the return of the Bella I knew; I had missed her. I don’t know how much Bella was doing for Lord Voldemort then, or if she was doing anything at all. She was not one to take sitting on the sidelines so it seems from the vantage point of many years later, she must have been, but she seemed carefree. In fact, as the round of parties approached, it seemed her biggest concern was the fact that I didn’t have a boyfriend.

I personally didn’t really mind being single. It wasn’t unusual, I was only fifteen. But then when you took into consideration the fact that both of my sisters had latched onto the men they would marry at the age of eleven and never had a second thought, I suppose it did make me a bit of an anomaly in my own family. By the night of our parents’ winter ball, Bella had decided the situation simply had to be remedied.

She called over Narcissa, and then for good measure Elizabeth, and sat in a chair near the steps and surveyed the room with the air of a queen.

“All right ladies, it’s time to find Andy a man. Now, we have collected here in this ballroom almost all of the eligible young men in the pureblood world. Surely we can decide on one.”

“Bella, you’ve got to be kidding, I’m not-“

She held up a hand imperiously to stop me. “Now Andy, no arguments, you broke up with Will four months ago, and you’ve not been dating at all. How will we ever get you married at that rate?” Her voice was teasing, and it seemed like she was raising the question merely for amusement, but under that there was an element of truth to it. “Now, we’re looking for someone within a reasonable age range, good-looking of course, and arguably single.”

Narcissa and Elizabeth seemed to take this task seriously, scanning the ballroom. I rolled my eyes and tried to protest again. “Bella, this is-“

“It took you two years to get brave enough to admit you liked Avery-“

“I was eleven then!”

“Still, you may as well be having a bit of fun.”

It’s not that I was averse to the kind of fun Bella was referring to, but more that the kind of brief-but-intense flings she enjoyed were simply not my style, they didn’t suit my personality. But I also knew that when Bella got an idea in her head, there was no dissuading her.

“What about Rigobert Bulstrode?” suggested Narcissa. “His father’s just died, so he’s come into a good bit of money, and he’s only a year out of school.”

“Haven’t you seen what’s written about him on the wall of the fourth floor girls’ bathroom at Hogwarts?” Elizabeth said.

“Oh…right…” agreed Narcissa. I had no idea what it said on the wall of the fourth floor girls’ room, and I decided I didn’t want to.

“What about Oswin Vaisey?” Bella suggested. “He’s a seventh year, and quite good looking, and they’d be rather pretty together.”

“After that rumor about him and that house elf? No way!” Elizabeth said firmly. I definitely didn’t want to know the details of that one, and apparently Bella didn’t either.

The whole conversation only served to illustrate the disconnect between Bella and other people her age. She had little interest in teenage gossip and drama. She didn’t have girlfriends like other girls our age, and the friends she did have were generally older. Her interests ran to very different things.

“Tristan Travers then?” suggested Bella.

“Umm…you don’t think he’s…” Elizabeth began delicately.

“He’s what?” she replied.

“You know…ah…he’s…”

“Chasing for the other team?” I suggested.

Bella gave a shriek of laughter that made Mother shoot her a deadly glare from all the way across the hall. “Is he? Well, that explains a great deal!”

“Why not Paul Yaxley?” suggested Narcissa. “I know you say he’s a prat, but Lucius says he’s all right.”

“He’s got a girlfriend,” Elizabeth pointed out.

Bella snorted. “She’s not that pretty. Andy could have him if she wanted him.”

“She wouldn’t steal another girl’s boyfriend, she’s too nice.”

I appreciated this vote of confidence from Elizabeth, but Bella cut an annoyed look in her direction. “Don’t underestimate Andy. Blacks always get what they want.”

“This is stupid. I definitely am not interested in Yaxley. Cissy was right to begin with, he’s a prat, and I’m certainly not going to date anyone based on Lucius’s assessment.”

“What about Marshall Urquhart?” Elizabeth went on.

“Nah, Andy likes smart guys, and he couldn’t find a clue with both hands and a _lumos_ spell,” Bella decided.

Elizabeth sighed. “High standards will get you nowhere Andy.”

Bella frowned, and then her face cleared. “What about Hadrian Davis? He’s quite smart, and he’s good-looking, and he recently broke up with that prissy little Ravenclaw girl.”

This was, of all of her suggestions, the most reasonable. Hadrian Davis was in fact one of the more likeable Slytherin boys- soft-spoken, intelligent, and more inclined to stand back and not participate in the bullying and mind games that were part of the Slytherin culture. He had survived in Slytherin because he was a pure-blood, and his mother was a McMillan, an old and wealthy family.

My lack of an immediate protest seemed like agreement to Bella, and so she gave me a push in his direction. “Go on then, ask him to dance.”

“I am going to do no such thing Bellatrix Black!”

She stood, tossed her hair over her shoulder, and shrugged. “Fine, I’ll ask him. But I’m going to tell him he should ask you to dance.”

Elizabeth and Narcissa seemed to find this terrible amusing, but I wasn’t about to be set up by Bella, and so as soon as she sauntered away, I took the opportunity to slip outside.

It was surprisingly cool outside on the terrace, clear and refreshingly quiet after the crowd and noise inside. It was a nearly a full moon, and the countryside was bathed in moonlight. I was leaning against the railing when a voice spoke softly behind me.

“What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?”

Ted had once used the same line on me, and so I whirled around and found it was only Sirius, balanced precariously on the railing, threatening to plunge backwards some twenty feet down to the ground.

“Get down from there, you’ll fall!” I commanded, irritated by the scare he’d given me. He considered a moment, and then obligingly hopped down.

“What are you doing out here? Why not inside breaking hearts?” I inquired.

“I have a girlfriend,” he pointed out.

“Only about half the time,” I corrected him.

He finally cracked a smile. “Touché.”

After an episode in which Marlene had made me scream and cover my ears by revealing a tad too much information about how they made up, I had politely requested to resign my job as their relationship counselor. It was simply more than I wanted to know about someone who I often felt was more of a brother than a cousin. I still knew when they fought (anyone who happened to be in the same wing of Hogwarts knew when they fought) but I was spared the details.

“I just needed a breath from all the heartbreaking,” he answered me. “And what are you escaping?”

“Bella trying to marry me off. Oh, stop laughing! It’s not funny.”

“No, actually it’s very funny. What fine examples of pureblood masculinity did she offer up for your consideration?”

“I think anyone with a pulse who isn’t already married is eligible. And the not married is negotiable, as I think she might be willing to knock off a wife if she thought it would get me settled down to marital bliss.”

“Well, no one has ever thought Bella was stupid,” he finally said, with a shrug. The comment didn’t seem to follow, as the whole thing did seem rather ridiculous to me. Sirius caught my confused look. “Don’t you see why she cares who you date?”

“So she can embarrass me?” I suggested.

“I’m sure that’s an unexpected benefit, but no. Ultimately, if you end up with someone in that ballroom there, Bella has a guarantee that you’re tied to her world. She can’t lose you.”

“And the fact that this is my family and she’s my sister doesn’t tie me to this world?”

He sighed and leaned back against the railing, looking up at the stars. “When push comes to shove, maybe not. This war is forcing a lot of choices on a lot of people.”

Most people did not see Sirius as particularly insightful, and normally he wasn’t, but he was and intelligent and perceptive, and did have moments of clarity that showed a surprising grasp of human nature, and it made me uncomfortable.

“Sirius, are you all right?”

“Sometimes I just…” he hesitated, shook his head slightly. “I’ve just been thinking maybe…” he stopped.

“What?” I prompted.

He brought his eyes back to me, and I must have looked worried, for he smiled at me. “Nothing. I’m fine Andy. Really. I suppose we should stop depriving all the people inside of the pleasure of our company.” He offered me an arm, and when I hesitated, added, “Really Andy, I’m fine, you just caught me in one of my rare introspective moods. I won’t let it happen again.”

“See that you don’t.”

                                                                        *

It was a few days later that I went to Diagon Alley with Uncle Alphard. I don’t recall why Bella and Narcissa didn’t come along, but I had gone in the hope of being left alone again. As we got older, I think we all started to wish for the kind of independence that teenagers usually do, but our parents still kept us at home, for fear we would mix with the wrong people. Bella and Sirius solved this by sneaking out, and ultimately I would get to that point as well. Though not completely averse to breaking the rules, I generally kept it as my Plan B. 

I was disappointed, as he insisted as we arrived that I would have to stay with him. When I asked why, he merely said that Diagon Alley wasn’t as safe as it had once been. Although we knew in Hogwarts that the war was escalating, we didn’t really feel it, while Diagon Alley certainly did. The streets were still crowded, but people didn’t linger at shop windows or stop to talk to each other, they ran their errands efficiently. Groups of children didn’t congregate at the sweet shops or the Quidditch supply, but instead were kept tightly in hand by their parents. It was a bright, sunny day following a dusting of snow the night before, but there was still an air of suppressed tension and urgency hanging over everyone.

I kept up a childish sulk through most of the errands he had to make, and when he was finished he tried to appease me by taking me to lunch. This worked somewhat as it was a large, popular sort of restaurant with an outdoor patio (made comfortable in December by a warming charm) where we watched the people passing, and he entertained me by telling me funny stories about what passing people had been like when they were children at Hogwarts.

“Now Augusta Longbottom,” he said, nodding to the regal woman as she passed. “She was terrible at charms. She’s not a stupid woman, but she just had trouble with charms. One time in her fifth year, _completely_ by accident, she cast a sleeping charm on the whole class. It was the last class of the day, so it wasn’t until the next morning the first class found them all, sleeping like babies, even the teacher.”

“See that tall man with the green cloak, he was a year ahead of me, and he fancied Walburga all through school.” I found this a little hard to swallow, but then when I considered it further, Sirius’s and Reg’s mother was attractive in her own cold and regal sort of way, and she probably had been quite beautiful as a girl, even if aging had not been particularly kind to her. “He used to send her love letters constantly. Well, he was a pureblood, but always rather poor and definitely not worthy of her notice, so she always just chucked them into the fire. I don’t reckon he ever quite got over her marrying Orion.”

I was about to say that if you were going to spend our life pining over a woman there were better ones than my Aunt Walburga, but I stopped myself, remembering that she was his sister. True, I had never seen any indication that they were particular close, but it took nothing more than a single word against Bella or Narcissa to bring out my claws, and who was to say they were any different?

He went on. “Now that woman with the four little boys? She was a fantastic Quidditch player. Hufflepuff, so not exactly Minister of Magic material, if you know what I mean, but excellent on a broom. During a match gone bad in her fourth year she disappeared for about six weeks, nobody knew what happened to her. They found her, obviously, but she was always a little off after that.”

I was enjoying myself despite my earlier sulking, but as he talked on, a woman coming out of the stationary shop across the street caught my eye. She stepped out of the shop, and then paused and rifled through the bag she was carrying, as though making sure she hadn’t forgotten something. The bright sunshine and the angle she stood at gave me a startlingly clear look at her, and her profile, her hair, and even in a strange way her movements, were alarmingly like Bella.

She was much older than me, perhaps thirty, and entirely unfamiliar. It seemed unlikely that there was a Black I didn’t know, for although the family was large and far-flung, we kept track of our own.

“Look at that woman,” I said suddenly, cutting him off. “Over there outside the stationary shop. Wait until she turns…there, you see. She looks so much like Bella!”

“Mhm, that she does,” he replied casually, as though there was nothing at all strange about it. “Also quite like you, then, naturally.”

“But who is she? I’ve never seen her before.”

“Her name is Lyra Weasley. At least I believe it is. She may be married now, I hardly know, been years since I’ve run into her.”

“Weasley?” I repeated. “But Weasleys have red hair.”

There were a few immutable facts in the world, and one of them was that Weasleys had red hair and were poor. It was one of those constant things, like gravity and tides, that you could count on. Uncle Alphard chuckled.

“Usually, yes, but the Black genes are pretty strong, and tend to show.”

I blinked, while he sipped his coffee as though there was nothing surprising about that comment at all.

“But you said she was a Weasley.”

He nodded sagely. “Yes, her father was Septimus Weasley. Her mother was Cedrella Black.”

I squinted, trying to picture the family tree. It was huge, but I was fairly sure there was no Cedrella on it. I was about to say this, but Uncle Alphard seemed to be following my thoughts, and said “Think, Andromeda.”

“The burn marks?” I said, phrasing it as a question even though I knew I was right. We did not discuss family scandals, so we didn’t know the story behind any of those marks, but it didn’t take much to figure out they had done something very, very bad.

“Yes, Cedrella is…or was, I’m not sure if she’s still living…the daughter of Arcturus, who was the youngest of Phineas and Ursula’s children. She met Weasley at Hogwarts I suppose, although she was in Slytherin and he was, I suppose, in Gryffindor, Weasleys always are. There’s always been a rivalry between those houses, but it ebbs and wanes depending on the political climate, and sometimes it’s no more than friendly jabs over Quidditch.” I found that awfully hard to imagine, but said nothing, and he went on. “Of course, this is well before my time, so I don’t really know _how_ they became friends, but it’s not so hard, you see someone in class, in the great hall, at Quidditch games. Anyway, I don’t suppose anyone knew, because they were quiet about it, and surely you’ve noticed the family’s selective blindness when it comes to people “beneath” us.” He paused, sipped his coffee, and I didn’t say anything, not wanting to distract him from finishing the story. “She was engaged to one of the Burke boys. In those days, they were still arranging marriages obviously, now at least they give the pretense of choice. In those days girls usually left school after their O.W.Ls, no need for a higher education really, and it was a few weeks after she left school that Arcturus got word that someone saw her in Diagon Alley with that blood-traitor Weasley. That was enough to ruin a girl’s reputation, and so he forbid her to see Weasley again, and moved up the wedding. It seemed she was resigned to it, agreed to the marriage, that she was accepting what her family wanted. Then the night before her wedding, she disappeared.”

“She ran away with him?” I said, pulled in by the story.

“Yes, and I’m sure there was a great scandal and the walls shook, and then she was disowned, and blasted off the family tree.”

“Why did she then? She must have known that would happen if she ran off.”

He smiled faintly. “I imagine because she loved him.”

“But she’d be poor forever, and she’d never be able to see her family ever again.”

He chuckled, and leaned back in his chair, his hands clasped behind his head. “Ah, the arrogance of youth. You have no idea, Andromeda, how powerful love can be.”

I cut off whatever I had been preparing to say and looked at him. I couldn’t claim that I was close to him, or that I knew him well. He was simply the eccentric uncle who was in and out of our lives. He was different, he had made the choice to not get married, not have children. It had never occurred to me, until then, to wonder why. What was different about him and his life that made him take a different path than his siblings? There was a part of me that wanted to ask, but while I was trying to find the words to do so, he smiled and tossed down his napkin.

“And someday Andy, I hope you find out. Come along, we’d better be going.”

                                                                        *

“Sirius?” 

“Hm?”

“…Nevermind.”

Sirius put down his quill and looked at me. We were in the old library, and he had been working intensely on something. O.W.L year or not, I doubted he was studying over the holidays, but I decided with Sirius it was sometimes better not to know. I had found him there alone when I was seized with a sudden interest in seeing the family tree that hung in there, identical to the one that hung in the drawing room at Grimmauld Place.

“Andromeda, that’s three times you’ve started to say something and then stopped. Is there something you want to ask me?”

“It’s silly really, but I was just curious…why do you think Uncle Alphard never married? It’s a bit odd for this family, isn’t it? I mean we don’t really encourage alternative lifestyles.”

“Understatement of the year, that,” he said, with a roll of his eyes. “As for why Uncle Alphard never married, it’s because the woman he loved married someone else.”

I stared. “What makes you think that?”

“I don’t think it, I know it. Because he told me.”

“He did?”

He shrugged. “I asked.”

“Who was she?

“He didn’t tell me her name, he just said that her parents wanted her to marry someone else, and she did.”

“That’s…really sad.”

“Marlene thinks it’s romantic,” he said, and then picked up his quill again. “What brought this on?”

“Nothing. I was just wondering.” 


	20. Not Just a River in Egypt

** Chapter 20- Not Just a River in Egypt **

We went back to Hogwarts and immediately found ourselves buried in an inhumane amount of homework, supposedly to prepare us for our O.W.Ls which suddenly seemed to be very soon. If there was one thing I was at least relatively confident about, it was my ability to do well on exams, but I was struggling with the fact that whatever N.E.W.T classes I took would determine the rest of my life. All of the fifth years seemed to think of nothing else but exams and their future careers. The more logical part of my mind told me it didn’t really matter, I could take nothing but herbology and still not have to worry particularly about my future standard of living, but pride would prevent me from doing that. Most of the students in Slytherin, not least my own family, had an overwhelming sense of entitlement. In many ways they were saved by the fact that in addition to pure blood, the other hallmark of Slytherin was ambition, and ambitious people are rarely lazy. Ruthless and thoughtless and morally ambiguous, but never lazy. It is why, despite the fact that so many of us were born with the idea that the world already belonged to us, that was never quite enough.

Sirius appeared to be struggling as well, and far more vocally. He declared to anyone who asked that he wasn’t going to waste his life sitting around Grimmauld Place being boring (a pretty clear indication of how he felt about his role as heir, if anyone cared to think about it). First, he declared he wanted to be an Auror, probably because James wanted to be an Auror. While nobody questioned his talent, ability, or dedication, they did question someone with his lack of impulse control managing to stay the three year course of Auror training. He would do something reckless, trying to be funny or trying to be a hero, and the Auror Division would not laugh and give him a detention as Hogwarts teachers always had. Then he saw a brochure about treasure hunters for Gringott’s and decided that sounded cool and had a bit more legal flexibility, but he didn’t have Arithmancy. The pattern was pretty clear, he was looking for action and adventure, and I didn’t think the vague role of “head of the family” would be quite enough for him.

The truth was, although I hadn’t even really admitted it to anyone, not even Sirius or Marlene, and in a way not even myself, I did want to have a job and in some vague corner of my mind I knew what it was. I didn’t want to admit it to the extent that I wondered to myself why I had kept the brochure out of the pile on the table in the common room.

                                                                        *

“Is this a four or a nine?” 

“That’s clearly a four.”

“If it was clear, I wouldn’t have to ask,” Ted sighed.

“Can you please just tell me where I went wrong without the commentary on my penmanship?”

“I’m looking, I’m looking,” he replied. Swallowing my pride, against my better judgment, and knowing that I was setting myself up for merciless mockery, I had asked Ted to look at an Arithmancy assignment that I had gone over and over and couldn’t get right. It was a blow to my ego, but with exams approaching I didn’t dare fall behind in my hardest class. As much as I would never admit it, Ted was quicker to spot errors in logic, while I was tidier in my work and quicker to spot his careless mistakes.

“Here,” he said triumphantly, stabbing it with his quill. “What’s all this? This whole formula is all skewed Andy. D’you want to look at mine?”

“No, I can do my own homework,” I said haughtily. “I just couldn’t see where I’d gone off track.” I sighed and closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “Thank you.”

“Was that so hard?” he teased, passing the paper back to me. When I didn’t answer immediately, he was off on another subject, as usual. “Are you lot in Slytherin having to do this job choosing thing with your head of house?”

I nodded, dragging out my Arithmancy book. “Bit stupid really, I mean Slughorn is decent and all, but it’s not as though we’re close and he knows me terribly well or what I like and don’t…”

Ted nodded. “Yep, I think Flitwick is an excellent charms teacher and all that, but…but odd, figuring it out now. I don’t feel a bit grown up or ready to have a job. What do you reckon sounds interesting?”

I gave him a slightly raised eyebrow. “Tonks, Blacks do not have _jobs_.”

I gave “jobs” the same inflection most people reserved for “communicable diseases.”

“Well, _lah-di-dah_ ,” he muttered. “Then how do Blacks get _money_?”

“Do you really not understand the concept of ‘family money’?”

He nodded, allowing that point. “All right, so what do you do? You, a Black, get up in the morning, and you don’t have a _job_ ,” he copied my tone, “then what do you do all day?”

I considered this, and thought about what my mother did. “Well, mostly I guess they go out, like shopping or to spas or to lunch…they seem to have tea a lot.”

“Is that what you want?”

“What I want is really not the issue.”

“Pretend for a moment it is,” he said simply.

“I guess…well, I think it might be interesting…” I almost showed him the brochure I’d been carrying around in my bag, but stopped myself, the Black and Slytherin side kicking in. “I don’t know, I’ve never really thought about it.”

He didn’t believe me, I could see it in his face, but Ted had a finely tuned sense of when to push and when to let things pass, and so he shrugged and picked up his quill, and I felt a sense of enormous relief. He went on and diverted the conversation to himself.

“It all seems a lot to figure out now. Every time I look at all the options I end up thinking I ought to go back to the plan I had when I was eight.”

I grinned, wondering what kind of futures muggle children dreamed of. “And what was that?”

He shrugged, looking embarrassed. “Well, I can’t say I quite had the details worked out, since I can’t carry a tune to save my life, and they’re not even playing together anymore, but I was pretty sure The Beatles were going to ask me to join them.”

I blinked. There were so many bizarre things about that sentence that I didn’t even know where to direct the first question. At my silence, he looked up with surprise.

“You do know The Beatles?”

I was clearly giving him a crazy person look.

“You’re _killing_ me, Andy.”

I blinked again, wondering where exactly I had lost this conversation, and why he was looking at me like I was an idiot when he was the one talking nonsense. He set down his quill again, as though preparing to offer important information.

“The Beatles are a band, Andy. You know, a music group? They sing songs and play instruments? They’re really good, and really famous…”

“That’s just about the worst band name I’ve ever…”

“They’re _wicked_ Andy! If there’s one thing that’s better about the muggle world, that I totally miss, it’s the music!”

“We have music-“

“Yeah, have you heard it? It’s awful! Muggle music is brilliant! The Beatles, and The Rolling Stones, The Eagles, Elton John, The Clash, Pink Floyd… and…man, I wish I could bring my record player to Hogwarts, then all you pureblood kids would see what _good_ music really is.”

It was the first time in the years I had known him that Ted spoke freely and excitedly about the muggle world he came from, and I found that I was actually interested in his muggle music. Usually he hesitated to talk about it, knowing the sort of ridicule he might expect from the students at Hogwarts who despised all things muggle. As he picked up a quill to go on with his homework, he was suddenly humming and tapping his feet to the melody of some song I didn’t know, shaking his head to himself.

“That is _so_ sad…”

                                                                        *

I entered Professor Slughorn’s office warily, and took my seat across the desk from him. He regarded me with interest for a moment, because I was a Black, I’m sure, and then shuffled the paper on his desk. 

“Well, Miss Black. Your sister sat in that same chair last year and informed me that Black ladies do not have jobs. I suppose you intend to continue that theme?”

I hesitated, biting my lip. I didn’t like Slughorn, particularly. He was a social climber, no question of that. But on the other hand, given what I had seen in our classes, he was an equal opportunity social climber, supporting promising mudbloods as well as those in Slytherin. It’s ironic that that is the thing that gave me courage enough to admit to him what I had not yet said to anyone else.

“Sir, I think I’d like to be a healer.”

It was the first time I said it. I had been carrying the brochure around in my bag for weeks. As Ted would say years later, it was perfect for me. It required my precision, my attention to detail, and frankly, my ability to detach at times. Many years later, it would seem obvious. At the time, I only realized that the brochure had captured me as none of the others had, and the idea of living my mother’s life of shopping and parties made me feel so stifled as to feel like all the air was being crushed out of my lungs. I knew I could get the high tests scores they demanded, and I loved the heady idea of a new mystery every day.

Slughorn looked surprised, and then shuffled his papers to stall for time, apparently he had expected me to take Bella’s line, but finally found what he wanted.

“Well, Miss Black, that is certainly an ambitious, and admirable, goal. You’ll need at least an E in your N.E.W.T level in Potions, Herbology, Transfiguration, Charms, and Defense Against the Dark Arts. Your efforts in herbology could improve a bit, the notes here suggest you have great potential but fail to apply yourself.”

That was logical, I had mostly ignored Herbology as a waste of my time, but I had never minded the course, so if I needed to I could bring my grade up. The best part of this news was that most of the disciplines I would need to pursue to be a healer were also the disciplines that my family would respect as “real “ magic- Potions, Transfiguration, Charms, and Defense Against the Dark Arts. The Herbology I could explain off as a fancy for flowers. I raised my eyes to Slughorn, and in that moment liked him perhaps more than I ever had before. He also looked as though he had never seen me before, but liked what he saw. He drew himself up importantly.

“Well, you are one of the more dedicated, and talented, witches who have come through Slytherin. I don’t doubt you can manage the coursework.”

                                                                        *

Once when Bella was holding forth on something philosophical, she declared it was impossible, beyond the age of thirteen or so, for men and women to be friends without some kind of sexual tension. I have to dispute this, because it was due to her machinations that Hadrian Davis and I became good friends that term and remained friends for over twenty-five years, through both of our marriages (and his subsequent divorce and remarriage), children, and two wars. Indeed, he’s been there for some of the more difficult times in my life, when I needed someone with an objectivity that Ted was too close to me to have. 

Bella could be subtle when she wanted to, but in this case she didn’t want to, and although her constant attempts to set me up were nothing but annoying, I have to believe at least part of it was out of a real desire to see me happy, although she couldn’t quite figure out what it was that might make me happy. I eventually found out (years later) that her suggestions to Hadrian that he ask me out were anything but subtle.

He finally did ask me to Hogsmeade as the end of the term drew near, more as a result of Bella’s power of suggestion and a seventeen-year-old male’s one-track mind than any particular idea of whether he liked me or not. We had barely spoken beyond the general courtesies you might extend to someone in the same house. He was, in fact, Will’s roommate, but I guessed they were not close, being vastly different in personality and political affiliation. I agreed mostly because it was easier than explaining why I declined, and I didn’t dislike him by any stretch, which made him the least of many possible evils.

We went to The Three Broomsticks (in agreement that Madam Puddifoot’s was rather sickening) and actually spent a very pleasant time, discovering that we had a great deal the way of common interests and very similar philosophies on dealing with being in Slytherin. We also realized, not without a certain amount of awkwardness and apologizing, that we didn’t have any particular inclination to date. Hormones notwithstanding, he was surprisingly self-aware for that age, and realized, as I did, that we were far too similar to ever make a go of a romance. Aside from that, he was madly in love with a seventh year Ravenclaw (who he would ultimately marry, the first time.)

The practical side of it was that being seen together gave us both a kind of legitimacy and saved a lot of questions. We never lied and said we were going out, but in Slytherin, at least, we didn’t correct any misconceptions. It got Bella off my back, and apparently pleased his father enormously. But I forgot that nothing went on at Hogwarts that was not public domain.

If I noticed that Ted was being rather short with me, I put it down to exam stress, as I was feeling a considerable amount of it as well. We had fallen easily into studying together in the library, and it seemed natural, nobody really noticed. About a week before our O.W.Ls started, I stopped in the library late, not long before curfew, to give him back his notes I had borrowed, and found him studying with Alice Taylor. This surprised me more than I expected. I knew she was his girlfriend, I saw them together all the time around school, and yet I had managed to rarely encounter her, and had actually managed to never speak to her. I paused awkwardly, and then unfortunately fell back on Slytherin attitude to cover the fact that I was completely thrown off.

“I’m just bringing your notes back,” I said briskly, and he looked a little surprised by my voice, which was unnaturally cold.

“Thanks,” he took them and then Alice spoke up.

“Hi, I don’t think we’ve ever actually met. I’m Alice Taylor.”

“I know,” I said coolly, and then out of habit rather than any desire to be polite to her added, “I’m Andromeda Black.”

“Right, Sirius’s cousin. Want to join us? We’re studying History of Magic. Positively brain-numbing.”

“I think not,” as was typical in Slytherin, my actual words were polite but the tone and look said everything. “Good night.”

Ted caught up with me in the hallway, and grabbed my shoulder, spinning me around. “What’s your problem?”

I gave him the same scathing look. “I don’t have a problem. I was bringing your notes back and now I’m going to bed.”

“You were really rude in there Andy.”

“I don’t need a lecture on manners from you.”

“Apparently, you do,” he snapped back. “I hate it when you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Look at people like your sister does,” he said, before turning and going back in the library.

                                                                        *

When Bella wasn’t trying to set me up, I had the feeling she was withdrawing further and further into another world. I was too wrapped up in my own life to even try to figure out what was going on with her, and I think Narcissa tried to talk to me about it, but I blew her off. Bella had turned seventeen that spring, and there were no longer any laws keeping her from apparating or using magic outside of school. There was no longer anything holding her back. 

The morning after my argument with Ted, which I was fully aware was completely and totally my fault, Bella got to breakfast nearly as it was ending, and sat down next to me with a heavy sigh of exhaustion. Already in a bad mood, I gave her a dull look.

“What’s your problem?”

“Just tired,” she said, far too cheerfully. I sighed, stabbing unenthusiastically at eggs.

“Why do you sneak out at night Bella?” I said, low enough that no one else would hear. She reached for coffee.

“Why wouldn’t I, when it’s so easy?”

“Because Father would hex you into next year if you embarrass the family by getting expelled.”

She smirked, and I knew that was no longer a very effective threat. By that time she knew curses far more deadly than any Father had.

“I’m not going to get expelled from Hogwarts Andy,” she said affectionately, as though I had said something quite adorable.

“If you get caught sneaking out?”

She smiled prettily. “Dumbledore’s greatest weakness is that he believes everyone is redeemable. He won’t expel anyone he thinks he needs to save.”

I knew she was quoting Rodolphus, but I didn’t know then that he was quoting Lord Voldemort. I bit my lip.

“Bella-“

“Don’t be a bore Andy,” she said sweetly.

I found out many years later (from friends at the Ministry who had access to veritaserum-induced confessions) that she had not yet taken the Dark Mark that term, that would happen that summer, but Rodolphus had more or less brought her into their circle. I use the phrase “brought her in” because he was older, not because she needed an inducement or convincing. I did realize, because I knew her better than most, that something had changed.

Still in a good mood, she walked with me part way to class. We were in the main corridor when two little boys, probably first years, chased each other through, shouting with high spirits and eleven-year-old laughter. It was the sort of thing we would have ignored, but that one of them tripped and ran full-tilt into Bella. She looked down at him in disgust for a moment, and then eyes glinting in a way I had never seen before, knelt down and spoke in a voice that sent chills through me.

“What do you think you’re doing?” she asked, softly.

“Sorry,” squeaked the boy, a Gryffindor. She grabbed the boy by the arm and dragged him to his feet, it almost would have looked like a helpful gesture if I hadn’t seen that her grip on his arm was bruising and heard his little yelp of pain.

“Sorry? Is that all you have to say? Playing your little baby games and getting in my way. Mudbloods, who shouldn’t even be allowed to walk the halls here with decent…” her voice was rising and I saw in her face that look I had seen that she was getting carried away, that madness or passion or conviction or whatever it was the drove her was pushing her to take revenge for an insult so small it ought to have gone unnoticed. For a sense of justice or for a desire to protect her, I’m still not sure which, I stilled her wrist with an iron grip as she raised her wand. There was no doubt in my mind at that second that Bella intended to use _cruciatus_ , a kind of prescience I didn’t want, but felt with absolute certainty.

“Andromeda, let go of me,” she said, in a low voice she had never used on me before.

“No.”

A few people had been watching the boy with indulgent smiles, a few people had seen him run into Bella, and now a few people were watching, and more were pausing to see what they were watching. A fight was always worth watching, but if it involved Bella and I, it was like front-page news.

She jerked her hand slightly, and I got a shock as that burned and jerked my hand away, but not to be deterred from keeping her from making a huge mistake, I stepped in front of her. “Bella, it’s not worth Azkaban.”

The look she gave me was purely _not_ my sister, and I shivered again, feeling goosebumps spreading over my arms and shoulders. Perhaps it was the look her victims saw. Perhaps it was only for me, the one she thought was the only person who would never defy her.

Generally, I backed down when Bella frightened me, but I was so tired of her edging around the rules and toying with getting caught, always going slightly farther, and perhaps knowing that it couldn’t be much longer before she went too far.

“Bella, let it go,” I said, my voice deceptively calm.

She grabbed me, I think she merely intended to push me out of the way, but I used the same spell she had used on me a moment before (indeed, she had taught it to me) with a sound like a whip-crack and she recoiled, shocked not only that I would defy her, but that I would use magic against her.

“Fine, do whatever you want. I don’t care anymore,” I hissed, and saw just a second of shock register in her eyes before I turned away.

                                                                        *

“That’s…um…1749, isn’t it?” 

Marlene was lying back in the grass, her arms folded behind her head, her casual posture at odds with the tension in her voice, as I quizzed her dates for the History of Magic O.W.L. It was a beautiful day, but we didn’t dare to take even a minute off from studying. As Marlene wrinkled her nose up trying to remember the formation of the International Confederation of Wizards, I glanced up and saw Alice Taylor crossing the grounds back toward the castle alone.

“Andy? 1749?”

“Yeah, that’s right…hang on a second.”

I passed the book off to Marlene and caught up with Alice, and she turned and regarded me warily when I said her name. I didn’t like the blow to my pride, but I also knew I’d feel a little easier if I got it off my conscience.

“Listen, I wanted to apologize.” She looked surprised, and I went on. “I was rude to you the other night, and I’m sorry. I was just…tired, and stressed.”

It was fortunate for me that she was far too nice to hold a grudge, and she smiled.

“That’s okay, I thought maybe you were just having a bad day. Ted always says you’re nice, so…no big deal.”

“Thanks.”

I turned to go back to Marlene when she spoke again. “Andromeda?”

“Yes?”

She hesitated, bit her lip, and then shook her head, looking embarrassed. “Nothing, never mind. Good luck on exams.”

                                                                        *

The first exam we had was Charms. I felt like I did very well on it, and the actual _taking_ of an exam, rather than having them looming as an unknown, actually calmed me quite a lot. As soon as the practical part of the exam was over, Marlene and I escaped to the library to study for potions, which would be the next day. We had been at it about twenty minutes before Ted came up. 

“Sirius is looking for you,” he informed her. She frowned, not even quite looking up.

“Is that a “Sirius is looking for me” because he’s bored and figures I might be able to amuse him, or “Sirius is looking for me” because he actually _needs_ to speak to me for some reason?” she asked.

“Honestly, I really didn’t ask.”

“Oh bloody hell, doesn’t he _ever_ have to study?” she said irritably, flinging her quill down and stomping out of the library.

Ted lingered by the table until I looked up. I didn’t really want the stress of another encounter with him, but I also got the feeling he wasn’t going to go away until he said something.

“Is Sirius looking for me too?” I finally asked.

“No,” he cleared his throat awkwardly. “Alice said you talked to her.”

“Yes.”

“Thank you, for that.”

“It had nothing to do with you, I apologized to _her_ ,” I pointed out, and he made an annoyed, impatient sort of moved that I felt, rather than saw, since I wasn’t looking at him.

“Andy…” he began, and then stopped, as though reconsidering whatever he had planned to say. “How did your charms exam go?”

“Fine.”

“So you’re just going to go on being pissed off at me.”

“That was my plan, yes.”

A laugh escaped him. “Well, that’s honest.” He sat down across from me, taking Marlene’s seat. “But while you’re being pissed off, I’m going to join you,” he added cheerfully.

Marlene came back a few minutes later muttering things like “honestly can’t go five seconds without being the center of someone’s attention…” and, “…at his beck and call constantly…”

We studied until almost half-past ten, when I realized my shoulders were aching from leaning over books all evenings and a good night’s sleep would probably do me a lot more good on the exam than much more studying. Trying to loosen the tension in my shoulders, I leaned back and stretched my arms up over my head. Marlene apparently took the hint from this, and announced that maybe it was time we all gave it up for the night. When Ted didn’t answer her immediately I glanced at him, and found him staring at me. Not just looking at me, but a shocked stare as though he had never seen me before and only just noticed me, with such intensity that my heart jumped into my throat. Even if I had known what to say I’m not sure I would have been able to speak, but Marlene saved me by punching him in the shoulder.

“It’s late, and it would be embarrassing to take points off of both of you, let’s go.”

                                                                        *

My last exam was Defense Against the Dark Arts, and although I did well, I had messed up one incantation that I thought might mean the difference between an O and an E, and I was just generally annoyed with myself for a stupid mistake. I also had the pleasant, totally relaxed, and completely drained feeling that comes with finishing a long period of stress. I came into my room thinking that it was only five o’clock and I could take a short nap before dinner, and found Bella waiting for me, sitting on my bed and reading one of Annabelle’s _Teen Witch_ magazines (“Hot New Summer Fashions!”) 

“You’re finished with your exams?” she said, phrasing it as a question although it wasn’t really. Even when we were fighting, she kept track of our lives. She never stopped thinking of Narcissa and I as exclusively hers.

“Yes.”

She tossed the magazine back on Annabelle’s bed and frowned at me. “You look tired.”

“Thanks.”

She smirked. “You were right, you know,” she went on, as though she was discussing the weather. For Bella to admit that anyone but her was right was hardly a normal thing. “About that first year kid. That wasn’t worth getting in trouble over. It just made me mad. I keep hearing I need to control my temper,” she gave me a self-deprecating smile, and then leaned back, letting her hair pool out against the green bedspread. “Are you still mad at me?”

“No,” I admitted. “And I’m sorry I hexed you.”

She sat up suddenly. “What’s happening to us Andy?”

I shrugged. “Nothing is happening to us. It’s everything that’s happening around us.”

                                                                        *

I sat with Bella (and Cissy, and Rabastan and Shannon, who appeared to be headed for a romance, but they headed in and out throughout the train ride) on the train home, and she was surprisingly affectionate, as was often her way whenever we had some sort of spat. She would make me wonder what she could do, and then draw me back in. Never, until that last moment, did Bella ever imagine I could defy her. She thought I lacked her conviction, that I lacked her passion and her devotion, but she never believed I would turn on her, and in a way that gave me a sort of safety. 

It was also harder for me, for I could never quite turn away from her attempts at making up, because I so loved the Bella she became then. Ted, and even Sirius, used to wonder, and both asked me once (and only once) about how physical Bella was with both Narcissa and I. The answer that I gave them, the truth, is simply that Bella was by far the most intense and most unrestrained person I have ever known. If she was angry, you knew, but also if she wanted to be close to you, you knew. I have always been one of those people who is deeply uncomfortable with physical contact from people I didn’t know well. At the beginning of another Hogwarts year when all the girls would run around shrieking and throwing their arms around each other, I would stand back warily.

The exception was my sisters. Cissy had been affectionate as a little girl, but as she grew up that changed into the aloof air many at Hogwarts saw. But as for Bella, she was as intense (I assume) as the day I was born, and from her it never seemed overbearing, just what I felt like I needed- an assurance that she still loved me.

“Well, you’re not going to wear white, in any case, it’s nearly as bad on you as on me, and you know that’s what Mother will want.”

Bella’s biggest concern seemed to be what I would wear, as I would turn sixteen that summer.

“I’m not going to wear white, but I rather doubt I could pull off that dress you wore.”

“You could, but it wouldn’t suit you…your style, I mean. But that doesn’t mean you have to wear whatever boring little girl dress Mother comes up with. You always look pretty in blue or green, or purple maybe. Not pastels, but jewel tones,” she had been braiding my hair, and now she let it fall through her fingers as Simon Flint passed the door, “Oh, I had to ask him something,” she said, leaving me alone. Not objecting to a moment devoting thought to something other than my wardrobe, I hardly minded.

I was surprised when Sirius wandered in, for he and Bella had been pointedly avoiding each other all term, and I had come to accept it would be a permanent situation. They would never be close again, and I was walking a fine line between them.

“You look lost,” I told him.

“Running away actually. Marlene is yelling at James and Peter for putting fireworks in Lily’s bag, which didn’t really hurt her but definitely scared her. I’m not sure if James thought it would endear her to him or cause her to jump into his arms in fear, but it didn’t work. And since it wasn’t my idea, I was getting out of the line of fire.”

“Wise idea.”

“Yes, I am very wise. Most people don’t realize that about me,” he agreed. “And in my wisdom, I’m wondering what you’re going to do about the little situation you’ve gotten yourself into.”

“What situation? I’m not in any situation.”

“You and Hadrian Davis. I see what you’re doing, and why. He’s a decent guy. But everyone thinks you’re dating.”

“Well, everyone else’s assumptions, although incorrect, are really not my problem.”

“Your problem, Miss Black, is not that _everyone_ assumes you’re going out with Davis, but that Ted Tonks thinks you’re going out with Davis.”

That particular little part of the whole ploy had not really occurred to me, but I had not grown up in the Black family without learning to hide what I was thinking.

“So?”

Sirius snorted, annoyance and some amusement in his expression. “Let me get this straight. You honestly and truly think he thinks of you as nothing more than a completely platonic friend?”

“He has a girlfriend,” I pointed out. “And you yourself, Mr. Black, said she’s a lovely girl.”

“So she is, and Alice will be just fine, don’t you worry about her. I’m not, I’m worried about you.”

“I’m not.”

Sirius shook his head sadly. “ _Denial_ is not just a river in Egypt, Andy.”

I gave him the look we reserved for when Sirius said something particularly stupid, but he gave me a look that was, for a moment, completely in earnest. “Don’t you see the way he looks at you when you’re not paying attention?”

“You’re an idiot, Sirius Black,” I said decisively. We rode in silence for awhile before, although I hated myself for asking it, I couldn’t help it. “How does he look at me?”

He frowned deeply, as thought looking for exactly the right words, and then suddenly looked up at me with an angelic smile.

“Like you’re covered in chocolate.” 


	21. Do You Believe in Rock and Roll?

** Chapter 21- Do You Believe in Rock and Roll? **

“Well,” said my Mother imperiously, as the door was closed behind me softly by a house elf. Since I couldn’t find any implicit question or order in “well,” I remained silent. I was a bit nonplussed to begin with at having been summoned to my Mother’s room alone, and I was a little wary that I was about to be punished, although I couldn’t immediately recall anything particularly bad I had done.

“Well, don’t stand over there for Merlin’s sake, come here where I can see you,” she snapped, and so I approached her desk, where she was writing something on engraved monogrammed stationary with a long, silky white quill. Since my Mother was not the type to exchange long chatty letters with her friends, I assumed it was either an invitation or a thank-you note for some party. Keeping her social schedule was indeed a full-time job. She put down the quill to give me long, appraising look. So long that I started to get uncomfortable and it was a struggle not to shift around nervously, but I knew squirming would be unacceptable.

She stood, and continued to study me, circling me as though to see me from all angles. There was something decidedly predatory about it. Mother was a tall, formidable, statuesque woman, blond like Narcissa, though not as pretty, she was the sort of woman people called “handsome.”

“Well,” she said for the third time, and then went on. “I suppose you’ve turned out beautiful. I was never sure when you were young, I thought you might be rather plain.”

It didn’t even occur to me to take offense to that, she had never taken any care to spare our feelings or be nice. Nor did I feel any particular pleasure at the compliment, for from her it wasn’t so much a compliment as a statement of fact. Had I been ugly, she would have said that just as simply.

“And you are nearly sixteen,” she went on, again stating the obvious. She fixed me with a piercing look and so I assumed I was supposed to say something.

“Yes Ma’am.”

With a rush of horror, I wondered if I was about to get “the talk.” Conventional wisdom was that ladies did not discuss such things, which must have once led to generations of pureblood women going into their wedding nights with no idea exactly what it entailed, but those women had not had the benefits of a girls’ dormitory at Hogwarts, and a sister like Bella. Adrienne proved to be particularly informed on such matters, and in response to inquiries as to how she had acquired such knowledge, gave a quintessentially Gallic shrug and replied that she was half-French, after all. Bella’s knowledge was mostly academic, I knew, but I was fairly sure that thanks to her, _I_ could have taught _Mother_ a few things that would make her blush. I needn’t have worried; Mother had no desire to have a cozy mother-daughter talk about sex with me.

“Given that you are quite beautiful, and by most accounts intelligent enough, I imagine there should be no difficulty making a proper marriage for you, assuming that you continue to conduct yourself properly. Since that unfortunate incident in your fourth year, I have had no occasion to be concerned with your behavior, but people will be watching to see that you behave in a manner befitting a Black lady.”

A lot of words to simply say “don’t embarrass us.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

“I was given to understand you had a relationship with the younger Avery boy?”

“Oh…no Ma’am, not any longer. We…we’re not…”

I wondered if I was going to be in trouble for a perfectly good match not working.

“Don’t mumble Andromeda, it is most unbecoming. That is for the best then. They are a fine family now of course, but there are some questionable sorts in their history, and his mother’s line is not as pure as they let on.”

I would have to be an idiot to mention the questionable parts of our own history, and so I merely nodded.

“It is much simpler, of course, if you have no particular attachment to any young man,” she said, and then turned back to me with a sharp look. “You must be very careful now Andromeda, of how things look in the way you behave with men. You’re not a little girl anymore, you must be careful of your reputation.” She gave me a rather brittle smile. “Black women are always in control, however we might allow men to think otherwise.”

                                                                        *

Just by a trick of the date, my sixteenth birthday fell on a Saturday, and so the ball to celebrate my turning sixteen was actually held on the exact day. 

“Oh Andy,” Narcissa cried, actually clapping her hands she was so excited. “You look so beautiful! I’d hardly recognize you!”

I gave her a look in the mirror. “Gee, thanks.”

“Oh don’t be dumb, you know that’s not what I mean! You just look so much _older_.”

I did know what she meant. It hardly mattered what someone looked like normally, you put them in evening clothes with all the accompanying jewelry and make-up and regalia, and they looked like a different person. Looking in the mirror, I saw that I looked like a different, much older and much more dramatic person.

The simple reality of having an older sister, especially one with Bella’s overwhelming force of personality, was that I never did anything first, and so when I did things, they had already been done. Since I never had her need to be the center of attention, this had almost never bothered me before. But I can’t deny that for the first few weeks of that summer holiday, I reveled in everything being about _me_. It was my dress and my party and my future that everyone talked about, and Bella and Narcissa good-naturedly took a back seat for a few weeks, genuinely happy for me.

Watching Bella the year before, I understood the importance of The Dress. Mother’s attempts to help me decide were half-hearted at best, she expected that Bella would intervene and take over, and so she did. We finally found the dress with the prefect cut I wanted- fitted in the waist with a heavy skirt that fell straight and admittedly a deeper neckline than I normally would dare, but if the purpose of the evening was to be admired then I was not averse to flaunting a bit. Unfortunately the dress we found was a hideous shade of pink, but Bella’s sharp eyes noted the cut would be perfect and her solution was to buy it and take it to a robe maker, to have it remade in the right color, which after much deliberation was a deep sapphire blue. I wore Mother’s sapphires with it, a gift rather than a loan, which had surprised and even touched me a little, as it was a tradition, but one I had been unaware of.

I’ve never thought of myself as a particularly vain person, but as I stood in front of the mirror, with Bella fussing with bits of my hair, I thought I looked beautiful. Unbidden and too suddenly for me to force it down, an unwanted thought forced its way into my head- _I wish Ted could see me now_.

I shook my head to get rid of the thought, drawing a “Tcha! Hold still Andy!” from Bella. She finished with a last tweak of curls or clips, and then rested her chin on my shoulder for a second. “There, you’re beautiful.” She paused for a moment, as though she wanted to say something else, then just kissed my cheek.

                                                                        *

Father was a bit insultingly shocked by how I looked. He stared for a second, then cleared his throat and said warmly, “You look very nice, Andromeda.” 

“Thank you, Sir.”

I avoided the spotlight that Narcissa craved and Bella simply drew inadvertently, but I needed as much as any other sixteen-year-old girl to think I was pretty, and I couldn’t help but think it that night.

It was not just the gazes of boys I knew, or even men who were far too old for me, but that women will always need approval for each other, and my friends, even Annabelle and Shannon, who I had grown apart from, were full of nothing but compliments.

I never sat out a dance that night. There were matters of form and tradition, a formal dance with my father, and Uncle Orion. With Sirius, for though we were cousins we made a pretty picture, and then there were the boys from school. Rabastan, who I considered a friend although in the past few months I felt like he was withdrawing much as Bella was. He talked to me in the same warm, teasing, and cheeky manner he always had, but his eyes were shuttered, closed off. At one point his gaze traveled over my shoulder, and I turned my head enough to see Rodolphus enter the room. He caught Bella in a rare alone moment, standing at the edge of the ballroom with a faraway look. Rodolphus came up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder, and then dropped a light kiss on her neck, apparently thinking no one was looking. It was a surprisingly gentle and sentimental gesture from him, and for some reason it devastated me. She didn’t turn, but she did reach a hand up and lightly touch his cheek with a thoughtful and entirely unfamiliar smile. They were not yet officially engaged, but I knew then their relationship had changed. Rabastan, I knew, has seen it too, and I realized again what we had in common when he murmured, “Well, in any case you’ll be a sort of sister-in-law, won’t you?”

It was a relief when Hadrian walked up with the authority of a man twice his age and tapped the shoulder of one Guillame LeBlanc (Adrienne’s cousin), who was trying to impress me with his explanation of how he planned to expand his family’s business to the United States. I was not an idiot and even had a fairly acute business sense, but I was bored out of my mind and trying to figure out how to extricate myself when Hadrian gave him a trademark “Slytherin look of utter contempt” (we really did practice it in the mirror), and asked me to dance. It was relaxing to dance with him after trying to keep my distance from all the nice pureblood men my parents hoped would take a liking to me.

“Your father is watching,” he whispered confidentially in my ear after a few moments. “He looks terribly pleased.”

“Can you see the galleon signs scrolling behind his eyes?” I murmured. “He’s wondering just how much you’re worth.”

Hadrian chuckled, a slight vibration I felt rather than saw. “Be careful Andy, your cynicism is showing.”

“And here I thought I covered it so well.”

He grinned. “So…your sister and Malfoy?” he said conversationally, looking over my shoulder. I turned slightly to follow the direction he was looking and saw Lucius talking to Narcissa. She smiled at something he was saying- a, cool, typical Narcissa smile- but it was obvious to anyone who knew her that she was glowing under the attention.

“Mhm,” I murmured, not at all surprised, and even happy for Narcissa in a way, for that was what she wanted.

“What’s that about?”

I glanced over at them again, and shrugged. “You know…Tristan and Isolde, Antony and Cleopatra, Romeo and Juliet…written in the stars…soul mates…all that. Whatever.”

He smirked. “Be as cynical as you like Andy, but you’re a romantic deep down.”

“I’m not!” I insisted as though he’d said something terribly insulting about me.

“Yes, you are. Eventually Andromeda, you’re going to fall in love. And I, with my vastly superior foresight, am going to laugh at you. And point. I’m going to point and laugh.”

                                                                        *

            

_Andy, meet me at the Leaky Cauldron at 5 on Saturday. It’s a surprise. Come on…you know you’re curious._

_-T.T._

I was curious, especially since it was the week after my birthday and I was willing to bet it had something to do with that. I wasn’t sure how I felt about seeing him after my talk with Sirius on the train. A part of me wanted to write it off as Sirius’s twisted one-track mind. A part of me was flattered in the general sort of way I always was when someone found me attractive. A part of me was terrified that Sirius was right, and a part of me was terrified he wasn’t.

Getting out of my house was easier than one might think. We weren’t closely supervised, and Bella or Narcissa hardly had any ground to stand on when it came to telling me not to sneak out, and I had any number of friends I might see that they wouldn’t argue with, I could merely say I was meeting Marlene or even Hadrian. It was almost too easy, and I suppose that’s why I approached it carelessly.

“Andromeda, where do you think you’re going?”

I turned with a handful of floo powder, and found my father. There was no way I could claim I wasn’t going anywhere, and so I tried to come up with an answer that would get me in the least amount of trouble, but my mind was absolutely blank, as it was invaded by a vision of my actually saying “Going to meet a muggle-born boy who I’ve been friends with behind your backs for five years…”

“She’s going with me,” snapped Sirius, pushing past him rather rudely into the room. Father looked as though he was trying to decide if he was willing to discipline his sister’s difficult son, and then settled for a stern look.

“And where are you both going?”

I remained silent, knowing that Sirius was coming to my rescue and not wanting to interfere with his plan.

“To a Quidditch game,” Sirius said, as though it were obvious, holding up two parchment tickets. “Appleby Arrows. Only decent team in the league this year.”

My father frowned. “I didn’t know you were particularly fond of Quidditch, Andromeda.”

“She’s not,” said Sirius, with a look of male commiseration. “She just thinks one of the players is good-looking.”

I remembered, vaguely, Annabelle and Adrienne giggling over some Arrows player who was “so cute,” and I had an all new respect for Sirius’s ability to think on his feet. My father gave a smirk, apparently in amusement over how silly females were.

“Well, I suppose it’s all right if you’re with Sirius, but you know Andromeda we don’t like you girls running around London…”

“Yes, Sir.”

He waved a hand idly in dismissal. We flooed to Flourish and Blotts, as their floo was less crowded than The Leaky Cauldron and you were less likely to stumble over another person as you arrived. As Sirius arrived after me, brushing soot off his robes, I turned to him with a grateful look.

“Thanks, Sirius.”

He smirked. “You’re a horrible liar. One would think you’d be better at it, in our family, but you’re not. “Look of total panic” is not the way to go when asked a question.”

“Are you really going to a Quidditch game?”

He nodded, as we stepped out of the bookstore and headed for The Leaky Cauldron. “Yeah, with Remus. His parents are really nice, but they can’t afford things like really good seats for Quidditch, and I thought this would be a good game. But a far more interesting question, I think, is what you have planned.”

“I have a…meeting,” I said evasively.

“With…”

“My weekly meeting of the “none of your damn business” club.”

He grinned. “See, normally I’d think that’s a pretty good comeback and let it go, but seeing as I just saved your arse, I think I deserve to know.”

I sighed, as that was a perfectly valid point, and yet Sirius was grinning like he already knew and just wanted me to say it.

“I’m meeting Ted,” I said quickly, and braced myself for the reaction, which was surprisingly subdued, a wide and inexplicably suggestive smile. “But really Sirius, nothing like you’re thinking, it’s-“

“Oh I think it’s _exactly_ like I’m thinking,” he said slyly.

“Shut up, Sirius. I am not in denial. Just because you don’t understand the concept of being friends with a girl doesn’t mean-“

He cut my off with a raised eyebrow, and “You’re keeping him waiting Andy.”

I frowned, torn between that and staying to defend myself. “If you hadn’t just saved me with Father I’d hex you.”

He shrugged. “I know. Listen though, meet me back here by ten, even if the game isn’t over Remus’s parents won’t let him stay out too late, and obviously we should show up back at the house together.”

I nodded, and he gave me a smile that was genuine, not mocking. “Have a good time.”

                                                                        *

Ted was waiting outside The Leaky Cauldron, in the shade of a covered table. He stood up when I approached and I wondered how I had never realized how much taller he was than me, and if that was a new thing in the last month. I wasn’t short, but he was easily six inches taller than me, and I was for some reason suddenly and surprisingly aware of it. 

He didn’t seem to notice that I was nonplussed, grinning at me.

“You made it.”

“Sirius is surprisingly adept at lying to my parents as well as his own.”

“Somehow, that actually _doesn’t_ surprise me,” he took my arm politely, just a hand under my elbow to guide me toward the pub and nothing that wasn’t perfectly proper, but I was suddenly hyper-aware of even that little contact.

“Where are we going?”

“That’s a surprise, I told you.” He grinned, “I will tell you than in the interest of further expansion of your world, we will be taking the muggle underground.”

I stopped dead, halfway to the front door of The Leaky Cauldron, the muggle side. “The _what_!”

He grinned, his grip on my arm tightening. “Come on,” he said with clear amusement at my hesitation, and drew me again into the wild, loud, busy chaos of muggle London. I felt once again overwhelmed by the simple volume and rush of all the traffic and the people along the sidewalks, but I was with Ted who slid in between them as though it was nothing. We came to Kings’ Cross station and he drew me down among a crowd of muggles buying underground tickets and looking at underground maps and simply standing around talking to each other.

“Are you sure this is…you know…safe?” I asked, looking around the platform suspiciously.

He rolled his eyes, not even consenting to answer that but instead changing the subject. “How has your summer been so far?”

I shrugged, not wanting to really get into my birthday and the politics and expectations of my turning sixteen. “Yours?”

“Boring really. I’ve hardly seen anyone.”

“Not even Alice?”

He cleared his throat and pushed me toward the train that had pulled up. “Er…no. Well, we broke up.”

“Why?” I realized I sounded far too interested. “I mean…that’s just…she was nice.”

“Yes, she was very nice,” he agreed. “And also completely fancies my best friend.”

“No way! Frank?” I made a not-entirely-successful effort not to smile. “Well, you don’t seem very mad.”

He shrugged. “I was, but then I realized it’s not something she set out to happen, you know? You can’t really help things like that.”

I considered that but didn’t say anything else as the rattling of the train made it hard to be heard.

“Here, this is the stop.”

“Where are we going?”

“Is it the word “surprise” you’re unfamiliar with, or the concept?”

“You could at least give me a hint.”

“Sure thing. It’s in London.”

I gave up, and turned my attention to the muggle world around me. We were in a more residential neighborhood than the area outside of King’s Cross, a little like the neighborhood around Grimmauld Place but less posh, with smaller white terraced houses with little shops on every corner.

“Do you live around here?” I asked, since he seemed to know the neighborhood so well.

“No, but a neighborhood kind of like this,” he frowned suddenly. “You know, come to think of it, I don’t actually know where _you_ live.”

I realized with some surprise he was right. “We live at a country estate, it’s a way south of London I think, but then we really just floo or portkey everywhere. A lot of times we stay at Grimmauld Place- that’s where Sirius and Reg live technically- though, that’s in London.”

“Mhm, Sirius doesn’t speak of it too fondly.”

“Well no. It’s very dark, and…it’s not exactly a fun place to go for holidays.”

He nodded thoughtfully, and then snagged my arm. “Here we are.”

I stopped, and looked up at the store front we had come to. It took me a moment of studying the posters plastered over the windows to figure out what it was.

“Music! It’s a music store!”

Ted grinned, looking pleased with himself and pleased with my reaction. “Yes. I don’t mind telling you Miss Black, I was appalled by your lack of knowledge of music every British teenager should know, and a little horrified that you think what they play on the WWN constitutes music. Thus, I am rectifying that.”

For once, I couldn’t think of something sarcastic to say. I only looked at him, and then at the music store. “Ted, it looks closed…”

“It is,” he said easily. “The owner runs it himself, and he’s in Cornwall visiting his daughter. She’s having a baby.”

“So we can’t get in?” I said, disappointed.

“Would I have brought you here if we couldn’t get in?” he asked, and held up a key.

“How’d you get that?”

He smiled. “Summer job, although I understand the concept would be lost on you it’s a pretty normal thing. And since I can’t use magic outside school yet, I went with a muggle summer job. And Mr. Hocking, he’s the owner, an old family friend, said that I was a “fine boy” and if I wanted to bring my friend from school around that would be fine with him.”

He unlocked the door and flipped on the lights. It was a small shop, not like the huge music stores that lined main streets but clearly a smaller neighborhood shop, the walls plastered with years’ worth of posters and flyers for local bands, and everything crammed into a space just a little too small.

Ted pulled me in enthusiastically, dragging a little case up from under the counter, which proved to be a record player.

“Now let’s see, to start…” he said to himself, rifling through a shelf.

“What about the beetle thing you talked about?” I suggested, leaning on my elbows on the counter.

“Gods Andromeda…Beatles…B-e-a-t-l-e-s.” He apparently found what he was looking for and passed a black shiny disk to me. “There, start with that, their first album…”

“But I don’t know how to work this thing…”

“Oh…right. Here, I’ll show you. No, no, be careful of scratching it,” he said quickly, as I was apparently handling it too carelessly. He leaned past me to take it. “Like this.”

He set it on the turntable, and then dropped the needle gently. There was a moment or two of crackling, and then music. I couldn’t help a bit of admiration for the ingenuity of muggles.

He had been right, I realized, as I felt a growing anticipation for each new song as the record went on. Muggle music was entirely unique to anything we’d been exposed to. Though the wizarding world would develop its own rock bands, we tended to follow a bit behind muggle trends. While I thought the music was brilliant, it wasn’t entirely that. It was so easy just to be around him, to be there.

It was something I was doing without knowing it, or knowing it and not really admitting it. It was all little touches, brushes against an arm, a flutter of fingertips as I passed him something. Suddenly brave, any earlier nervousness I’d felt was gone, and we talked about nothing of any consequence.

“I don’t get this one…” I was sitting on the counter, turning one of the record jackets in my hands.

“What’s not to get?”

“Well, _why_ would they live in a yellow submarine?”

“You’re way too literal for this.”

He didn’t realize that anything had changed, that I had changed from an offhand comment that Sirius had really only intended to make me blush, by catching a look from him that made me blush without really knowing why, with unexpected straying thoughts. It all came together for me then, sitting there, with my chin resting on my hand, in the semi-darkness of the closed shop, with the Beatles playing. It should have frightened me, it should have been uncertain. It was a shift from a world slipping away- that of my sisters and my family- to something that was solid, that would always be entirely there, always had been even if I hadn’t always needed it or known it.

“About muggle music,” I said finally, needing to say something. “You were right.”

He grinned. “I’m sorry Andy, could you repeat that? I couldn’t quite hear. There was this noise…”

“Pity that, because I don’t repeat myself,” I said. He just laughed.

“I just figured that…” He began, turning to me, and then trailed off uncertainly. We were sitting side by side, but so close our shoulders were almost touching, so that when I turned and looked at him, he was suddenly impossibly close. We both froze for a second, and then he turned away abruptly. “Right, er, well…”

He jumped up suddenly and held out a hand to me, I gave him a confused look, still caught in the awkward moment we’d just had. “What?”

“The best part about muggle music, is dancing to it.”

I took his hand and he pulled me up as I started to giggle. “One time Sirius tried to teach Reggie muggle dancing. They both looked really stupid.”

He snorted. “It’s not so hard. I reckon you can manage it, although you’re not exactly the most graceful girl I’ve ever met.”

He was right, it wasn’t so hard. The song that was playing just then was a fast one, but it was nothing more than spinning whichever way Ted whipped me around, and it took only a few minutes before I was spinning easily, dizzily, and laughing. Then the song ended, and the record switched itself to another. It wasn’t the kind of fast dancing with fancy steps that Sirius and Regulus had tried, but slower, more just swaying in time with the music. It would have been comfortable even, if I hadn’t been so intensely aware of his hand on my waist, forcing me closer than the proper dances I had learned at the pureblood balls that were so much a part of my growing up. The music was still playing softly, a pretty melody I didn’t know. Every time I heard it, after that, it would bring back that perfect, heart-pounding moment.

“See? Not so hard?” he said, and I glanced up at him.

“I’m doing all right?” I asked, realizing with a shiver how close he was, and yet not at all inclined to pull away.

He didn’t answer, but I couldn’t drag my eyes away. He hesitated slightly, as though giving me time to change my mind.

“Are you sure?” he said softly, and I knew he wasn’t talking about dancing.

I kissed him.

I’m not sure if I can explain, even now, what it felt like. There were no fireworks, or swelling violin music. There was no great rush of passion- that would come later. There was simply the feeling of being more completely right, more completely _myself_ , than I had ever been before.

He drew away suddenly, before I wanted him to, and looked at me closely with questions I could feel rather than hear- _is this really what you want? Is this something more than just this moment?_

It was, and he kissed me again. It was a strange thing, that while I had been kissed before, it was entirely different. It was impossible, that this was me, that he seemed to know me. It was so much easier than it should be, and yet exactly like it should be, and still our breaths catching on the sudden sensation of being so close to someone you’d never let yourself touch before. I wanted to tell him all of this, maybe I did; maybe I only thought about it, for when I drew back for a second it was only to kiss him again.

It was the small things that I noticed, that would come back to me later. The record skipped, scratched, and settled back into the music. His shirt, cotton I suppose, was surprisingly soft under my fingers where my hand rested on his shoulder. He gently disentangled the hand I was holding to pull me closer, firm against the small of my back.

Finally I had to let it end, though actually doing so proved harder than I thought, for he captured my lips again, and I indulged a sudden need to kiss his lower lip, but finally it ended, and I simply stayed in his arms. I was close enough to feel his heart racing, and it occurred to me then that this might be as wild and terrifying for him as it was for me.

The enormity of what I was doing didn’t crash down on me suddenly, but rather crept around insidiously, until suddenly I was panicked. I started to pull away, but as though he had expected that, he pulled me back against his chest, tracing slow circles between my shoulder blades.

“It’s all right, Andy. Everything’s fine.”

“What’s going to happen next?” I had no idea what the world would be now.

He released me only enough to see my face, and shook his head. “I have no idea.” 


	22. Birthright

** Chapter 22- Birthright **

To say I was distracted over the next few days would be a gross understatement. I swung wildly between vague and flowery daydreams of happily ever after (which, it must be admitted, sometimes drifted into less innocent daydreams) and absolute, pure, unadulterated terror.

In my less practical moments, I wanted to see him again, badly, and devoted a great deal of effort to thinking up vague plans to make that happen, most of which were vastly unrealistic and the result of a badly overworked imagination.

That was usually interrupted by my more practical moments, in which I would realize not only were my chances of sneaking away again exceptionally slim, but that I was playing with fire, dragging him into it with me, and it could never work. I would hope that when I got back to school we could simply pretend it had never happened, and yet I probably knew that that wasn't a possibility either. There are times when you can make a mistake, get carried away in a moment with a friend and cross a line, admit it was a mistake, and still go back. I knew somehow that this was not one of those times. Because if there was one thing I had realized in that kiss, it was that Ted didn't want to be friends with me. If I was honest, I didn't want to go back to being friends with him either, but there were moments when that seemed the easiest and safest solution.

And yet I expected that while he had never pushed me, he wasn’t going to let me lie either- I had kissed him. I had made the first move. I had wanted that, and I hadn’t wanted it to end. He wasn’t going to let me get away with lying, with saying it had been mistake, with pretending it hadn’t happened, and hadn’t changed things.

If anyone else noticed my sudden preoccupation, nothing was said. My parents, if they even noticed, probably put it down to the normal moods of a teenage girl, and it dawned on me slowly that my sisters had their own distractions that summer.

Narcissa's was Lucius Malfoy. Despite the appearance of being entirely decorative, Lucius is not a stupid man. More than that, he has an acute understanding of the pureblood world and its unwritten rules and understood customs. He knew that seeming to pursue fifteen-year-old Narcissa would look bad, she was too young, and it would hurt her reputation if anyone thought she was behaving improperly with a man of nearly twenty, even one with the impeccable pedigree of Lucius Malfoy. But he also understood that while Narcissa might want him, a _lot_ of boys wanted Narcissa, and a girl that age is easily distracted. He kept himself very much the focus of her affection by simply becoming her friend, and a sort of confidante. I can't imagine what they found to talk about, but they did talk, taking long walks, always under the watchful gaze of Mother or Father or a house elf. While time spent in Lucius's presence always made me like him even less, Narcissa continued to fall in love with him, luckily even more than she had loved the idea of him. While theirs was by no means a perfect relationship, I think that year was what gave it enough foundation to last.

Bella's summer brought something much darker. Though I felt like she was slipping away even more, I didn't realize then what a turning point it was for her. Like Narcissa and I, for perhaps it was just the age we were, she was falling in love as well. I don't seek to excuse what she's done, but I do disagree with those who think Bella is incapable of love. Certainly, she gave Lord Voldemort her soul, and her mind, but her heart has always belonged to Rodolphus. It's not what most people would hope for the love of their life, certainly it's dark, and edgy, but passionate and real all the same.

It's not that I didn't notice Bella sneaking out that summer, but that by then I had come to think of it as normal. She felt at home with night and darkness, and I thought little of it if she climbed into my window at four in the morning (for my room was easier to reach from the back of the house where she could apparate without danger of being seen from Mother or Father's room.) I assumed it was what it had always been; she slipped out to meet Rodolphus, to meet her friends, to go to the shadier places in Diagon Alley that nice girls didn't know about. I had no idea she had a new reason.

I would learn years later that she took the Dark Mark that summer. I still don't know how she hid it, for it was not until nearly two years later that I actually saw the tattoo, despite the fact that Bella had never been particularly modest and I certainly saw her in various states of undress that summer and after.

We were so wrapped up in our own growing up, we failed to notice the storm coming at Grimmauld Place.

My parents thought, and they had a point in a certain sense, that Uncle Orion was too lenient with Sirius. There was traditionally a certain amount of freedom given and allowances made for the son and heir. That had generally meant that strings were pulled-to cover up bad grades and indiscretions (with both women and various mind-altering substances). In some ways Sirius was no different, as Uncle Orion tended to brush off his son’s Hogwarts detention record-setting, the notes from McGonagall, and the bills for the occasional destruction of school property with a careless “boys will be boys” attitude. The trouble Sirius got into at Hogwarts was generally the result of some sort of practical joke- sometimes funny, usually childish, and primarily intended to embarrass someone. He could be cruel, because he was young, attractive, brilliant, and careless but he wasn’t intentionally malicious. When it came to consciously wanting to hurt people, they should have understood Bella was far more dangerous that Sirius.

So Uncle Orion overlooked his son’s behavior at school, and gave him far much more freedom than we had as girls. If Sirius had done the same things in Slytherin, with pureblood friends, there probably would have been no problem. Where they clashed had started the day Sirius started at Hogwarts- Gryffindor, and his friends.

If it had been only James Potter…politics aside he was still the only son of wealthy pureblood parents…it might have been let go. But the truth was that Sirius was ridiculously popular (as good-looking, wealthy, and bright young men generally are), and was friends with anyone and everyone he liked, and Sirius had discovered that he had more in common with his friends than he did with his own family.

However, that summer Uncle Orion had decided that it was high time that Sirius shape up and start acting like the Black heir. He sat Sirius down and told him this, along with a series of new rules. He was not to see James Potter anymore, for the boy was clearly a bad influence, and he _certainly_ was not see those other friends of his (it’s unlikely Uncle Orion would deign to know the names of Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, but if he did he certainly wouldn’t deign to say them.) He wasn’t to see “that girl” (we assumed this was Marlene) and he definitely wasn’t to associate with anyone who wasn’t a pureblood. He was to start learning what went into running the family. That was admittedly a bit of a mystery, since the various business interests of the Blacks more or less ran themselves and Uncle Orion didn’t actually do anything.

In typical Sirius fashion, he paid no more attention to this than any other directive his parents had delivered, which is to say he ignored it. After about a month and no change in his behavior, Uncle Orion decided it was time to repeat the lecture, and maybe a bit of pain would make Sirius take notice and underline the points he was trying to make.

It was the next day that we visited for a dinner party, and it was impossible to miss that Sirius looked unusually pale, dark circles under his eyes, and livid bruises visible when he turned the wrong way, barely hidden by his collar.

“Sirius, what-“

He cut off my question with a sharp jerk of his head, and a look that meant it was not the time to discuss it. I wouldn’t know the whole story until months later. But rather than being subdued by the experience, Sirius was angry. He was almost no indication of it in his expression, but it was definitely burning in his eyes. Even Bella shied back into me when he looked at her.

The dinner party was a small one, not particularly important in the grand scheme of things. Louis Foster (his Mother had been a Flint, and his father from an old pureblood Irish family), an old friend of Uncle Orion’s, had recently retired from the Ministry. Or at least retired was the phrase they were using, although he was only about fifty, and everyone knew he’d really left because he believed more in Lord Voldemort’s position than he did in the Ministry’s attempts at stopping the war. According to our family, this was a cause for celebration, and so the party had been organized, a small affair, only a few guests outside of family, but important ones. Abraxas Malfoy, Joseph Wilkes, and a dark, frightening man who I didn’t know and nobody quite introduced, perhaps on purpose.

We weren’t expected to say anything, and indeed we knew better than to speak among adults unless asked a direct question, and so I wasn’t really paying attention to the conversation until my father asked Foster something and he looked up. He had been previously attempting to look down the front of Bella’s gown without making much of an effort to even be discreet about it.

“Ah well, it _is_ good to be away from the Ministry, it was a great waste of time and effort, they’re still toeing to Dumbledore’s line, still going on about protection and equality,” he answered. “Ridiculous.”

The adults around the table made vague noises of approval and agreement, but Sirius snorted derisively. He looked shocked himself, as though he made the sound without really meaning to. Conversation ceased, and all eyes went to him.

“Something to say, young Mr. Black?” Malfoy drawled, looking amused. His son was the perfect pureblood heir, and it pleased him that the Blacks had such trouble with the boy who was supposed to be the future of the family.

"No, he has nothing to say," Uncle Orion said sharply.

"No, no, Orion, let him speak, I'm interested. Always enjoy hearing the opinions of the younger generation," Foster turned a rather nasty smile back to Sirius.

Sirius leaned his chair back to two legs, casually rude, to anyone else he might have looked completely at ease, but I knew it was a pose he took up right before unleashing torment on some hapless Hogwarts teacher.

"It's just remarkable, really..." he said mildly.

"What is?"

"The way you can twist the facts and say it's the Ministry that's in the wrong when really what they're trying to do is stop genocide."

The room fell completely silent, Uncle Orion, our parents, and even Bella staring at Sirius in shocked silence, while he met all their eyes defiantly. Even the most heated political rhetoric about the war didn't use that word. Indeed, I had never thought of it as such, although by definition that was what they had in mind...the elimination of those they considered less pure. Bella opened her mouth as though to speak and I put my heel down hard on her foot- the last thing we needed was for her to get involved in an ugly scene at dinner as well. She kicked me in the ankle but remained silent.

“That’s enough,” Uncle Orion said, voice tight with anger. “I apologize Louis, for his…” he seemed at a loss for words to describe his older son.

“No need to apologize, the boy is old enough to form his own opinions. You can hardly help who he associates with at that school, not when Dumbledore lets in any mudblood that comes along. In fact, the lad is an excellent example of what is happening to our world, how our traditions are being eroded, how their minds are being polluted by the mudblood rhetoric.”

“If you think bigotry and incest are traditions worth saving,” Sirius bit out.

“I said that’s enough,” Uncle Orion said again, his voice rising. Sirius stood up so quickly he knocked his chair over, and threw his napkin down, and strode out of the room. There was a long silence, Regulus reached over and righted the chair, and Malfoy cleared is throat and made an awkward comment about Mr. Wilkes’s recent trip to France, and they seized on it gratefully, but the dinner never really recovered.

                                                                        *

I can’t imagine the incident went unmentioned, but we never heard the row that resulted, although we stayed over at Grimmauld Place that night. It was the next morning I went looking for Sirius and couldn’t find him anywhere, until I noted the window of his room open, and leaned out curiously to find him stretched out casually on a mostly flat part of the roof, hands folded behind his head. I knew the charms around the house would make it impossible for muggles in the surrounding neighborhood to see us.“Do you mind company?”

He shrugged, and I took it as a no, and carefully climbed out the window to join him.

“Interesting choice of location.”

“I couldn’t stand being in that house anymore, but with the way Father has it locked up to keep me in, this was the best I could do.”

I sighed, sitting next to him. “Sirius, why do you start fights with them?”

“Why _don’t_ you?” he snapped back, surprising me.

“What?”

“I know you don’t believe in all that. I _know_ you don’t. You don’t think muggle-borns are inferior and you don’t think being a Black makes you better than anyone else. You have friends who are muggle-borns, maybe more than friends, but you hide it from them. You never say anything.”

“What would be the point? Do you really think they’re going to change their minds?”

“The point is standing up for something you believe in. Letting them know that you don’t think what they’re saying is right. The point is not sitting there and ignoring it because that’s easier for you.”

“And how has that worked out for you Sirius? Things going brilliantly? You can’t choose your family Sirius, and they’re not going away. We have to live with them however we can.”

“No, we don’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you reckon they’d be glad to get rid of me? Relieved, you know? Ever since I was sorted into Gryffindor I’ve been an embarrassment. Without me Reggie could be the price. Let him be their heir. Let him be their prefect pureblood son.”

“What are you talking about?” I didn’t like where the conversation was going.

He sighed. “Nothing. If that works for you then fine Andy. If you can go the rest of your life pretending that you believe in all that. If you’re willing to watch them go deeper into all this and not say anything then fine. But I don’t think that’s the case. You want things that they’re not going to let you have.”

“You don’t know what I want Sirius, and that’s not your decision to make.”

“No. It’s yours, certainly. You can buy into all this toujours pur bullshit if you want to. I just think you’re not being honest about what you believe in. Certainly not with them, and maybe not with yourself. I’m not happy here Andy, but at least I’m telling the truth.”

He stood up precariously and climbed back inside, leaving me out there.

                                                                        *

“ _I’m late, I have to…Sirius is waiting…” I say urgently, but I can’t make myself move._

“ _Right…I know,” Ted agrees, kissing me again, and I can’t remember why I was so anxious to leave._

“ _I really have to go…”_

“ _I know…”_

Voices, besides mine and Ted’s, started to invade the dream that I really didn't want to let go of. I turned over, trying to bury my face in the pillow and block them out, but to no avail, I was awake and the dream and the happy flutter that went with it were fading. I had kicked off all the blankets because it was unbearably hot in the room despite the window I had opened before going to bed, and it was through the open window that voices were drifting in. I scowled at it, trying to summon the energy to get up and close it so I could go back to sleep.

It was Bella's voice, and so the lower male voice I couldn't quite make out would be Rodolphus, and I didn't really care to hear whatever passed as romance between those two. It was nearly half-past four, late even for her to be coming back. Preferring silence to being able to breathe, I dragged out of bed, lethargic from the heat, and was about to slam shut the window when I caught bits of their conversation floating up.

"It's nearly morning, it will be light soon..."

"And who cares?"

"My parents, for one. A girl has to worry about her reputation, you know..." her voice was light, playful.

"I'm not worried about your reputation." There was a long silence, and then, "You're all right, aren't you Bella?"

"What do you mean?"

"It doesn't bother you?"

She laughed, a hard-edged, jagged sound that cut like glass. "Don't you know me at all?"

I closed the window quickly, but quietly, not wanting them to know I'd heard. I didn't want to hear any more. I went back to bed, and to the childish defense of pretending I was asleep. I told myself I had no idea what they were talking about, but Bella was so deeply involved in dark magic by that time that it didn't take divination skills to guess.

A few minutes later I heard her soft " _Alohomora_ " and then she climbed in my window and landed on my bed, bouncing me, apparently intending to wake me up.

"It was open," I told her, not moving or opening my eyes, but admitting I was awake. She sat cross-legged at the foot of the bed, since I was awake and she gave no indication of being the least bit tired, apparently we were going to talk. I reluctantly turned to see her.

She was flushed with excitement, eyes bright, almost too bright, to the point of madness rather than mere happiness. Despite her pose of relaxing, excitement seemed to buzz around her. Whatever she had been doing, she looked the worse for wear, a tear in the shoulder of her dress, her hair in tangles, and faint smear of something on her cheek that could have been mud or blood. I didn't want to know which.

"Where have you been?"

She directed a mock-stern look at me. "Don't be a bore Andy, you're not nearly as innocent as you let on."

"I never claimed to be. Do you really think I'm surprised, or particularly care, who you're sleeping with? But do you really expect me to believe you got like that,” I waved vaguely to indicate her appearance, “as the result of a romantic tryst?”

"Depends on how good a tryst it was…"

I didn't smile, and she started to look annoyed, apparently having hoped I'd share her euphoric mood.

"What did you do, Bella?"

She sighed, and leaned back, some of the bright glow fading, her smile languid, but cruel. "Don't ask questions you don't really want answered."

                                                                        *

We were back at Grimmauld Place the next week-end. It was actually the Vaiseys who were giving a ball. They were recently married and quite young, and it seemed Aunt Walburga had taken Euphemia Vaisey under her wing and was eager for it to be a success. They lived in London, and since Narcissa and I were too young to apparate and nobody wanted to floo in dress robes, it was simply easier for us to be staying there.We could feel the tension as soon as we stepped in the house, and as soon as our parents were out of hearing Regulus moaned that Sirius had been constantly either sulking or picking fights. With several hours until we really needed to get ready for the ball, we found him in the drawing room, staring moodily at the family tree tapestry. Still angry at him, I was worried about him.

“Well, if it isn’t the political agitator himself,” said Bella cheerfully.

“Piss off Bella.”

“Language, Sirius. Why so unhappy? Missing your little Gryffindor boyfriends?” When he didn’t answer she ran a hand through his hair, mussing it. It was something she had done before when he was younger, but now she was mocking, and he smacked her hand away. “I do hope you outgrow this little rebellious phase you’re going through, it’s getting tiresome.”

A muscle twitched in his jaw, but that was the only indication he was angry, or even that he heard her, and she looked frustrated. She had always been able to move him to emotion, even if that emotion was anger. Now, people will compare Sirius to me, because we both ended up running away, but in so many ways, she was the one he was the most like. There was a darkness to Sirius that Bella brought out, tried to draw out. There was a time he could have gone either way, without his friends he might have taken her path.

The Vaiseys’ ball was much like any other, so it might be said it was a success for the young Mrs. Vaisey. I was bored and restless, but still had no shortage of dance partners, though I couldn’t have been a particularly charming companion, my mind on other things. According to an amused postcard I’d received from Adrienne on holiday in Greece, her cousin Guillame was quite taken with me, declaring me “ _une belle et charmante fille_ ,” despite the vast disadvantage of my being English, and I was dancing with him when I saw Sirius leave the ballroom, looking furious. To Guillame’s disappointment, I excused myself and followed him, not sure what I meant to do to help but wanting to make sure he didn’t do anything reckless.

I was not the only one who had seen him leave, and Aunt Walburga had beaten me to the room he had withdrawn to. If asked, Sirius would say he hated his Mother. I would too, and not without some truth. But neither of us could deny the fact that your Mother can hurt you like no one else, no matter how you profess not to care. I could hear her scolding him.

“…embarrass me, and this family!”

“I don’t give a damn what you think, or what they think,” his voice returned.

“What did we do wrong that you’d lower yourself to the level of mudbloods? Blacks are _not_ blood-traitors.”

“I’ve had enough of this, of you and your pure-blood mania, of thinking you’re better than anyone else. Lily Evans is a muggle-born and she’s a better person and better witch than any of you. I hate this. I hate you.”

“You’ve been a disappointment since the day you were born, and it was just confirmed when you were sorted into Gryffindor. You don’t deserve to be called a Black,” his mother hissed.

I drew back into the shadows, and he didn’t even see me as he slammed out of the room and down the darkened hall back toward the ballroom.

He must have flooed back to Grimmauld Place, for I didn’t see him the rest of the night but when we got back he was there. Neither of his parents seemed inclined to deal with him then, but we saw the flickering light of a fire in the library. I wanted to go to bed, but Bella seemed inclined to talk to him, and I stayed with her, although not sure how I intended to smooth things over, I felt like it was all coming to a head, and something was going to happen to settle things, for better or worse.

He was staring into the fire, drinking, and gave us merely a dull look when we came in.

“Nice party?”

“Shut up,” spat Bella. “Do you have no idea what it means to be a Black?”

“It doesn’t mean anything, Bellatrix,” he snapped back.

She seized him by the shoulder, pulling him from his leisurely position on the couch, her wand in her hand.

“Bella, don’t-“ I said, my voice sounding weak and insubstantial even to me. It didn’t matter, neither of them were listening to me.

“How can you betray us, betray everything you are? Are they worth it to you, Sirius? Your little mudblood-loving friends? You’d betray your family?”

He whirled, backing her against the wall. I saw it flash in her eyes then, she could kill him, if she wanted to, and for a moment I thought she would.

“You are _not_ my family,” he said, his voice a low growl.

“You have a duty. To this family, and our world. This is your obligation. Your birthright.”

For a moment, it hung on the air between them, both a challenge and a plea.

“I owe this family _nothing_.”

He released her roughly, and turned and walked out of the room. She stared after him, eyes bright. Tears would never fall, they were a weakness that was not in her nature, especially not then, but they welled in her eyes.

I didn’t sleep that night, I doubt anyone did, and in the darkest part of the night, those moments when it seems like it will never get light again, we heard faint voices drifting up the stairs, too soft to even make out words. I got up silently, ignoring Cissy who grabbed the back of my shirt and whispered “let them fight it out Andy.”

There was only one figure sitting at the foot of the stairs, black hair illuminated by the faint glow of the torches left burning to keep guests from pitching down the stairs in the darkness. He was sitting on the bottom step, knees drawn up and head bent. When I sat next to him, Regulus looked up at me, eyes dry but stark pain showing in them, and lines of worry in his face no fourteen-year-old should show.

“He’s gone.” 


	23. The Right Amount of Perfect

** Chapter 23- The Right Amount of Perfect **

The family closed ranks. It didn’t take a genius to realize that Sirius was staying with the Potters and gossip soon confirmed that. The Potters were a pureblood family- they knew what our family was like. I think Uncle Orion and Aunt Walburga realized that if they showed up at the Potters and demanded their son return, Mr. and Mrs. Potter would be more likely to tell them where to go and how to get there than to make Sirius go home.

Regulus told us that Aunt Walburga had blasted Sirius off the family tree, and indeed when I went to look at the identical one in our library there was a small charred mark where his name had been. Whether this was a charm inherent in the tapestries or our Mother had blasted him off as well I didn’t know.

We didn’t speak of it in front of our parents. Not because we were told not to, but self-preservation was a strong instinct and we knew without anyone having to say it. But fear of our parents’ wrath didn’t keep us from talking about it when we were alone.

“He’ll come back,” said Bella confidently, the certainty in her voice not matching the uncertainty in her eyes. “He’ll get over his little snit and realize that Uncle Orion was only trying to do what was best for him, keeping him away from more influence of mudbloods and muggle-lovers.”

“I don’t think he’s coming back, Bella.”

“He will. Family is more important to Sirius than he let’s on.”

Reggie sighed. “They’ll be his family now. Potter and that Gryffindor lot. That’s how he feels anyway.”

Bella snorted, either dismissing Reggie’s opinion or realizing it was true. I rather suspected the latter. Sirius was not a person who could tolerate solitude, but running away from Grimmauld Place hardly meant he would be alone or unloved. He had too many good friends, and in many ways he looked at his mates as brothers more than Regulus was.

Reg shook his head again, letting dark hair fall in his eyes, a habit he had unconsciously picked up from Sirius. “He’s not coming back.”

The rest of the holiday we spent barely going outside, as though our parents were afraid we would all run away if not kept under lock and key. Getting our things for school was entrusted to house elves rather than letting us to Diagon Alley, but even keeping us indoors didn’t keep us from hearing the gossip. Mother and Father would come back from their various activities white-faced with anger having met with snide comments. Not only could our family not control a sixteen-year-old boy, but they had, for all intents and purposes, lost him to the Potters. Owls sent by our friends in Slytherin were mostly sympathetic, saying the family was better off without him, but there was a kind of underlying glee. There was an unspoken competition among the old families, and we would have whispered and giggled too if it had been someone else’s family to have such a scandal.

As we got closer to going back to school, I found myself wondering if Sirius would return to Hogwarts at all. While he was undoubtedly smart (Indeed, his test scores rivaled my own even though I never saw him study) he was not a particularly driven student. But then when I mentioned this to Narcissa, she pointed out that he was only sixteen, and suddenly quite penniless, so what else was he going to do but finish school? It was a fair point; Sirius would not take well to poverty. The week before we went back to school a letter from Marlene assured me he was indeed returning, that the Potters were treating him like a son, and he was fine if unusually circumspect about the whole thing.

We all felt some uncertainty about how that was going to work at school- I think Bella and Regulus (at her urging) resolved to simply ignore him. Narcissa seemed to waver. I couldn't see how I would avoid talking to Sirius, we had too many mutual friends, but aside from that I didn't want to avoid talking to him. I missed him already and he'd only been gone weeks.

As the reality of school starting set in, I realized I was far more nervous than I had been even in first year. Not because I was worried about sixth year coursework, or even that I was worried about how we would deal with Sirius, but because of the absolute certainty that I would see Ted, and how was I supposed to act? Daydreams were all very nice, but I was quite sure I wasn't prepared for the reality of our new relationship.

By the time we got to King's Cross I was so tense I felt nearly sick, and all for nothing, because I didn't see Sirius or Ted on the platform. I assumed Sirius was already on the train, because we did see Mrs. Potter, and for a moment I wondered if we would have an ugly scene as my mother directed a venomous glare at the woman. Fortunately Mrs. Wilkes, either by accident or reading the situation quickly, grabbed both of her hands and distracted her with an inane question. It was not, to my eyes, terribly subtle, but it was effective in giving Mother a moment to remember how bad it would look to get in a fight at the train station. She merely gave us a push to the train and swept away with Mrs. Wilkes.

Marlene seized my arm almost as soon as I stepped on the train, dragging me away from Bella and Narcissa and toward the front of the train, and I belatedly realized we had to meet with the other prefects and the new head girl and boy.

“We have _got_ to talk,” she hissed in my ear.

“No kidding?”

I thought she was talking about Sirius, but as soon as Bella and Narcissa were out of sight she squeezed my arm and practically squealed, entirely out-of-character for her.

“ _You and Ted_?”

“Oh…well…”

I hadn’t told her about it, I hadn’t told anyone but Sirius, I was still having too much trouble processing it myself, but of course Sirius had told her. She was grinning widely at me.

“I think it’s brilliant Andy, really! And the ten galleons I won on it was nice too.”

“I haven’t…I don’t know…just don’t say anything, okay?”

She nodded earnestly, but I suspected both Ted and I would be on the receiving end of quite a few suggestive and none-too-subtle comments from both her and Sirius.

The train started to move as we stepped into the front car, and we were among the last to arrive. The new fifth-year prefects looked fantastically impressed with themselves, though I knew only the girl from Slytherin- Narcissa’s friend Patsy Parkinson. The Head Girl was also from Slytherin (not as unusual as most people would think), a rather officious and self-important seventh-year named Amalthea Derrick. I knew little of her except that Bella detested her but had discovered in first year she was no fun to mess with either, and so simply ignored her.

Naturally, I noticed none of this immediately, as the first person I saw was Ted, and somehow he was even more good-looking than I remembered. I have never considered myself the sort of woman to buy into romantic clichés, but I really did feel my heart skip.

Luckily, Lily Evans came bursting through the door behind me, shouting over her shoulder “leave me _alone_ , Potter,” and not looking where she was going, and ran into me hard, knocking me into the lap of the fifth year Hufflepuff prefect, which clearly made his day.

“Oh, sorry Andromeda,” she gasped.

Rabastan was sitting the nearest to where I’d fallen, and offered me a hand up, and the Head Boy (Mark Kingston- Ravenclaw) started talking, so I couldn’t have said anything even if I had been able to think of something to say in front of all those people.

I couldn’t say what any of them talked about; I was too busy trying to figure out where to look. Marlene had an annoying, knowing smirk, but I knew if I met Ted’s eyes I would blush wildly and everyone would notice. The whole meeting seemed interminable. I just wanted to talk to him, but then I had no idea what I would say. I’d never had any trouble talking to him before, but then I’d also never kissed him before.

Luck was against me again as the meeting ended and little Patsy Parkinson started peppering me with questions about my summer, apparently hoping to get the inside story on the scandal Sirius has caused, and when I finally brushed her off Ted had been dragged away by Frank Longbottom, and when I walked past Narcissa called me into their compartment with a question about classes, and Bella was looking through my bag.

“Bella!”

“I’m just looking for a quill,” she insisted. “Why Herbology?" she added, indicating the book.

"Why not?" I responded a little defensively.

"I wouldn't think you'd go on with it as you're the "I'm-so-smart-watch-me-take Arithmancy" sort, and it's rather dull."

"I like it."

"You've never really seemed to before."

"Bella, do you want to convene the Wizengamot to consider my classes or could I perhaps choose them without you making a huge case over it?"

She raised an eyebrow and muttered "touchy" before picking up the newspaper. She wasn’t wrong, but I put the book back in my bag with a jerk. I had, not surprisingly, come out with excellent scores on my O.W.Ls. Not that I had expected much notice to be taken of my grades at home, but any excitement I should have felt about good grades had been overshadowed by the drama with Sirius. Still I was set to take whatever N.E.W.T courses I wanted and so had gotten my books accordingly- there was nothing there to raise eyebrows except Herbology, and of course Bella would take note of it.

                                                                        *

The start of term feast snapped me out of my mood by forcing an awareness of much bigger problems than the lack of privacy that I was finding so trying. A noticeable number of students had not come back to Hogwarts. Some because their parents had decided to keep them home, but we knew some of them had not lived through the summer. Familiar names had appeared in the newspaper with photos of the sinister dark mark, and although The Daily Prophet tried to delicately not mention the ages of victims, it was understood that Lord Voldemort had no mercy for children. 

The first sign was the sorting hat. I had a fond spot for the sorting hat because it had put me in Slytherin when I asked it to, but I had grown used to its usual songs, which generally told the first years about the qualities each house valued. This time, the hat had different ideas and rather than talking about each of the houses, warned us against divisions among the houses. Confused whispers followed its performance, only Dumbledore looking unsurprised by this new development, though very few Slytherins allowed their composure to crack. A bit down the table I heard Will mutter, “I don’t plan on cozying up to any Hufflepuffs,” and Mulciber snickered. Bella didn’t look the least bit concerned about the change or the tension, watching with the air of a queen and a small smile.

I saw Sirius at the Gryffindor table, looking rather more aware than usual of curious eyes on him, he met stares with a defiant glare, but spoke only to his friends. He didn’t look at us, and I decided that though I felt like I had too much to manage it that night, I had to talk to him soon.

When dinner ended Amalthea sent the Fifth Year prefects to take the new students to Slytherin, and kept Rabastan and I back, talking importantly about how things were going to change in Slytherin, we were going to win the house cup and give no one any reason to take away points, and it was up to use to see that our fellow Slytherins were behaving. She seemed to think I would be more receptive to this and so spoke to me, giving Rabastan the opportunity to mimic her behind her back, while I tried very hard not to laugh. It seemed like hours before she let us go, and then as Rabastan escaped, captured me to say something more. I didn’t hear a word she said and was just thinking Bella was right- she really was annoying. The look she took for attentive was really me considering if my memory charms were good enough to hex her and then make her forget it.

The Great Hall was nearly deserted by the time she finally let up, and I escaped thankfully. I was just thinking it had been an exhausting day and I wanted nothing more than sleep.

“Hey.”

I jumped about a foot, and then turned to find Ted leaning against the stone wall just outside the Great Hall.

“You scared me,” I gasped, but smiling despite myself.

“Sorry. I thought she was going to talk forever.”

“You weren’t the one standing there listening to her.”

And then the painful, awkward silence commenced, and I have to give him credit for breaking it.

“This is…ah…listen, I know it’s late, but I thought maybe…we could talk?”

“But maybe not…standing the middle of the hallway outside the Great Hall.”

“Right…good thinking…” He glanced around and then drew me into an out-of-the way alcove that had been the home to a statue of Hengist of Woodcroft. Someone (probably the usual suspects- James and Sirius, though that had never been proven) had charmed it to make obscene gestures at passing students, and the staff had to remove it. I had thought it mildly amusing, if rather childish, the year before. Now it seemed wonderfully convenient.

“Are you okay?”

“What?”

“Well, I heard about Sirius, and…everything…”

“Oh-“ I was surprised that among everything else his biggest concern was whether or not I was upset about Sirius. I shook my head. “That’s okay. I mean, it happened, and no one was very surprised really…” I trailed off vaguely.

“Look, I’m probably not going to say this right, so…bear with me…” Ted began, and I thought that actually having the power of speech made him more articulate than me, since my ability to form words seemed to have deserted me. “Look, Andy, I know you’ve got more to lose than I do here, and I don’t want you to think that I don’t get that or I think it’s not important…but…I _want_ this Andy. I don’t even really know what _this_ is, and honestly, it can be whatever you need it to be, but…you’re hard to read, and I don’t know what you want. And then there’s Davis…”

“What?” That surprised me into speaking.

“Hadrian Davis…you’re not going out with him anymore?”

I actually smiled. “I never was. That’s…we’ve never been anything but friends. He’s in love with Abigail Goldstein.”

He blinked. “Okay, well, that’s….Okay. I mean, the point is…what do you want?”

“Can’t we just take this one day at a time? I don’t have an answer for that that’s long term. I want to be around you, I don’t want to start a war with Slytherin, or with my family, and I have to say now would be a very bad time to engage them.”

“Well, that’s fair. You deal with Slytherin, and your family, since you’re used to them. And we’ll really just keep on like we’ve always been friends, like nothing has changed. Except, of course, sometimes, I’m going to do this…”

And that was to kiss me, without any hesitation or uncertainty, pressing me back against the stone wall, and I forgot all the worries and perfectly sensible objections I had planned to remind him of. It was not just a kiss, but a confirmation that what had happened over the summer wasn’t just a moment or an impulse. Although I can’t say I never doubted again that we’d make it work, at that moment I was completely sure.

                                                                        *

I found out on the first day of classes that too much free time to think about it wouldn’t be a problem, as N.E.W.T classes involved more homework than we’d ever had. Naturally, we discovered the next morning that we would again be finding a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. There was no doubt among students that the job was cursed, and Bella, hardly the type to believe in school rumors and gossip, agreed with a knowing smile. Professor Browning had reportedly taken a job teaching in New Zealand, far away from war-torn Britain and any danger associated with it. While slightly disappointed, as it had been worth going to class just to admire him, I also had to admit we hadn’t learned much. Not that I had high hopes for the new teacher- anyone who would take the job would look like a good candidate, and that was reason alone to question their judgment. 

At breakfast that first morning Slughorn immediately signed off on my class schedule with a wink, and I left as Adrienne was insisting she really did think an A in Divination was good enough to go on with it at N.E.W.T level.

I arrived to Defense Against the Dark Arts with Marlene, interested in exactly who would be stupid enough to take on the class. We paused in the doorway, and found the room had been changed yet again to suit another new teacher. Windows had been enlarged so sunlight streamed into the room, making it seem large and airy. While we were taking this all in, Sirius and James came up behind us.

“So, who’s the newest victim?” Sirius quipped at Marlene before he even saw me. An awkward silence fell as she looked between us, waiting to see who would speak first.

“We can only hope for eye candy again,” I remarked, and he gave me a relieved grin. No drama, no need for impassioned speeches or tearful recriminations, in a casual comment I let him know that whatever had changed between him and the family, nothing had really changed between the two of us.

“I think it’s the boys’ turn for eye candy,” James began, and then glanced past us. “…or not.”

“Come in, come in, we’re not going to have class there in the doorway, now are we?” the new teacher called to us. She was certainly not going to be starring in the fantasies of any of Hogwarts students, male or female, unless they had very unusual taste. The best I can describe it is that she looked like someone’s grandmother. Not my grandmother, who was severe and forbidding and always seemed inches from smacking Bella with her snake-headed cane, but the sort of grandmother one finds in children’s’ books, one who bakes things and knits quilts. Of indeterminate age, her hair pulled back in a bun every bit as severe as McGonagall’s but she was prevented from being as intimidating as she was no taller than me, round, pink-cheeked and wearing slightly faded flowery-print robes. We gaped, as she didn’t really look the type to be battling Death Eaters. It was Rabastan who was the unfortunate person to voice that thought.

“What’s _she_ going to do the Dark Lord? Bake him cookies?” he smirked. There was a flash and a second later he was laid out flat, blinking but clearly unable to move.

“There will be _no joking_ about Lord Voldemort in this class, Mr. Lestrange. Is that clear?”

I suppose he would have nodded or spoken if he could, and she seemed to sense that as she lifted the spell and he scrambled to his feet, glaring at those who snickered and watching her warily.

“Take your seats, please.”

The thing that was immediately different about N.E.W.T classes was that all four Hogwarts houses were in the same class, and so there seemed to be less segregation just by default. There were no “sides” to the room. Really, Slytherin was the only house that was so particular about not mixing with others…the Hufflepuffs were naturally friendly, Gryffindors loved an audience, and everyone wanted to be friends with the Ravenclaws if only for homework assistance, so maybe it didn’t seem quite such a strange phenomenon to anyone else. I was sitting next to Marlene, and Sirius was sitting on her other side, apparently struggling to keep any number of comments to himself after what had happened to Rabastan.

Ted came in just as the class was about to begin, and slid into the seat behind me.

“ _That’s_ the new teacher?”

I turned around and glanced at him. “Shh! She already laid out Lestrange like a first year.”

Rabastan heard his name and turned to give me a dirty look, obviously it wasn’t a story he wanted spread around. But his look of annoyance vanished into confusion when he looked my way. I realized the way I was sitting, turned around in my seat with my arm resting on Ted’s desk was simply too familiar. Rabastan looked at me like he couldn’t figure out quite what was wrong with the picture, but didn’t like it.

“All right, settle down all of you. Let’s get started here. I am Professor Summers and I would suggest you all address me that way. Since you all managed to achieve and E on your O.W.L, I will assume this class is relatively intelligent, and I’m not going to go easy on you. That would be doing you a great disservice in this day and age. We will begin with nonverbal spells. Who can tell me about them?”

                                                                        *

That first term of my sixth year was the happiest I spent at Hogwarts, despite the amount of homework associated with N.E.W.T classes, and the absolute lack of privacy, and the nagging worry of the world outside school. It wasn’t hard for Ted and I to go on as we always had, because after the initial awkwardness I remembered that we always seemed to have something to talk about. 

I have to admit, there is something very sexy about a secret relationship. It would have been easier if there had been no secrets and no hiding, but there was something to be said for the brush of hands under a desk, a look from across the room, a quick kiss in an empty classroom. Ted had a way, he still does it, of coming up behind me and putting his hand on my waist, as though I was going through a door, and it was something I came to expect, the kind of touch that isn’t too obvious. Our family very definitely did not approve of public displays of affection so even if we hadn’t been trying to be discreet it would have been bizarre and uncomfortable if he’d done anything more, and he got that, a subtle indication he understood me better than I realized.

We counted, perhaps too much, on the principle that people see what they expect to see. Nobody would expect to see a Black girl even associating with a muggle-born, so perhaps they wouldn’t. I spent most of my time around friends outside of Slytherin, it had been years since I’d spent much free time with girls in my house, and so nothing seemed amiss to even my roommates. We forgot that there is absolutely nothing at Hogwarts that stays a secret for long, and so eventually, people would notice.

                                                                        *

Frank Longbottom was the first, and he didn’t notice so much as Sirius told him, though I really can’t imagine how a conversation about my love life came up between the two of them. I had actually been surprised he didn’t know, and when asked about it, Ted shrugged. 

“We’re boys Andy, we don’t talk like that…”

“You live in the same room nine months of the year and manage to avoid talking?”

“Actually, yes. Of course, I could tell him during those late nights when we’re all giggling and braiding each others’ hair…”

In any case Frank came crashing into the library one evening when we were studying for Charms.

“I hope you’re bringing back my potions notes I was generous enough to lend you,” Ted began, immediately followed by “What’s wrong?”

“You’re going out with Andromeda Black?” Frank hissed, though nobody else was nearby.

“Um, I’m actually sitting right here,” I pointed out.

“What makes you think that?” Ted said reasonably.

“Sirius Black…”

“…has the biggest mouth in the bloody universe,” I finished.

“Are you insane?” Frank went on as though I hadn’t spoken. “That family is completely batshit crazy!” he glanced at me and added lamely, “No offense.”

Normally, I would take offense at any comment against my family, but I was finding his little tantrum amusing.

“None taken, I’m sure in some cultures “completely batshit crazy” is a compliment.”

“Do you not realize _who_ her sister is?” he went on.

Ted turned to me conversationally. “You have a sister?”

“Well, most people wouldn’t know that. She’s very quiet, shy, nondescript, would _never_ draw attention to herself…”

“Oh you two obviously think you’re funny. Well, I warned you about this in first year, against this, and you’d be better off to have paid attention,” he turned and stomped away.

“Sorry. I’ll talk to him, he’s all right really,” Ted insisted.

“What did he mean about first year?”

“What?”

“He said ‘I warned you about this in first year.’ About what?”

“I…ah…no idea. He says weird things sometimes.”

“Tell me…”

He feigned a deep interest in the charms book. “Really not sure what he meant by that.”

I leaned my chin on my hand. “Did you fancy me in first year?”

He sighed. “I met Frank on the train. He seemed like he knew everything, on account of being from a magical family. In any case he knew more than me. You were one of the first to be sorted, and I asked him who you were.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “Because you were almost too perfect,” he said, as though that comment needed no explanation. “And he told me if I was smart I would stay away from your entire family, because they would _not_ like me. Of course, then the next day I met you in class.”

“What does that mean, too perfect?”

“You were…pristine. I mean your robes were all neatly pressed and somehow you managed to get from the train to the boats to the Great Hall without getting wrinkled, and your hair was perfect and you talked more like a member of parliament than an eleven-year-old kid. You were just untouchable.”

It was one of those things that might be a compliment, and yet it wasn’t.

“Do you still think I’m too perfect?”

He studied me for a moment. “Well, you’ve got ink on your cheek, and I’m really not sure what you were going for with your hair, so I’d say right now you’re just the right amount of perfect.”

                                                                        *

Frank Longbottom never said a word to anyone, and generally seemed to accept me, which was a significant step considering my mother and Augusta Longbottom had despised each other since they were schoolgirls. He always looked at me a little warily, as though expecting I was about to peel off my face and reveal my true evil identity, but he never said so. Unfortunately the next person to catch on was a little closer to home. 

“Hey Andy,” Hadrian called after me, and then hurried to catch up as I was crossing the courtyard. I had been hoping to go back to my room and take a nap until I had potions, but I stopped and waited for him to catch up. “What’s new?”

“New?”

“Yes, it’s a thing people ask. What’s new? What’s going on in your life? Is there anything significant you’d like to share? New hobbies? Pastimes? Important or significant events?”

“Are you writing an article or something? I know the public is dying to know more about the constant excitement that _is_ my life…”

“No, no article. Just that if nothing has changed, then I’m wondering just how long you’ve been sneaking around with the boy I saw you in the library with last night.”

I stopped, and two fourth year Hufflepuffs ran into me. Hadrian dragged me down a deserted hallway.

“So you saw me studying with someone?”

“Don’t try to bluff Andy, you’re really bad at it. I did see you studying last night, and I was going to come over and see if I could borrow that copy of the book on runes that you took out of the library- I need to borrow that by the way- but then you packed up your books, _kissed him_ , and left the library. Now, unless I’m really missing out, that’s not how you usually say goodnight to your friends.”

“No…”

“So? Are you insane?”

“I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to kiss people?”

“Andy, I don’t know that kid well, but I do know he’s muggle-born. That’s a dangerous game you’re playing.”

“I don’t care, I like him.”

“You’re not going to like _Cruciatus_ , and you’re going to get to know it really well if your parents find out about this.”

“All the more reason not to tell them.”

“You know I wouldn’t, and there’s no reason to get nasty with me. I’m trying to look out for you here, as your friend. We’re not talking about minor trouble. Is this really worth it?”

“I think it is.”

                                                                        *

It was late November, almost one in the morning when I got back to the common room and found Narcissa the only person awake, sitting in front of the fire with her astronomy book, making out a star chart. 

“What are you doing up?”

She glanced up at me with a dry smile. “You’re not the only one in the family who studies, however it might seem like it.” She closed the book and added, “but I was waiting for you. Where were you?”

“I’m having a mad raging affair with the Minister of Magic. Shh, don’t tell anyone.”

She smirked, but didn’t let it go. “Seriously, you’re acting strange all term.”

The only reason it had gone unnoticed that long by the two people who read my mood best was because they had other things on their minds. Bella was at school that term only in body. She would finish her seventh year for the sake of appearances, but as far as she was concerned she was finished with school. There was nothing left at Hogwarts that she wanted to learn. She had gone from treating teachers with vague contempt to outright baiting, and stopped barely short of cheeking Dumbledore. The teachers, finding detention useless, seemed to have resolved not to engage her. A few of them seemed a bit afraid of her, which shows admirable foresight. In any case, she was lost to another world, and while it bothered me, more than I cared to admit, I had tried very hard to ignore it in favor of the things making me happy. As for Cissy, she was still floating on a cloud, head over heels for Lucius. Though she obviously didn’t see him at school, they did write frequently, and I again wondered what it was they found to say to each other.

“I’m not acting strange.”

“You are, and Bella says you are too,” she insisted, folding her arms and fixing me with a critical look. “You’re never around, you’re staying in the library until all hours, and you’re…distracted.”

“I’m fine, Cissy. I’ve had a lot of work this term, you know N.E.W.T. classes are harder.”

“I’ve seen you talking to Sirius,” she said quietly.

“Yes Cissy, I talk to Sirius. He’s my cousin, regardless of what the tapestry says, I don’t think family is something you give up on just because they don’t do everything in life the way you approve of,” I snapped, surprised by the feeling in my own voice. Until she’d given me a reason to say it, I didn’t realize quite how much I’d wanted to. She looked taken aback, but then stood up, glaring at me in the firelight, which made her hair shine like a sort of halo.

“I’ve seen you talking to that boy.”

“Oh for Merlin’s sake Narcissa, _yes_ , I talk to boys. Is that really so bizarre given that half the population of this school is male?”

“Not boys, Andromeda. That Ravenclaw boy. He’s a muggle-born. The same one Mother caught you being friendly with in fourth year. You talk to him all the time. I’ve seen you in the halls, and out on the grounds. People are going to talk. You’re too familiar with him.”

“So what are you going to do? Tell Bella? Tell Mother?”

“No. Not yet. I’m telling _you_. So you can stop now.” 


	24. The Nature of Magic

** Chapter 24 - The Nature of Magic **

That holiday we didn't go home to the usual round of parties and celebrations, but to a funeral. Uncle Alphard had died unexpectedly while abroad, and word had arrived just before our parents came to get us at the station. We knew better than to press for information, and so got only the vague comment that it had been his heart. My father was stoic as ever, apparently unmoved, but it was Aunt Walburga who seemed to be the most affected. I was surprised because not only had I never heard her speak of him with anything but mild disapproval, but also because I had assumed she didn’t possess anything resembling human emotions. We were told rather sharply to be quiet and not be a bother while we were at Grimmauld Place.

Though he might have been eccentric and a bit of a rebel, Uncle Alphard had always stopped just short of going too far and was still a Black, and so his funeral included all the due ceremony, with the entire pureblood world in attendance. Aunt Walburga was dry-eyed and composed again, for however she might have felt, the rules of how one acted in public were absolute. Blacks were traditionally buried at one of the family estates in the far north of the country that was rarely used, probably because it was so far from any civilization. I wouldn't have expected that that was what he would have wanted, but it was tradition, and I was hardly close enough to him to be in a position to know, so I said nothing.

It was a bitterly cold day, overcast and windy as we stood outside. I felt rather like we were going through the motions of what was appropriate when he really wouldn't have cared either way who gave speeches and what sort of proper ceremony was observed, it all felt rather fake to me. Whatever had been important to him, I highly doubted it was here in England in the strict pureblood world we lived in, and yet unlike Sirius and eventually myself, he might have strayed from the family line, and yet he always came back, so perhaps there had been something here that mattered to him.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted someone in a dark cloak lingering in the shadow of a tree, staying carefully out of sight, perfectly still and not making any effort to come closer. I almost said something to Bella, standing next to me, but then I realized I knew the way he leaned against the trunk of the tree, hands in his pockets with the easy carelessness that was the trademark of one person I knew. I caught his eye even from a distance and gave him a weak smile, and Sirius acknowledged me with a small nod. When I looked back again, he had gone, but I wasn't surprised that he had come. The conversation I'd had with Sirius over the previous winter holiday had made it seem like they were far closer than I had ever imagined.

After the funeral there was a reception. I've since learned that this is a tradition in the muggle world as well, and it still strikes me as odd that we'd mark the passing of a life with coffee and little sandwiches and inane small talk. I didn't feel like making conversation with anyone, and I knew I was being inexcusably rude to everyone who tried to talk to me, but I couldn't quite swallow the fact that aside from the lack of music and the subdued color of everyone's clothing, it might have been any other party. To avoid my mother's dirty looks for being rude, I finally stepped outside despite the cold. It was winter, and so dark though it was only early evening. I wrapped my arms around myself against the cold and looked over the landscape, which was beautiful in a stark, barren sort of way. For a second, I thought it was only the sound of the wind, but as the wind died down I realized I was not the only person to have escaped outside, there was definitely somebody else around the corner where the terrace steps led down to a park that sloped down to a frozen lake.

I stepped softly around the corner and found someone sitting on the steps, a woman by her size, dark robes making her nearly invisible against the night, her head bent and resting on the palm of her hand. My better instincts told me to leave and go back inside- outside on a freezing December night was not somewhere you came for company, they had clearly wanted to be alone. But despite my better instincts, I took another step forward.

"Are you all right?"

The figure started and looked up, and I saw it was Mrs. Wilkes. For a moment I was shocked into speechlessness, for all the many ways she was different than my mother, I still considered them of the same social status- weakness and emotion were forbidden. She wasn't crying, but her face was not composed in its usual blank expression either.

"Oh, Andromeda, Dear," she said, sounding relieved at being caught only by me. "Yes, I'm all right, thank you, Dear."

"Can I get you anything, Ma'am? It's very cold out here."

"No Andromeda, thank you. I just needed to get out of all that. Needed some fresh air."

I was torn between discomfort at her strange behavior, and curiosity. I didn't go back inside, but instead sat on the steps next to her.

"I didn't know you knew my Uncle."

"We're the same age. We were both in Slytherin. Of course I did."

That was perfectly logical- the wizarding world was small and the elite pureblood circles even smaller.

"I've always thought he was lucky," she said randomly, talking to me, I suspect simply because I happened to be there and she liked me in a general way. "He always wanted to travel, to see the world. He used to talk about the places he'd go- Africa, India, Mexico. In school, he used to tell stories about them- stories he read, or maybe just made them up. He was a wonderful storyteller."

"I know."

She smiled faintly at me. "He never really fit in in Slytherin, at least not the way Walburga and Cygnus did, but when he would start to tell a story everyone would listen. And as it turns out he did exactly what he wanted- he traveled and read and studied. Met all kinds of people from different worlds, magical and muggle. I always thought he was lucky. I realize now it had nothing to do with luck, it was courage. He was brave enough to do what he wanted despite everything. Despite everyone."

"Do you think he was happy?" I asked.

"He was happier than most," she said with a certainty that I couldn't understand. How would she know? "He was doing what he dreamed of."

"He gave up something for it," I said, remembering my conversation with Sirius.

"We all make choices. We all have regrets," she said, turning to look at me, and then went on with a seemingly unrelated topic. "I love my children, you know. Timothy…you don't know him, he's older. He's strong, clever, proud. A fine, pureblood man. His father is proud of him. Annabelle is so sweet. So pretty. And so content. She'll be happy. She expects what is expected of her. It's nice, when it works that way. She'll be happy," she finished, and sighed. As though she wanted to be sure I believed her, said again. "I love my children."

I wasn't sure what to say. I believed her, but I felt as though she was giving me that as excuse for not being happy herself. She had given up what she wanted, but she loved her children.

"That's enough? It's worth it?"

She shrugged. "How can I say, what's worth it or not for anyone else? Stolen moments can never be enough, but would I give up Timothy and Annabelle for a lifetime? There's no point in wondering." She gave me a wry smile. "You're a clever girl, Andromeda. Not really a girl anymore I suppose, you're Annabelle's age, seventeen? Or almost?"

"This summer, Ma'am."

She gave me a shrewd look. "You've become a beautiful woman Andromeda," she chuckled softly. "Well, of course…"

"Of course what?"

"You have that look," she said decisively, and then in response to my confused expression, explained. "You're always more beautiful when you're in love. It's odd, it’s not a scientific theory, but I've never known it to be wrong either. It’s just the nature of the magic. And you, Andromeda Black, are in love."

"That's not…I'm not…I'm not even…that's ridiculous."

"Yes, yes, I'm being ridiculous. You may dismiss it as the rambling of a dramatic old woman," she dismissed the comment with an understanding smile. "That happens when you get to be my age, perhaps senility is setting in," she said, though she was not really all that old. "And what silliness I'm keeping you out here in the cold. You'll catch your death, my Dear. And we don't want to be missed, either of us."

We walked back toward the house, and as we reached the door she placed a hand on my shoulder, and said my name, and then hesitated.

"I won't…say anything," I said awkwardly, guessing at what she wanted to say.

She nodded slightly. "Thank you. And Andromeda… Alphard always said that things have a way of working out for the best. Sometimes, they don't just work out. Sometimes you have to make things happen."

*****

It was strange, but the death of our Uncle had brought about a thaw between myself and my own sisters. Narcissa had been unusually cold after she confronted me about seeing me around Hogwarts talking to Ted. I should have known better, I knew Narcissa better than most, possibly better than anyone, and I should have known better than to underestimate her, but I was so wrapped up in the fascination, the absolute euphoria, of a new romance. I knew what her coldness was about, and I tried to pretend I didn't. Bella was not cold to me intentionally, so much as distracted by the dark world she had slipped away into. Narcissa and I had both tried to ignore it, but I think we both knew. In any case, Aunt Walburga's obvious grief at losing her brother seemed to have reminded Bella that whatever her new devotion to the Dark Lord, she had loved us before. She was suddenly affectionate again, and I hate to admit how easily I fell into the false sense of security with her. She seemed like her old self before she had fallen under Lord Voldemort's spell, and I wanted that to be true, and so I just accepted it- Bella was back, and I had missed her. Narcissa seemed to forget her anger at me as well, and that was as much a relief.

It was the night after the funeral, and I was thinking if my brief glimpse of Sirius, of the strange and surprising conversation with Mrs. Wilkes, who I had clearly underestimated. I was in my own world and staring out the window at weak moonlight when Narcissa came creeping into my room, and curled up at the foot of bed, looking serious. What she asked seemed like a complete non-sequitor, but I was pretty sure love had been on her mind for awhile, and Merlin forbid Narcissa Black seem the least bit uncertain or frightened to anyone but her sisters.

"Andy, have you ever been in love?"

I smirked. "I told you, mad sexy affair with the Minister of Magic…"

She smiled, as Bella spoke from the doorway, closing the door softly behind her. "Don't be silly Cissy, love is just for fairy tales."

She strolled across the room, and I felt inexplicably happy. It was just like years before, all of us together, not spending even a night separate. Bella sat next to Cissy, draping herself over our sister's shoulder with her trademark languid movements, and for a moment they were both disarmingly beautiful- black hair against gold, dark against light. Narcissa seemed to relax into her, curl up into Bella's arms.

"You don't really believe that," Narcissa accused gently. "You love Rodolphus."

Bella chuckled softly. "I respect him, of course. I like him enormously. Certainly, I'm attracted to him, " she added, with a raise of her eyebrows. "But love? That's supposed to mean you'd do anything for them?" She shook her head sharply. "No, that's nonsense for children's stories."

"You lie, " I said, emboldened by the return to our younger selves. "You do love him."

She turned a curious look on me, and it was only then that I realized how oblivious she had been the previous term, barely noticing anything that went on around her. For though she was rarely as good at noting subtleties as Narcissa, she always seemed to know everything about _me_.

"A sudden belief in true love Andy?" she said, a little mockingly. Narcissa looked suddenly alert and I felt a flash of foreboding she would say something, and tried to cover.

"I've seen how you look at him, is all."

"That, my duck, is just sex," she said easily.

Narcissa looked as though she desperately wanted to elaborate that conversation, but when Bella didn't offer anything further, she frowned and then let it go. It was late, a long exhausting day fraught with emotions whether related to Uncle Alphard's death or our own uncertainties, and we were tired. I felt a sort of peace at falling asleep with Bella and Narcissa near me, something I had lost a long time ago, but it would be short-lived.

It was well after midnight when I woke up again because Narcissa stirred. She sighed, but didn’t wake, and that's when I noticed Bella was gone. I didn't think anything of it immediately, it was normal for Bella. But as I lay there I wondered what she was up to. Perhaps the sudden return of a closeness between us made me brave enough to look for her even though I should have known I wouldn't find anything good.

She was in her own room, a fire absolutely blazing so it licked into every corner of the room, throwing strange and sinister shadows around. When I stepped into her room, she was kneeling in front of the fire with her back to me, muttering something under hear breath that didn't sound at all like English. I didn't say anything or even make a sound, but a second later she turned and looked directly at me as though she expected me to be there.

"Come here," she said quietly, almost gently. "I'll show you."

It was foolish. I knew what the dark arts looked like and the shiver of magic in the air. Really, I knew even then what she was and what she had done. And yet it was Bella. When we had been children Bella would curl up on the floor before the fire with the books she took from the library, our Father's books that we knew were forbidden. Dark head bent over the yellow pages, her lips moving silently, learning spells that she hadn't then even been able to use. I wanted to feel like this was the same thing, but I knew this was not just curiosity.

When I didn't move from the doorway, she turned and looked at me again.

"Andromeda, come here."

It was unmistakably a command. It had been years since I had let Bella command me like that, but a sort of morbid curiosity combined with my wanting to preserve our brief truce made me step into the room and let the door click shut. As I came around her, she was kneeling in front of a shallow silver basin. It was tiny, no more than six inches across, carved with shapes that looked like something we might see in ancient runes, but were not symbols I knew despite three years of the class.

"What is that?"

"I'm not entirely sure," she said pensively. "I found it in Uncle Alphard's things."

"Bellatrix!"

"Oh what! Really Andy, it's not as though he'll miss it."

Distasteful as it was, she was right.

"What is it?"

"I think it's from India," she said, in that particular Bella way of answering a question without actually answering the question I'd asked. I was near enough for her to grab my hand, and she pulled me down next to her. I couldn't see Uncle Alphard getting mixed up in the Dark Arts, but it didn't look like something you might pick up on a stroll through Diagon Alley. Then again, it wouldn't be unlike him to pick up something he just thought was interesting, and figure it would be fun to see what it did and what spells were on it. I wasn't at all comfortable with Bella mucking around with unidentified magical objects.

"Are you sure you should-"

"Shhh. Let me see your hand."

"What?"

"Your hand," she said impatiently, grabbing my wrist. Not realizing what was going on, I was stupid enough to let her hold my hand, palm up, in hers, as though she might place something in it. I had a second to notice our hands were exactly alike, impossible to tell apart. I saw the flash of silver too late, as she slashed across my palm with a dagger. I didn't react immediately, instead frozen in horror as blood welled over my hand.

As soon as it splattered on the silver dish, there was a sudden flash of light that knocked us both back. I wasn't hurt, but too shocked to say anything for a moment, but Bella picked herself up, cursing violently.

"What happened?" I demanded, when she asked if I was all right.

"Nothing," she spat, biting her lip and scowling.

"What was _supposed_ to happen?" I said, voice shaking slightly, both afraid and absolutely furious.

"Doesn't matter, obviously he undid the spells on it. Damn," she said, flinging down both her wand and the silver dagger in frustration, seeming oblivious to the blood still on her hands. She glanced at me, "Oh you're all right Andy, it's just a little cut, it can’t have hurt that much. I knew it wasn't going to hurt you."

"You did not, you had no idea what it was going to do!"

"Shh, you'll wake up Mother and Father."

"Bella, how can you…I won't do things like this. I won't do this kind of magic, I don't want anything to do with this, and you can't use me…"

She regarded me quietly for a moment. "You shouldn't be scared of it Andy. You could be powerful…"

I turned and walked out, slamming the door so hard the walls shook.

*****

The next day it felt like it might have all been a very bad dream, except for the shallow cut on my hand.

"Is something wrong?"

"Nothing."

Hadrian rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me you're going to start with that particular bit of passive-aggressive female behavior."

"Excuse me?"

He had come over with his father who had stepped by on some bit of business, and although I was usually glad to see him, I really didn't feel like talking or being social. His father and my mother had exchanged a significant look that suggested they were already mentally composing the guest list for our wedding. Based on my restless need to get out of the house, we had taken Sirius's rather creative tactic of sitting on the roof, with a frequently bolstered warming charm it wasn't too bad.

"I ask Abby what's wrong, and she says "nothing" in that particular way and I am to understand that something is wrong and it’s my fault and I had better start guessing at what it is I did to piss her off. I put up with it from her, but since I have no interest in sleeping with you, I'm less willing to play this game in your case."

I didn't know Abigail Goldstein well then, and I never really did get to know her because she never stopped seeing me as a rival and would never end up alone in a room with me long enough for me to assure her that I had no designs in Hadrian. I didn't know her family very well either, but I had heard that her father had not long before lost a great deal of money in some business deals gone bad. It had occurred to me that either she was the most mercurial woman in the world (and that is saying something coming from the sister of Bellatrix Black) or sure was unsure how she really felt about him and possibly was more fond of his Gringott's account than she was of him. Because I was his friend, I didn't say this. I thought he could do better, but he had his heart set on her.

"Good to know, but I am not being passive-aggressive, and it certainly has nothing to do with you."

"Is it the boy?"

"Why do you assume that?" I snapped.

"A sixteen-year-old girl being irrational over a boy! Who would think of such nonsense? Why I've never _heard_ of such a thing!"

"That sounds just a little bit sexist coming from Mr. Angsting-because-my-girlfriend-won't-talk-to-me. Anyway, don't bother. Your feelings on the subject are known."

"That's not true Andy. Or rather…you know how I feel but it's not for the reasons you think," he leaned back and folded his arms behind his head, closing his eyes lazily. "I don't know the guy, but I really don't care about the mudblood…sorry, muggle-born…thing. I can see some of their reasoning…" he held up a hand, as though knowing I was going to protest even though his eyes remained closed. "Andy, I do think they're worried about the wrong things, and going way too far, but that's not the point here. Essentially, you wouldn't be involved with him if he wasn't a decent guy."

"So then why the vague but obvious disapproval?"

"Why would you do something that seems like nothing but potential for you to get hurt? Andy, you can have almost any guy you want. Why choose the one who's just going to piss off your family, when I don't see how it can work out anyway, when you're from totally different worlds."

"That's not true…"

"It's a pretty thought Andy, but love really doesn't conquer all. It's hard enough making a relationship work without adding all that to it. It's not that I'm buying into all the pureblood rhetoric, it's just that I think you'd make your own life easier if you picked someone who wasn't so different from you."

When I didn't answer immediately, he opened his eyes and turned his head to look at me.

"Oh _no_ …you're _not_."

"What?"

"You're not in love with him, are you?"

"I don't know."

He sat up and rested his elbows on his knees. "Well, that's a whole different problem."

*****

My father was not a weak man, but he was the youngest of three children, and he rarely raised his voice to anyone but my Mother. The youngest brother to Alphard and Walburga, and married to a Rosier woman with her own pride, he rarely looked for a fight. I could only assume that due to her force of personality, Aunt Walburga had always ruled her brothers, and my father had accepted that. I had never heard him defy her, but three days later they had a row that would make its way into family history.

Uncle Alphard's will was read three days after his death, in the possession of the family solicitor as was proper, he had clearly thought ahead. As my Uncle Orion was the oldest male heir of the family, important family assets were his to pass through the male line. Ultimately, our manor house would pass to the male line as well, the Black family assets were protected by spells that had no consideration for women as heirs- women were not heirs, merely the mothers of more male heirs. But Uncle Alphard knew his magic well enough, and the spells on his will were ironclad, a large part of the considerable Black fortune that was his went to Sirius Black. I allowed myself a small, secret smile when I heard of this, because I remembered Narcissa's comment that Sirius was not cut out for poverty, and now he would never have to worry about that. The Black family fortune might be lost to Sirius, but thanks to Uncle Alphard, he had a new start.

Aunt Walburga flew into a rage, and had a legendary row with my Father in the drawing room at Grimmauld Place that we could hear even from the stairs where we sat with Regulus, not wanting to listen but not willing to leave Reggie there alone.

"Damn it Walburga, it doesn't _matter_ anymore," my Father roared.

"He betrayed this family. He betrayed _me_ , Cygnus, by giving gold to that ungrateful little blood traitor," she screamed back.

"It's all your pride then? You'd take your brother out of our history, out of our lives, our world, for your pride?"

"Blacks understand honor. My blood-traitor of a son didn’t, and neither did Alphard. He doesn't deserve our history, our name, or a place in our family," she cried, with a sudden flash we could see from the stairs. I knew Uncle Alphard was no longer on the family tree, and I had to get out of the house.

*****

"Andy?"

Ted looked shocked as he opened the door. He had not expected to see me over the holiday, we had agreed to that, but he had especially not expected to see me showing up at the door of his muggle home. He looked for a moment incredibly pleased, and then worried. "What's wrong?"

He pulled me inside, away from curious muggle eyes of neighbors, and I protested weakly, "I shouldn't have come, your family, and…"

"It's all right, they're at my Dad's office Christmas party," he assured, drawing me against his chest. "What's wrong?"

"My Uncle died…" I said, although that was not the only thing, it was the simplest and easiest to articulate. He kissed the top of my head, and I felt just a little better burying my face in his shirt.

"I'm sorry," he said simply. "He's the one you liked, wasn't he?"

I nodded, still pressing my face in his shoulder. "Not only that. She took him off the family tree, and Bella, there was all this blood, and Cissy knows and she's going to tell, and I don't want to be unhappy like Mrs. Wilkes…"

He rubbed the back of my neck. "Andy, I have no idea what you're talking about, but it's okay. It will be okay. We'll manage it…"

It was his assurance that it would be okay, and his use of the collective pronoun, actually made me feel a little better even though it didn’t solve anything. He released me, and though I didn't want to, I let go of him, keeping close to him. He pushed me gently into the kitchen.

"I'll make you some tea, that's what my Mum does when something's wrong. Tell me what happened," he said, pressing me down gently into a chair. Haltingly, and leaving out Mrs. Wilkes accusations about being in love, I told him everything else, and he listened quietly, without interrupting.

He set a cup on the table, and drew me to my feet gently. It started with a light kiss, intending to soothe more than anything, but I clung to him, bringing him closer. He whispered my name against my lips, to stop me or encourage me I wasn't sure, but I silenced him again, sliding my hands up his chest. At that moment I didn't want to talk about everything, I just wanted to feel, to be close to him. I felt a sort of desperation to not let the moment get away, to have him understand that I wanted him, that I wouldn't end up like the women I knew.

_Sometimes you have to make things happen_.

He drew back from kissing me and I started to protest, but it was only to trace soft little kisses along my jaw and down my throat, finding a place just under my ear that made me gasp and shiver. Impatiently, I slid my hands under his t-shirt, and at the sudden shock of hands on skin he gasped "Andy, Andy wait…"

"But…"

"No wait…" he said, and took a step away from me resolutely despite his own quickened breathing and flushed skin. "Andy, as much as I really _don't_ want to be the voice of reason now… this isn't a good idea."

At that moment, blood pounding and still almost feeling warm skin under my fingertips, it seemed like an excellent idea to me. "What?"

He shook his head, running a hand over his face, the other hand on my shoulder, holding me at arm's length. "Look, it's not that I don't…Andy, you're upset, and if we rush this you're going to regret it, and I don't want that."

"That's not true!" I was furious he thought I had some other motive. "Is it really so impossible that I might know what I want?"

He gave a smile without much humor. "If you think I don't…believe me Andy, that's not the case. But when this happens it's going to be about us, not about getting back at your family."

I shook off his hand on my shoulder. "How can you even say that?"

"Because you're angry at them Andromeda! You're angry at Bellatrix for what sounds like some very illegal dark magic. You're angry at your parents for taking your Uncle off the family tree because you think it's unfair. You're angry at Narcissa for threatening you. You're angry at them Andy, you're looking to show them," he sighed, and I was torn between wanting to touch him again and wanting to slap him.

"You think this is all about showing my family?" I demanded and he didn't step back. "Everything, this last few months- hell _years_ Ted- has all been some big plot to embarrass the noble and most ancient house?"

"Oh for God's sake Andromeda, of course not," he snapped. I didn't think I'd ever heard him raise his voice before, not to me. "You have to give me some credit for knowing you just a little bit, for having learned a few things about you over the years. I think right now, at this moment, you're trying to make a point." He released my shoulder and laid a hand against my cheek instead, and I didn’t pull away immediately. "The thing is Andy, you don't have anything to prove to me."

"But I want…"

He put a hand over my mouth, cutting me off. "We're this far, we'll get there."

I moved his hand away and kissed him again, but lightly and briefly. He caught both of my hands to keep me from getting too close.

"Okay, okay," I sat down again, resting my forehead on my hands, and then ran them briskly through my hair, sitting up. "I'm sorry, it's been a bad few days. I don't usually fall apart.”

He smiled a little. "I've never seen you fall apart Andy, and you’re allowed to once," he said, sitting across from me. We were almost absurdly proper, but there was something to what he'd said…I'd had enough emotional upheaval in the past few days without making any major decisions. "What are you going to do?"

I gave him a puzzled look. "Do?"

"Your sister," he clarified as though that explained it all. "Bellatrix…"

In over thirty years we've known each other and in over twenty years we've been married, it still makes him nervous when I call her Bella. The obvious nickname, it's a familiarity that he thinks I shouldn't have with the woman she ultimately became, but to me she was always Bella, and never the evil Bellatrix Lestrange that the rest of the world knew.

When I still had no idea what he was saying, he said patiently, "You're going to tell someone…"

"Of course not! If I tell someone she'll get in trouble."

He rubbed his forehead as though he was getting a headache. "Yes, that's rather the point. You can’t let her get away with this, like it's nothing. For God's sake Andromeda, she _cut_ you trying to activate some dark blood spell! That's not normal behavior. Not to mention enormously illegal!"

I stared him down. "She's my sister."

"She could have hurt you!"

"She wasn't going to hurt me Ted," I said, with conviction that I had no reason to feel. He didn't know her, and he had no reason to believe me, and yet it's something I've always known.

"Andy, that's dark magic."

He looked deeply troubled at what he thought was my being unreasonable, while I was struggling with a number of ideas that I had never considered before. It had always been that my family might not approve of him. Never before had it crossed my mind, or even his perhaps, that he might not approve of my family. It wasn't something I hadn't encountered before…it was generally known that my family, like many of the old pureblood families, dabbled in the dark arts. There were murmurs about it, but I had been mostly sheltered from it for a very simple reason. Money can buy, if not respectability, at least the veneer of it. Indeed, Lucius Malfoy would raise that particular concept to an art after the First War. But Ted wasn't worried about offending me by being honest…and least not enough to ignore it.

He wasn't wrong…I knew more about dark magic than most girls my age. Some of it was simply the result of growing up in my family, I had absorbed it without trying. Bella pursued everything she could find about the dark arts, and I read the same things as her. I hadn't pursued it the way she did, I had no desire to find out if I could use the spells or not. Some of it was an honest interest in magic, in the intellectual side of it, the origins of it, and there was more to magic than levitating and changing cats into handbags.

Ted was forcing me to consider for the first time, the moral ambiguity that my family allowed, even encouraged, under the banner of being pureblood and superior. The rules didn't apply to us, they were for lesser mortals. Ted had always had an unshakable sense of right and wrong, and he was strong enough that he didn't let anything, not even me, change what he believed. He never asked me to change, but he did ask me to look at myself and what I had always accepted without much thought, and forced me to examine everything. In my family, we were told what to believe and it was expected we would never really wonder why we believed it, or if it was true. It was a part of growing up I suppose, but it also terrified me.

"You don't understand," I said finally.

"No, and I'm trying to, but when it comes to Bellatrix you're a different person."

I shook my head. "I can’t deal with this now."

*****

It was stupid of me to storm out like I had and to take off for several hours. It was obvious I would be missed, but our household was in disarray and our parents too wrapped up in their own battles to really care whether or not I was there. If someone asked where I had been, I knew Marlene or Hadrian would lie for me. I was prepared to answer to my parents or even to Bella. I was not prepared to find Narcissa sitting on the steps, alone. To everyone else, she seemed cold. I had never thought that about her, able to see past the glacial exterior, and for the first time I couldn't. For the first time the look she gave me was just as cold and disgusted as she might give a stranger. I was upset and in no mood to deal with reprimands from my little sister, and so I tried to brush past her, but she grabbed my wrist with an iron grip.

"I told you to stop. I told you to stay away from that boy."

I opened my mouth to argue, to say I didn't know what she was talking about, that I didn't know what she meant, but she didn't even let me get that far.

"I'm telling." 


	25. Threats

** Chapter 25- Threats **

“C’mon Black, it’s not even that late…”

“It’s too late for you to be out of the common room,” I replied, unmoved by begging. “Five points…and get a move on or I’ll make it more.”

“But I have to go the library…” begged Cailean Dresden, a Slytherin third year who already had a reputation as a charmer, a reputation he was clearly trying to work on me, giving me a beseeching look from behind eyelashes that made the younger girls sigh.

“The fact that you left your holiday homework until the night we got back to school is not my problem, Dresden. The fact that you’re out of the common room is, so let’s go.”

Not without some uncomplimentary muttering about prefects thinking they ran the world, he relented and walked with me back to the common room. For a Slytherin, he was unusually friendly and high-spirited, and a moment later had stopped scowling and tried to engage me in conversation, which surprised me as younger students didn’t normally.

“Where’s Lestrange? Don’t you usually do patrols with him?”

“Forget it, Rabastan isn’t going to let you off the hook either.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, I know. I just figured you might have got him alone and hexed him.”

“What?”

“Well, I mean you’re not the type to fight, being a lady and all,” he said quickly, as though that might have offended me. “But I don’t figure you’d just let him say anything.”

“What do you mean?”

He glanced at me, and then suddenly started to look uncomfortable. “Oh…you weren’t at the Armstrong’s New Year’s Party?”

“No, my Uncle died and we didn’t go to many parties. Why?”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked pointedly at a blank spot on the stone wall. “Oh...uh…nothing. I was just being stupid, you know? Just a dumb kid, I don’t know anything.”

Though young, he was anything but dumb and clearly realized he had gotten himself into a conversation he didn’t want to be in.

“Tell me,” I said, in a voice unconsciously learned from my mother, who could speak mildly and still make it a command.

“Listen Black, I don’t want trouble with you or Lestrange, okay?”

“I won’t tell him who I heard it from. Tell me, Dresden.” I was willing to pull my wand on him, but I didn’t have to, he took a deep breath and spoke very quickly as though to get it all out in one breath.

“Just at the Armstrong’s party he said that he’d seen you being awfully friendly to a mudblood, and he thought your parents would put a stop to that especially because your cousin turned out to be such a blood-traitor and they should take a lesson from that,” he finished quickly and bit his lip, giving me a “don’t kill the messenger” look.

“I see…” I said calmly.

“Didn’t seem like anyone believed him really…” he said hesitantly.

“It’s no big deal, Rabastan is not known for his insight,” I said easily as we got back to the common room, and gave the password. “Get to your room, and I swear if you try to sneak out again I’ll take a hundred points, and your housemates will eat you alive.”

It was an especially effective threat in Slytherin, and he looked like he believed me and scampered for the stairs. I didn’t go to my room immediately, knowing my roommates would be still awake desperately trying to finish holiday homework that they had left as well, but was instead for a moment grateful for the darkened silence of the common room. I shouldn’t have been surprised, I suppose, but I was. I considered Rabastan a friend, and was a little hurt that he had talked behind my back rather than asking me directly, but more than that worried about just who he had talked to. I had seen him give me curious looks a few times the previous term, but I had never put it together. Since he’d said I was “being friendly” with a muggle-born and not “Andromeda was snogging a muggle-born in the library,” I figured he hadn’t accidentally seen anything particularly shocking, probably just seen me talking to Ted and took his own conclusions. Despite my comment to Dresden, he wasn’t stupid.

That was in my favor, he would know what I meant when I reminded him what might happen to a boy who started rumors about Bella’s sister. Satisfied with that plan, I was going to go to bed, when-

“Andromeda.”

Bella was sitting in an armchair quite near the fire, but it had burned down so low she was hidden by shadows, and so still and silent I hadn’t even seen her. When I turned, she was perfectly still except for a red-tipped fingernail tapping against the armrest of the chair. I felt a flash of foreboding. She knew. Narcissa had followed through.

Narcissa was hardly the type to make idle threats, and so for the rest of the holidays I was waiting for something to happen, the explosion, the drama. Every time someone walked into a room I expected them to say something, every time my parents so much as looked at me I froze in sudden terror, expecting a slap, or even more likely a curse. From every side I was expecting lectures about honor and disgracing the family, and yet there was nothing. I stayed out of the way, avoiding both her, and my parents, hoping that the old adage of “out of sight, out of mind” would be true.

By the time the end of the holiday came and we got ready to go back to school, I wondered what she was thinking. I knew she couldn’t have told my parents, because they would not have kept quiet about such a thing. Since it was unlikely she had forgotten, I had to assume she had decided not to tell anyone. I wondered about her reasons, but I would have been a fool to mention it, and so I was merely thankful the rest of the holiday passed in relative peace.

Bella spent the last part of the holiday in France, invited by Elizabeth. Or that is what she told our parents. I don’t doubt that Elizabeth was there, but I doubted she and Bella were interested in the same things. My parents were not stupid, but I imagine they recognized the time they could control Bella was well past, and indeed they probably thought they had no reason to worry- she might be the one who raised the most eyebrows, and yet she managed to get away with it, and they were sure she had her priorities straight.

I was, for the first time, glad to be separated from her. Despite my brave words to Ted, she had scared me more than any of her violent rages had. Somehow, it was far more terrifying when she was quiet and entirely aware of herself…calculating. I really did believe she wouldn’t hurt me intentionally, but she was so reckless with the kind of magic she played with that it was hardly out of the question she would encounter unexpected , and very likely dangerous, results.

She had come directly to the station with Elizabeth, and we’d hardly had a second to talk, but now I knew without a question what Narcissa had meant. She didn’t mean she would tell our parents, for while they had the power to punish, their opinion meant little to me. She had meant she would tell Bella.

“I didn’t see you there,” I said pointlessly.

She didn’t answer me immediately, but I could feel her eyes on me.

“We need to talk,” she said finally, in a soft voice, and my fears were confirmed.

“Bella, it’s late, and I’m tired,” I began, but she didn’t even bother to acknowledge that comment, merely cut me off by standing and starting to pace in front of the fire quickly, dark hair flying each time she turned, her restless movements throwing strange shadows around the room.

“You know, it’s not unusual, or particularly condemnable, to have a sort of…interest…curiosity…even a _fascination_ …about things that are forbidden. I understand that. Merlin knows _I_ understand it,” she said gently, and glanced at me and hardened her voice a little. “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. I’ve been thinking of other things lately, that’s my fault, but Cissy wouldn’t lie, not about something like this.”

I didn’t bother to deny it, watching her warily, not entirely sure she wouldn’t whirl and curse me.

“You’re not the first pureblood woman to fall into this trap, you know. It’s exciting, unknown…it’s happened to others. But not you Andy, I won’t let that happen. You’re better than that. There’s no room for you to make mistakes now. Not at your age, not after the blood-traitor has made everyone wonder about our family’s honor…” She shook her head slightly. “If you want a fling Andy, you can have almost any boy. You’re beautiful, and you’re a Black.”

“Bella, it’s not…”

“I don’t care what it is Andromeda, but I can tell you what it looks like. It looks like you’re a muggle-lover, a blood-traitor. You can’t throw away your future and your reputation on something like this.”

“It’s none of your business who I’m friends with,” I said, knowing my voice did not sound nearly as brave as I wanted it to.

“That’s what I don’t understand…you’ve never been like Sirius…you’re not friends with mudbloods. Granted, the McKinnon family do tend to be muggle-lovers, but you’re not like the blood-traitor who felt like he should cozy up to every pretty little mudblood girl who looked his way. The boys you’ve gone out with- Avery, and Davis, they’re decent, pureblood men. That’s why I can’t believe you’d waste your time with a mudblood. I assume you’re bored, I assume you’re toying with him, but you must remember how it _looks_ , Andromeda.”

She turned back to me and I saw her wand in her hand, tapping nervously against her thigh. She followed the direction of my gaze for a second, and then met my eyes. She broke her path pacing in front of the fire, and strode over to where I was still standing frozen halfway to the stairs.

“So what to do about it? Cissy thought Mother and Father ought to be told, but I don’t. They’d take you out of Hogwarts, you know. That would ruin everything. Ruin your future. That’s not what you want, is it Andy? You’re smarter than that, and I told Cissy there was no need for that, that you’d do the right thing if we just talked about it.” She was dangerously close to me. “Whatever is going on with that mudblood Andy, _end it_ ,” she said, as if it was that simple, and I suppose to her, it was. She reached out and I almost flinched away, but she just tucked a stray curl behind my ear. “I would never hurt you. You know that, don’t you Andy?” she leaned closer, so that she was speaking only an inch from my ear. “I would never hurt you, but I will kill him if I have to.”

*****

I didn’t sleep that night, that particular closing remark replaying through my mind over and over. She meant it. By the way she said it and what I already knew, I would be stupid if I didn’t admit I knew deep down she had killed before.

I hadn’t spoken to Ted since I had left his house so abruptly, and I regretted that almost immediately. I had been angry, frustrated, and confused, but it had not been a particularly helpful or mature way of dealing with it. I hadn’t seen him on the train despite Marlene telling me to stop being such a bitch and go find him and apologize. Her carefree attitude about the whole thing annoyed, me, but then she and Sirius had seemingly bigger fights on a weekly basis. She said, with a level of insight I didn’t give her credit for, that it would have been a bigger problem if Ted and I didn’t fight, at least we were being honest with each other. While I wasn’t ready to see it in quite such a positive light, it did make me feel a little better that she didn’t see it as a great tragedy.

I had seen him at dinner, albeit from a distance at his table, but there simply had been no way to speak to him. The first night back at school after the holidays, even the shorter Christmas holiday, was nothing but chaos, a last minute rush of finishing work and finding still-packed books and “Where’s my…” and “Can I…” and the upset in routine led to short tempers and made it, in short, a bad time to be a prefect. Just keeping order in the Slytherin common room and getting my own things in order left me with no time and energy, and certainly not the clarity of mind to deal with making up with Ted.

I hated apologizing, but I knew perfectly well as soon as I calmed down, that I had to. I didn’t intend to back down, I still thought he didn’t understand Bella like I did and he probably never would, but I hadn’t handled it well. There were some things we might never agree on, but I was willing to make an effort nonetheless.

Or that was what I had been thinking, and what I had meant to say when I saw him again. Bella’s warning changed everything.

I could tell him, he already knew that Narcissa had said something once. I could tell him Bella knew, I could tell him exactly what she had said, but…well, he claimed he had had learned a few things about me over the past few years…I had learned a few things about him as well. He wasn’t going to give up because it was what Bella wanted. He wasn’t going to give a damn what Bella wanted or what my parents wanted or what the entire pureblood world wanted.

The only thing he would really care about was what _I_ wanted.

*****

I didn’t fall asleep until nearly morning, overslept and was late for potions, and was in a particularly nasty mood all morning. It was impossible to avoid Ted given that he was in most of my classes, and strained silences would have been far too taxing, so I was rather glad when he caught up with me after lunch, luckily when I was alone, having snapped at anyone who tried to talk to me.

“Could I interest you in skipping Ancient Runes?”

I turned, startled, and then for a moment couldn’t help smiling, because it was him, because it was exactly the kind of thing he would say, and because I had missed him.

“Are you suggesting a prefect should skip class on the first day of a new term?”

He pretended to consider it for a moment. “Yes.”

“Okay.”

The only way to skip class at Hogwarts and still avoid Filch was to get out of the castle, so by tacit agreement we walked toward the lake. It was cold enough to sting color into my cheeks but not particularly uncomfortable at a brisk pace.

“I’m sorry,” I said abruptly, and awkwardly. “That I laid all that on you and then just walked out-”

“I know it wasn’t the best time to attack you about how you deal with your sister, I’m sorry about that, that’s not what you came to me for,” he admitted.

“The point is…” I took a deep breath, the rest of the words catching in my throat. I couldn’t do it, I absolutely couldn’t lie to him. I wanted nothing more than to throw my arms around him, but I had come to my decision the night before. _I have to do this. It’s not fair to him to drag him into my life. Bella meant what she said._

“The point is,” I began again, “this can never work, we were being stupid to think it could.”

He didn’t answer for a moment, and when he did he sounded tired. “Where is this coming from?”

“What do you mean? The only thing we learned from any of this is that we’re coming from totally different worlds…”

“Four months ago you said you wanted to be with me, and a week ago you said you didn’t want to end up like your Mother and her friends. What’s changed Andy? You’ve done a complete one-eighty in a week.”

“It’s too hard. I’m not like Sirius, I can’t just walk away from my family. I can’t have them hate me and ignore me. The best thing we can do is just end this now before anyone gets hurt.” _Before you get hurt._ “It’s just easier that way.”

“You’ve never taken the easy way out.”

“My family isn’t going anywhere, and they’re not going to change.”

“They weren’t going to change last week either.”

“Ted look, I never lied to you. I said we should take this one day at a time because I was never sure it could happen, and we gave it a shot. You’ve always known who I am and what I am. I’m a Black, I’m a pureblood witch. It’s not a world you can just ignore, and you can’t understand it…you can pretend you do, but you’ll never really get it, and all this has just illustrated that.”

That was harsh, I knew that, and I expected him to get angry. I wanted him to get angry because that would make it easier for me. He remained perfectly calm, which only frustrated me.

“And that’s what you want? To live in that pureblood world?”

I shrugged. “It’s who I am. I guess I’m getting that now. There are good things about pureblood traditions too, you know. I guess this rebellion thing was just…that. It _was_ fun, but we were silly to think it could last. You just can’t be what I need.”

I couldn’t believe the words actually came out as I wanted them to. I was never a good liar, and I hated everything I was saying, and yet making it possible was that I could nearly hear Bella in my head- _I will kill him if I have to. The look in her eyes. She will. You can’t take that chance._

“I see,” he said evenly, and we walked in silence for a few moments. “If that’s what you want Andy, then I’ll respect that.”

“Thank you.”

I turned back to the castle, because I couldn’t manage it for a second longer, I couldn’t keep my face in that cool, unaffected expression, and I couldn’t cry in front of him.

“Andy?” he said, before I get even a few steps away. I stopped, but I didn’t turn back, because if I did he would see my face, and he would know it was all a lie. “I’ll respect that, but I don’t believe you.”

I have never wanted anything more than to turn around, but I walked back to the castle with perfectly even steps, not rushing, and not looking back.

*****

I had been strong enough to walk away from him, but I hadn’t reckoned with the fact that I’d have to see him in nearly every class, or that my friends would have opinions on the subject, and were not the sort to keep opinions to themselves.

“You’re an idiot,” said Sirius simply, falling into step with me as I left the Great Hall after dinner, which I had not eaten. I was hoping to just go back to my room and hide in my bed behind the curtains. Just for the night I needed to be alone, and I didn’t need criticism.

“Duly noted,” I muttered, hoping if I agreed he would go away.

“You broke up with him?”

“Glad to know he felt the need to tell you that.”

He grabbed my shoulder, hard, pulling me around. “Don’t do that Andy. He didn’t tell anyone until Marlene asked him flat out, and you know that’s not his style.” He took a deep breath, about to really lay into me, when Marlene appeared around the corner.

“Sirius, I told you…” she began, and then took his arm. “Come on.”

“I’m trying to…”

“I know, love,” she said quietly. “I know what you’re trying to do but this isn’t something you can fix.” She glanced back at me and gave me a soft smile. “If you want to talk, you know where to find me.”

The only other person who dared to talk to me that night was Narcissa, who came creeping into my room and drew back the curtain around my bed where I was ostensibly studying. I hadn’t turned a page in about twenty minutes.

“Are you all right?”

Childish perhaps, but I gave her the silent treatment.

“I’m sorry Andy, but I had to,” she said, her voice more vulnerable than I had ever heard it. I wanted to ask her why she had to, but I knew the answer would be something about purity and tradition and what was proper that no longer seemed as important to me as it once had. Narcissa didn’t move, apparently resolved to wait until I decided to talk to her. In a way, I was still mad, I hadn’t forgiven her and there was a part of me that never would, something had changed between us that wouldn’t go back. On the other hand, a part of me knew she had really just forced events to an inevitable conclusion…if it hadn’t been her it would have been someone else, I already knew Rabastan had been talking. Even if we had managed to keep it a secret until Bella left school, someone would have eventually told her, and told Mother and Father. In her own way, Narcissa had done what she thought was best, forcing me to end it before Mother and Father found out. I thought for a second maybe it was better that I’d been forced to end it before I got in too far, but then I knew really it was too late for that already.

“I don’t want you to be unhappy Andy, but you know that never could have worked. People were starting to talk, you know.”

“I don’t care what people say.”

She bit her lip, and then shrugged and said again softly “I’m sorry Andy,” before letting the curtain fall closed and leaving.

*****

With that much drama on the first day of term, I needed some time to simply get back into the rhythm of school, and I was glad to focus on classes because that gave me something to think about that distracted me from my own sullen mood. It was comfortable, and I imagine that term my school work was better than it had ever been, even the teachers commented that I was outdoing myself.

I really had expected Marlene to be angry with me, or at least to give me a lecture similar to the one Sirius had started- that I was being stupid. Instead, she talked about everything but that. Sometimes I caught her looking at me like she wanted very badly to say something, but she had decided, and laid down the law to Sirius, that it was something I had to figure out on my own. Sirius contented himself with glaring at me and muttering, and while it annoyed me at the time, I could imagine that without really knowing it himself, he saw something in me that made him think that maybe his choice to defy the family would be right for me as well.

Having taken care of the minor problem of her sister being seen with a mudblood, Bella seemed to be enjoying her last term. Teachers had pretty much given up on controlling her, but no one doubted she would show well on her exams. Without sneaking around, I was spending a lot more time around Slytherins, and a lot more time around her, and she seemed oblivious to my mood. Since she always seemed to sense what I was thinking, I assumed she was ignoring it. Narcissa knew well enough to stay away from me.

The term seemed to drag by, and I wasn’t sleeping well, and so mostly tired and lethargic. I knew friends were worried about me, everyone from Marlene to young Cailean Dresden (who had decided I was the woman of his dreams and soon I would realize it) were making none-too-subtle inquiries about my health. I was just exhausted by trying too hard not to think about anything that mattered. I was blinking and yawning at breakfast one morning, and I didn’t see how it started, but Ted would tell me later it was entirely an accident, he didn’t go looking for trouble. I heard Bella’s voice behind me, raised slightly in annoyance.

“Damn it, are mudbloods born without the ability to _watch where you’re going_?”

It was a little girl who had gotten in her way. I had no idea who the girl was, clearly young, and I couldn’t imagine how Bella knew anything about her parentage. The child was a Ravenclaw, Bella had been walking between the two tables, and honestly, if the little girl had apologized and run off, it might have been let go, but she stuck out her lip.

“You stepped on my foot,” she said to Bella, as though she expected an apology for this.

“Awww, poor little baby…did that hurt?” Bella murmured gently, mockingly, and while the child looked perplexed by this response, I knew the danger signs. Unfortunately, as I swung out of my seat, someone else spoke first, from the Ravenclaw table.

“Back off, Black.”

Ted, who happened to be sitting a few seats down from where this little exchange was taking place, had decided to step in on behalf of the little girl, or perhaps just because he didn’t like Bella. It hardly mattered, for I expect when the idea presented itself, she felt like she had a reason to engage him, and she saw an opportunity to teach him a lesson. She smiled.

“You don’t want to make this your fight, mudblood.”

He swung around and stood up, and I stood as well, seeing all too well where this was going. “It’s easy to pick on first years, hm?” he said. Bella’s amusement vanished, and I sucked in my breath. He had no idea how stupid that was…nobody could say, or even imply, that Bellatrix Black was a coward. She pushed the little girl out of her way, no longer interested.

“You think you’re really something, don’t you…” she said softly.

“Bella,” I began.

“Andy, shut up,” she snapped. Ted’s eyes flicked to me briefly, but I’m not sure he even saw me.

“I’m not afraid of you, Bellatrix,” he said simply, and I thought, at least at that moment, he meant it.

As so many other possible crises at Hogwarts ended- a teacher intervened. Dumbledore, who was really the only teacher Bellatrix would ever mind- although she might call him an old fool in the presence of others, it was widely rumored that even Lord Voldemort feared him. It sounded ridiculous, but despite being an old man with a slightly absent-minded and vague air about him, Dumbledore was extremely powerful, and in reality he missed nothing.

“Good morning…is there a problem, Miss Black?” he said pleasantly, as though he was asking Bella about the weather. She turned, and rather surreptitiously pocketed her wand again.

“No,” she said simply, leaving off “Sir” as an intentional but not too obvious insult.

He smiled benevolently. “Good, one does like to start off the day on a good note, and nearly time for your first classes to begin, so everyone really ought to be getting on.”

Bella glared at him for a moment, as though thinking all the things she desperately wanted to say. Perhaps she had been told not to engage him, perhaps she just knew it wasn’t her place, perhaps she knew she couldn’t win, but she just gave a short nod and turned away. There was almost a palpable relief in the hall as people slowly started to breathe again and gather up their things to go to class.

My first class was potions, and as I sat through it, barely listening to Slughorn, I got more and more angry. To an extent at Bella, but I had gotten to the point where nothing she did could really shock me. I was angry at Ted. He, of all people in Hogwarts, ought to know what she was capable of. Ought to know because _I had told him_. He knew what she was capable of and he knew that as a muggle-born and as a muggle-born who had the audacity to talk to me, she was just waiting for him to give her a reason to focus on him, and now he had.

Unfortunately, we had all the same classes, and while he slipped into potions a few minutes late, he was walking into defense just behind me, and I turned around and stopped him in the doorway. “Are you out of your mind?”

He blinked at me, and then said incredulously, “You’re mad at _me_?”

“Mostly because I assume you’re not as stupid as you made yourself out to be this morning.”

“I was just supposed to let Megan go up against Bella?”

“If Megan is stupid enough to go up against Bella, then she’s not going to make it at this school very long…”

“That’s not the point…”

“Yes it is, you made yourself a target not only for Bella but all of her little minions…”

“Don’t be stupid And-”

“I’m not, do you have any idea how damn-”

“Miss Black! Mr. Tonks! Is there a problem here?” Professor Summers, despite being shorter than both of us, seemed to loom over us, and we realized too late we were the only people left in the hall. “That was not a rhetorical question,” she added when neither of us answered. “Is there a problem here?”

“No, Ma’am.”

“No, Ma’am.”

“Good, then there will be no problem with you both serving detention tonight, as you are both late. Now, would you like to join the class or would you prefer the rest of us wait while you finish your conversation?”

“Sorry, Ma’am.”

*****

I could feel Ted’s eyes on me all day, and as usual I felt bad for getting angry, and yet not unjustified. It was one thing for me to try to talk Bella down from violence against some hapless child, I was her sister and someone she might listen to. For a muggle-born to do it was nearly suicide. It was still the talk of the school by dinner time that night, when we were finally released from an interminable transfiguration lesson. I hung back to wait for Marlene, and as we left Rabastan and Mulciber were walking a few paces ahead of us. Rabastan had been given to running off his mouth that term, saying mostly things that I recognized from Bella, which meant he got them from Rodolphus. Since Cailean Dresden had reported he had been talking about me, I had been avoiding him, but I couldn’t avoid hearing their conversation.

“…to Bella Black, if you’d believe it,” he was saying. “The mudbloods at this school have no idea what’s waiting for _their_ kind out in the real world. Getting entirely too bold,” he leveled his wand at someone a few meters ahead, at Ted. “And _that_ kid needs to be taught a lesson…” he grinned, clearly thinking he was the one to do it, right now.

Both Rabastan and his brother were big guys, and he was easily five inches taller and fifty pounds heavier than me, but I took him completely by surprise, and slammed him against the wall by his throat. Once there, he didn’t move because my wand was pressing into his ribcage.

“Holy shit, Black!” he gasped before I pressed harder and cut off his voice.

“ _Do not_ interfere with the affairs of my family,” I said evenly. It was to my benefit at that moment that I looked so much like Bella. He looked nearly paralyzed by fear, but then nodded, eyes wide. Feeling in control, I leaned a little closer. “And if I _ever_ hear you talk about me again, I will have your blood.”

I twisted my wand slightly, so he winced, and then released him. He stumbled away, giving me a look of wide-eyed shock, and then backed away quickly with Mulciber, massaging his throat.

Marlene echoed him with “Holy Shit, Andy…”

A few paces away, Ted had paused with Frank at the disturbance, and rather than looking horrified, he was wearing a slight smile.

*****

“Idiot,” I muttered aloud as I was walking to detention an hour later.

“Who’s an idiot?” piped up a voice behind me. I turned to find Cailean, my constant shadow now that he had decided on me as the future mother of his children.

“You are. Not today, Dresden. I’m not in the mood to deal with you.”

“Oh, your muggle-born friend, he’s an idiot, huh? Yeah, I know…” he nodded knowingly.

“Don’t talk about things you don’t understand,” I snapped.

“But I do!” he replied, sounding hurt. I felt bad.

“Cailean, just not…”

“No, really! Yeah, he’s an idiot, but if he’s willing to stand up to your family…heck, that’s pretty cool, and pretty brave, right? That’s something.” He shrugged again, and then gave me his trademark smile that sent the younger girls to pieces. “If you don’t marry me, you should marry him.”

Stellar. I was getting romantic advice from a thirteen-year-old.

“Don’t be stupid Dresden. And get lost.”

“Sure thing. Considering you kicked Lestrange’s arse I don’t reckon anyone’s going to mess with you now,” he snickered, scampering off as I entered the defense classroom.

Ted wasn’t there yet, but Professor Summers was, and greeted me as though I wasn’t in trouble, but then “tsked” at me sadly.

I’m disappointed Andromeda…it’s not like you to cause trouble, and your work this term has been exemplary. What’s going on?”

“Nothing, Ma’am.”

She looked at me shrewdly but didn’t say anything else until Ted arrived, not even glancing in my direction.

“Well, as I think writing lines would be a waste of your time, although your time ought to be wasted since you wasted mine, I can think of something more useful for both of you to do.”

“Something more useful” was essentially filing, and while perhaps helpful to her, was mind-numbingly boring and the silence was absolutely deafening, until she stood.

“If I need to step out for a moment, can I trust the both of you to keep on with that and not be at each other’s throats?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

She looked skeptical, but then nodded and left the room.

As soon as the door closed behind her, Ted spoke. “Just brilliant, do you have any idea how much homework I have tonight?”

“And that’s my fault?”

“That we’re stuck in detention? Yes. You’re the one attacked me outside the classroom-”

“Because you were being stupid and shouldn’t get involved-”

“Bellatrix doesn’t run the world Andromeda, or even Hogwarts, and it’s about time _someone_ stood up to her-”

“I don’t care about “ _someone_ ,” I care about you!”

He blinked, and I realized what I’d said. He stared at me, as though he couldn’t really believe that’s what I’d said either. I turned away quickly, back to the task, not looking at him.

“Andy…”

Was I really so weak that even his saying my name made my resolve waver?

“Why did you attack Lestrange today?”

“He’s been talking about me since the holidays,” I lied. That had been going on all term and I hadn’t given it much thought. I had acted when he pointed a wand at Ted’s back, and Ted was not such an idiot that he didn’t realize that.

“You really need to stop using your family as an excuse,” he said finally, as though it were just an offhand comment, a throwaway remark.

“Excuse me?”

“That’s exactly what you’re doing. I know you don’t agree with what your family believes but it’s a hell of a lot easier to say you can’t take any risks because they won’t approve. Put it on Bellatrix, so you don’t have to admit that you’re scared of getting hurt. Because you’re _not_ like them Andy, I know you at least that well. And it’s easier now to be exactly what they want, but what about in ten years? You don’t agree with them, I know you don’t or we never would have gotten this far.”

I crushed a piece of parchment in my hand, pushing it too hard into the drawer and felt the sting of a paper cut. I looked down at my hand, at a little spot of blood, and that was the thing…blood.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “It’s blood Ted. I am who I am. My family isn’t going anywhere and they’re not going to change. You don’t know how dangerous that is.”

“I don’t care…”

“I do! Do you have any idea how terrifying that is? To think I could be the reason that reason someone goes after you? I can’t live, wondering every day, waiting to hear that you’ve disappeared, or been killed.”

“It’s a fucking war Andromeda, everyone is taking that chance every day, and you’re not exactly safe from it either, are you? Does it occur to you that maybe I’m scared too? There _are_ no guarantees, I get that. It’s my choice to stay in this world, and it’s my choice if I want to take the chance of being with you.”

“Bella said she would kill you,” I stated simply. Maybe I was running out of arguments, maybe I was just tired of arguing, but I laid out the truth.

“I can-”

“No Ted, you _can’t_!” I cut him off, voice rising, before he even got the words out. “You can’t handle Bella! You can’t take her! I know her a Hell of a lot better than you do and I know I can’t take her. She knows magic you’ve never even imagined and even if you could you wouldn’t. She’ll hurt you…I can’t…I can’t be the one who’s responsible for that…I can’t…” I shook my head, biting back tears, hating such an obvious sign of weakness. I looked down at my hand, where blood was still seeping from the tiny cut. “I can’t change who I am.”

“I’m not asking you to,” he said quietly. “I’m asking you to take a risk _despite_ who you are.”

A tear escaped, which I wiped away roughly, almost viciously, leaving make-up in a smear on my cheek. He was biting his lip, watching me.

“Andy…”

Damned if it wasn’t something about the way he said my name. I turned into him and he knew I was going to, his arms around me. He kissed me, tangling a hand in my hair, but not asking anything more at that moment than that kiss. It was brief, light, easy, but somehow more than it had been before, more of a commitment, an acknowledgement of “I can accept this about you.”

I stayed in his arms, resting against him, until a sudden voice brought us back to reality with an embarrassing jolt.

“That is _not_ what I meant,” said Professor Summers from the doorway, but she didn’t look very angry.


	26. Three Words

** Chapter 26 - Three Words **

“I love you” is a relatively short and simple phrase, easy enough to say. I say it all the time now. To Dora, every time she leaves the house, because she has a dangerous job and we live in an uncertain world. To Ted, for a million reasons every day. However, it was not something we said in the Black family. In some cases it was understood…I knew Bella and Cissy loved me, I knew Sirius and Regulus did, without anything having to be said. Our parents certainly never said anything of the sort to us, and I assume they didn’t to each other. Bella liked to talk tough, but her claiming that she didn’t believe in love was perfectly in line with the family. Blacks trusted family, and believed in blood and power. Love was giving away power to someone else, it was a weakness, and Blacks did not accept weakness.

I couldn’t say exactly why it was on my mind at the beginning of that summer, except that I was beginning to wonder how you knew you were in love, and if you were, how you let them know. It never occurred to me it was as simple as just saying it.

*****

_Andy- Meet me at the Leaky Cauldron at noon. I need your help with something. It’s important! -S.B._

When I first saw the owl, I thought maybe it was from Ted. But once past that disappointment, I was curious as to what Sirius needed that was so important, and what he could possibly need me to help him with.

It was surprisingly easy to get out of the house without getting caught. I have no idea what Bella had been up to the night before, but she had an excruciating hangover and when I stuck my head in her room to see if she wanted a potion for it, told me to get out and “stop shouting dammit” before she hexed me. Narcissa was nowhere to be found, so it seemed no one would even notice my absence.

"Is anything wrong?" I asked as soon as Sirius strolled into the pub. He gave me a blank look.

"Wrong?"

"You said it was important."

"Oh, it is. My mates are no good for this sort of thing...it's a girl thing... and Marlene is in Germany with her parents, and I wasn't sure if it's the sort of thing to ask her to help me with or if it would feel like I was pressuring her or something...anyway, then it occurred to me that you're a girl."

"As flattering as it is that you've known me for seventeen years and only just figured out I'm a girl, I have no idea what you're talking about..."

He beamed at me. "You're going to be the first person to see my house."

For a second I thought he meant Grimmauld Place, which I still thought of as his house, and which I had seen a thousand times. "What?"

"You know Uncle Alphard left me a bit of gold?"

"Yes..."

"Well, naturally, you know me, I was planning to spend it all on booze and loose women..."

"Naturally..."

"But then I realized I can't live with the Potters forever, as much as they've been great. So, I bought a house. Well, a flat actually, but it's big."

I stared at him. It was so responsible, and adult...and entirely unlike Sirius. It came as a shock to me that he was an adult, even in the eyes of the Ministry. And indeed, that I very nearly was, I would be seventeen in only a few days. Somehow, we had grown up without my even noticing.

"But the thing is," he went on as I tried to process it, "I don't have any furniture. That's what I need you for. Girls are good at that stuff, knowing what matches and all that."

In fact, I knew nothing about such things. The only two places I had lived...my home and Slytherin, were much alike in furniture and decoration- heavy, dark, cold, and heavily featuring a snake motif. But apparently it was one of those things- like dresses, make-up, fixing ties and cufflinks, and food preparation- that I was supposed to understand just by virtue of being female. I could hardly blame Sirius for this assumption, as I freely assumed that men had some inborn talent when it came to fixing broomsticks and killing bugs. Since he seemed so terribly pleased with himself, and was ready to spend, I didn't want to rain on his parade.

In reality it turned out to be fun. Sirius was easy to please, his only requirement being that it was "nothing at all like Grimmauld Place" which simply meant avoiding silver and snakes. For a man with a flashy Gryffindor side, Sirius had pretty good taste, and I correctly assumed that any place he lived would ultimately end up with the same atmosphere as the place he felt the most at home- the Gryffindor common room. I was probably very little help aside from pointing out when things clashed horribly, but I think in reality he'd just wanted company, and obviously having seen less of him in the past year, I was glad to provide it, I'd rather missed him. He was in an exuberant mood, and his enthusiasm was infectious.

Ultimately, we ended up back at his new place drinking beer and rearranging the furniture to (in his words) "maximize the positive energy." A neighbor girl with an obvious crush stopped by, and on Marlene's behalf I scared her off with the kind of deadly look that only a Slytherin woman can manage. Eventually, he tired of rearranging things and we sat on the tiny balcony as it got dark.

"So how goes the debut of the ice princess?" he asked idly, passing me yet another beer, which I didn't decline although I was starting to feel rather pleasantly fuzzy.

"Don't call Narcissa that Sirius, you know it's not true."

"I think the longer she plays it for Malfoy's benefit the more true it becomes," he said with a shrug.

"She knows what she's doing. Don't underestimate her Sirius. She isn't stupid."

"I know that. Black women are many things but rarely stupid. I don't expect Lucius Malfoy does. And she'll become exactly what he wants. How's that for love?" He glanced at me, and I must have looked unhappy, because he smiled. "I'm so sexy when I'm insightful. And how goes your love life, darling?"

“None of your business.”

“Are you blushing?” He grinned. “Do we need to have a little talk about the birds and the bees?”

“Try that and I’ll throw this drink at you.”

But Sirius was grinning at me in the way he did when he thought he knew something I didn’t.

“He makes you happy.”

“Yes.”

He sighed, as though that was the answer he expected but it didn’t make _him_ all that happy.

“Andy…you know Bella better than possibly anyone. Do you really think she’s going to make an exception to everything she believes passionately just because it’s you? What are you going to do?”

I blinked at him, wondering why I had to do anything at the moment.

“You only have a year of school left? What are you planning to do? Marry whoever your mother and father want and be miserable? Marry properly and have a fling with him on the side? Somehow I don’t see him putting up with that either. And we haven’t exactly got the kind of family that will disagree with your choices but love you anyway.” He sighed and took the empty bottle from my hand. “This one really is all or nothing Andy. Another drink?”

“Sure, why not?” I replied, and then called after him as he went inside. “You’ve really got to stop this “being mature” Sirius. It’s really just depressing.”

He stuck his head back outside and grinned. “I can try. Shall I tell you all of the dirty puns on “head girl” I’ve come up with to torment Evans next year?”

But when he came back, I was still thinking about what he said, and had to ask him.

“Do you regret it Sirius? Running away?”

In the past year, we had avoided the subject in a sort of unspoken agreement. He didn’t want to talk about it, I didn’t want to make him. We were not a family for heart-to-heart talks anyway, but since he had started this one I figured maybe a year later he’d have enough distance to have thought about it.

“Well…I’d be lying if I said it’s as simple as it looks. If the Potters weren’t so bloody brilliant about letting me stay I’d have been in a bad way, right? If Uncle Alphard hadn’t come through for me Merlin knows what I’d do about money. I miss some things, I miss…” he stopped abruptly, but I suspected he’d been about to say Reg. “I miss having an identity that didn’t really need any more explanation…but the short answer is no. I don’t regret it. I had to do it. I just realized I could keep fighting them, knowing they were never going to change, or I could take back my own life.”

*****

“No, no, no, that’s terrible. Cissy, that’s just not a color you can wear,” Bella shook her head gently, looking sympathetic. Narcissa frowned in the mirror. It wasn’t that she looked bad, she never looked bad, but pastels were her strength, and bright jewel tones were not.

If I thought Bella had caused drama when it came to her sixteenth birthday, that was nothing compared to Narcissa. It came as no surprise that Narcissa felt that choosing exactly the right gown was important, but after two weeks where absolutely everything she found was totally wrong, it was wearing thin, as was my patience with her.

I felt detached from it all. Nobody could have said Narcissa and I were still fighting. We were civil to each other, even friendly. To anyone around us, we were quite the same as we had always been. But then again we were also two girls who had been raised to act properly even if it meant lying through our teeth. The only person who might have noticed a chill between us was Bella, and she wasn’t paying enough attention to notice. Maybe it was just me, but I came to realize, and ultimately accepted, that Narcissa and I would never be close again. We couldn’t go back.

But it was expected that I would want to be involved in her sixteenth birthday. While not nearly as interested in clothes and general appearance as Narcissa, I liked pretty dresses too, and somehow it was easier to go along and pretend to enjoy it rather than coming up for a reason not to do so. And the truth was that it was this…being the center of attention, being admired, being spoiled, was exactly what made Narcissa happy, and despite everything I did want her to be happy.

Maybe because _I_ was happy, and surprisingly enough I was. It would be ridiculous to say the rest of the term had passed without drama, there had been plenty of it. But it wasn’t serious, it wasn’t death threats from Bella or the threat of being taken out of school by my parents, but just standard teenage drama that seems so dire at the time and so insignificant a week later. Quite a few people (not least our daughter) have been known to say they can’t imagine us fighting, but we did. About silly things, about ridiculous, childish things. We were both under stress, trying to figure out exactly what we wanted, from each other, and in general from life. The conclusion we kept coming back to was that we were happier when we were together than not…and most of the time that was enough reason to make up.

I didn’t expect to see him over the summer, we had decided it was too hard and too risky, but he cornered me on the train back to London and said he just might surprise me, and I was quite sure he would.

Narcissa flung down the robes in frustration. “I look dreadful in everything!”

Lying on her bed, having lost interest hours before in the robes now strewn across the floor, I rolled my eyes. Narcissa knew, and it was perhaps the one thing she never questioned, how beautiful she was. Comments like that were not because she needed to be reassured, I think, but merely that she needed to hear it from us.

“Don’t be ridiculous Narcissa, you’re beautiful in everything,” I said automatically, and she accepted that, but put her hands on her hips and frowned at the robes covering the floor. The one thing Narcissa couldn’t wear was white, she was too fair, it washed her out. Her best colors were pastels, pale pink or ice blue. She had refused pink, for though while it was perhaps her best color, she thought it too girlish, and she wanted people (I suspected in this case “people” meant “Lucius”) to see that she was grown-up. Besides that, she was choosing gowns that were, even to my inexpert eyes, not well cut for her. She was more delicate than Bella or I, and simply could not pull of the deep necklines and décolletage that drew male eyes to Bella (and myself, on the rare occasions I chose to take advantage of that).

What she finally settled on, to the relief of everyone in the household, was a diaphanous material that could be either blue or silver depending on the light. Her hair was piled up high, curls escaping playfully, diamonds winking at her throat and ears, and a slight, pleased smile at all of it. Our parents could not have been more pleased with how she finally looked when she was ready. There was no question that Narcissa was the most beautiful among us, and they looked at her like another possession that their friends would admire and covet. It never seemed to bother her, and maybe that’s why it never seemed to bother her that Lucius seemed to regard her the same way- he loved to show her off.

Bella uncharacteristically fussed over her, adjusting hair pins that were perfectly fine or picking at a non-existent loose thread on her gown. While I would have been slapping away her hands, Narcissa seemed to understand where this was coming from- she was the little sister and Bella couldn’t quite accept she had grown-up. That dynamic, that Narcissa was a child to be protected and fussed over, would never disappear completely even when Narcissa was a woman with a child of her own.

Since my parents were relatively sure who Narcissa would marry, the ball was a formality, as well as an opportunity to consider all possible matches for me. While I still had a year left of school circumstances were hardly dire, but Bella and Narcissa had made their wishes so incredibly clear that I seemed quite a puzzle, with no attachment to any available men (at least in the universe they were aware of). According to the gossip of house elves that I overheard, my parents were beginning to wonder if I intended to be “difficult” about the whole thing.

The house looked particularly lovely that night, lit by candles, but also draped with sprays of flowers- orchids and white Peruvian lilies. Two more crystal chandeliers had been moved in so that they caught the candlelight and sent spots of color around. My parents’ friends were understandably impressed, and Narcissa was glowing that it was all for her.

I enjoyed myself more than I expected to, actually. My mother began by pointing out in a would-be casual voice every unmarried pureblood man between fourteen and forty, but was soon distracted by showing off Narcissa, allowing me to spend the evening with people I actually liked. Shannon was finding herself in much the same position as me, her parents pushing her to make a decision about who she would marry after Hogwarts, and her reluctance to deal with that had brought us back to having enough in common to be friends again, if casually. Hadrian showed up about an hour late, and sidled in trying to look inconspicuous, until I cornered him on the stairs.

“Late?”

“Mhm, yeah, sorry, I had a thing.”

“The same thing that left lipstick on your collar?”

“Damn, really?” he said, rubbing at it ineffectively.

“Stop that, you’re making it worse,” I slapped his hand away and cleaned it off with a slight wave of my wand. He straightened his collar carefully.

“Thanks.”

“No problem, obviously your evening has been more interesting than mine,” I admitted.

“Serena Pritchard is giving me hopeful looks, so _please_ dance with me,” he grabbed my hand, and said Serena Pritchard gave me a deadly look.

“How sad, our entire relationship is based on avoiding people we don’t like…” I sighed, with false drama. He smirked.

“You have a boyfriend Andromeda, I imagine he’d rather have you dance with me than someone who’s trying to put moves on you.”

“Many have tried…” I said idly, then added, “Who says I have a boyfriend anyway?”

We had been exceptionally careful the rest of the term, I had made a point of never speaking to Ted in class, indeed never speaking to him unless I knew we were alone, and while the secrecy annoyed him, he might not have believed me about Bellatrix, but he did believe that my parents would take me out of school if it got back to them. Aside from Marlene, and by extension of that Sirius, I was pretty sure no one knew we were back together.

“I’m not an idiot Andy. You were an unbelievable bitch for the first two months of term, and then suddenly out of nowhere you were your usual perky self.” I smirked, I was not and never had been _perky_. He went on, “so I had to assume that you and whatshisname patched things up. I do have to commend you on being much more careful though, I didn’t catch you once.”

“Good to know you’re stalking me.”

He shrugged. “I still don’t think it’s a good idea, but if you’re determined, then it’s probably better if your sister doesn’t know about it. Just not sure where you see it going ultimately.”

“I try not to think that far ahead. Live in the moment, Hadrian.”

He glanced beyond my shoulder, and suddenly grinned widely. “Well, I hope whatshisname is willing to fight for you, because his competition is coming this way…”

“Oh no,” I made a great show of burying my face in his shoulder as Cailean tapped me on the shoulder importantly

“May I cut in?”

I said “No” at the same time Hadrian said “She’s all yours, mate.” Cailean looked enormously pleased with himself, and offered me a hand.

“You know you should be nicer to me. I’m a good guy to know,” he informed me, looking smug. “I’ve got connections.”

“Well, next time I need a favor from the ten-year-old crowd, you’re my guy. And if you move that hand any lower, you‘re going to lose it.”

“First of all, can‘t blame a guy for trying. Second, I‘m fourteen. And third, I guess that means you don‘t want to what I heard about _you_.”

I was curious despite myself, and he knew it.

"If you ask nicely, I might tell you."

"How about if you tell me, I won't hex you?"

"That sounds fair. Nothing important, just I heard your parents talking, and they want you to get married."

"No kidding? If you think that's news you don't understand the world we live in."

"But they said that since you're not seeming very interested in any particular boys, they ought to choose for you. And your Mum was saying she's decided on someone."

I froze, and he smiled and tugged my arm to make me keep dancing. "So you don't know everything, huh?"

"Who?"

"Marius Flint. At least that's what your Mum said, because he's related to your family way back, and they're quite pure, though not as rich as they used to be. Your Dad looked real confused and asked if you were graduating, and your Mum said no you had another year of school, and he said there's no need to rush it, but that would be a good match if you were agreeable to it, and he would start speaking to them about it."

I shouldn't have been surprised. And while there's great drama to the idea of my parents plotting my marriage to an 80-year-old abusive monster, that was hardly the case. Marius was one of the younger Flint boys, probably no more than five years older than me, and not disfigured or particularly horrible. Distantly related (Phineas Nigellus had married a Flint girl) but not closely enough to raise eyebrows or produce children with extra limbs. Considering I'd had the misfortune to be born a girl, and a younger daughter as well, it was actually an excellent match for me. Furthermore, it would hardly be a case of me being dragged into a church and married to a stranger, we would just be tactfully pushed together at social events and expected to see the wisdom of such a match. That was simply how things worked out. It had worked out nicely for Bella and Narcissa. Indeed, it had worked out for Blacks for generations...why should I be any different?

“Andy? You all right?” Cailean asked, giving me a concerned look.

“I’m fine.”

*****

Because I turned seventeen over the holidays, I had to go to the Ministry to take my apparition test. I passed it on my first try, and earned a beaming “Very good, Miss Black” from the tester. My father, who had taken me, was obviously pleased by this and took me to lunch at Alderton’s, which was _the_ restaurant in Diagon Alley for the pureblood set. Having never actually spent more than a few minutes alone in my father’s presence, this was more alarming than exciting.

“Andromeda, we have decided we really must consider your future,” he said, all business.

“I never would have guessed by Mother throwing me at every man under sixty,” I replied, and then immediately bit my tongue, irritated with myself for speaking without thinking. To my surprise, he smirked, almost but not quite a smile. I think, deep down and in a way he would never admit under pain of death, my father actually liked Bella and I (he always seemed perplexed by Narcissa). The qualities he admired in men- boldness, conviction, strength, and intelligence- could be found in his daughters. Had we been boys, he might have loved us and our lives would have been very different.

“Well, a good marriage is of utmost importance to a pureblood woman. You do not show your sister’s inclination to study further, which is surprising to me as you have always been far more studious.”

“I’m not Bellatrix and I don‘t intend to be, Sir.”

My mother would have slapped me for impertinence, but I knew my father appreciated direct and honest. In fact I did want to study further, just not to study the same things that Bella did. She was going to France and Germany when we returned to Hogwarts. It was not actually stated but understood to further study the Dark Arts, as certain European nations were much more accepting of such things than Britain. I wondered, in the momentary glow of parental approval, if I might be able to be honest.

“Slughorn thinks my N.E.W.T. grades will be sufficient for whatever I wish to do,” I said, a bit hesitantly. I knew my mother would shoot down the idea of my having any sort of employment, but I wasn’t so sure about my father. He had simply never been there enough for me to gauge his opinion on anything. If he was allowing Bella to pursue the Dark Arts in Europe, might he let me pursue Healer training here? He rarely interfered with our mother’s rules, assuming she knew better how to deal with girls, but when he did speak, his word was law in our house. I took a deep breath and simply gave it a shot. “He thinks I could easily get into Healer training.”

He blinked at me, and I suppose I felt rather encouraged that this did not trigger an immediate explosion. He merely shook his head briskly. “Horace Slughorn must be insane to think such a thing. You are clever enough certainly, but the sorts they get in St. Mungo’s? No, it would hardly do for a pureblood woman to be exposed to the kind of degenerates and mudbloods that come in there.”

And that was that. I really should have known better than to try and bring it up. Doing something I actually wanted to do _with_ the approval of my family was never going to happen.

*****

“Andy…slow down. Andy, love…brake…no, that’s the accelerator, the other one…”

Not many people would expect that I am an excellent driver. Ted would probably not use the term “excellent”, which he really ought to reconsider as it doesn’t make him look like a very good teacher.

As that summer drew to a close, I realized the benefits of apparition when one is trying to carry on a relationship behind everyone’s back. I saw more of Ted that August than I had even at school, and the driving lessons came about when he realized I was afraid of muggle cars. A Slytherin fifth-year named Hugh Bulstrode had seen a muggle film in which lots of muggle cars crashed spectacularly and burst into flames. This he described in the common room in great detail accompanied by enthusiastic sounds effects, and led most of the Slytherins, who had little experience with muggle things in general, to assume anyone who got in a muggle car would end up in a fiery inferno. Ted was rather surprised I didn’t share his enthusiasm that he had his sister’s car for the summer while she did an exchange programme in Italy (“she has _no_ interest in art, she just wants to drink wine and get hit on by men with names like…Fabio”). Eventually, the story of Hugh Bulstrode and his re-enactments of muggle car crashes came out, and after laughing until he cried, Ted decided the best way for me to get over my fear was to learn to drive myself.

Not only did it work, but to both of our surprise I loved driving. I learned to navigate London’s narrow streets and busy roundabouts, and learned the countryside around my own home was beautiful. We played at living in a world where Hogwarts and wars and pureblood families did not exist, even if for just a few hours in hot, hazy summer afternoons. We drove out into the country, miles from anyone muggle or wizard with blankets and picnic baskets.

True, there is little question as to what two teenagers will do when alone together, but Ted never pushed me to do anything I didn’t want, and for some reason I hadn’t adopted Bella’s cavalier attitude on the issue…I just wasn’t there yet. Somehow, that didn’t seem to matter.

“School starts soon,” he said unexpectedly one afternoon. We were lying on a blanket spread out on the grass. A perfect summer day, and as he spoke I had actually been dozing off, drowsy with the heat and quiet.

“Hm, don’t remind me.” I propped myself on my elbow to look at him. He looked as sleepy and relaxed as I felt. “Bella won’t be there.”

My hair was braided, falling over my shoulder, and he reached up and tugged off the elastic, unbraiding it with the kind of concentration and care usually reserved for diffusing bombs and performing surgery.

“And what is your fascination with my hair anyway?”

“It’s pretty, and it smells nice,” he said simply, and then went on to answer my earlier comment. “Bellatrix won’t be there, but Narcissa will, and the rest of Slytherin…and the rest of the world.”

“I know. I’m sorry Ted, and I know it’s ridiculous and difficult, all this secrecy.”

“Yes, it is,” he said with a sigh, twisting a lock of my now unbraided hair around his finger. “I don’t like it, I don’t like not being able to talk to you, not being able to touch you. But I figure, if your family wasn’t what they were…if there hadn’t been your parents and Bellatrix and Narcissa and Sirius, if you hadn’t been in Slytherin, you would be a totally different person.”

“You’re a strange boy, Ted Tonks.”

He smiled. “So I’ve been told.”

“Why do you put up with all this drama?”

He looked surprised by the question. “Because I love you.”

I think I stopped breathing for a second. “You…do?”

He laughed. “For someone who pulled off an O in Arithmancy you can be remarkably thick, Miss Black. Yes, I do.” He pulled me down and kissed me, effectively cutting off any answer I could have come up with.

*****

I arrived home that night relatively early, ten or so. The door to Bella’s room was open, and I could hear both of their voices in there, and so I wandered in, feeling somewhat unsettled and wanting company. Bella was sitting cross-legged on the bed, Narcissa in the armchair in front of the French doors, open to the summer evening. Bella looked at me a little too closely when I came in.

“Bit late, hm?”

“You know what they say about people in glass houses, Bella?”

“Who were you with?”

“Hufflepuff Quidditch team. And I don’t mind telling you, I am _exhausted_.”

Narcissa giggled, but Bella scowled. “Don’t be vulgar Andromeda. You clearly had an _enjoyable_ time, in any case,” she added, with a smirk.

“What makes you think that?”

She didn’t answer, so Narcissa did.

“Buttons, Andy.”  She nodded to my shirt.

“Must have been that way all day,” I lied ineffectively.

Bella started to say something, reaching up to run a hand through her hair, and I never heard what she said, because my attention was caught by The Ring. An enormous diamond on her left hand- I know she lifted her hand so that I would see it, but it was pretty much impossible to miss. I knew the Lestranges were rich, and liked people to know it, but the thing had to be five carats.

“Bloody Hell, you could bring down a full-grown dragon with that thing.”

“She’s engaged!” squealed Narcissa, no longer able to contain the news.

“Yeah, thanks Cissy, I gathered that,” I murmured, as Bella deigned to let me have a closer look at the ring. It was actually tasteful and simple if you could get past the fact that it was so bloody huge.

“We’re not going to get married yet, of course,” she said. “I’m still going to Europe, I won’t get married until I say. Rodolphus is fine with that of course, but he just thought it would be better if it was settled before I went…” she wrapped her arms around her knees, looking rather young for a moment.

I was torn. On the one hand, Bella was my sister. I loved her and wanted her to be happy, and this made her happy. I should be pleased for her …and I was. But Rodolphus had been right when he had accused me of not liking him. He had never been anything but charming to me, and indeed he was highly-regarded in the pureblood world for being intelligent and capable. I still didn’t like the effect he had on Bella.

But her eyes were sparkling, and she was talking idly, rambling about their plans…she seemed like any other girl excited about her recent engagement. Maybe, for her, if she was so certain she didn’t believe in love, then having someone who at least understood her was the best thing. I did think Rodolphus understood her, at least as well as anyone did.

Narcissa and I let her talk herself out before leaving her alone, but as I was going to bed she caught my arm and pulled me back.

“You’ve been gone a lot lately. You haven’t forgotten?”

I knew she was asking if I was seeing Ted again, if I’d forgotten her threat of the previous term. This time, I lied unflinchingly and convincingly.

“I haven’t. Haven’t you heard Mother and Father talking about Marius Flint? Well, that’s fine, but aren’t you the one who said I ought to have a bit of fun first?”

She smirked. “That’s my girl.” She squeezed my hand. “You know, even if I get married, I’ll still be a Black first, and you were my sister long before I met Rodolphus.” She kissed my forehead, and then released me.

And that was how Bella said she loved you, but I could still hear Ted’s “because I love you” ringing in my head. 


	27. Epistolary Form

** Chapter 27 - Epistolary Form **

_Dear Andy,_

_Darling, I wish you were here instead of stuck in Hogwarts. You would love Paris, it’s just your sort of place. I suppose you’d fancy all the museums and that, but even I have to admit the magical history of the place is rather interesting, and they’re not at all fussed about cleaning it up so as not to upset mudbloods here. Quite sensible, really._

_Mrs. Lestrange has been here the past week, visiting family she says, but I can’t help but feel she’s watching me and I know she doesn’t like me. She’s the most dreadful gossip, so it is rather amusing, but then I wonder what she says about me when I’m not around. She’s started giving me helpful (and she thinks subtle) tips on being a better wife…makes me want to hex her mouth shut._

_I do rather miss you. It’s odd, because it’s not as though I see you that much at school, since you’re always holed up in the library, but I guess it’s knowing I can’t see you even if I wanted to find you. I could apparate, but I couldn’t believe the forms we had to fill out for international apparition…ridiculous bureaucracy and all that._

_I really must run darling. Good luck getting back to school. Don’t get too bored there at Hogwarts, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do._

_Your,_

_Bella_

I glanced up at Ted, who was sitting next to me and playing exploding snap with Frank. Despite knowing that Narcissa was still there, that all of Slytherin was still there, it was impossible not to feel a sense of relief that Bella wasn’t there, and I no longer felt the sort of urgency I had the term before to hide from everyone. Indeed, after spending so much time with him over the previous month, it was natural. Among his friends- Frank and Marlene and Spencer, it seemed natural and didn’t raise a single eyebrow.

_Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do._

Well, it was too late for that already.

“James Potter, you are the most annoying, impossible, arrogant boy I have ever had the misfortune to meet!”

I folded up Bella’s letter as the shouting of Lily Evans preceded her into the train compartment, followed by James, who didn’t look at all perturbed by her invective. Their fights seemed to be now a matter of habit rather than any real disagreement, as everyone suspected she was actually beginning to fancy him a bit. Much like Sirius, he had done a bit of growing up, and was no longer trying to use annoyance as his primary tactic to win her over. Of course, it didn’t hurt that he was rather suddenly tall and good-looking, rather than the skinny, messy-haired kid in glasses. If Sirius was to be believed, most of the upper years in Gryffindor had a pool going as to when they’d start going out, especially thrown together as Head Boy and Girl.

“Seventh year…” Sirius sighed happily. “I’m looking forward to a year of bullying and intimidating younger and weaker students…after all that’s the point of being a seventh year.”

Lily gave him a disgusted look identical to the one she had just given James.

“The last thing I need is trouble from you, Sirius Black,” she snapped, collapsing onto seat, while James sat next to her, notably close. “It’s going to be bad enough just keeping the prefects in line. I think the Slytherins are planning a revolt. Did you see that little fifth year smirking the whole time you were talking, James?”

“Yeah, he’s going to be trouble. Both of them.”

“Well, they’re certainly not going to listen to me,” sighed Lily.

She was right, Lily was not only a Gryffindor, and muggle-born…a bad combination when dealing with Slytherin, but she flew in the face of all that they believed about muggle-borns. No pureblood would want to admit that Lily was an outstanding success in the wizarding world- beautiful, talented, and capable. Slytherins were offended by her, in the same way they were offended by Ted. Muggle-borns shouldn’t be successful, much less outshine them.

Through no fault of hers, Lily’s comment made me uncomfortable, as though it was my fault. The feeling of trying to balance between two worlds was becoming more and more unnatural. The constant reminders that we were in seventh year were there to make it clear that very soon, I was going to have to choose a side, and as Sirius had said, it was all or nothing. I glanced down at Bella’s letter in my hand, and then shoved it between the pages of my potions book, and instead moved closer to Ted. In an automatic gesture, without even realizing he was doing so I suspect, he put his arm around me casually. I glanced up and found Lily watching me, a small, thoughtful smile on her face.

                                                                        *

James’s comment about the Slytherins planning a revolt had been made in passing, and half-joking, but there was no question that as the war went on outside the walls of Hogwarts, certain more fervent members of Slytherin wanted their beliefs to be known despite Dumbledore’s regime. There was definitely a feeling of discontent among the Slytherin table that night as the headmaster welcomed everyone back. Rabastan and his buddies were definitely the start of it, but they were by no means the only ones…some of the youngest couldn’t even remember a time when war didn’t exist, and so it seemed the natural way of things to them. 

I didn’t want to be involved in school intrigues anymore, I just wanted to finish my seventh year with good grades, but the fact remained I was a Black and a Slytherin. People expected me to have an opinion, and expected they knew what it was.

“Wonder who was stupid enough to take the defense job?” Reggie asked, scanning the head table.

“What happened to Professor Summers?”

“Resigned. Or that’s the official story,” Shannon replied.

“Lucius says it was a bit forced. Purebloods didn’t like some of the things she was saying,” Narcissa supplied.

Most of her sentences had been starting with “Lucius says” and I had started to tune it out, but I was as curious as everyone else about a new teacher…it seemed the position really was cursed. I had rather liked Professor Summers, but most of the school governors were purebloods, and apparently they were asserting their authority where ever they could.

“Good riddance anyway,” said Rabastan. Unable to help it, I laughed.

“You just didn’t like her because she took you out on the first day. Those little old ladies can be _scary_.”

He glared at me. “Watch it Andromeda. You know Bella isn’t here to protect you anymore.”

I moved slightly, as though to stand, and he flinched. Regulus actually laughed, as did a few younger students who had gotten in his way, amused at seeing him seem to shy away from a fight with a girl. I sat back down, and gave him a purely Slytherin kind of smile.

“I don’t need Bella to protect me.”

                                                                        *

I had always liked school, and that hadn’t changed, but seventh year came as a shock. I guess they assumed by the time we got to our second year of N.E.W.T study we had decided what classes we could manage, and decided to bury us in homework. Evenings found me in the library just to keep up with no time for romance even if Ted had been so inclined, but since we had almost all the same classes, he was every bit as busy as I was. 

After two weeks of classes, our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher was something of an enigma. His name was McGarrick, and he was anything but social or welcoming to students who hoped to get to know him. After a few weeks of classes, the only thing we knew for sure about him was that he didn’t like us. In fact, the idea of him liking anyone seemed a bit farfetched. Even in class he did little but snarl instructions and fire questions around. Even seventh years were a little put off by him, so I can only imagine what the first years thought that year. But regardless of being unlikable, I wasn’t worried about my grades in defense, he seemed fair enough.

By the time we were two weeks into term, I had hardly seen Ted at all. Partly due to the amount of work, partly due to the fact that we were in different houses, and partly that Narcissa had become incredibly clingy. Without Bella or Lucius to distract her, she suddenly wanted to be close to me. However much she was trying to make amends, I still knew I couldn’t trust her when it came to Ted, and so I wasn’t about to let her get the slightest hint of any of it, but then that also meant I couldn’t even talk to him when she was around. I could feel him looking at me sometimes, across the Great Hall at meals or from a few feet away in a classroom, and when I’d meet his eyes normally he’d just give me a sort of smile, but sometimes it was a look that would make me blush down to my toes.

He sat behind me in Transfiguration, and normally I made a point of paying attention and working hard in the class. I liked McGonagall and she was the sort of teacher who made one want to work hard and do well. She was demanding, but certainly fair. Transfiguration was a difficult and complicated kind of magic, and while I was by no means the best in the class, I had always done well. But on Friday afternoon, I could practically feel him looking at me, so much that I kept turning around to look at him, at which point he would give me a confused, innocent look. After about fifteen minutes of this, a folded piece of parchment floated surreptitiously over my shoulder and landed on my desk gently.

I unfolded it carefully.

_Miss Black,_

_You seem unable to stop looking at me. I know I am irresistible, but you ought to be paying attention._

_Sincerely,_

_Ted Tonks_

I turned and looked at him. He gave me an innocent smile, and I turned around and picked up my quill.

_Mr. Tonks,_

_Leave me alone. I’m trying to concentrate._

_Sincerely,_

_Andromeda Black_

I sent it back to him, trying to be subtle. A few moments later, it once again landed next to my elbow.

_Miss Black,_

_I know I’m just too hot to ignore, but transfiguration is very important, vital to the future of a young witch. Really, despite my distracting presence, you must pay attention._

_Sincerely,_

_Ted Tonks_

I bit my lip, trying not to smile.

_Ted. You’re flirting with yourself. That’s just sad._

By seventh year, levitating a small scrap of parchment is simple, it’s hardly any more effort than the feathers we did in first year, and so I could do it with the barest little “swish and flick” and I thought I did so unnoticeably, until Marlene sitting next to me hissed “What are you doing?”

McGonagall looked at us, but we both gave her ‘attentive student” looks back, and she want back to her lecture. A few minutes later the piece of parchment landed in the middle of the parchment I was taking notes on.

_Miss Black,_

_Please, we are in class, you really must try to control yourself! This daydreaming about me is getting to be a problem. We should really discuss this problem. I happen to know you have herbology as your last class tonight. Perhaps you should linger in the greenhouse after it to water some plants…or something._

_Sincerely,_

_Ted Tonks_

In fact, meeting him in the greenhouse, usually deserted aside from classes, sounded like a stroke of genius, but I wasn’t going to say that.

_Daydreaming about you? You wish._

I heard a soft breath of laughter behind me, and the scratch of his quill, and then the note came back, sneaking under my arm.

_Miss Black,_

_I will assume that is a code which means “Yes Ted, I would love to meet you after herbology, because you’re so sexy you’re all I can think about.”_

_Sincerely,_

_Ted Tonks_

I had picked up my quill and was trying to think of how to respond, when a shadow fell over the desk and a hand snatched the note out from under my quill. I looked up at McGonagall, and immediately saw the look that scared errant students…stern and forbidding. She glanced at the note, raised her eyebrows ever so slightly, and put the note in the pocket of her robes.

“I’ll see you after class, Miss Black.”

I sat through the rest of the class nervously, and when I glanced at Ted, he gave me a sympathetic and apologetic look. As the class ended, he didn’t leave immediately.

“Go on,” I murmured as people packed up and left.

“I sent you the first one, you shouldn’t…”

“Ted, there’s no reason we should both have detention. Go on.”

“But…”

“I’m serious…”

He looked like he didn’t want to, but everyone else was leaving and so finally he did. I stood by my desk and waited for McGonagall to notice me.

“Miss Black, really,” she said after a few moments. “Aren’t you a bit old to be passing notes in class?”

“Yes, Professor. I’m sorry.”

“Your work in my class had always been good, but you know that you need excellent N.E.W.T scores if you intend to enter healer training, and this class is difficult, you cannot expect to coast.”

“No, Professor,” I murmured automatically, panic alarms going off in my mind. Slughorn had obviously told her of my intention to try for healer training…I wondered who else he had told.

“I don’t want to see this again, Miss Black. I expect your full attention,” she said sternly, and picked up her quill as though that was all. I waited.

“Is there something else, Miss Black?” she finally asked.

“I don’t have detention?” I asked stupidly, even as I said it wondering what kind of stupid student reminds a teacher to give them detention.

She didn’t set down her quill or look up, but she did pause in her writing.

“Miss Black, I have never had to reprimand you for…anything. I think this first time I can let you go with a warning.”

“Thank you, Professor.”

“You have another class to get to, do you not?”

I was nearly to the door when she spoke again, and when I glanced back, she was looking at me.

“One wonders you’re not in Gryffindor.”

                                                                        *

That evening as I left herbology with Annabelle, I made an excuse to wait back. In the years at Hogwarts I was with Ted, I became an expert at “vague but plausible” excuses. 

I actually was watering when he came in, as I thought some biting hyacinth looked a bit parched. I dodged back as one of them snapped at me, and he caught me.

“Jesus…bloodthirsty little things!” he said, catching me around the waist.

“I’m okay,” I said, though in no hurry to pull away from him.

“Did McGonagall give you detention?”

“Yeah, a month of Saturdays,” I said, pulling a face.

“What? Oh no way Andy, you have to let me tell her it was my fault…”

I put my hand over his mouth. “Ted, I was kidding. She let me off with a warning.”

He didn’t seem to find it amusing, as he didn’t laugh, didn’t even smile.

"What's the matter?"

He had a free hour while I had herbology, but since he had certainly seemed in a good mood while getting me in trouble in Transfiguration, something must have happened in that time.

"Nothing," he said vaguely.

"Then why do you look like someone just killed your favorite kitten?"

"Wouldn't you feel bad now if my kitten _had_ died?"

"Ted, you don't have a kitten. Seriously, what's wrong?"

"Nothing to depress a guy like reading the newspaper," he shrugged. I wasn't sure what he meant. I had read the newspaper that morning, and while it was certainly not good news, disappearances and mysterious deaths were becoming commonplace. It wasn't that we didn't care, but the constant barrage of bad news would drive anyone to insanity if you let it. You become desensitized, without wanting to, without even noticing it.

That day's paper was half-sticking out of his bag, and so I picked it up to see if I had missed anything particularly worrying, but another glance at the headlines gave me no clues. A disturbance in Hogsmeade that might have been Death Eaters but also might have been too much to drink and a troublesome cat, the disappearance of a Ministry staffer while on an assignment in Edinburgh, and the murder of a muggle family near Brighton...the last only tied to the events in the wizarding world after it was discovered they had a son who had recently married a young witch. True, all were bad news, but not out of the ordinary.

"Muggle authorities were totally mystified by four people killed without a single mark on them," he said quietly, abruptly, facing away from me. Beyond the greenhouse was the grassy park and the Black Lake, a view we had seen too many times for it to hold much interest, but he stared at it intensely. " _Crucio_ doesn't leave a mark. _Avada Kedavra_ doesn't leave a mark."

Cold was creeping over me, partly because it was getting dark outside perhaps, but partly because his voice sounded different than I'd ever heard...sharper, more bitter...I didn't like the sound of the unforgivables when he said them. The darker side of the wizarding world was something I couldn't associate with him, he was my retreat from that.

“They never really had a chance, against magic. Against a killing curse. And all because their son married a witch.”

Then it fell into place. He was willing to take his chances with me, but he hadn’t taken into account the danger to his family. He had assumed they were removed, they had no part in this war. He had never thought that someone who thought he didn’t belong in the magical world might take that out on his family, who had no hope of defending themselves. And given the newspaper article I was holding in my hand, I couldn’t really argue with him, or deny that there was some validity to his fear.

“You’re eleven…and you get this letter…” he went on quietly, and I remained still, watching him, knowing somehow not to say anything now. “And suddenly everything seems to make sense…because you always knew there was _something._ Something that made you different, something that made weird things happen around you. And it was suddenly explained, and it was _such_ a relief, to know it’s not something wrong with you, that’s it’s a gift, that you can do a thousand things that other people can’t. And it’s such a relief to know you’re not the only one, that there are other kids like you, enough to have a special school even. There’s this whole world, where people fly and disappear and things change shape in front of your eyes, and it feels so brilliant that maybe this is the world you belong in, because you never quite did before.”

Ted never talked about his life before Hogwarts. From what I had gathered from offhand comments he was close to his family- missed them and regretted that he couldn’t see them more-but he rarely let on more than that. I didn’t particularly want to discuss my family or my life when I was at home, and I simply assumed everyone else was the same. The freedom with which Marlene and James talked about their families had always mystified me. And despite the fact that he was upset, there was a part of me that wanted Ted to go on, I wanted to know him, even the things he kept from most people.

“And then you get to Hogwarts and it’s amazing and fucking unbelievable. And you think they were right, there‘s this place with people like you.” He paused, shaking his head slightly. “And you don’t realize right away what they didn’t tell you. It takes awhile to realize that people hate you. And it’s not that I don’t understand why, we have prejudice in the muggle world…it’s for different reasons, but just as unfounded…but it takes awhile to realize there are those who think you don’t belong in this world either. They don’t tell you that. They don’t tell you there is a war raging. They don’t tell you the ugly things magic can do, that it can be used to hurt and kill. They don’t tell you that you’re family will feel like they don’t know you. They don’t tell you that your family could be killed, just because you accept the offer in that letter…”

There were a number of logical responses to this, but I also understood that logic wasn’t what he wanted to hear. This wasn’t an intellectual debate. I also knew he didn’t want me to lie and say his fears were unfounded. In fact, I had no idea what to say, but I wanted to do something. I set the newspaper down on the edge of a planter with some sickly looking trees and moved around so that I could see his face.

“Ted, there’s always going to be a danger, but it’s not because of a choice you made when you were eleven. There could be more to that story, you know the Daily Prophet tends to miss important facts, there could easily be more to it.”

“That’s not the point…” he picked up the newspaper I had set down, apparently just for the purpose of doing something with his hands, folding it compulsively. “The point is that if it weren’t for me, they wouldn’t even exist to the wizarding world.”

“You can’t take that on yourself, that’s not fair…”

He shook his head slightly, and crushed up the paper violently.

“I just need to get out of here,” he said suddenly, picking up his bag.

“Ted, don’t…”

“I just need to be alone Andy.”

                                                                        *

_Mia Bella,_

_Of course you love Paris, and how could you not, when it’s hundreds of miles from Mother and Father and you can do whatever you like, and for all your claims it’s rather interesting I’m not stupid enough to think you’re just studying. Thank you for the bracelet you sent, it looks like it costs a fortune but I’m not complaining, you can send me as many Parisian gifts as you want._

I tapped my quill on the table, trying to think of what to tell Bella about school that had nothing to do with Ted.

_Hogwarts is predictable…I’d tell you about classes but I know that would bore you to death. I will merely recount that the other day in potions Rabastan managed to dose himself with Theo Nott’s Amortentia, and spent the rest of the class lamenting that Theo could never love him, and Slughorn wouldn’t let him go to the hospital wing until class was over because he said it wasn’t any danger and it was his own fault for being an idiot. Just something you might want to file away to torment him with in the future._

_Reggie is still in a bit of a sulk because he wasn’t made prefect, Tommy Burke is instead, and I’m sure he would do a fine job if he ever came out of the haze of billywig stings long enough to even notice the fact he’s a prefect. I imagine Reggie thinks he has to do everything Sirius didn’t do, but really I could have told him being a prefect isn’t a course to automatic parental approval._

_I have to get going as it’s nearly dinner. And I don’t know what you’ve been using that poor owl for but she was exhausted by the time she showed up here…do be careful._

_And Bella, I don’t do half the things you would._

_Love always,_

_Andy_

I read the letter again, and decided it sounded perfectly natural and not at all like there was anything else on my mind. I addressed it and tied it to Megaera, Bella’s owl, who still looked annoyed that I had taken her from the Owlery where she had been sleeping. She gave me one last disgusted look and then took off.

People were coming in for dinner, and I automatically glanced over at the Ravenclaw table, but couldn’t find Ted. I hadn’t seen him at breakfast or lunch either, and I was starting to worry, not the least because he didn’t seem to be eating. I had resolved that if he needed time alone, I could give him that, but then I knew from experience that being alone generally led to brooding, which generally only made problems seem worse. But then the fact was that I couldn’t get into Ravenclaw, so if he wanted to be alone there was effectively nothing I could do about it.

I was worried about him and could understand at least intellectually his worry about his family, but even though it seems selfish, I wondered what it meant for me. Was this his way of explaining why he couldn’t be with me, that it drew the attention of the wrong people and made his family a target? I abandoned my dinner and approached the Ravenclaw table, sliding into an empty seat next to Marlene.

“I need to get in the Ravenclaw common room.”

She frowned. “You know they don’t like that Andy…that’s why we have passwords.”

“I know, so would I ask if it wasn’t important?”

She glanced down, poking at her potatoes thoughtfully. “You better go now while everyone’s at dinner. The password is “Flitterbloom.”

I knew where the Ravenclaw common room was, I had enough friends in that house to have gone that far, but I had never actually been inside, that was definitely discouraged. The common room was empty at dinner time, and I paused for a moment with curiosity, for it was very different than Slytherin. It was done in blue, naturally, everything rich and weighty, velvet in all shades of blue and heavy mahogany furniture. In a tower, they had windows all around from which I could see the sky just turning from navy to black, and every inch of the wall that wasn’t a window was covered with bookshelves reaching all the way to the ceiling. I would have liked to stop and have a closer look, but that wasn’t what I had come for.

I paused at the bottom of the stairs that Marlene had said led to the boys’ rooms. If Ravenclaw was anything like Slytherin, there was no problem with girls going up the boys’ staircase, only the other way around. As I was considering that two little boys who couldn’t have been any older than second year came down and paused to stare at me and my Slytherin tie with wide eyes.

“What are you doing in here?” the bolder of them asked.

“Get lost…”

Apparently they’d head stories about Slytherin, because they didn’t waste any time getting past me out of the common room. Not wanting to wait for someone older and less easily intimidating to find me, I hesitantly put my foot on the first step…and nothing happened. Relieved, I continued up the stairs until I found the room with a gold plate declaring it the seventh year boys’ room. Having no interest in catching Frank or Spencer in a compromising position, I thought it better to knock. It took a few minutes before he opened the door, and had I been less worried his surprise would have been rather funny.

“How did you get in here?”

“It’s not the Department of Mysteries, Ted. I asked Marlene for the password. If you’re going to hide from me, you should do it somewhere my best friend can’t give you up.”

“I wasn’t hiding from you so much as hiding from everyone,” he pointed out, though he didn’t close the door on me.

“Are your roommates here?”

He shook his head, and stepped back to let me in. I had an overall impression of blue in the dim lamps, but I was more concerned with looking at him. “We should set up a schedule of some sort, you know,” I remarked, and at his confused look, explained. “Well, so we don’t both don’t have some big existential crisis at the same time. We can alternate.”

He smiled, albeit weakly, and I was glad he understood it was a joke and I wasn’t trying to trivialize what he was dealing with.

“I’m sorry I took off on you. And I have been hiding from you, a little bit,” he admitted. “I needed to think, and I can’t always think when you’re around.”

“The thing is, if you could go back and do it all over again, knowing what you do now, would you do it differently? I mean knowing there’s a war and there’s a really ugly side to this world, would you change your mind and refuse the Hogwarts letter?”

“You can do that?”

I shrugged. “It happens…those people usually end up going insane. They don’t force anyone to come to Hogwarts though, so you could have refused. Hindsight being what it is, would you?”

“No…” he said, and I was relieved. I had thought that would be his answer, but I hadn’t been sure. “No, then I’d feel all wrong, I expect. Like I was missing something. And _you_ exist in this world.” I smiled, but he went on. “But I can’t get past the feeling that they wouldn’t be in danger if not for me.”

“Have you considered talking to them about this?”

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Hey Mum and Dad, just letting you know there’s a nutter who wants to kill you, and you won’t see him coming and there’s nothing you can do about it, but have fun looking over your shoulders and jumping at every noise for the rest of your lives?”

“Well, you might phrase it a little differently. But wouldn’t you rather know what’s out there rather than some great unknown. They want to know Ted, that was obvious in the twenty seconds in Diagon Alley, they looked like it was Christmas and their birthday all at once just to meet someone you went to school with. The Statute of Secrecy doesn’t extend to immediate family.”

He was frowning, seriously considering the idea. I was about to go on, when the door opened and Spencer’s voice began “Flitwick was asking where…” and stopped dead when he saw us. “Oh Shit! I mean…uh…sorry, I…”

“No, it’s okay, we weren’t…” I began.

“None of my business, really…er, sorry…” he closed the door quickly behind him.

Ted and I looked at each other, and suddenly the tension broke and I laughed. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come up here. Did I get you in trouble?”

He grinned. “No, I think you solidified my reputation for the rest of my time at Hogwarts.”

                                                                        *

Ted’s worry about his family was by no means forgotten, I could see it bothering him, but rather than avoiding me, he started bouncing suggestions off of me, from invisibility cloaks to portkeys, that they could use in case robed and masked figures made an appearance. While none of the ideas were particularly feasible, I knew it made him feel better to be trying to come up with something rather than merely worrying. Like most men, he needed to solve problems rather than just complain about him, so I tried to be just encouraging. 

The whole thing seemed to have made him more willing to talk about muggle things to me, and so over the next few weeks I learned more about the muggle world, and it was far more interesting than I had ever imagined. Perhaps muggles couldn’t do as much as witches and wizards, and yet somehow that made them more determined to push boundaries. I was fascinated by his descriptions of muggle scientists and inventors and explorers.

Annabelle had never been a stellar student, and was finding her N.E.W.T courses to be a bit beyond her, and so most days as we walked to breakfast she would consider the day before her and complain about her classes. Mostly she complained to Adrienne and I about her divination grade (due entirely to the unfair grading policies and nothing to do with her lack of skill), and I had ceased to pay too much attention. One such morning, as she was describing in detail a supposedly unfair homework assignment, I was suddenly caught from behind and pulled down a narrow corridor. Hogwarts was full of conveniently placed corridors, and Annabelle and Adrienne didn’t even notice I had disappeared.

I wasn’t alarmed, by that time I knew his touch, but my whisper of “what are you-” was cut off by a kiss.

“Sorry,” he said as he released me. “I actually just meant to give you back your Charms notes, they got in my book by mistake. But then you looked pretty, so I couldn’t help it.”

“And you figured just grabbing me out of a crowd would be a good plan?”

“Not too bright, those two…”

“They’re just…self-absorbed.”

“No kidding…”

“So are you going to give me my charms notes back?”

“I might, eventually…”

“What might I have to do to convince you?”

“Well, let’s see…”

“ _Ahem_.”

We both turned, and there was no way the scene wasn’t obvious. I was leaning back against the wall, and Ted had his arm braced against the stone wall next to me, effectively trapping me if I had been trying to get away, and he was close enough to kiss me, talking softly against my ear.

And Cailean Dresden was standing all of a few feet away, arms crossed, and face impassive in true Slytherin fashion. Reflexively, Ted’s arm around my waist tightened.

“Slughorn asked me to give you a note,” said Cailean said without preamble, without any comment on the compromising position he’d found me in. I stepped back quickly, and he held it out, a folded scrap of parchment. “Really Andromeda, I could have been anyone. You should be more careful.” He turned on his heel and walked away.

“Do you imagine the raging crush he has on you will make him inclined to keep quiet?” Ted said.

“Oddly enough, I trust him…”

“We should get to breakfast anyway. What does Slughorn want?”

I unfolded the scrap of parchment.

_Miss Black,_

_I would appreciate if you would meet me in my office at four-thirty, if that is agreeable to you._

_Best regards,_

_Prof. Horace Slughorn_

“Well, I reckon if you’re in trouble he wouldn’t make an appointment.”

“Odd…”

                                                                        *

I tapped on Slughorn’s door, and entered upon his answer. He looked up and gave me an engaging smile. He always seemed to like me, but I understood him well enough to know that he probably liked my name and family connections more than he had any interest in me personally. 

“Ah, Miss Black. Come in, come in. I just wanted to speak to you again about your plans for the future. As I’m sure you understand a number of students find that they have to reconsider their career options after their exams and N.E.W.T coursework. We generally meet with the students in our houses again in the second term of their Seventh Year, but I wanted to speak to you before the holidays as your grades and coursework would be very appealing to the St. Mungo’s Healer training programme. I wanted to ensure that is the course you still wish to pursue, as the application for the programme is due in April. Final acceptance, of course, is dependent upon your final N.E.W.T grades, but I have no worries about that. Before we are all lost in the excitement of the holidays, I wanted to ask of that is the path you still wish to pursue.”

I took a deep breath. “Yes Sir, it is.”

“I am pleased to hear it, Miss Black. I have the application here. As you can see it is quite extensive, but most of the information is basic enough,” he explained, handing various sheets of parchment across to me. “Times certainly have changed. There was a day no pureblood woman would be allowed to take a job, even one as respected as a Healer.”

I must have made a sound, for he looked up, his usual amiable expression slightly suspicious.

“Miss Black?”

I hesitated. Slughorn was a fairly simple man, in my opinion. He liked people who had the potential to do him favors. He liked to drop names and feel connected. Being a Black, I had that potential, but I had a feeling that my favor paled in comparison to the influence of my parents. Would he be willing to take a chance on me, or would he be too afraid of offending the Noble and Most Ancient House?

“Sir, my parents aren’t aware that this is the course of study I plan to pursue. I should prefer to present it to them as _fait accompli_.”

I wasn’t entirely honest, I wasn’t sure when or how or ever if I would tell my parents, but I didn’t think the best option for letting them know was for him to casually mention it at a party or a chance meeting in Diagon Alley.

He frowned slightly as though considering this, and then seemed to decide. Quite logically, the Black family would disapprove of him because he was accepting of promising muggle-borns, but having a former student who was a well-respected Healer might be an attractive prospect.

“Very well, Miss Black,” was all he said, handing me the rest of the application.

                                                                        *

I was not in the habit of reading Narcissa’s mail, but I came across it accidentally during exams. I had merely needed to check a formula for a potion that we had studied in fifth year. I had completely blanked on diluting the aconite, and remember that Narcissa had the potions textbook for that year and I could just look in hers. She wasn’t in her room, but I did find her roommate Patsy Parkinson, who pointed out that her potions book was sitting on the night table next to her bed. When I picked it up, a piece of parchment fluttered to the ground. I reached down to put it back, but my own name caught my eye. 

It was a half-finished letter to Bella, and the first three paragraphs were Lucius and Lucius and Lucius, which made me roll my eyes. It was then that my name came into it.

_I’m worried about Andy. I think she’s seeing that mudblood boy again. I haven’t seen them together, but she just acts differently and looks differently. He gives her looks that could set the Great Hall on fire during meals and she makes excuses about studying late and just disappears sometimes. I don’t know why she’s be that stupid when Mother and Father are trying to work out an engagement to Marius Flint, and he’s be just the perfect husband for her- they say he’s clever and he’s not so bad looking, and even though he’s younger he’ll inherit a good bit. I can’t imagine she’d ruin her reputation and a good engagement with some mudblood. Shouldn’t we tell Mother and Father?_

“Did you find it?” Patsy asked from where she was ensconced in her own bed. I replaced the letter and picked up the potions book.

“Yes, will you tell her I borrowed it?”

“Sure.”

I walked back to my room, already wondering how I would explain myself when Bella came home for the holidays. 


	28. Revelation

** Chapter 28 - Revelation **

When it came to parties, I much preferred the balls. If caught in a conversation you’d rather avoid, you could always spot someone across the hall who you “simply had to speak to” and make an escape. With the dinner parties you were stuck with whoever ended up sitting next to you.

“Oh, come over here Andromeda, dear…” My mother called, and I had a flash of fear. It was a sweet voice my Mother never used with us when not in front of other people, and I knew well enough to worry if she called me “dear”…she was trying to impress someone.

“Now Andromeda, you sit right here,” she trilled. “Oh, why you remember Marius from Hogwarts, don’t you?”

So it was him. I didn’t actually remember him from Hogwarts, he was easily five or six years older than me so if we had been at Hogwarts together I would have been too young to merit his notice, and too smart to attract the attention of older students. But he was merely another young man…fairly good-looking but with nothing to make him outstandingly attractive.

With my Mother sitting at his other side, there was nothing to do but submit to inane small talk. Did I enjoy Hogwarts? What subjects did I enjoy? What were my plans when I finished school? Where would I like to travel? Oh, and what do you do Mr. Flint? How interesting! In other words, I probably could have had the conversation without hearing him and still gotten the answers correct. Eventually, Mother drifted away (to scold a house elf who had lingered too long in sight of the guests) and he leaned over and whispered “Hell, I’m sorry. I’m really not this boring. This is damnably awkward! Your Mum was expecting me to say the usual things…”

Then I felt bad, because he was a decent person. It was the thing I could never explain years later…not everyone in Slytherin was a bad person. Marius was probably a very decent human being, a good man who in another time and place might have lived a productive and decent life. He was a good man except for the pureblood rhetoric that had been pounded into his head since before he was able to understand it, and he had never been lucky enough to meet someone to change his mind. We were not all that different, except that he had never encountered his own Ted.

Our conversation was somewhat less strained after that, but I was still rather glad to escape as soon as dinner was finished. The party was by no means over, there would still be cocktails, but my Mother was too busy making rounds to notice what I was doing. I slipped into the library, where there was a fire burning, and I found I was not the only person with that idea, Narcissa was scowling into the flames.

“What are you doing in here?” It wasn’t like her to avoid a party where there were people to admire her.

She barely spared me a glance. “Lucius can’t seem to take his eyes off Aurora Rookwood, and she’s hanging all over him as well. Frankly, the whole display was making me sick. She’s not even that pretty,” she said, seemingly bored, and then added savagely, “ _bitch_.”

“You’re quite prettier than her,” I agreed, not only because it was what she wanted to hear, but because it was true. “But she’s always fancied Lucius, and she’s always thrown herself at him. But do you really think you’re doing much a job of showing Lucius you’re grown-up by sulking in here?”

“I’m not sulking. I don’t even care.”

“You are, and you do.”

She just shrugged. “I saw you talking to Marius.”

“I could hardly avoid it, with Mother pushing me into his face,” I replied, sitting on the other side of the couch from her, copying her pose, staring into the flames.

“He isn’t that bad, right?”

“Yes, that’s what I want for the love of my life. Not _that_ bad.”

Her sulky expression fell away as she turned to look at me, surprised. “Are you in love with that boy?”

“Marius? Of course not, I’ve only really just spoken to him tonight.”

She rolled her eyes impatiently. “Not him. That _mudblood_ boy.”

“Please don’t use that term Narcissa.”

She pursed her lips, thoughtful for a moment, then ignored that. “Are you?”

I finally turned from the fire to look at her, meeting grey eyes that were eerily like my own. She already knew almost all of it, what was the point of lying to her any more?

“Yes.”

A little widening of her eyes was the only indication that she heard me.

“How?” she finally said, wonderingly, as though the concept was so foreign she couldn’t wrap her mind around it.

“What do you mean “how?” I repeated irritably.

“How can you fall in love with a mudblood…oh for Merlin’s sake I _don’t care_ if you don’t like the word Andromeda. How is that even possible? You’re a Black.”

“It’s not something I set out to do…I didn‘t sit around thinking of ways to make my life complicated. He’s…he makes me feel…” I trailed off, realizing that called on to explain it, I couldn’t. I could have told her that Ted was brilliant, that he made me laugh and made my heart race, sometimes at the same time. I could have told her that he made me feel safe no matter what else was going on in the world, that he seemed to understand me better than anyone. But I knew none of that sounded right when you put it into words. Maybe love couldn’t be explained that concisely. I sighed, and shook my head. “Never mind.”

Narcissa watched me a minute longer, and then looked down at her hands. “I told Bella. That you were seeing him again.”

“I know. I saw the letter.”

“You didn’t say anything?”

“What would be the point? If you want to tell Bella something I can‘t stop you. She’s your sister as well.”

“More yours though,” she said quietly, without explaining that strange comment. “She comes home Tuesday.”

“I know, Cissy.”

“What are you going to do? They’re going to have you marry Marius. They won’t let you be with a mudblood.”

“I don’t know.”

She shrugged and left the room, her heels making a staccato click on the floor.

It was the last real conversation I had with Narcissa.

                                                                        *

 

As she had reminded me, Bella was coming home two days later, and I kept to my room until then, reading and even studying in desperation to get rid of the restlessness that made me feel like crawling up the walls. 

Our parents were preparing to leave. They didn’t travel often, preferring the comforts of home and having no interest in broadening their horizons culturally, but Mother had been invited by Rosier relatives in France. My best guess was that Father’s reason for going was more to ascertain where the loyalties of that side of the family lay in the current political troubles, but the invitation from family made a convenient excuse. Given that Bella and I were of age and Narcissa nearly was, they decided that there was no reason we should go with, and no reason to leave us at Grimmauld Place. With the house elves, we could certainly look after ourselves for the week and a half until we went back to school.

Bella arrived in an expansive mood, hugging Cissy and I, saying how lovely it was to be home, peppering her conversation with French phrases and bearing gifts for everyone. Narcissa and I sat on her bed while she unpacked and told us stories about the people she’d met over her months abroad. Nothing was said about me or the letter Narcissa had sent, and I didn’t think Bella was avoiding it just due to Narcissa’s presence. Perhaps she hadn’t gotten the letter, although I had never known Megaera to not deliver a letter properly. Perhaps she hadn’t believed it and dismissed it out of hand. Or perhaps she was waiting…but I couldn’t imagine for what. A lifetime of weathering Bella’s moods had taught me not to let my guard down.

Our parents left the same afternoon she arrived home. While most parents probably would have had a list of warnings and rules attached to leaving their teen daughters home alone for two weeks, our parents merely told us to behave, and we knew exactly what they meant. As it was getting dark Narcissa left to see Lucius before he went off to Ireland for a few days on business, her sulk from the party forgotten as soon as she’s gotten his owl. That left Bella and I alone, and though it was cold she dragged me to sit outside on the balcony, threw a sloppy warming charm around it, and popped a bottle of champagne.

“France really was lovely. Not just Paris, the countryside and the South…you’d really quite like it Andy, you like that history of magic stuff…”

“I don’t want to learn the sort of things you do Bella, you know that…”

“You shouldn’t worry about those sorts of labels Andy. That’s just trying to limit what you’re really capable of.”

“I know what I’m capable of.”

“Then why do you care what the Ministry defines as right or wrong magic?”

“How many times are we going to have this conversation Bella? I’m not you. I’m tired of everyone expecting me to be.”

“I don’t expect you to be me…that’s the thing, no one knows what to expect from you. Mother and Father have no idea what you want and they’re running out of patience, and Cissy’s mystified enough to think you’re running around with that mudblood boy again.”

I looked at her quickly, but she wasn’t looking at me, and her tone was light.

“I told her you were finished with that,” she added. I knew Narcissa hadn’t spoken to her alone since she’d gotten home, so Bella would know nothing of the conversation we’d had at the party. That didn’t mean she wouldn’t find out. For one insane moment I wondered if it would be better coming from me, but she seemed in such a good mood I hated to start anything, so I let the remark pass.

                                                                        *

 

The total lack of supervision only made it easier for me to get away from the house, and the next evening I met Ted, who insisted on dragging me into London to see the Christmas tree in Trafalgar Square. While I claimed to really not understand the point of the tradition, I had to admit that muggles did Christmas every bit as well as the wizarding world, with all their lights and decorations. 

We walked among the muggles while Ted explained the finer points of Christmas to me.

“The best part is really the presents. And of course, it’s a great racket for parents, because they can say Santa will only bring you presents if you’re good. So you can tell your children if they behave they’ll get loads of Christmas presents, but if they don’t behave…” he trailed off ominously, so I supplied what seemed like the obvious answer.

“He kills them?”

“Andy!” he glanced around to make sure none of the muggle children running about had heard me. “No! Jesus, what kind of bloodthirsty mythical figures do you have?” He shook his head and draped his arm around me, as though I might be cold. “Christmas is next week-end. You should…you should come.”

“Come where?”

He cleared his throat a little nervously. “Well, you should come over. To my house. I mean, my parents would really like to meet you, and we’ll have all sorts of family over…they probably think it’s about time they met someone from this mysterious school I go to.”

“I…well…really? You want me to?”

“Of course I do. Besides, my cousin Chris is always making fun of me because he says I go to some poncy sissy school…it’ll totally shut him up if I have a gorgeous girlfriend.”

“Won’t they think it’s weird if I don’t know anything about Christmas…or…you know, muggle things?”

“You can fake it for a few hours. It might even be fun.”

“I’ll see if I can get away. I’m sure I can…”

I could have apparated home, but I had agreed to meet Marlene in Diagon Alley and so he walked with me back to the Leaky Cauldron, and Marlene did not look happy when we arrived.

“What’s wrong with her?” he asked softly.

“I don’t know, but I suspect it involves my cousin and some fantastically stupid thing he’s done.”

“Right, that sounds like a situation that, as a male, I’d rather avoid,” he said. “I’ll owl you…good luck with her.”

He kissed me briefly and left. I turned back to where Marlene was sitting at a table picking at the label on her bottle, but a woman stepped into my path. Tall, forbidding, dressed in layers of black lace, Mrs. Lestrange stopped me with her trademark glare. It took me a moment to realize why she looked so enraged, then I realized she had seen Ted kiss me.

“Well, Andromeda Black. Your parents will hear about this.”

“Ma’am,” I began, not sure what to say, but desperate to stop her. She just sniffed and turned away, walked out of the pub, and apparated.

                                                                        *

 

The next night we were expected at a party at Grimmauld Place, and I was fairly certainly the Lestranges would be there. Of course my parents wouldn’t, but that didn’t mean Mrs. Lestrange wouldn’t gossip to every other person there that she had seen Andromeda Black kissing a mudblood boy. She was not a woman known for discretion, even Bella had commented on what a gossip she was. 

I tried to play sick, but Bella wasn’t having any of it, claiming that _everyone_ was going to be there and if we didn’t show up Aunt Walburga would tell Mother and Father, and she would have to deal with their scolding when Narcissa and I were back at school. She had answers for all my reasons as to why I didn’t want to go, and so finally I couldn’t argue her down anymore, I would have to go. I hoped that some huge scandal had occurred in the last day that would distract Mrs. Lestrange from me. The pureblood world was full of its own little scandals- affairs and secrets and betrayals- surely there was something more interesting than me. I told myself it was just arrogance to think my relationship was that big a deal to anyone else.

With all of my dragging my feet, the party was in full swing by the time we arrived slightly late. I was almost immediately accosted by Marius. I’m sure my Mother had arranged with Aunt Walburga and all of her other friends that we be thrown together at every possible event. I wouldn’t have minded normally, he was likeable enough, but the knowledge that he was intended to be my fiancé made me uncomfortable around him through no fault of his own. I did dance with him, and we managed to maintain a pleasant enough conversation throughout, and I started to feel a little more relaxed. Nobody was staring at me and whispering, and I was annoyed with myself for thinking the details of my personal life held much interest to adults with serious matters on their minds.

I finally escaped by claiming a sudden need to talk to Hadrian, who looked rather like he’d like to escape a conversation with Serena Pritchard anyway, but I had gotten no more than a few steps before a voice stopped me.

“Andromeda?”

The chill in Bella’s voice was unmistakable, and without even looking at her I knew someone had told her. I turned, and raised an eyebrow slightly, as though vaguely asking what she wanted, but there was no missing the spark in her eyes and the coiled tension in her posture.

“Can I speak to you for a moment? In private?”

I shrugged, and followed her away from the ballroom, into one of the darkened rooms down the hall, a guest bedroom where moonlight was pouring through the windows. She didn’t even bother to close the door entirely before she whirled on me.

“Mrs. Lestrange had an interesting bit of news to tell. About seeing you in Diagon Alley. With that _mudblood_.”

“He actually has a name,” I said vaguely, feeling rather detached suddenly, not nearly as frightened as I should have been.

“Andromeda-”

“Oh for Merlin’s sake Bella, does it even occur to you that it’s possible Regine Lestrange might have gotten it wrong? You said yourself she’d do anything to have a good bit of gossip. Since when do you believe everything she says?”

She hesitated, watching me closely, trying to see if I was lying. I realize now she was probably trying to get into my head…she was never as skilled at Legilimency as she’d have liked, she didn’t have the tight concentration needed. She bit her lip suspiciously, anger still flashing in her eyes.

“You haven’t been seeing him?” she asked, voice low.

“She has,” said a voice from the doorway, and not Narcissa’s as I expected. I turned and found Regulus, hands in his pockets, standing in the doorway casually. His face was hard and set and so cold that for a moment I barely recognized him. “She has seen that boy. I saw them together at Hogwarts. I saw him kiss her, and it didn’t look like the first time.”

There no longer seemed any point to denying it, she might doubt Mrs. Lestrange but she wouldn’t doubt Regulus. I turned back to her and nearly recoiled at the look in her eyes.

“Whore,” she spat, and I caught her wrist an inch from my cheek.

“Don’t touch me,” I hissed, as she jerked her wrist out of my grip, stumbling back. Only then did she seem to remember she was a witch and I saw the polished flash of her wand. That seemed to spur Regulus to finally move.

“Bella, don’t-” he said, taking a step into the room.

“Don’t touch you?” she repeated, ignoring him. “You let a filthy mudblood touch you. You must have enjoyed this. Always the clever one, fooling everyone, playing the perfect daughter, the perfect student, while all along you’ve been sneaking around with him. Do the two of you laugh about how you’re putting one over on everybody?”

“It’s not like that-”

“No? What is it like Andy? Demeaning yourself with him? Tell us what that’s like.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

“It’s disgusting! You’re a blood-traitor, and my sister is _not_ a blood-traitor-”

She raised her wand slightly, and Narcissa, who I hadn’t even noticed come into the room, said tremulously “Bella no!”

She moved suddenly, pushing me against the wall, pinning my hand that held my wand.

“He can’t have you! You’re mine and he can’t have you,” she said savagely, the tip of her wand against my throat. Narcissa screamed, and then for a second the world froze. I could feel my pulse beating in the hollow of my throat where the tip of her wand was pressed.

“Do it then,” I whispered, a challenge. But only inches away, it wasn’t the blind rage I expected in her eyes. For a long time the only sound in the room was her quickened breathing, then just as suddenly she let go of me, and her wand clattered to the polished floor.

“I hate you,” she whispered.

I left. I don’t remember how I got out of the house, I must have passed through the ballroom but if anyone spoke to me I didn’t hear them, and as soon as I was out of the confines of the house, feeling the blast of icy winter air, I apparated.

“Andy?” Ted opened the door, surprised, pleased, sounding perfectly normal in a world that had just totally fallen apart. “You must be freezing, are…what’s wrong?”

“I…I left. I can’t go back…”

 


	29. Advanced Muggle Studies

** Chapter 29 - Advanced Muggle Studies **

I don’t remember anything about the few hours after I apparated away from Grimmauld Place and showed up on Ted’s doorstep. I explained what had happened in a rush of confused thoughts and images, but he seemed to understand the basics of it, and the fact that I was really in no condition to think about the future or the consequences. He did what was probably the best thing for me at that particular moment- made me take a dreamless sleep potion.

I woke up with a headache and burning eyes, but my mind felt clearer. I was in bed in an unfamiliar room in shades of pale green that had the un-lived in look of a guest room. I blinked at it in confusion for a moment, and then saw Ted, sitting in an armchair with his feet propped on the end of the bed. He was resting his head on his hand, what looked like a textbook open in his lap, but his eyes were closed.

“Hey,” I said, weakly.

He jumped, blinked at me for a second, and then smiled.

“Hey…how are you feeling?”

“Okay…I have a headache. Where…when is it?”

He closed the book and set it aside, rubbing his eyes.

“The where- my house. Guest room. Obviously you weren’t going to go home, and you really needed to sleep. The when…” He glanced at his watch. “About noon.”

“On Thursday?”

“Yeah. You were asleep for about twelve hours.”

“Did you get any sleep?”

“A bit. I’m fine.”

I started to sit up but that just made my head pound, I pressed my hands against my temples. He bit his lip worriedly. I tried to smile. “Just a run-of-the-mill headache. Crying will do that to you.”

“Lay back down, I’ll get you something for it.”

I raised an eyebrow. “I could get used to this being waited on…”

He gave me a little bow. “At your service, Miss Black.”

I laid back against the pillows and tried to organize my thinking. Everything felt slightly surreal. I had done it, I had finally told Bella and everyone would know. I had more or less run away. By now Bella would have contacted Mother and Father. It was done, and there was a strange sort of comfort in the finality of that. The uncertainty of my position hadn’t really hit me yet…the simple logistical realities of it- money and school and where I would stay- seemed too real when I could still hear Bella’s “I hate you” in my ears. That should have hurt more, and eventually it would, but I didn’t really believe her then. It hadn’t sunk in yet, and for the moment that was a blessing.

I couldn’t avoid the realities of it, even the clothes I was wearing were his sister’s, I didn’t even have clothes other than a very pretty set of wine-colored dress robes with some simple gold jewelry to accent the gold thread embroidered into the sleeves. While quite lovely, it was hardly practical, and I didn’t actually have any money, which was a completely new and incomprehensible idea to me.

Ted came back balancing a number of things, and I sat up and wrapped my arms around my knees, considering the strange situation, and then it occurred to me, _really_ occurred to me, where we were.

“Where is your family?”

“Newcastle. I have an Aunt up there. Well, a great Aunt really, she’s quite old and she cant get down here, so they dragged poor Mike off to visit her for the holidays. They’ll be back tomorrow. And Jess is still at University. She’s coming back tomorrow as well, I think. Here, take this, for the headache.”

He sat on the edge of the bed, looking at me carefully.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really. Not yet. I know I need to think about what I‘m going to do, just not yet.”

He nodded. “That’s fair. Are you hungry?”

“Actually, I am, a bit.”

“Then let’s just think about that for a moment,” he said reasonably, holding out a hand. I accepted and he went on cheerfully. “What will it be then? A sandwich? Soup? Er…I can make toast. That pretty much covers the extent of my culinary skill.”

I started to follow him, but then stopped him with a touch on his arm. “Ted?” He turned back. “Just…thank you.”

He stopped and put his hands on my shoulders. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, and I know there are a million reasons that you made this decision, but don’t imagine I think this was easy for you.”

“I love you.”

He looked momentarily surprised, and I realized it was the first time I’d said it. I’d thought it, but it was so against what I was used to, to say something that emotional out loud. And yet it really was that easy.

He trailed his hands down my arms and let them rest on my waist, pulling me closer and kissing me deeply. His palms slid up my sides, came to my breasts, a feather-light touch that distracted me from little kisses he was tracing along my jaw. He started to say something, my name perhaps, and I pressed a “Shhh” back against his lips. He pulled me hard against him, a sudden urgency in his hands.

I suppose I had imagined perfection- soft candlelight and champagne and silk- for that first time. Yet it was perfect anyway, the sunlight sneaking through the gap in the curtains and the soft counterpoint of our voices…

“ _You’re perfect…God, you’re perfect…”_

_"Oh, God, Ted...quickly…”_

“ _Shh, now be still for just a moment…”_

“ _No, no, kiss me now…”_

For awhile, he was the only thing that existed in the world.

                                                                        *

I slept for awhile and awoke slowly, for a moment confused about where I was, and then remembering. Judging by the faint light behind the drawn curtains, it was nearly dark outside. Ted was still asleep, a hand resting on my hip possessively. I stretched, luxuriating in little new aches I’d never felt before, and when I shifted his hand slid across my stomach, an echo of a few hours before. At my movement he woke, blinking at me serenely, eyes trailing over me. 

“I’ve had this dream a million times, and now is always about when you turn into a talking hippogriff or the maths teacher I had when I was nine.”

“Just out of curiosity, what do these talking hippogriffs say to you?”

“We discuss philosophy.”

“You have some really bizarre fantasies…”

“Hm, in the dreams the hippogriffs never make fun of me so I guess this must be real,” He reached for me and pulled me closer, so my head was resting on his chest. I could hear his heartbeat, and feel him playing with my hair. “Andy, I know maybe this wasn’t the best time…I wasn’t trying to…” he trailed off hesitantly

“Take advantage of my emotional turmoil to seduce me?” I suggested.

I felt his chest vibrate when he laughed. “Something like that.”

“Surely by now you know me well enough to realize I wouldn’t be coerced into something I didn’t want?”

“How true.”

“There is this one thing though…” I said, pretending to hesitate, affecting a troubled expression. He looked panicked.

“What?”

“Well now I’m really, _really_ hungry….”

He laughed. “Right, point taken, let’s get something to eat.”

I was relieved that there was no sudden awkwardness between us, no new complications. At that point I hardly needed anymore complications. Ted was something that I needed to be solid and constant for a little while, and it seemed that he would be.

“I think you should stay with Sirius,” he said without any introduction of the topic. “My parents will be home tomorrow I doubt they’d be entirely happy with this arrangement. And I reckon you could stay with Marlene, but her parents tend to hover and Sirius would just be simpler.”

And Sirius would understand the situation better than anyone else, for obvious reasons. I nodded.

“Living with Sirius Black…I’ll be the envy of every girl at Hogwarts.”

                                                                        *

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” Sirius exclaimed as soon as I stepped out of his fireplace. “Why didn’t you tell me you were planning this?” 

I gave him a look. “Yes Sirius, I planned this, and in all my careful planning I thought I really wouldn’t need anything but a five hundred galleon set of dress robes and some really uncomfortable shoes.”

“What happened then?”

I shrugged, wondering how many times I was going to have to explain it. Marlene put her arm around me and shot him a dirty look.

“Can’t you see she doesn’t want to talk about it?”

“It’s okay. Mrs. Lestrange saw me with Ted in Diagon Alley. She told Bella about it during the party at Grimmauld Place.”

“And suddenly lying went against your deeply ingrained values, since you’ve been doing it for years?” he pressed.

“I tried that, but Reggie waited until that particular moment to back up her story, and it all just kind of exploded…”

“Bellatrix? Explode? Surely not!” he replied in mock surprise, then turned serious. “So that’s that. Of course you should stay here, plenty of space, and I have an idea how we can get to your school things and some clothes and all that.” He patted my shoulder sympathetically. “It’ll be okay.”

Surprisingly enough, it _was_ okay. The next day was Christmas Eve, and though Sirius and I would have no inclination to celebrate this, Lily Evans showed up, bearing James and cookies. Apparently James had been explaining the fact that Sirius had his own place, and Lily thought it an absolute tragedy he wasn’t going to be with his family on Christmas. Given his family, and Lily had presumably seen evidence of that at Hogwarts, James had tried to reassure her that it was entirely for the best and Sirius himself was fine with the arrangement, but she continued to insist that they “had to do something.”

“Are they going out?” I whispered to Sirius as Lily marched into the kitchen and took charge.

“I don’t really know,” he admitted. “They started acting all couple-ish, but whenever I ask James about it, he tells me to shut up. My best guess is she decided they’re going out and he’s afraid to say anything for fear she’ll start hating him again.”

Lily turned his kitchen upside down, sending James out several times to fetch things, while Sirius and I watched in a kind of bemused confusion, knowing that if we tried to help it would really just end in disaster. Marlene showed up in the middle of all this and proved to be more helpful.

“If Sirius is going to the Potters tomorrow, what are you doing Andy?” she asked.

“I’m going to Ted’s,” I said. “Apparently his whole family will be there.”

“Ooooooh, meeting the parents…” James gave a low whistle. “Stressful.”

Lily gave me a thoughtful look, and then zeroed in on the really important point: “What are you going to wear?”

“I don’t know…”

“Well, you’ll need muggle clothes,” Marlene pointed out.

“You’re about my size…” said Lily thoughtfully. “You could borrow something from me. In fact, I think…” She gave a sort of satisfied nod, and disapparated.

James sighed. “They never should have taught that one to apparate, she can’t stay in one place for five minutes.”

A few minutes later she appeared again, arms full of clothes. “Now this dress, it’s quite pretty, but it’s a bad color for me. Red hair, honestly, goes with _nothing_. But you could pull it off.”

The rest of the afternoon was spent trying things on, while they all gave me conflicting opinions on what looked best, and conflicting advice on meeting a muggle family. It was nice, not entirely different than afternoons I had spent with Bella and Cissy going through clothes, and yet Marlene and Lily didn’t let me linger on that.

“I think you should go with this one Andy,” she said finally, pulling up the funny muggle zipper on the back of a dress. “The color suits you.

“You don’t think it’s kind of short?”

“Muggle dresses aren’t like robes. You know that Andy. Your hair like this, back from your face but not up…” she fussed with my hair for a moment then frowned. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

“Yeah, I’m dealing with it.”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice that you left Grimmauld Place on Wednesday night and didn’t show up here until Thursday night.”

“Oh.”

“I’m not lecturing…if anything I still think Ted is exactly what you need. But go easy on the big decisions, hm? You need to think about what you’re going to do. I doubt your sister is just going to let this go.”

“I know. Just let me deal with one thing at a time.”

“Okay, then the red dress. It suits you and it works for the holiday.”

                                                                        *

I took a deep breath, and knocked on Ted’s door. When it opened, I had to direct my gaze down several feet at a little girl, no more than four or five, wearing a confection of white lace and red ribbons. 

“What’s your name?” she asked officiously. I’d had very little experience dealing with young children since I had been one. The pureblood world held to the rule that children should be kept out of sight, in a nursery and cared for by house elves, until they were old enough to behave properly in company.

“My name is Andy. What’s yours?”

“Emily. How old are you?”

“I’m seventeen, how old are you?”

“Five. Where do you live?”

That was a more complicated question than she could imagine, but I went with the simple version.

“I live here in London. Where do you live?”

“Manchester. Do you go to school?”

“Yes, In Scotland.”

“Me too, I know how to read.”

“That’s brilliant.”

“Your dress is pretty,” she went on cheerfully, clearly unaware that it was quite cold there on the step.

“Thank you, so is yours.”

She beamed. “My cousin Ted goes to school in Scotland. Do you know him?”

“Actually I do, is he here?”

While she appeared to consider this, someone else opened the door from behind her, saying “Emily, Dear, who are you talking- Oh, hello!”

It was Ted’s mother, I remembered her from the day we have run into them outside Diagon Alley, and she gently moved the little girl out of the way so I could come in.

“Hello, Mrs. Tonks…”

“Oh Dear, call me Katherine, no need for formality. You must be freezing. You must excuse Emily, her parents told her “don’t open the door for strangers” so she interviews everyone who knocks.”

“Thank you for inviting me Ma’am,” I said, forgetting she had asked me to call her by her first name. It was just a little too deeply ingrained. Adults in my world did not invite children to address them informally.

“Oh nonsense, we’re so glad you could come! We hardly see any of Teddy’s friends from school. We met that nice boy, Frank, he came for a few days, but it can be hard.” She leaned a little closer. “Do remember mums the word on magic Dear, since only immediate family can know about it and lots of Teddy’s Aunts and Uncles are here.”

“Of course.”

“Teddy’s right over there then.”

He was, talking to an older, balding man. I came up behind him and touched his arm, and he turned.

“Andy!” He drew me forward, putting an arm around me in an obvious gesture. “This is my Uncle Rich. This is Andy, she goes to school with me.”

The man shook my hand politely. “Nice to meet you Andy. So the mysterious school does exist! I must say we’ve wondered. I suppose you must be a top student as well, Andy?”

“She is,” agreed Ted. “Besides me, of course.”

I had expected it to be nerve-racking, trying to come up with answers to questions that didn’t really apply in my world, but it was surprisingly easy. Without technically lying, I said that my parents were in France, and I was staying with relatives in London for the holidays. I suspected that my parents were back from France now, having likely been summoned to deal with the social fallout of yet another Black child running away, but it made for a relatively simple explanation. Ted didn’t abandon me among his family either, but kept a steadying hand on my back.

Dinner was a loud, confused, and colorful affair, made more so by the presence of several small children who were tired and had far too much sugar. It couldn’t have been more different than the strictly formal dinner parties I knew, but it was fun, and dizzying in the constant conversation and shouted comments and easy banter.

“So, how much did Teddy pay you to pretend to be his girlfriend, because you’re way too cute for him.”

We were sitting on the couch, dinner finished and someone had started a fire. That did remind me a bit of my own family, the way we used to be allowed to sit in the study while Uncle Alphard told stories, and fires burned all year in our home, but I hardly had a moment to dwell on it when that comment came. I remembered what he’d told me the night we had gone to Trafalgar Square, and turned to the boy who had spoken.

“Let me guess, Chris?”

“My reputation precedes me?”

He had a cheeky smile that reminded me of Sirius and Cailean, and I liked him immediately.

“I didn’t say if that was a good or bad reputation.”

His grin widened. “So what is a pretty girl like you doing with a boy like Ted?”

I rose and kissed Ted’s cheek. “I’m really just using him for sex,” I said sweetly, quietly enough that only the two of them heard me, and walking away. Behind me, I heard Chris laugh.

I had an intention besides just delivering a great parting line, I had seen his mother carrying a stack of dishes into the kitchen, and stuck my head in there, just trying to be polite, I never really thought she‘d say yes. “Do you need any help, Ma’am?”

She looked as though she was going to say no, then paused. “Thank you, Andromeda, that would be lovely. I’m just rinsing things, I hate to leave a mess.”

I noted the slight hesitation on my name. “You can call me Andy, everyone does.”

“Teddy says it’s a family tradition, the names after stars.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

I could have cleaned much more quickly with a wand, but I somehow understood it would be an insult to suggest that, so I settled into the surprisingly pleasant and relaxing task of rinsing dishes.

“You know, when that letter first came, we weren’t sure we should let him go,” she said suddenly. “It sounded ridiculous, a magic school. But then there were always those strange things, as much as you try to tell yourself your child is normal, there were always those things. Breaking glass usually, and that boy at his school. Well, it explained a lot. But we were worried about sending him away to school, we were afraid we would lose him, in a way.” She didn’t say anything for awhile, but I didn’t interrupt, feeling like she had more to say, and eventually she went on. “We did lose him in a way. He’s part of a world that we really can’t be involved in, and maybe even can’t understand. You’re a part of that world, and you’ll take him farther away.”

I froze, and she reached over and touched my shoulder. “Don’t worry, that’s as it should be. I want him to be loved, that’s what everyone wants for their children.”

“Not everyone,” I said, hardly thinking, and then bit my lip, wishing I hadn’t spoken. “I’m sorry Ma’am, I…”

“It’s all right. Teddy doesn’t say much, but he has suggested your family doesn’t entirely approve of him or this relationship. I hardly know you, my Dear, but I’d like to think I know my son, and if he’s serious about this, then it’s worth it. Worth losing him even, if he’s meant for you.” She paused in the task and turned to look at me. “I think you make him happy. But just promise me you’ll come visit us sometimes. Because whatever the situation with your family, Teddy will always have a family.”

                                                                        *

“Sirius, I think…it’s not supposed to smoke like that…” 

Sirius stood back, frowned at the pan. “But I followed the instructions Lily gave me…” He picked up the scrap of parchment Lily had written her recipe on _(“It’s so easy Sirius, even you can’t screw it up!”_ ) and studied it.

“Um…Sirius…It’s a little bit…on fire.”

“Damn!” he slapped at it with a towel, and when that only made it worse, finally doused it with water from his wand. “Stop laughing, it’s not as though you’d do any better.”

I made an attempt to stop laughing, because that was true. “Perhaps Blacks have some sort of anti-cooking gene?”

“Isn’t it nice how we can blame all our faults on the family? That works out nicely.”

Staying with Sirius was actually turning out to be fun. I imagine that beyond a few weeks we would have started to drive each other crazy, but since it was only until school started again and Sirius had taken it on as his job to keep me from brooding too much. I wasn’t sure how he had lived for the previous summer, but he had suddenly decided he should learn how to cook, at least enough to not have to order takeaway for every meal. It wasn’t going well, but it was providing me with some amusement.

While he was cleaning up, an owl fluttered through the window and landed in the middle of the table, ruffled it’s feather importantly, and looked at us expectantly. I felt my stomach twist, and Sirius looked at it suspiciously.

“Isn’t that…”

“Bella’s owl,” I agreed.

“Probably for you then.”

“Yeah.”

“Want me to get rid of it?”

“No, it’s okay, I’ll read it.”

I took the letter, and Megaera flew off, clearly not waiting for a response. I wasn’t surprised to see that the writing was Narcissa’s, not Bella’s. If Bella had something to say to me she would do it in person, not in a letter.

_Dear Andromeda,_

_I’m not sure if you’re staying with Sirius, but that seemed most likely, and I suppose Megaera will find you in any case. How could you do something so foolish Andy? Aren’t you even thinking about the future? This isn’t Hogwarts where you can toy with improper boys and people will let it go as a school fling. There is a world beyond school, and there’s a war going on Andy. How can you throw away your life? I don’t care what happens to that boy, but I don’t want to watch you throw away everything for him only to end up a widow in a year._

_It’s not too late Andy, Mother and Father will still let you come home. If you realize that you were wrong, if you agree not to see him again, they want you to come back. In a few months no one will remember this, it will all be just a stupid misunderstanding, a silly fight between you and Bella. You don’t have to give up everything, but you don’t have much time, if you let this go on after you graduate, it will ruin everything._

_Please think about this Andy, even if you’re mad at Bella,_

_Narcissa_

I folded it up and shrugged at Sirius. “As expected. If I come to my senses Mother and Father will let me come home.”

“What an offer,” he took it from me and glanced through it, and then shrugged. “For what it’s worth, I think you made the right choice.”

“Do you think she’s right about the war? I mean it’s dangerous. What if something happens to Ted in a year?”

“Well, what if it does? Would you wish you’d gone back and played your parents’ rules? Or would you be glad you’d spent that year with him?” he balled up the parchment and tossed it toward the fireplace. “We’ve got a lifetime kiddo. Only the good die young.”

                                                                        *

“I don’t want to go back to school.” 

The night before we were going back to school, we were sitting on the Tonks’ back porch looking at the stars, which was not nearly as romantic as it sounds when you consider that his mother came out every ten minutes or so to if we’d like something to eat, if we’d like something to drink, if it wasn’t just a bit too cold despite the charm, and was I quite sure I didn’t want a sweater? It was making detached and disinterested parents look rather appealing.

“What’s this? Andromeda Black, prefect and all-around outstanding student expressing a lack of interest in her studies?”

“I have no idea how Slytherin in general is going to react to me,” I admitted. “I mean, if they just ignore me and gossip about me that’s fine, but that’s a bit passive-aggressive for them. They tend to be proactive.”

“I think you underestimate how many people in that school are afraid of you.”

“Me?”

“Yes. You’re scary. You scare me.”

“It’s only one term, after all, no matter how bad it seems.”

“Wow, that’s insane…one term. Half the time I feel like I’m still in first year. I was so convinced when I started first year that this was all some huge mistake. Or a really bizarre and detailed dream.”

“And when did you realize it wasn’t?”

“I haven’t entirely,” he said easily. “Do you think about it, finishing school?”

“Mhm, sometimes. I guess we have to.”

“What do you want? After school?”

I leaned my head back against his shoulder and considered that. “I want a job. I want to _do_ something. I want a house. A _small_ house.”

“Why small?”

“It’s nicer, I think. I hate big, cold houses. I want a small house, with lots of light. With no cold, closed-up rooms. No dark, dusty furniture. Everything warm and light. No snakes or silver or green. And a garden too. Kids, someday, when the war is over. Four would be nice, I think. I suppose that’s all rather typical and boring, isn’t it?”

“I don’t think it sounds boring. I think it sounds nice…” he trailed off, and then cleared his throat nervously. “Andy-”

“What are you guys doing?” a cheerful voice interrupted.

“Michael, _go away_ …” Ted growled.

“It’s a free country. I can be on the porch if I want. Hi Andy.”

“I can beat you to a pulp if I want. Now get lost.”

“Ooooh, I’m real scared. Whatcha guys looking at? Which star is it you’re called after, Andy?”

“Come here, and I’ll show you. Do you see the bright star right in line with the point of that roof? That’s Alpheratz, now…”

Ted gave a long-suffering sigh, and though I didn’t mind giving Mike an impromptu astronomy lesson, I did wonder what he had been about to say. 


	30. Whispers

** Chapter 30 - Whispers **

“Ow! Merlin Sirius, did you have apparate right on top of me?”

“Well then move,” he said logically, starting to levitate his trunk toward the train. Platform 9 ¾ was crowded with people milling around, and it seemed in the crowd, no one had seen us arrive. I felt conspicuous, but naturally people were occupied with the chaos of getting themselves and their belongings on the train, and nobody noticed me. I reminded myself that often anticipation of a thing is worse than the experience itself, and nudged my trunk forward. Sirius had somehow managed to get hold of it, and when I asked him how, he had said he shouldn’t reveal his secrets, and muttered something about “plausible deniability.”

“Were you just planning to stand here?” came Ted’s voice from behind me.

“You know, a _good_ boyfriend would help with my trunk.”

“One thinks a witch who’s only months away from taking seven N.E.W.T.s could levitate it to the train herself.”

“Yes, but why does one have a boyfriend if not to lift heavy things?”

“Do you really want me to answer that? Out loud? With all these people around?”

“Behave,” I said mildly, finally taking care of the trunk myself, and then tripped as an over-excited owl tipped over its cage and knocked over a bag, sending a cascade of books across the platform.

“Ah bugger! Sorry Andy…”

“Having trouble Cailean?”

“Yeah, stupid owl, he’s totally insane, I-”

“Cailean!” a woman’s voice cut through his chatter. “I do _not_ want you talking to _that girl_!”

He rolled his eyes at me, and then turned to the woman who had spoken. “Seriously Mum, Andy’s in my house. It’s not-”

“Yes, Slytherin used to have standards,” she sniffed at me. “And you, missy, are a wicked, ungrateful girl who…”

“Mum, you don’t know…”

“You stay away from her Cailean,” she said dangerously, before sweeping away. He mouthed “sorry” and started gathering up his dropped books. Ted pushed me gently toward the train, and I tried to tell myself that was nothing I hadn’t expected. “Wicked” and “ungrateful” were probably among some of the more generous adjectives I was going to hear, and there was no point in picking a fight with someone like Cailean’s mother.

I felt it, an almost physical chill, a kind of flutter of apprehension, and turned and saw the familiar and noticeable gold of Narcissa’s hair. Reggie was lagging behind her until she snapped at him. I waited, tensed, but it seemed they had come to the station alone, there was no sign of Bella or my parents. That made sense, my Mother wouldn’t want to face her friends and their barbs, my father certainly wasn’t the type to see his children off to school, and Bella was probably getting ready to leave again.

“You okay?” Ted asked quietly.

“I’m fine.”

When Sirius had run away, Bella had reacted with rage, and Narcissa with stinging, frosty silence, she simply ignored him, he stopped existing, except for a vague look of disgust when she was forced to acknowledge him, because, after all, he often made himself the center of attention in any given situation. I suppose I had expected the same. I didn’t expect her to try to talk to me, but I think despite everything, Narcissa really believe I was merely caught up in a crush and if she just made me see reason I’d change my mind.

As the train started to move, there was no way to avoid passing her in the corridor. I wasn’t sure if I should ignore her or say something, but then what? As it happened, she took the decision out of my hands by speaking first, as though I were some casual acquaintance, and it was nothing of any importance.

“Father will forgive you Andy. If you just stop being so stubborn, he’ll let this go.”

“What an offer…” muttered Ted.

For just a second her icy reserve seemed to crack and there was a flash of anger that seemed more like Bella. “I wasn’t speaking to you mudblood. This is between me and my sister.”

“Really? And here I thought the problem was _me_ and you sister.”

She glared at him, for a moment a lifetime of good manners fighting with anger and hatred in her face, and then she turned and swept away without another word. Ted rubbed a hand over his face.

“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t engage her…it’s your fight.”

I shrugged. “No…I think it’s yours too now.”

“Welcome back to school, hm?” he sighed. “Marlene grabbed a compartment down there, let’s just get out of the line of fire here.”

                                                                        *

I skipped dinner that night, feeling tired and unsettled although really the train ride and return to school were not that bad. When imagining how terrible it could all be, I had underestimated my friends. After running into Narcissa the train ride was uneventful, and Marlene and Sirius didn’t let me spend too much time thinking about that, and instead entertained everyone in the compartment by reading stories from The Quibbler in dramatic, faux serious voices with full commentary. Cailean popped into the compartment to assure me that he thought his Mum was being stupid, and that he was still my friend whether I liked it or not, and that he was still available, should I get tired of Ted. 

I suppose I was trying to put off the inevitable, but by the time my roommates got back from dinner I was closed behind the curtains in my bed, by all appearances asleep, though I was in fact awake and trying to distract myself with a smutty romance novel I had borrowed from Marlene. I heard their quiet voices as they talked softly about the holidays and weather and absolutely everything except the elephant in the room. Adrienne was the first to bring it up, indirectly, when Annabelle mentioned some or another party.

“Did you see Andy, after… _you_ know?” she whispered.

There was a pause, and I could picture them all looking at my bed and hoping I was really asleep, then Annabelle said, “No. I couldn’t believe it. What can she have been thinking?”

“I think it’s romantic,” said Shannon boldly. “To love someone so much you’d give up _everything_?”

“Oh, romance is all very well,” said Annabelle. “But he’s a mudblood. She’s Andromeda Black. She could have any pureblood boy. She won’t have any money or pretty clothes or anything! I hope she realizes how silly it is. I hardly think a mudblood boy can be worth all that.”

“You don’t get it, it’s not about money and clothes and status! It’s love!”

I smiled a little to myself, for Shannon liked to present herself as jaded and detached- the ultimate cynic. It amused me to hear her so passionately defending love, which she would scoff at in the presence of anyone other than the girls she had lived with for seven years.

“I’m sure love is very nice,” Adrienne said darkly. “But there is a war going on, it’s no time for such recklessness.”

                                                                        *

I was always the last to wake up, but the next morning I was surprised to find Shannon waiting for me. 

“I waiting for you to walk to breakfast,” she said simply, with no explanation for why, and she never did mention it, instead talking about everything else, but I appreciated the gesture. It was interesting, to find out who your friends really were.

There were whispers, certainly. I heard them around me at breakfast and in the halls between classes.

“ _Andromeda Black, did you hear…”_

“… _a mudblood boy…”_

“… _ran away, right from a party at her parents’ house…”_

“… _stayed with Sirius Black, and everyone knows about him…”_

“… _such a scandal…”_

It was something I had expected, and yet it was nowhere near as bad as I had expected. The Black family had always inspired gossip, whether about political affiliations, the unruly young heir, or the questionable nocturnal activities of their oldest daughter, and it seemed little different. In truth, I fielded more questions about my stay with Sirius (“Does he ever, like, walk around naked?”) than any direct comments on my personal life.

And in a school with hundreds of students, there were more than enough rumors to keep people from focusing too much on my love life- people suspected the head boy and girl were going out, a sixth year Ravenclaw girl was caught sneaking out to meet her paramour in Hogsmeade, who turned out to be a forty-year-old member of the Wizengamot, and two Hufflepuff boys found themselves in a compromising position in an empty classroom until Peeves caught them. Luckily for me, Hogwarts had a short attention span.

In Slytherin, people were a little less easily distracted, but still very few people said anything to my face. The younger students, while they might have opinions, weren’t stupid enough to pick a fight with a seventh year, and most of my classmates either ignored me or were too wrapped up in the stress of upcoming N.E.W.T.s to really care.

Still, I spent as little time as possible in the Slytherin common room, keeping instead to the library with Ted. We were hardly alone, as most of the seventh years were in various states of nervous breakdown over the prospect of exams and the future.

One night as we were leaving the library, he caught me back around a darkened corner and kissed me.

“Not that I’m objecting, but what is that for?”

He blew out a breath in frustration. “I never see you.”

“You see me every day, in nearly every class.”

“I never see you alone,” he clarified, kissing a sensitive spot just below my ear. That was true, the lack or privacy at Hogwarts was as irritating as ever, it was simply impossible to be alone with someone. Even if you managed to escape other students you took your chances with the ghosts or Filch or that damned cat. It was never enough, but then there was something to be said for such late nights and darkened empty hallways, and taking advantage of stolen moments.

“You have me alone now. What _will_ you do about that?”

“Hm, don’t be a tease Andy…” he said, cutting off any answer I might have to that rather effectively.

“Oh for Merlin’s sake would the two of you please _get a room_?”

Any interruption would have been unwelcome at that moment, but it was Rabastan’s voice, and Ted’s response was as much born out of frustration as anything.

“Fuck off, Lestrange.”

“Watch how you speak to me mudblood,” he shot back.

I saw the flash of Ted’s wand and grabbed his wrist. “Then _I’m_ telling you Rabastan. Leave us alone.”

He seemed to consider his odds, and the truth was they would be pretty evenly matched in a fight. Rabastan took a stop back, eyes glittering nastily. “Enjoy it while you can Andromeda.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

He shrugged, and walked away.

“Talk about mood killing,” I muttered finally, leaning against Ted.

He chuckled at that, but sounded worried when he spoke again. “What do you think he meant?”

“Probably nothing. Rabastan likes to talk big even when he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

                                                                        *

A Hogsmeade week-end seemed a perfect respite from the stress of school work, but they cancelled the first two of them due to “dangerous activity” in Hogsmeade, and so it wasn’t until the end of April we actually got to go. We spent a very pleasant lunch in the Three Broomsticks with Sirius and Marlene and James and Lily, while Sirius and James flirted outrageously with Madam Rosmerta, who had stolen the hearts of many generations of Hogwarts boys.We talked about shopping, but never got up too much motivation, because it was raining outside, and the atmosphere in the pub was warm and congenial, and it would have been just as easy to linger there all afternoon, had a drenched little boy not marched up to me importantly.

“I’m supposed to give you this,” he said, holding out a note importantly. I was sure he was a Hogwarts student, though out of uniform I couldn’t say which house.

_Meet me in the Hog’s Head at 2pm._

It was unsigned, and so I grabbed his arm as he started to walk away. “Who gave you this?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. A woman wearing a cloak. Her face was covered with a hood.”

“What did she say?”

“She asked if I knew who Andromeda Black was, and then said she’d give me a galleon to find you in the Three Broomsticks and give you that note.”

“Thanks.” I glanced at my watch, and it was one-thirty. I reached for my cloak. “I have to go do a thing.”

Ted followed me away from the others.

“You can’t be serious Andy. You’re just going to go off in response to a mysterious summons from a stranger? You don’t think that’s a little dangerous?”

“It’s not a stranger, it’s Bella. I’m sure it is.”

He grabbed my arm. “All the more reason to stay here. With witnesses.”

“Ted, I have to.”

“Why? Why do you always have to go when it’s her? How long are you going to be at her beck and call? You know what she thinks and where she stands and you still let her order you around.”

“If she wanted to hurt me, she would have that night at Grimmauld Place. If she wants to talk, I have to try. Please, try to understand…”

“I _don’t_ understand, after everything she’s done to you, and done to other people, that you can still trust her.”

“I don’t trust her, but I can’t give up on her completely.”

Face set in anger, he didn’t look at me directly, instead focusing on a point beyond the bar. “Well, you do what you have to do.”

After speaking to me on the train, Narcissa had made a point of ignoring me, and I assumed she had given up. It occurred to me now that she was leaving it to Bella to see that I came to my senses and came home. Narcissa had always assumed that Bella would solve all our problems.

I had never been in the Hog’s Head before, though I had heard about it, it wasn’t favored by students. As soon as I stepped in I knew my guess had been correct, for despite the dark cloak concealing her face, I knew Bella well enough to recognize her pose, the way she sat, concealed by the shadows in a corner. The barman didn’t even glance at me when I came in. I suspect he kept his clientele by minding his own business.

Although I was fluttering with nervousness at seeing Bella again after our last meeting, I didn’t let it show.

“Is all this cloak and dagger really necessary?”

She let the hood fall back slightly, so that I could at least see how face, still shadowed. “It’s best if no one knows I was near Hogsmeade today,” she replied obscurely.

“So why are you?”

“Sit down,” it was unmistakably a command, and I didn’t.

“There’s nothing to say Bella. Nothing has changed. I’m going to be with him.”

“I won’t let you throw your life away,” she said, voice low.

“I’m not, I’m taking the life _I_ want.”

“What can he give you Andromeda? Do you really think he loves you? You can’t possibly be that naïve. He sees you as money and status. He‘ll use you to be accepted in a world where he doesn‘t belong.”

“Don’t pretend you know anything about him.”

Her chair skidded back into the wall as she stood abruptly, grabbed me urgently, fingers digging into my shoulders. “End this Andy, before it’s too late. Don’t let him ruin your life. Don’t let him ruin _everything_.”

Her hands were on my shoulders, the wide sleeves of her robes slipping up, and that’s the first time I saw the tattoo, the snake coiling around a skull, standing out in sharp contrast to her fair skin. I stared at it, hypnotized, but then as suddenly as she had grabbed me, she gasped and pulled away, clutching the tattoo with her other hand. For a second I thought it was because she realized I’d seen it, but she gave a hiss of pain and cursed violently, then looked back at me.

“This isn’t over. I meant what I said. I’ll kill him if I have to, to protect you.”

The crack of her apparating echoed through the silence of the bar.

                                                                        *

It was not until that night that I found Ted, sitting at the Ravenclaw table with Marlene and Sirius. It was well past dinner time, and they appeared to be studying, though Sirius didn’t study so he was probably planning some sort of devastation. In any case, the Great Hall was nearly empty, and so it was as good a time as any to talk to him. Marlene glanced up when I approached. 

“Oh, um, hey look at the time…Sirius, we have to do that thing…”

“What?”

“You know, we have to go do that thing…somewhere else?”

“What are you- _Ow_! Oh yeah, the thing…”

I watched them go, and then sat down. “Well, that was subtle.”

He allowed a slight smile. “Subtlety is a Slytherin quality. Gryffindors aren’t known for it.”

“Look, I know you’re mad at me.”

“No, I just…well, yes, but not like you think. I hate what she does to you, Andy, and I hate that you let her. If it were anyone else in the world you would never let them treat you like she does.”

I sighed. “It’s never going to go away completely. I figured when I left it would, somehow. I’d just forget about them, and…”

“I wouldn’t ask you to forget about them. But you know…”

“I know, she’s not going to change.”

He shrugged, in a kind of “you said it” fashion. “What did she want?”

“More of the same. We should get used to it."

                                                                        *

The next morning I was yawning through breakfast when Shannon’s owl dropped The Daily Prophet in her cereal, and a second later she made a soft “tsk” as she looked at the front page, and murmured “Well that’s close to home.” 

Attacks and skirmishes had become so common that they hardly seemed worth commenting on, so the fact that she did comment made several people look up.

“Attacks in Hogsmeade. Four families. Eighteen people in all,” she said dispassionately, turning to an inside page and giving me a look at the front page, with a full size picture of the glittering Dark Mark. “No real connection between the families as far as the Ministry can tell, but there has been increased Death Eater activity around Hogsmeade and they expect it’s part of some bigger move. They’re questioning people, but no suspects.”

_It’s best if no one knows I was near Hogsmeade today._

It had been Bella.

I looked up, and at the other en of the table involuntarily met Narcissa’s eyes, looking stricken, in a moment of perfect understanding. She knew what it meant as well.

“Andy, are you all right? You’ve gone quite pale,” Shannon said, sounding rather far off.

“I’m fine.”

Perhaps that was what it took for me to realize that there would never be a reconciliation with Bella. One of the things I had always taken for granted was that when we fought, we would eventually make up. While I had known intellectually what she was doing, what she was becoming and how drawn she was to the man who called himself Lord Voldemort, apparently it took violence for me to really accept how far she had gone. Even without Ted I couldn’t have accepted what she was doing.

                                                                        *

It was well after midnight when I got back to the common room that night, and it was dark and silent, so that when I heard voices, they sounded unnaturally loud. I drew back in the shadows, out of sight, because I knew their voices as well as my own. 

“Reggie, you shouldn’t talk about things you don’t understand,” Narcissa said impatiently.

“Don’t talk to me like a baby. I know what’s going on, and I know Bella was in Hogsmeade.”

“Shut up, you little idiot! Merlin Reg, use your brain, do you really think it’s a good idea to talk about this?”

“I can help! I want to, and I _have_ to Narcissa. To make up for…well, I’m sixteen! I’m ready. So people can see that I care about the traditions and purity. People can see some Blacks still understand what pride is, that we’re not all like Sirius and Andy.”

“Andy is…that’s different. She’s just influenced by that boy. Anyway, Bella said Father isn’t going to stand for it. Father says once she’s finished school she won’t see him again, he’ll make sure of that. He’s always thought Uncle Orion let Sirius go too easily. He’s going to make her come home, not go to stay with Sirius again. She’ll realize eventually it’s for the best.”

                                                                        *

“Andy, are you sure you’re all right?” 

I resisted the urge to snap, reminding myself that Ted was only asking because he was concerned, but people had been asking that question so much it was getting tiresome. I wasn’t sleeping well at all, and when I did fall asleep I was plagued by strange nightmares. Asking if I was all right seemed to be the most polite way of saying I looked awful.

“I’m fine, I’m just…tired, I guess.”

We were heading toward the Great Hall for dinner, but Ted suddenly turned around, taking me with him. “Change of plans. We’re skipping dinner, you need a break, and it’s a particularly gorgeous night.”

It was, the rain had broken and spring had come almost overnight and it was suddenly warm and clear and staying light long into the evening. It was impossible to feel quite as bad on such a perfect night, and we started around the lake and finally sat in a little clearing among the tress that surrounded the lake. It was quite idyllic as the sun went down.

“Isn’t this a romantic setting you’ve arranged.”

“No ulterior motive except getting you to take a break. Your future isn’t going to be decided by taking a few minutes off studying tonight. Just relax.”

I curled up against him. “Speaking of my future, Slughorn told me he heard from someone he knows at St. Mungo’s, you know how he knows someone everywhere, that I’ve surely been accepted into their training programme, they just haven’t sent out the owls yet.”

“Andy, that’s brilliant! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’d actually forgotten, with everything else. It’s not really final anyway, it depends on my getting the right N.E.W.T.s.”

“You will,” he said comfortably, then, “D’you remember, over the holidays, when I asked what you wanted when you finished school?”

“Yes, I remember.”

“And you said you wanted a job, and a house…”

“A small house,” I reminded.

“Of course. And a garden. And I thought…I mean, I know it might be a bit soon, and I don’t want you to feel like it is, or…or like I’m pushing you. I know it’s complicated. I mean things are…complicated around us and I don’t want to rush…

He wasn’t making a bit of sense, and I turned to look at him more closely. “Ted…what?”

He ran a hand through his hair, and then took one of my hands, looking down at it was if the answer to whatever he wanted to say was there. “Okay…er…” he took a deep breath. “Look, Andy, I…those things you want…I want them too, but even more Andy, I want those things _with_ you. I mean, no matter what I think about the future, you’re always in it. And I know it’s especially hard with everything about your family, and I’m not trying to put more pressure on you. I just thought…I mean, I want…I wondered…not right away, but someday, I hoped-” he cut off abruptly, and took a deep breath again. “Andy, will you marry me?”

I stared at him, hardly daring to believe that he had really just asked, that he wanted to marry me. Just then all of the uncertainties hardly seemed to matter. Then I realized I hadn’t said anything yet, and it was rather cruel to leave a question like that hanging in the air.

“I love you Ted, I want to marry you.”

He looked surprised, as though he really had expected me to say no. And then an insane plan came out of my mouth before it had even fully formed in my head.

“I want to marry you _now_.”

It was his turn to gape at me. “Andy, that’s-”

“Crazy, I know. It’s crazy, but I want to marry you Ted, and I’ll want to in six months or in two years, so why do we have to wait?”

“Well, we have to finish school…”

“I don’t care about school!”

“Yes you do, Andy.”

He was right, but I waved off that very logical point. “Well yes, it’s important, but…I’m afraid that if we wait…Narcissa said, I heard her talking to Reg and she said that my Father isn’t going to let this go, he’s going to make me come home, and…I don’t know…lock me in the dungeon or something.”

He blinked at me. “You have a dungeon?”

“It was an example. The point is, I don’t want to go back to that. I don’t want that life again, I want _our_ life, and they’ll just do everything to make it harder. They’ll do everything to stop us if we give them the chance.”

He put his hands on my shoulders, kissed me lightly. “Slow down, Andy. We can do this, no one is going to stop us. Not right this moment,” he added quickly, when I started to speak. “But soon, if that’s what you want. I’ll marry you any way you want.” 


	31. Epic

** Chapter 31 - Epic **

_A thin mist seemed to be everywhere, making the darkness and the sounds of a fight somehow insubstantial. Detached, not really there, I saw Bella, cloaked in black but unmasked, raise her wand. I heard the Avada Kedavra, and couldn’t do anything to stop her, couldn’t move or make a sound…._

I sat up suddenly, shaking, heart racing, breathing fast, with the vague feeling that I had to stop her, followed by the realization that I couldn’t. Not only because she was simply too far gone, but because it had been, this time anyway, just a dream.

“Andy? What’s…wrong?”

I was even more confused at Ted’s voice, at his hand falling blindly on my leg in the darkness. Finally it occurred to him to say “ _lumos_ ” and in the faint glow of his wand confusion receded. Surrounded by rich blue, we were in his bed, and though that sounds terribly exciting, it really wasn’t as we hadn’t actually done anything but study the previous night, and had apparently fallen asleep after nothing more scandalous than transfiguration notes. One really had to wonder if the powers that be at Hogwarts realized the possibilities of those curtained beds, especially with a student population that had the skills to seal and silence the curtains. Unfortunately, whatever visions he might have had of a seduction when convincing me it was a good study location were wasted on me, since we were only days away from exams and I really wasn’t in a frame of mind to be distracted, even by him.

“Damn,” he said simply, glancing around at books, wrinkled parchment, and a rather large ink stain on his sleeve where he’d let a quill fall.

“What time is it?”

He glanced at his watch. “Half past two. Are you all right?”

“Yes, I just had a nightmare. I’m fine.”

He brushed the parchment and books aside. “You sure?”

“I’m okay…just a dream. I should get back to Slytherin while everyone is asleep.”

“You’ve got a few hours,” he said quietly, pulling me into him.

“I can’t stay,” I protested, without much conviction, still half asleep myself, then, “Oh maybe just a moment…but we’ll get in trouble…”

“Don’t worry…”

I didn’t really want to go back to Slytherin, not when he kissed me, his hand curved over my rib cage, slid my shirt off my shoulders, we seemed to fit together so perfectly. He trailed his hands up my arms, linked our fingers, and I forgot to think, forgot to worry about anyone else, almost forgot to breathe, caught in the weight and smell and presence of him.

It sounds dramatic to say I knew that night that something momentous had happened, but in reality I wouldn’t realize until nearly a month later. I thought only as I slipped back to Slytherin in the thin darkness of very early morning, as I slipped past my sleeping roommates, that I was for the moment released from the nightmares. The images of Death Eaters and killing curses and chains replaced by whispers of “you‘re so beautiful” and a flutter of kisses tickling across my stomach and the feeling of melting from within, and I smiled to myself as I climbed into bed behind the familiar green curtains. I didn’t realize how irrevocably our lives changed that night.

                                                                        *

 

“C’mon…tell me. C’mon Ted, you’re easier to break than Andy, I’ll get it out of you.” 

Ted shook his head, looking amused, as we walked out of potions. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Marlene.”

“Something’s going on. You’ve got a secret. I can always tell when Andy has a secret, and there’s something you’re not telling me.”

I just shrugged, and she looked to Sirius, who copied the shrug. “Something’s up. I can tell Andy. You will tell me, you know. You’re good at keeping secrets, but I know you, you’ll cave to me eventually. Come on Andy…what have you got planned?”

“You know Marlene, given that we have life-deciding exams starting tomorrow, I should think you’d have something better to think about than making up conspiracy theories about me.”

“Actually, no. It might be only a theory now, my dear, but just you wait, I’ll find out your little secret. I have ways, you know…”

“Like talking mercilessly about your little theory until I make something up just to shut you up?”

“Convincing, Andy, but just not convincing enough…”

With her badgering me, I didn’t actually hear what was said, and I still don’t know to this day, Ted has never told me. One moment he was walking behind Marlene and I and rolling his eyes at her questioning me, the next moment he dropped his bag and turned, saying “Right, that’s enough…”

Rabastan looked momentarily surprised, then smirked. “Is there a problem, mudblood?”

“I’ve ignored you for almost seven years Lestrange, and I’m rather tired of it.”

“And you’re under the impression I care what you think?”

Pureblood boys had always played rough, and I had seen him in enough fights to know Rabastan was a good dueler, and he was fast, but careless, and the last thing he seemed to expect was for Ted to attack him. In all honestly, I didn’t expect it either and I didn’t realize what he meant to do until a split second before. I moved, I meant to stop him, but Sirius caught me by the shoulders and pulled me back as spells ricocheted off the walls.

“ _Impedimenta!”_

“ _Expelliarmus!”_

“ _Reducto!”_

“ _Sectumsempra!”_

All I saw then was blood, and I may have screamed, but I couldn’t move, as Sirius still had his arm across my shoulders, and then another spell sent Rabastan flying back into the wall, hitting his head with an audible crack.

“Stop it this instant!” shouted Professor McGonagall, pushing past watching students. She knelt by Rabastan for a moment, and then sighed and rose, levitating him gently. “Mr. Tonks, hospital wing. The rest of you, to class.”

“Let go of me Sirius, I swear I’ll hex you! What are you doing, I could have-”

“Andy, sometimes you just have to let him fight. Ted can look after himself. That one has been coming for awhile. Ted let the snide comments go a lot longer than I would have. And frankly Andy, that was brilliant. I’ve been wanting to slam Lestrange into a wall for about five years.”

I stared at him for a moment, wanting to slam _him_ into a wall, and then turned.

“Andy, we have class, where are you going?”

“Hospital wing…”

                                                                        *

 

I hesitated outside the hospital wing, hearing voices inside. 

“Mr. Lestrange says that Mr. Tonks attacked him for no reason, but given both of their behavior over the last seven years I imagine there was a reason,” McGonagall said a little acidly.

“And what does Mr. Tonks say?” Dumbledore’s voice responded, quietly, almost resignedly.

“Nothing, he merely says it was just a fight, but I could hazard a guess…”

“No use in that,” Dumbledore cut her off, although I got the idea he knew exactly what she meant. A moment later he stepped into the hall before I could hide. He didn’t look at all surprised to see me either. He merely nodded at me gravely. “Miss Black. I presume you are here to check on Mr. Tonks?”

“Yes, Sir, may I?”

He nodded. “Yes, I believe Madam Pomfrey has patched him up. I will warn you though Miss Black, you would be wise to mind her instructions.”

“Yes Sir.”

I slipped past a curtained bed where I could hear Madam Pomfrey saying “It’s no use arguing Mr. Lestrange…” and to the next screened space. A number of thoughts passed through my mind when I saw Ted, but the one that finally won was relief- he looked fine, sitting up on the edge of the bed. The curse had not hit him straight on, but caught him in the side, cutting across his shoulder and arm, which were bound up neatly with white bandages that he was tugging at irritably.

“Don’t fuss at that,” I warned, and he looked up warily.

“Are you mad at me?”

“Yes,” I snapped. “Stupid boys and your stupid fights! You could have gotten hurt.”

“I’m fine, except this thing itches,” he said, picking at it again. I walked over and slapped his hands away, patting the edge of the bandages ineffectively, since I knew nothing about healing, I just wanted to assure myself he really was fine, feel skin under my hands.

“I told you not to fuss at that. What could he have possibly said that we haven’t heard a million times? Rabastan isn’t smart enough to come up with anything new, so why now?”

He didn’t meet my eyes. “It doesn’t matter what he said, it was just one too many comments about you.”

“Ted, I don’t care if people make comments about me. You scared me. There was a lot of blood.”

He caught my chin with his uninjured hand, forcing me to look at him. “Andy, I’m fine.”

“This time.”

He released my chin and pulled me against him, and I didn’t resist, glad for the particular smell of his skin. It was just another fight at Hogwarts, they happened all the time and usually without any serious results, but for just a few seconds I thought he might be really hurt, and I couldn’t imagine the world without him.

“Andy, listen…I don’t like fighting, and I don’t start fights. But there is a limit to what I’ll ignore. The way things are, I can’t always walk away from guys like Lestrange. There are going to be fights I can’t walk away from. I know you understand that, I’ve seen you fight back when you needed to. It‘s going to happen sometimes.”

“Ted, if anything happened to you…”

“Andy, love, I’m fine,” he said softly against my hair.

“Miss Black!” Madam Pomfrey’s voice cut through shrilly. “What are you doing in here? You’re not allowed in here!”

“Dumbledore said-”

“Out, out, out, Miss Black.”

Remembering Dumbledore’s advice, I decided it was in my best interest to go, while she fussed over him. I was nearly at the door when Rabastan’s voice stopped me. “Black?”

I turned back, and for a moment was frightened by the look he gave me- pure hate.

“You and your boyfriend have made dangerous enemies. Remember that.”

                                                                        *

 

The whole incident might have made my life in Slytherin much more difficult, except that exams started the next day, and people were too wrapped up in their own studying to even glance my way. Shannon spent that evening drilling me on potions, which she barely needed to look at the book to confirm, she knew it off by heart. I knew really that if I didn’t know it by that point it was pretty much a lost cause, but I had to feel like I was doing something, and we went to bed early without much conversation. 

Breakfast was a rather subdued affair, and I ate as quickly as possible, and then wandered over to where Marlene was trying desperately to do some last minute studying, and Ted was telling her that with thirty minutes until the exam, it wasn’t going to make much difference. Sirius said boldly that he didn’t really care, exams didn’t mean anything in the real world, and she smacked him with her charms book.

I felt strangely relaxed about it all, agreeing with Ted that it was too late to worry, and also pretty confident that I would be fine, and so when we finally sat down and McGonagall told us to begin, I gave Ted a slight smile, and turned over the paper.

The practical examination seemed to go rather well, and Sirius was quite convinced they would have to invent a new grade beyond ‘O’ to accommodate his brilliance. Lily helpfully suggested ‘B’ for “big head.”

The next day we had Transfiguration, and after lunch Defense Against the Dark Arts. Arithmancy was the day after that, and as I was most worried about that, I spent the previous evening studying with Ted, and actually studying, not the version of it that was Sirius’s favorite euphemism.

“I can’t believe we’ll be finished Monday…” he said vaguely, as it was getting late.

“I know. Hand me that paper there by your arm…no the other one.”

He did. “You know all of this, you know. You’re going to ace it, no problem.”

I wrinkled my nose. “It’s my worst class.”

“Most people would be thrilled to have your grades in your worst class.”

“You’re sweet.”

“I know.” He gave me a charming smile. “The reason I mention we’re going to be finished on Monday is…then the term ends Friday.”

I glanced up from my Arithmancy book, and then seeing the serious expression on his face, closed it firmly. “Ted, listen…we don’t have to do this now. If you’re not ready, I understand…”

He blinked at me. “That’s not what I meant. I want this Andy.” He took my hand, running his thumb gently over the inside of my wrist where my pulse beat. It was an innocent but unmistakably intimate touch. “Don’t you realize how much I love you? I just…I love how you look when you’re trying to be mad and can’t. I love waking up because you’re sleeping on my chest and your hair is tickling me. I love the way you smile when I know it’s entirely for me. I love the way your perfume or your voice can still make my heart skip. But we need to talk about this…there are details…”

I would never be as good as he was at such romantic speeches…such sentimentality was entirely against my nature, but I needed him to know that I loved him as much.

“The details don’t matter to me Ted. It’s so simple, I love you.”

And really it hardly mattered that I never really found romantic words to put to it, he knew anyway, read my mind without Legilimency.

We spent most of that might talking about it, drifting from the realities of getting out of Hogwarts with no one noticing and where we would go, to the brilliant fantasies of our future, of seeing the world, of our own house, our own life, one that I chose.

                                                                        *

 

I felt that I did as well as I could have expected on the Arithmancy exam the next day, and was fairly sure that I had managed at least a passing grade. We had the next day off, and then had herbology, which I was quite sure I’d aced. The only thing we had on Monday was potions, but a general feeling of dread hung over us during the week-end, and the rest of the school was also wrapped up in exams, so there was no enjoying ourselves. The week-end seemed to drag by and I barely saw Ted, because Shannon suddenly lost all confidence in her unnatural knowledge of potions and insisted I keep quizzing her on ingredients and possible reactions. Although she knew all of it, she kept insisting that the book could be wrong and what if it was and she had learned everything wrong? My dismissing that as stupid didn’t help as she wailed “I _am_ stupid, oh I’m going to _fail_!” 

Naturally, she finished before anyone else and did brilliantly, and I came out of potions feeling as though I’d done fairly well for myself. Sirius and James caused a disturbance by jumping up and shouting as soon as they finished, despite the fact that time was not up, because they were officially finished with school. Potions was the last exam for seventh years and when the time was up we all sort of looked at each other blankly, not entirely able to grasp that we were officially finished with school. The term would last through Friday and the younger students were still in exams, but we were technically done with our education at Hogwarts.

Sirius and James kicked off the feeling of a party despite McGonagall threatening them with detention (they knew she wouldn’t follow through). Sirius flung an arm around Marlene’s neck and then one around me and hugged us both wildly, swinging around. “Ladies, we are finished with our education, and now…we’re going to drink like they’re gonna stop making it!”

Ted caught me up, hugging me so hard he lifted me off the ground, and drew me back away from Sirius and James and their shouts about how much alcohol they planned to consume, and said quietly in my ear, “finished?”

I turned, and smiled at him. “Finished.”

He drew me into a doorway, and kissed me lightly. “Well, now that we’re done with exams, and we have all this free time, what will we do with ourselves?”

“Well, I just don’t know…”

“Because I was thinking, if you don’t have any other plans, it just might be time for our grand exit?”

I giggled. “Careful, someone will hear you. Listen, I have a few things I have to do, okay? I’ll see you at dinner.”

He kissed me once and then released me. “Okay.”

                                                                        *

 

My room was blessedly empty when I returned, my roommates as caught up in the heady freedom as everyone else, they were probably outside and enjoying the lovely early summer day. I sat at my desk, and tried to think about what I needed to do. I thought briefly maybe I should write to my parents, but what would I say? I couldn’t say I loved them, because I barely knew them. I couldn’t say I was sorry, because I hardly regretted any inconvenience I would cause them. Instead, I wrote only three letters. 

_Dear Cissy,_

_I’m sorry for doing this to you, for leaving you with the fallout, but they won’t blame you, not really._

_Darling, I know you hoped I’d change my mind. I know you tried to convince me, but I love him, and Cissy, I really think you, of all people, understand what it means to love someone so much that they become everything in your world. I have to be with him, I can’t see my life any other way._

_I have to leave for my own happiness, but it’s not you I need to leave, never that. I can’t be what Mother and Father want me to, I can’t live the life they expect from me. I didn’t expect this from my life but I also never knew it would be like this to fall in love._

_I want nothing but happiness for you, Narcissa, and I wish you a lifetime with Lucius if that’s what will bring you happiness. But know that I will always be here for you if you need me, I love you and I’ll never stop loving you._

_Love always,_

_Andy_

_*_

_Dear Reg,_

_Reggie, I know how angry I’ve made you just now, I know you think I’ve made that role you took, that role of Black heir, even harder by making people wonder about the family’s honor, by showing myself as a blood traitor. What I hope for you is that someday you’ll fall in love, and maybe you’ll understand._

_You have so much potential. You’re so much more than just blood. You’re a brilliant and beautiful man Reg, aside from blood, aside from legacy, aside from your brother. I hope someday you realize that._

_I’m sorry if I’ve made things harder for you, but know that I still love you, and you can always come to me, no matter what._

_All my love,_

_Andy_

_*_

_Mia Bella,_

_I don’t know that you’ll ever read this. I know it’s as likely as not you’ll throw it into the fire as soon as you get it. Don’t think I have any illusions about how much you’ll hate me when you find out what I’ve done._

_I don’t expect your forgiveness, or your understanding. I don’t expect you to be able to think past the fact that’s he’s muggle-born, but if you could you would realize he makes me happy. You used to love anyone who made me happy, anyone who could make me laugh. I never meant to fall in love with him, I tried not to, but somehow it happened anyway. I love him with all my heart, I’ll give my heart to him, but you will always have a part of my soul._

_You were the center of my world, my universe, for so long, and yet I lost you, and you lost me. In a way, I think, I know how you feel. I hate him for taking you away. I hate what has happened to us. Maybe it happens, maybe it’s just because we grew up, maybe it’s just a part of life, but I love you._

_Remember that, but also know that your fight is with me. I take responsibility for my own choices. If you come after him, if you come after our children, I’ll do whatever I have to. You know me better than anyone, you won’t underestimate me._

_I’ll always love you, I’ll always be your sister, whether you want me to or not._

_Always your,_

_Andy_

_*_

We had assumed most of Hogwarts would go to bed early, but the seventh years were in expansive moods and the younger students, still buried in exams, would study late, so we had planned to meet at one, guessing the best time to get out of Hogwarts was the dead of night. I had packed my trunk earlier while my roommates were gone, leaving only enough things lying around so that it didn’t look as though I was planning to leave immediately. Our room was in such disarray that one could hardly tell what was mine, and once everyone else was asleep (or gone, Adrienne was nowhere to be found, apparently spending that night in someone else’s bed), I put the remaining few items in my trunk, and then shrunk it enough to put in my pocket.

As I did, someone said gently, “Andromeda?” and I turned and found Shannon sitting up in bed, wide awake and watching me. I froze, trying wildly to think of a good reason for my strange behavior, but she only smiled at me.

“Good luck.”

“Thank you.”

“Keep in touch, won’t you?”

“Of course.”

I followed the curving stairs down only a few steps, and stopped in front of the next girls’ dormitory. Hesitantly, I opened the door, and was met with only darkness and silence. Moonlight was filtering through the window, cutting across the room, and falling across her bed. In sleep, Narcissa was breathtakingly lovely. I put two of the letters, hers and the one for Reg, on the pillow next to her. Then, not wanting to wake her but not able to leave without doing so, I smoothed her hair back and kissed her forehead gently. She stirred and sighed, but didn’t wake.

I slipped out, and though there were two people on the couch in the Slytherin common room, they were clearly only interested in each other and not in a situation to notice a natural disaster, much less someone who slipped past softly in the shadows. I did spare a moment and a sentimental glance around the place that had been my home for seven years. I had not been unhappy in Slytherin, it really was where I belonged despite everything.

The halls of Hogwarts were dark and deserted, and I headed for Gryffindor. I hadn’t given any thought to how I meant to get into their common room, but as luck would have it fate, in the form of the romance of James Potter and Lily Evans, came to my aid. As I pondered the fat woman in the portrait that I knew was their door, I heard a muffled giggle behind me, and dropped back into the shadows, as the giggle, punctuated by muffled whispers, came closer. Finally, my suspicions were confirmed as an invisibility cloak belonging to one James Potter swirled away, revealing him and Lily, sneaking back to the common room. I had always suspected Sirius borrowed one from someone, he was too good at getting around.

I stepped out of the shadow of a suit of armor. “James?”

They both whipped around, eyes wide, and then James relaxed a bit when he saw it was me. “Andromeda, hey. You scared us. What’s up? What are you doing here?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, I just wanted to talk to Sirius for a minute. Could you maybe grab him, I don’t want to freak out the rest of you guys by appearing in your room.”

He grinned. “Sure thing, but come on in the common room, you don’t want to talk out here.”

I followed he and Lily into the common room, all scarlet and velvet and warmth, and so different from Slytherin that I stared for a moment, before Lily wished me goodnight and slipped up one of the staircases. James waved to a cushy armchair.

“I’ll grab Sirius,” he said, and then paused for a moment, taking in my traveling cloak, and then nodded, “and good luck, Andromeda.”

“Thanks, James.”

He winked and disappeared up another staircase. I sat in one of the armchairs and looked into the dying fire. I had not thought about what I would say to Sirius, but I also knew that with him it wasn’t a good-bye, I would see him again. I just couldn’t go without telling him.

He came downstairs shirtless (I was living the fantasy of many Hogwarts girls) bleary-eyed, and with his hair sticking up almost as much as James’s did regularly.

“Andy? Hey, Prongs said you needed…” his eyes swept over me, taking in the traveling cloak. He frowned, and then understanding lit in his eyes. “You’re leaving?”

I nodded.

“With Ted?”

“Yes. We’re getting married.” I couldn’t help it, a smile crept onto my face, slightly embarrassed, a little nervous, but a smile. He impulsively dropped all his seventeen-year-old male bravado and hugged me.

“I’m happy for you Andy. Ted is a great guy, best thing that ever happened to you. It’s rather epic, you know? You’ll be happy with him.”

“I know.”

“Of course you do, you’re the clever girl stealing away in the middle of the night with him.”

I shrugged. “Narcissa said something, it made me think my Father might try to stop me, that’s why we’re leaving before the term is over…”

“No, you’re smart, once you’re married they can’t stop you, don’t give them a chance to,” he stood back and studied me, hands on my shoulders. “So, wedding night, do we need to have that talk about the birds and the bees now? Ow!”

“Kiss Marlene for me, please? She’ll be angry we didn’t tell her, but we didn’t tell anyone.”

“Of course Darling, I expect she’ll forgive you. She loves you both, she’ll be happy for you.”

“I’ll owl you soon.”

“I know you will, but don’t worry about me. Enjoy Ted for a little while, take some time for the two of you.”

“We will. You’re a good man, Sirius.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere, Darling.” He smiled and kissed my cheek, a blessing. “Be good Andy.”

“Shouldn’t I tell you that?”

“What makes you think I’d listen?” He grinned crookedly and gave me a little push. “Go on Andy, the love of your life is waiting.”

I kissed his cheek. “I love you, Sirius.”

“Well, I imagine you just can’t help it,” he said, but as I stepped out of the portrait door of the room, he added, “I love you too, coz.”

                                                                        *

 

I went to the owlery and posted the letter I’d written to Bella. I thought about having Narcissa give it to her, but I wanted to know she got it, and I didn’t want to force Cissy to endure that particular storm. That finished, feeling like I had finished everything I needed, I released the owl, and went down to meet Ted. 

Despite being June, the night was cool. It felt surreal, in the moonlight of the Hogwarts courtyard- I was scared, excited, entirely uncertain exactly what would happen and yet completely certain that it was the right thing to do. I had come too far for anything else, the world I had come from seemed too cold, too dark, too colorless to survive in, and while my future with Ted was uncertain, it felt like light and color and happiness that came so easily. I was not good at throwing aside logic, but against all rational thought, this was right.

Then he was there, coming up behind me and laying a hand against my back, his touch so certain that nervousness vanished, replaced by a kind of thrill at the unknown.

“Ready?”

I nodded. “Let’s go.”

“We just need to get beyond the grounds.”

“And then…?”

He kissed me, for luck, or for reassurance, or both.

“And then, the world is ours…”

_(The End)_

 


End file.
